WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎回到 "深夜秀"。

LET'S SAY HELLO TO JON BATISTE.

讓我們向JON BATISTE問好。

JON, HELLO.

喬恩，你好。

( WHISTLING ) I LOVE YOUR-- YOUR MUSICAL

我愛你的... 你的音樂。

BIRD-LIKE LANGUAGE.

鳥類語言。

JON, I GOTTA GIVE YOU A WARNING HERE.

喬恩，我得給你一個警告。

WHAT WE'RE ABOUT TO TALK ABOUT IN THIS ACT OF THE SHOW IS FOR

我們在這一幕中要談的是為了

MATURE AUDIENCES.

成熟的觀眾。

NOT THAT YOU'RE NOT A MATURE PERSON, BUT I KNOW YOU'RE PURE

不是說你不是一個成熟的人，但我知道你是純粹的。

AS THE DRIVEN SNOW.

如雨後的雪。

I WOULDN'T WANT TO SCANDALIZE YOU, OKAY.

我不想讓你出醜，好嗎？

BETTER A MILL STONE SHOULD BE TIED AROUND MY NECK AND CAST

更好的磨石應該被綁在我的脖子上，並拋出。

INTO THE DEEPEST PART OF THE RIVER THAN ONE SHOULD SCANDALIZE

進入河的最深處，比一個人應該醜化

HIS BAND LEADER.

他的樂隊領隊。

>> Jon: OH!

>> 喬恩。哦！

I LIKE THE TWIST ON THAT.

我喜歡這個曲折。

I LIKE THAT!

我喜歡這樣！

COME ON, MAN!

來吧，夥計！

>> Stephen: JUST KEEP IT IN MIND.

>> Stephen:只要記住它。

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

你感覺如何？

>> Jon: I'M-- I'M FEELING LIKE I HAVE WHIPLASH.

>> 我... 我覺得自己好像有白粉病。

THIS WHOLE YEAR HAS FELT-- IT'S JUST SO MUCH TO PROCESS.

這整個一年的感覺 - 它只是這麼多的處理。

IT'S FELT LIKE A QUICK SPIN, AND NOW THE INERTIA IS JUST-- MY

感覺就像一個快速的旋轉，而現在ERTIA只是... ... 我的

BODY HAS LANDED RIGHT HERE.

屍體已經降落在這裡。

>> Stephen: I HAVE DONE SOME SAILING WHERE YOU GO TO SEA FOR

>> Stephen:我做過一些航行，你去哪裡出海？

A WEEK AND YOU COME BACK AND YOU'RE STILL BUT THE WHOLE WORLD

一個星期後，你回來了，你還是整個世界的人

IS MOVING.

是移動的。

THAT'S WHAT IT FEELS LIKE RIGHT NOW.

這就是現在的感覺。

HE COULD BE LEAVING, AND THE VACCINE IS COMING.

他可能會離開，和 疫苗來了。

I'M SWIMMING WITH THE POSSIBILITIES.

我在與可能的情況下游泳。

>> Jon: I'M REALLY HOPING IT IS OVER, WHATEVER THAT MEANS,

>> 喬恩我真希望一切都結束了，不管是什麼意思。

AND THAT THIS IS A NEW BEGINNING.

而這是一個新的開始。

BUT, YOU KNOW, WE JUST GOT TO JUST TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.

但是，你知道，我們只是必須只是採取一天的時間。

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING-- DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING

>> Stephen:你有什麼東西嗎？ 你有什麼東西嗎？

CALM THAT COULD-- THAT COULD TURN MY SOUL INTO A STILL SHIP

平靜，可以... 可以把我的靈魂變成一艘靜止的船。

ON A SILENT SEA.

在一片寂靜的海面上。

>> Jon: I LIKE WHAT YOU WERE DEALING WITH WHEN YOU HIT ME UP.

>> 喬恩，我喜歡你跟我打交道的樣子。我喜歡你跟我打交道時的樣子。

YOU SAID...

你說...

♪ ♪ ♪ 250 YEARS.

"250年。

>> Stephen: WOW.

>> Stephen:WOW。

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: I DIDN'T KNOW

我不知道。

BEETHOVEN COULD SWING.

BEETHOVEN可以擺動。

>> Jon: OH, YEAH.

