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  • -Welcome to "The Tonight Show," here, from New York City.

    -歡迎收看 "今夜秀",來自紐約市。

  • Hey, everybody. Thank you, Roots.

    嘿,大家好。謝謝你,根。

  • Let's get to the news and jokes.

    讓我們來看看新聞和笑話。

  • Well, guys, after weeks of delays,

    好了,夥計們,經過幾個星期的拖延,

  • the White House is finally giving

    白宮終於給

  • President-elect Biden access to something very important.

    當選總統拜登可以接觸到一些非常重要的東西。

  • Watch this.

    看這個。

  • -2 1/2 weeks after Biden won,

    -拜登獲勝後兩週半

  • President Trump finally giving formal approval

    特朗普總統終於正式準許

  • for Biden to receive the president's daily brief.

    為拜登接受總統的每日簡報。

  • It's highly classified information

    這是高度機密的資訊

  • that Biden will need.

    拜登所需要的。

  • -That's right, the president-elect

    -是的,當選的總統

  • is finally receiving Trump's daily brief.

    是終於收到了特朗普的每日簡報。

  • Today, Biden was like, "Okay, gotcha. That's right.

    今天,拜登就說:"好,明白了。這是正確的。

  • Okay, this is a 'Marmaduke' cartoon.

    好吧,這是一部 "馬默杜克 "漫畫。

  • So, is this --" [ Laughter ]

    那麼,這是..."[笑聲]

  • It's okay, Trump doesn't need the daily brief anymore.

    沒關係,特朗普不需要每天的簡報了。

  • He gets all his intelligence from Randy Quaid's tweets.

    他從蘭迪-奎德的推特上得到所有的情報。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Thanks to Trump's daily brief,

    由於特朗普的每日簡報。

  • Biden will now be well-versed in foreign and domestic threats

    拜登現在將精通國內外的威脅

  • and who got eliminated on "The Bachelorette."

    和誰被淘汰了 "單身女郎"。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Actually, it does turn out that the brief they give Biden

    其實,他們給拜登的簡報確實是這樣的。

  • is a little different than the one they give Trump.

    是和他們給特朗普的有點不同。

  • I'll show you what I mean. For instance,

    我告訴你我的意思。比如說:

  • Biden's brief says, "Iran building nuclear arsenal."

    拜登的簡報說:"伊朗正在建設核武庫。"

  • While Trump's brief says, "Iran make big fireworks

    雖然特朗普的簡報中說:"伊朗大肆製造煙花。

  • that go boom-boom."

    轟轟烈烈的"。

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [笑聲和掌聲]

  • Wow.

    哇哦

  • Next up, Biden's brief says,

    接下來,拜登的簡報說。

  • "Norway experiencing harsh climate change."

    "挪威正在經歷嚴酷的氣候變化。"

  • While Trump's says, "Soon Olaf will be a puddle."

    而特朗普的卻說:"很快奧拉夫就會變成一灘爛泥"。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • And finally, Biden's brief says,

    最後,拜登的簡報說。

  • "Canada extends border restrictions with U.S."

    "加拿大延長與美國的邊境限制"

  • While Trump's says, "Americans betrayed by Beliebers."

    而特朗普的卻說:"美國人被貝利伯人出賣了"。

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

    [笑聲和掌聲]

  • Just a little different.

    只是有點不同。

  • Even though the transition has already begun, Rudy Giuliani

    儘管過渡期已經開始,但魯迪-朱利安尼卻。

  • is still trying to overturn the election.

    還在試圖推翻選舉。

  • Today he talked about voter fraud at an event

    今天他在一個活動中談到了選民欺詐的問題。

  • in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

    在賓夕法尼亞州的葛底斯堡。

  • People were pumped about the event.

    大家對這次活動充滿了期待。

  • Not to hear Rudy's speech, just to see

    不是為了聽魯迪的演講,只是想看看

  • what's gonna leak out of his head.

