Hey, everybody. Thank you, Roots.

嘿，大家好。謝謝你，根。

Let's get to the news and jokes.

讓我們來看看新聞和笑話。

Well, guys, after weeks of delays,

好了，夥計們，經過幾個星期的拖延，

the White House is finally giving

白宮終於給

President-elect Biden access to something very important.

當選總統拜登可以接觸到一些非常重要的東西。

Watch this.

看這個。

-2 1/2 weeks after Biden won,

-拜登獲勝後兩週半

President Trump finally giving formal approval

特朗普總統終於正式準許

for Biden to receive the president's daily brief.

為拜登接受總統的每日簡報。

It's highly classified information

這是高度機密的資訊

that Biden will need.

拜登所需要的。

-That's right, the president-elect

-是的，當選的總統

is finally receiving Trump's daily brief.

是終於收到了特朗普的每日簡報。

Today, Biden was like, "Okay, gotcha. That's right.

今天，拜登就說："好，明白了。這是正確的。

Okay, this is a 'Marmaduke' cartoon.

好吧，這是一部 "馬默杜克 "漫畫。

So, is this --" [ Laughter ]

那麼，這是..."[笑聲]

It's okay, Trump doesn't need the daily brief anymore.

沒關係，特朗普不需要每天的簡報了。

He gets all his intelligence from Randy Quaid's tweets.

他從蘭迪-奎德的推特上得到所有的情報。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Thanks to Trump's daily brief,

由於特朗普的每日簡報。

Biden will now be well-versed in foreign and domestic threats

拜登現在將精通國內外的威脅

and who got eliminated on "The Bachelorette."

和誰被淘汰了 "單身女郎"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Actually, it does turn out that the brief they give Biden

其實，他們給拜登的簡報確實是這樣的。

is a little different than the one they give Trump.

是和他們給特朗普的有點不同。

I'll show you what I mean. For instance,

我告訴你我的意思。比如說：

Biden's brief says, "Iran building nuclear arsenal."

拜登的簡報說："伊朗正在建設核武庫。"

While Trump's brief says, "Iran make big fireworks

雖然特朗普的簡報中說："伊朗大肆製造煙花。

that go boom-boom."

轟轟烈烈的"。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

Wow.

哇哦

Next up, Biden's brief says,

接下來，拜登的簡報說。

"Norway experiencing harsh climate change."

"挪威正在經歷嚴酷的氣候變化。"

While Trump's says, "Soon Olaf will be a puddle."

而特朗普的卻說："很快奧拉夫就會變成一灘爛泥"。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

And finally, Biden's brief says,

最後，拜登的簡報說。

"Canada extends border restrictions with U.S."

"加拿大延長與美國的邊境限制"

While Trump's says, "Americans betrayed by Beliebers."

而特朗普的卻說："美國人被貝利伯人出賣了"。

[ Laughter and applause ]

[笑聲和掌聲]

Just a little different.

只是有點不同。

Even though the transition has already begun, Rudy Giuliani

儘管過渡期已經開始，但魯迪-朱利安尼卻。

is still trying to overturn the election.

還在試圖推翻選舉。

Today he talked about voter fraud at an event

今天他在一個活動中談到了選民欺詐的問題。

in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.

在賓夕法尼亞州的葛底斯堡。

People were pumped about the event.

大家對這次活動充滿了期待。

Not to hear Rudy's speech, just to see

不是為了聽魯迪的演講，只是想看看

what's gonna leak out of his head.

什麼是要去洩漏出他的頭。

It's almost Thanksgiving, I hope it's gravy!

快到感恩節了，希望是肉汁吧!

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

But Rudy was smart this time.

但魯迪這次很聰明。

First he dyed his hair, then he applied a coat

他先是染了頭髮，然後塗了一層衣服

of Thompson's WaterSeal over it.

在上面塗上Thompson's WaterSeal。

Very smart.

非常聰明。

And this is very interesting.

這很有趣

Trump was also supposed to be in Gettysburg,

特朗普也應該在葛底斯堡。

but he cancelled at the last minute

但他在最後一刻取消了

because of COVID concerns.

因為對COVID的關注。

-Hmm? What?

-嗯？嗯？ - 什麼？

-That's great. Trump was like,

-那很好特朗普很喜歡。

"It's not safe to be there in person, so, Rudy, you go."

"親臨現場不安全，所以，魯迪，你走吧。"

"Okay."

"好的。"

Trump ended up appearing over speakerphone in Gettysburg,

特朗普最後通過免提出現在葛底斯堡。

and he actually delivered a speech inspired by

他居然發表了一篇演講，靈感來自於

Abraham Lincoln's famous address.

林肯的著名演講。

Here, check it out.

來，看看吧。

-Four seasons and seven total landscapings ago,

-四個季節和七個總景觀前。

the liberal media brought forth

自由媒體帶來

on this consonant, a news so fake,

在這個輔音上，一個新聞如此虛假。

conceived by the haters and losers,

由仇敵和失敗者設想的。

can you believe it, folks,

你能相信嗎，夥計們。

and dedicated to the preposition that every person,

並專心致志地預言每個人。

woman, man, camera, TV was created equal.

女人，男人，攝影機，電視是平等的。

-Okay, I got it. That's it.