>> 喬恩。哦，是的。

IT'S BEEN 250 YEARS.

已經250年了

HE LEARNED A THING OR TWO, YOU KNOW.

他學到了一兩樣東西，你知道的。

>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

>> Stephen:JON BATISTE，每個人。

THANK YOU, JON.

謝謝你，喬恩。

>> Jon: OF COURSE.

>> 喬恩。當然。

>> Stephen: OF COURSE, THE PANDEMIC CONTINUES TO RAGE, BUT

>> 斯蒂芬：當然，PANDEMIC繼續肆虐，但是。

THERE'S HOPE ON THE HORIZON.

有希望的視野。

I'LL CATCH YOU UP ON TRYING NOT TO CATCH IT IN TONIGHT'S

我會在今晚的節目中告訴你如何不被發現。

INSTALLMENT OF THIRD...

安裝第三...

>> THIS WILL BE A DECEMBER TO FUHGEDDABOUTIT!

>> 這將是一個12月FUHGEDDABOUTIT!

HEY I'M -- >> Stephen: GOOD ENOUGH.

嘿，我是 -- >> 斯蒂芬。足夠好。

TWO COMPANIES, MODERNA AND PFIZER, HAVE VACCINES THAT ARE

兩家公司，MODERNA和PFIZER，擁有的疫苗是

TANTALIZINGLY CLOSE TO MARKET, JUST IN TIME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

誘人的接近市場，正好趕上假期。

SO THIS YEAR'S FAVORITE STOCKING STUFFER IS GOING TO BE

所以，今年最受歡迎的襪子將是。

HYPODERMIC NEEDLES.

腎上腺素針。

IN PREPARATION, YESTERDAY, THE C.D.C. CAME OUT WITH GUIDELINES

在準備過程中，明天，C.D.C.C.提出了指導意見。

THAT SAY ONCE THEY'RE AVAILABLE, THE FIRST PEOPLE TO GET THE

意思是說，一旦他們可用，第一個得到的人。

VACCINE WILL BE HEALTHCARE WORKERS AND PEOPLE IN NURSING

疫苗將是衛生保健工作者和護理人員的。

HOMES.

家。

THAT'S GREAT NEWS, BECAUSE THESE DAYS, EVERYBODY'S SITTING ON THE

這是個好消息，因為這些天，每個人都坐在

COUCH IN THEIR SOFT CLOTHES WATCHING "WHEEL OF FORTUNE," SO,

穿著柔軟衣服的教練在看《財富輪》，所以。

TECHNICALLY, WE'RE ALL IN NURSING HOMES.

從技術上講，我們都在療養院。

THEN, IN FEBRUARY OR MARCH, THE NEXT PRIORITY GROUPS ARE LIKELY

然後，在2月或3月，下一個優先群體很可能是...。

TO BE PEOPLE OVER 65.

將是65歲以上的人。

FINALLY, BY APRIL, OR JUNE, HEALTHY, NONESSENTIAL WORKERS

最終，在4月或6月之前，健康的、無負擔的勞動者。

YOUNGER THAN 65 WILL BEGIN RECEIVING THE VACCINE.

超過65歲的人將開始接受疫苗。

YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

你知道這意味著什麼。

ACCORDING TO THE C.D.C., I'M YOUNG!

按照中紀委的說法，我還年輕！

WOO!

嗚！

TIME TO FORTNITE AN ELECTRIC SCOOTER WHILE VAPING A DAB!

是時候在吸食DAB的同時，給電動滑板車打火了!

WHO'S WAP, NOW?

誰是WAP，現在？

ME?

我？

BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY DO NOT KNOW.

因為我真的不知道。

WHAT A WAP IS.

WAP是什麼？

NOW, WE'VE ALL HEARD THE STORIES OF PEOPLE FLOUTING C.D.C.

現在，我們都聽到了人們在C. D. C. 的故事。

GUIDELINES TO COME TOGETHER EN MASSE FOR TRADITIONAL

傳統的馬塞河畔聚會指南

LATE-NOVEMBER GET-TOGETHERS.

深夜聚餐。

I DON'T MEAN THANKSGIVING.

我不是指感恩節。

I'M TALKING ABOUT ORGIES-- WHAT IS THAT IMAGE?