    什麼是要去洩漏出他的頭。

  • It's almost Thanksgiving, I hope it's gravy!

    快到感恩節了,希望是肉汁吧!

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • But Rudy was smart this time.

    但魯迪這次很聰明。

  • First he dyed his hair, then he applied a coat

    他先是染了頭髮,然後塗了一層衣服

  • of Thompson's WaterSeal over it.

    在上面塗上Thompson's WaterSeal。

  • Very smart.

    非常聰明。

  • And this is very interesting.

    這很有趣

  • Trump was also supposed to be in Gettysburg,

    特朗普也應該在葛底斯堡。

  • but he cancelled at the last minute

    但他在最後一刻取消了

  • because of COVID concerns.

    因為對COVID的關注。

  • -Hmm? What?

    -嗯?嗯? - 什麼?

  • -That's great. Trump was like,

    -那很好特朗普很喜歡。

  • "It's not safe to be there in person, so, Rudy, you go."

    "親臨現場不安全,所以,魯迪,你走吧。"

  • "Okay."

    "好的。"

  • Trump ended up appearing over speakerphone in Gettysburg,

    特朗普最後通過免提出現在葛底斯堡。

  • and he actually delivered a speech inspired by

    他居然發表了一篇演講,靈感來自於

  • Abraham Lincoln's famous address.

    林肯的著名演講。

  • Here, check it out.

    來,看看吧。

  • -Four seasons and seven total landscapings ago,

    -四個季節和七個總景觀前。

  • the liberal media brought forth

    自由媒體帶來

  • on this consonant, a news so fake,

    在這個輔音上,一個新聞如此虛假。

  • conceived by the haters and losers,

    由仇敵和失敗者設想的。

  • can you believe it, folks,

    你能相信嗎,夥計們。

  • and dedicated to the preposition that every person,

    並專心致志地預言每個人。

  • woman, man, camera, TV was created equal.

    女人,男人,攝影機,電視是平等的。

  • -Okay, I got it. That's it.

    -好的,我知道了好的,我知道了,就這樣

  • [ Applause ]

    [掌聲]

  • Speaking of the President, today he decided to pardon

    說到總統,今天他決定赦免...

  • his former National Security Adviser, Michael Flynn.

    他的前國家安全顧問邁克爾-弗林。

  • He announced it via tweet.

    他通過微博宣佈。

  • He wrote, "It is my great honor to announce that

    他寫道:"我非常榮幸地宣佈

  • General Michael T. Flynn has been granted a full pardon."

    邁克爾-T-弗林將軍已被完全赦免。"

  • On one hand, Flynn is thrilled.

    一方面,弗林很激動。

  • On the other, he's like, "You pardoned the turkey before me?"

    另一方面,他說:"你在我之前赦免了火雞?"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • When people heard the name Michael Flynn, they were like,

    當人們聽到邁克爾-弗林這個名字的時候,他們就像。

  • "Wow, they brought back a character from season one

    "哇,他們把第一季的一個角色帶回來了

  • for the finale. [ Laughter ]

    為壓軸。[笑聲]

  • Cool!" [ Applause ]

    酷!"[掌聲]

  • That's how you do it.

    你就是這樣做的。

  • Seriously, there's a name from the past.

    說真的,過去有一個名字。

  • Even Michael Flynn was like,

    就連邁克爾-弗林也很喜歡。

  • "Damn, I totally forgot about Michael Flynn."

    "該死的,我完全忘記了邁克爾-弗林。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Here's some news about the pandemic.

    這裡有一些關於疫情的消息。

  • It looks like the CDC is changing its recommendation

    看來疾控中心要改變建議了。

  • for how long you should quarantine.

    你應該隔離多長時間。

  • Listen to this. -The CDC is reportedly set

    聽聽這個-據報道,疾病預防控制中心準備

  • to shorten its quarantine recommendation.

    縮短其檢疫建議。

  • It could go from the current 14 days to between 7 and 10 days

    可以從目前的14天縮短到7至10天。

  • for those who might have been exposed to the virus.

