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You know we have a fantastic program tonight
你知道我們今晚有一個精彩的節目
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some great people that are on.
一些偉大的人,是在。
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[Andy] Excellent show.
精彩的表演
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We have...
我們有...
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[Andy] Before you go,
在你走之前
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I'm sorry to monopolize the whole thing.
我很抱歉壟斷了整個事情。
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That's okay man,
沒關係的人。
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we are just killing time and if you got something, go!
我們只是在打發時間,如果你有什麼東西,去!
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Well I just, I feel like I should introduce somebody
好吧,我只是,我覺得我應該介紹一個人。
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who's been here before.
誰在這裡之前,
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She's in the audience tonight,
她今晚在觀眾席上
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everybody it's my little sister Stacy.
大家好,這是我的妹妹史黛西。
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(audience applause)
(觀眾掌聲)
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She's cute
她很可愛
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Yeah
是的,是的
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Hi there Stacy, it's really great to see you again.
嗨,斯泰西,很高興再次見到你。
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Thanks a lot Conan it's awesome to see you again.
非常感謝柯南,很高興再次見到你。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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Yeah that reminds me,
是的,這提醒了我。
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Stacy wanted me to invite you over
史黛西要我請你過去
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to our family's house for Thanksgiving.
到我們家過感恩節。
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She still has a big crush on you.
她對你還是很有好感的。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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Shut up Andy.
閉嘴,安迪。
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Stacy come on it's cute,
斯泰西來吧,它的可愛。
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I mean she has been, the idea of you coming over,
我的意思是,她一直, 你過來的想法。
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she's been looking forward to it for weeks.
她已經期待了幾個星期了。
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She's even been rehearsing like if you were to come over.
她甚至一直在排練,就像你要過來一樣。
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Actually I have some pictures.
其實我有一些照片。
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Here she is, she's getting ready
她來了,她準備好了
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to serve you some Thanksgiving pie.
為你提供一些感恩節派。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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The face, that's you on it.
這張臉,就是你在上面。
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[Conan] Aw that's so, she made that pie and that outfit,
哦,是這樣,她做了那個派和那件衣服
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that's great that's so sweet.
這是偉大的,這是如此甜蜜。
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[Andy] She made a special float
她做了一個特別的花車
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for the Thanksgiving Day Parade.
感恩節大遊行。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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[Andy] Yeah that's a lot of work.
是的,這是一個很大的工作。
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That's amazing that kind of dedication, that's great.
那是驚人的那種奉獻精神,那是偉大的。
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And show them the doll Stacy.
給他們看娃娃史黛西。
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No way Andy.
沒辦法,安迪。
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No come on, show them the doll, you brought it.
不,來吧,給他們看娃娃,你帶來的。
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Okay fine, I made a little Conan.
好吧,我做了一個小柯南。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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Out of some Native American squash.
出了一些美國本土的瓜果。
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That's really cool, that's really neat.
這真的很酷,這真的很整潔。
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And then, I took my own hair
然後,我把自己的頭髮
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and I dyed it with carrot juice
我還用胡蘿蔔汁染了它
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and I made your hair with it.
我用它做了你的頭髮。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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That is really beautiful thank you.
這真的很美,謝謝你。
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Yeah she's crazy about you.
是的,她為你瘋狂。
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Thanks a lot Andy,
謝謝你,安迪。
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now Conan thinks I'm like the Sultan of Dorkistan.
現在柯南認為我就像Dorkistan的蘇丹。
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No, I don't think you're the Sultan of Dorkistan Stacy.
不,我不認為你是Dorkistan的Sultan Stacy。
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I think you're a wonderful young lady.
我覺得你是個很好的年輕女士。
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You're just saying that.
你只是說說而已。
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No I'm not, I mean it and I'm very flattered
不,我不是,我是認真的,我很受寵若驚。
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that you did all that Thanksgiving stuff for me.
你為我做了所有感恩節的事情。
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I think that's very cool, I'm touched by it.
我覺得非常酷,我很感動。
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You really mean that?
你真的這麼想?
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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Well sure I mean that.
嗯,當然,我的意思是。
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And believe me I would be there on Thursday
相信我,我週四會去的
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if I didn't already have other plans.
如果我不是已經有了其他的計劃。
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(audience empathizes)
(觀眾感同身受)
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No, no need to "aw".
不,不需要 "aw"。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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You got other plans?
你有其他計劃嗎?
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Well yeah, you know I promised my girlfriend's parents
是的,你知道我答應過我女朋友的父母
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that I would go to their house.
我會去他們家。
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Aw that's nice, that's good, girlfriend, that's fun.
啊,真好,真好,女朋友,真好玩。
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That's nice of them to invite you over to their house.
他們能邀請你去他們家做客真是太好了。
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Well Stacy, they asked me months ago.
斯泰西,他們幾個月前就問過我了。
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I would love to come to your house too.
我也想去你家。
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I just wish I could be two places at once.
我只是希望我可以同時在兩個地方。
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Aw that's cute, two places at once.
啊,真可愛,一舉兩得。
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Well let me just get this straight,
好吧,讓我把話說清楚。
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the only way we could spend Thanksgiving together
只有這樣我們才能一起過感恩節。
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would be if there was a breakdown
會是如果出現故障
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in the time space continuum.
在時空連續體中。
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Now Stacy don't get upset.
現在,斯泰西不要生氣。
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No you back off big brother!
不,你退後,大哥!
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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Unless you want some of a five knuckle stuffing
除非你想吃點五指山的餡料。
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shoved into that butterball head of yours.
塞進你那顆奶油球的腦袋裡。
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(audience applause)
(觀眾掌聲)
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And you listen up Conan all right,
而你聽好了柯南的所有權利。
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your words are cruel
巧言令色
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and they feel like shrapnel
他們感覺像彈片
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piercing my already broken heart.
刺破了我已經破碎的心。
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But deep within my heart lies an army,
但在我的內心深處,有一支軍隊。
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an elegant and fiercely brave infantry of hate.
一支優雅而勇猛的仇恨步隊。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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And all though this army has rejection
儘管這支軍隊有拒絕
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buzzing by it's head like bullets
子彈般在它頭上飛來飛去
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it will beat upon the drums of conquest with your bones.
它將與你的骨頭一起敲響征服的鼓。
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Boom boom boom boom boom ta ta ta ta doom.
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Charge, charge, charge, woo!
衝鋒,衝鋒,衝鋒,嗚嗚!
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(audience applause)
(觀眾掌聲)
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Stacy I am so sorry, okay?
斯泰西,我很抱歉,好嗎?
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I didn't mean to upset you.
我不是故意讓你生氣的
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I am so sorry too Conan.
我也很抱歉,柯南。
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I guess my Thanksgiving spirit
我想我的感恩節精神
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morphed into a vengeful poltergeist.
變成了一個復仇的鬼怪。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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No I can understand how that would happen Stacy.
不,我可以理解怎麼會這樣,斯泰西。
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Hey you know look maybe
嘿,你知道看也許
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we can get together next Thanksgiving.
我們可以在明年的感恩節聚在一起。
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That would be really nice.
這將是非常好的。
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Maybe she can make another crappy squash head doll.
也許她可以再做一個蹩腳的瓜子頭娃娃。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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All right you know what it's judgment day bitch.
好吧,你知道今天是審判日,婊子。
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(audience laughter)
(觀眾笑聲)
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[Conan] Stacy no! Stacy!
史黛西,不要!史黛西!
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I love you. I love you. Please!
我愛你,我愛你我也愛你求你了!
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We're gonna take a break we'll be right back.
我們要休息一下,我們馬上回來。