我說的是組織... ... 那是什麼影像？

WHAT-- OH!

什麼 -- 哦！

OH, MY.

哦，我的。

BOTH ENVELOPE STUFFING.

都是信封裡的東西。

( LAUGHTER ) BECAUSE APPARENTLY, A

（笑）因為很明顯，一個人，一個人。

"NEW ORLEANS SWINGERS EVENT BECAME A 'SUPERSPREADER' AFTER

"新奧爾良搖擺人 "活動成為 "超級傳播者 "之後

41 ATTENDEES TESTED POSITIVE FOR CORONAVIRUS."

41名與會者的冠狀病毒檢測呈陽性。"

TECHNICALLY, EVERY ORGY INVOLVES "SUPER SPREADING."

從技術上講，每個組織都涉及 "超級傳播"。

ALSO, LET'S LOOK AT THAT NUMBER AGAIN.

另外，讓我們再看看那個數字。

"41?" THAT'S INTERESTING, AN ODD

"41?"這很有趣，一個奇怪的。

NUMBER.

編號：

THAT MEANS 20 COUPLES AND KARL.

這意味著20對夫婦和卡爾。

( LAUGHTER ) THE EVENT IN QUESTION WAS

問題中的事件是...

THE ANNUAL "NAUGHTY IN N'AWLINS" SWINGERS GATHERING.

一年一度的 "NAUGHTY IN N'AWLINS"搖擺人聚集。

OH, NO!

哦，不！

BUT IF THIS CAN HAPPEN AT NAUGHTY IN N'AWLINS, IT CAN

但如果這可以發生在N'AWLINS的NAUGHTY，它可以。

HAPPEN ANYWHERE!

發生在任何地方！

I'M LOOKING AT YOU, DIRTY IN DETROIT,

我在看你，底特律的髒東西。

DOMINATION IN DES MOINES, FLESH FEST IN FLAGSTAFF,

統治在DES MOINES，FLESH FEST在FLAGSTAFF。

BONE JAM IN BIRMINGHAM, AND BUTTE STUFF.

在BIRMINGHAM的骨醬，和BUTTE STUFF。

WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?

誰能預見到這一切呢？

EVERYONE, EXCEPT THE ORGANIZERS OF NAUGHTY IN N'AWLINS, WHO

每個人，除了N'AWLINS的NAUGHTY的組織者，衛生組織

THOUGHT THEY COULD CREATE GUIDELINES TO MAKE THE SAFE SEX

認為他們可以制定指導方針，使安全的性行為成為可能。

EVENT SAFE FOR SEX.

活動安全的性。

FOR EXAMPLE, THERE WAS NO DANCE FLOOR, SO ATTENDEES INSTEAD

比如說，那裡沒有舞池，所以與會者也沒有舞池。

SWAYED IN PLACE AT THEIR TABLES.

在他們的桌子上搖擺不定。

ELIMINATING DANCING TO KEEP YOUR SWINGERS' CONVENTION SAFE IS

消除舞蹈，以保持你的舞者的聚會的安全是

LIKE LEAVING THE SPRINKLES OFF YOUR ICE CREAM CONE BEFORE YOU

就像在你吃冰淇淋之前，把冰淇淋筒上的糖霜擦掉一樣。

RUB IT ON YOUR JUNK.

擦在你的屁股上。

( LAUGHTER ) PARTICIPANTS WERE ALSO ASKED TO

與會者還被要求......。

KEEP DETAILED DIARIES OF EVERYONE THEY HAD CONTACT WITH

保存與他們接觸過的任何人的詳細日記。

FOR MORE THAN 10 MINUTES AT THE CONVENTION, REGARDLESS OF

超過10分鐘的，不論其是否有資格參加會議。

WHETHER THAT CONTACT INVOLVED SEX, BECAUSE NOTHING SETS THE

無論該接觸涉及性，因為沒有設置的。

MOOD AT AN ANONYMOUS FLESH PIT LIKE DETAILED WRITTEN RECORDS.

情緒在不知名的肉坑，像詳細的文字記錄。

PLUS, IT WOULD BE FUN FOR YOUR GRANDKIDS TO FIND.

此外，這將是有趣的為您的孫子找到。

SURPRISINGLY, THE CITY WAS ON BOARD WITH THE EVENT.