    對於那些可能已經接觸到病毒的人來說。

  • -Yep, this isn't based on science.

    -是的,這不是基於科學的。

  • It's just that there's nothing left to binge on Netflix.

    只是,網劇已經沒有什麼可狂歡的了。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • We already watched the chess show.

    我們已經看了象棋節目。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • We're good.

    我們很好。

  • Oh, if you're doing some cooking tomorrow,

    哦,如果你明天做一些烹飪。

  • you better listen to this.

    你最好聽聽這個。

  • A popular kitchen appliance is being recalled.

    一種流行的廚房電器正在被召回。

  • Take a look.

    看看吧

  • -Sunbeam is voluntarily recalling

    -Sunbeam公司自願召回。

  • nearly a million crock pot six-quart multicookers.

    近百萬的燉鍋六夸脫多鍋。

  • The company says the cookers can pressurize

    該公司表示,炊具可以加壓。

  • when the lid is not fully locked,

    當蓋子沒有完全鎖定時。

  • and that creates a burn hazard.

    而這就造成了燃燒的危險。

  • -Anybody who watches "This Is Us" was like,

    -看過 "這就是我們 "的人都會覺得:

  • "A little late!"

    "有點晚了!"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Yeah, people knew something was up

    是啊,大家都知道出事了

  • when the only button on the crock pot was, "Good luck."

    當燉鍋上唯一的按鈕是 "祝你好運"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Hey, did you see this? There's a live action movie

    嘿,你看到這個了嗎?有一部真人電影

  • about "Clifford the Big Red Dog" coming out.

    關於 "大紅狗克利福德 "要出來了。

  • And today we got our first glimpse of Clifford.

    今天我們第一次看到了克利福德。

  • But some people are complaining about how he looks.

    但有些人卻在抱怨他的長相。

  • Let's take a look.

    讓我們一起來看看。

  • [ Laughter ] -Oh, no.

    [笑] 哦,不。

  • -Wait! [ Laughs ]

    -等等!

  • -Clifford looks like a soccer mom's teeth

    -克利福德看起來像一個足球媽媽的牙齒。

  • after a pitcher of sangria.

    一杯桑格利亞酒之後。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Apparently, people were expecting Clifford to be

    很顯然,人們都在期待克利福德能成為

  • Heinz ketchup red, and what they got was Hunt's catsup.

    亨氏番茄醬是紅色的,而他們得到的是亨特的貓醬。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • And finally, check this out.

    最後,看看這個。

  • A woman in Minnesota put some old pears in her backyard,

    明尼蘇達州的一位婦女在後院放了一些老梨。

  • and I guess they were -- they got fermented,

    我想他們是 - 他們得到了發酵。

  • because look what happened when a squirrel ate one.

    因為看看發生了什麼,當松鼠吃了一個。

  • -This squirrel out in Minnesota accidentally got drunk

    -明尼蘇達州的這隻松鼠不小心喝醉了。

  • when he ate a fermented pear.

    當他吃了一個發酵的梨。

  • The homeowner says that she threw out some pears

    屋主說,她扔了一些梨。

  • that she found at the bottom of her fridge.

    她在冰箱底部發現的。

  • The squirrel got into the pears. Luckily, he was fine,

    松鼠鑽進了梨子裡。幸運的是,他沒事。

  • walked it off and came back in the morning, was ready for more.

    走掉了,早上回來,準備再來一次。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -That's going to be everyone

    -這將是每個人

  • on their Thanksgiving Zoom tomorrow.

    在他們明天的感恩節Zoom。

-Welcome to "The Tonight Show," here, from New York City.

-歡迎收看 "今夜秀",來自紐約市。

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特朗普赦免前國家安全顧問邁克爾-弗林|《今夜秀》|《今夜秀》雜誌社 (Trump Pardons Former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn | The Tonight Show)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 12 月 02 日
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