-好的，我知道了好的，我知道了，就這樣

[ Applause ]

[掌聲]

Speaking of the President, today he decided to pardon

說到總統，今天他決定赦免...

his former National Security Adviser, Michael Flynn.

他的前國家安全顧問邁克爾-弗林。

He announced it via tweet.

他通過微博宣佈。

He wrote, "It is my great honor to announce that

他寫道："我非常榮幸地宣佈

General Michael T. Flynn has been granted a full pardon."

邁克爾-T-弗林將軍已被完全赦免。"

On one hand, Flynn is thrilled.

一方面，弗林很激動。

On the other, he's like, "You pardoned the turkey before me?"

另一方面，他說："你在我之前赦免了火雞？"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

When people heard the name Michael Flynn, they were like,

當人們聽到邁克爾-弗林這個名字的時候，他們就像。

"Wow, they brought back a character from season one

"哇，他們把第一季的一個角色帶回來了

for the finale. [ Laughter ]

為壓軸。[笑聲]

Cool!" [ Applause ]

酷！"[掌聲]

That's how you do it.

你就是這樣做的。

Seriously, there's a name from the past.

說真的，過去有一個名字。

Even Michael Flynn was like,

就連邁克爾-弗林也很喜歡。

"Damn, I totally forgot about Michael Flynn."

"該死的，我完全忘記了邁克爾-弗林。"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Here's some news about the pandemic.

這裡有一些關於疫情的消息。

It looks like the CDC is changing its recommendation

看來疾控中心要改變建議了。

for how long you should quarantine.

你應該隔離多長時間。

Listen to this. -The CDC is reportedly set

聽聽這個-據報道，疾病預防控制中心準備

to shorten its quarantine recommendation.

縮短其檢疫建議。

It could go from the current 14 days to between 7 and 10 days

可以從目前的14天縮短到7至10天。

for those who might have been exposed to the virus.

對於那些可能已經接觸到病毒的人來說。

-Yep, this isn't based on science.

-是的，這不是基於科學的。

It's just that there's nothing left to binge on Netflix.

只是，網劇已經沒有什麼可狂歡的了。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

We already watched the chess show.

我們已經看了象棋節目。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

We're good.

我們很好。

Oh, if you're doing some cooking tomorrow,

哦，如果你明天做一些烹飪。

you better listen to this.

你最好聽聽這個。

A popular kitchen appliance is being recalled.

一種流行的廚房電器正在被召回。

Take a look.

看看吧

-Sunbeam is voluntarily recalling

-Sunbeam公司自願召回。

nearly a million crock pot six-quart multicookers.

近百萬的燉鍋六夸脫多鍋。

The company says the cookers can pressurize

該公司表示，炊具可以加壓。

when the lid is not fully locked,

當蓋子沒有完全鎖定時。

and that creates a burn hazard.

而這就造成了燃燒的危險。

-Anybody who watches "This Is Us" was like,

-看過 "這就是我們 "的人都會覺得：

"A little late!"

"有點晚了！"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Yeah, people knew something was up

是啊，大家都知道出事了

when the only button on the crock pot was, "Good luck."

當燉鍋上唯一的按鈕是 "祝你好運"

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Hey, did you see this? There's a live action movie

嘿，你看到這個了嗎？有一部真人電影

about "Clifford the Big Red Dog" coming out.

關於 "大紅狗克利福德 "要出來了。

And today we got our first glimpse of Clifford.

今天我們第一次看到了克利福德。

But some people are complaining about how he looks.

但有些人卻在抱怨他的長相。

Let's take a look.

讓我們一起來看看。

[ Laughter ] -Oh, no.

[笑] 哦，不。

-Wait! [ Laughs ]

-等等！

-Clifford looks like a soccer mom's teeth

-克利福德看起來像一個足球媽媽的牙齒。

after a pitcher of sangria.

一杯桑格利亞酒之後。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

Apparently, people were expecting Clifford to be

很顯然，人們都在期待克利福德能成為

Heinz ketchup red, and what they got was Hunt's catsup.

亨氏番茄醬是紅色的，而他們得到的是亨特的貓醬。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

And finally, check this out.

最後，看看這個。

A woman in Minnesota put some old pears in her backyard,

明尼蘇達州的一位婦女在後院放了一些老梨。

and I guess they were -- they got fermented,

我想他們是 - 他們得到了發酵。

because look what happened when a squirrel ate one.

因為看看發生了什麼，當松鼠吃了一個。

-This squirrel out in Minnesota accidentally got drunk

-明尼蘇達州的這隻松鼠不小心喝醉了。

when he ate a fermented pear.

當他吃了一個發酵的梨。

The homeowner says that she threw out some pears

屋主說，她扔了一些梨。

that she found at the bottom of her fridge.

她在冰箱底部發現的。

The squirrel got into the pears. Luckily, he was fine,

松鼠鑽進了梨子裡。幸運的是，他沒事。

walked it off and came back in the morning, was ready for more.

走掉了，早上回來，準備再來一次。

[ Laughter ]

[笑聲]

-That's going to be everyone

-這將是每個人

on their Thanksgiving Zoom tomorrow.

在他們明天的感恩節Zoom。