出乎意料的是，市府竟然同意了這次活動。

ONE NEW ORLEANS SPOKESMAN SAID THEY EXPECTED "FULL COMPLIANCE"

一位新奧爾良發言人說，他們期望 "完全遵守"。

WITH SAFETY GUIDELINES.

帶安全指南。

THERE'S YOUR MISTAKE: NOT EVERYONE'S INTO FULL COMPLIANCE.

這就是你的錯誤：不是每個人都能完全遵守規定。

SOME PEOPLE ARE ONLY COMPLIANCE CURIOUS.

有些人只對合規性感到好奇。

AND SOME JUST LIKE TO STAND IN THE CORNER AND WATCH OTHER

而有些人只是喜歡站在角落裡看其他的

PEOPLE COMPLY.

人們遵從。

LIKE KARL.

像卡爾。

UNFORTUNATELY, ATTENDEES GOT A LITTLE TIRED OF COMPLYING.

不幸的是，與會者有點厭倦了遵守。

ACCORDING TO THE EVENT'S ORGANIZER, "THEY WERE SUPER

據活動組織者說："他們是超級的。

DILIGENT ON THE FIRST TWO DAYS, AND THEN THEY SAID,

在前兩天的勤奮，然後他們說，

"(BLEEP) IT.

"（BLEEP）它。

IT'S OUR LAST DAY."

這是我們的最後一天。"

REALLY, ON THE LAST DAY OF AN ORGY CONVENTION IS WHEN PEOPLE

真的，在ORGY大會的最後一天，當人們... ...

SAID " (BLEEP) IT"?

說"（BLEEP）它"？

I ASSUME THAT'S WHEN THEY SAY WHEN THEY FIRE THE STARTER

我想這就是他們說的，當他們發射起動器的時候

PISTOL.

PISTOL：

TURNS OUT, IT'S NOT SO EASY TO MAINTAIN PROPER SOCIAL

事實證明，保持良好的社會關係並不那麼容易。

DISTANCING IN THE RUB ROOM, BECAUSE JUST ONE DAY AFTER THE

在RUB ROOM中的距離，因為就在一天後的RUB ROOM中的距離。

EVENT ENDED, THEY HAD THEIR FIRST REPORTED COVID CASE.

活動結束後，他們有了第一次報告的COVID案件。

THE EVENT ORGANIZER SAID, "IT WAS A WIFE WHO TESTED POSITIVE,

活動組織者說："這是一個妻子誰測試陽性。

BUT HER HUSBAND TESTED NEGATIVE."

但她的丈夫測試呈陰性。"

OUCH.

疼。

I THINK I KNOW WHO GOT NAUGHTIER IN N'AWLINS.

我想我知道誰在N'AWLINS得到了NAUGHTIER。

( FAKING COUGHS ) "OOH, YEAH, HONEY.

（假笑）"哦，是的，蜂蜜。

I THINK I HAVE IT, TOO.

我想我也有了。

MUST BE THE EQUAL AMOUNTS OF CRAZY COOL SEX WE BOTH HAD AT

必須是等量的瘋狂酷性，我們都有在

THE ORGY."

THE ORGY。"

( COUGHING ) GIVEN THE OUTCOME, THE NAUGHTY

（咳嗽） 給出的結果，不雅觀的

IN N'AWLINS ORGANIZERS ADMIT THEY DO HAVE REGRETS,

在N'AWLINS，組織者承認他們確實有遺憾。

WITH ONE SAYING, "IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME, I WOULD NOT

有一個人說："如果我能回到過去，我不會......"。

PRODUCE THIS EVENT AGAIN."

生產這個事件再次。"

( LAUGHTER ) "ONE, BECAUSE OF THE VIRUS.

（笑）"一，因為病毒。

TWO, BECAUSE I'D USE MY TIME MACHINE TO PRODUCE

二，因為我會用我的時光機來生產。

"GETTING FREAKY WITH THE GREEKY: FULL RELEASE IN

"GETTING FREAKY WITH THE GREEKY: FULL RELEASE IN"（《與希臘人一起狂歡：完全釋放》）。

GREECE!" TAP THAT, ATHENS!

希臘！"啪，雅典！

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH KATE WINSLET.

我們馬上回來與凱特-溫斯萊特。

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