be is that our earliest years are generally made  up of a prolonged and highly formative encounter  

是我們最早的歲月一般是由一個長期的和高度形成性的遭遇組成的。

with the idea of obedience. Throughout childhood,  there is little doubt that the path to maturity  

與服從的理念。在整個童年時期，毫無疑問，走向成熟的道路上

must involve doing a litany of substantially  unpleasant things demanded of us by figures of  

一定要做一連串的不愉快的事情，這些事情都是上層人物要求我們做的。

authority whom we cannot question. No one asks if  we would be particularly interested in learning  

我們不能質疑的權威。沒有人問我們是否對學習特別感興趣。

about the angles of triangles or what a volt  really is, but we obey in any case. We give over  

三角形的角度或伏特到底是什麼，但我們在任何情況下都服從。我們放棄了

our days and much of our evenings and weekends  to complying with an agenda elaborated for us  

我們的白天、晚上和週末的大部分時間都在遵守為我們制定的議程。

by people whose concern with our happiness is  at best highly abstract. We put on our blue  

被那些關心我們幸福的人，充其量是高度抽象的。我們穿上藍色的

or grey jumper and sit at a desk and study the  plotline of Macbeth or the chemical properties  

或灰色的跳線，坐在書桌前，研究麥克白的情節或化學性質。

of helium – and trust that our boredom  and distaste must be substantially wrong. 

的氦氣--並相信我們的無聊和厭惡一定是實質性的錯誤。

We then become inclined to extend this attitude  into our dealings with the wider world.  

我們就會傾向於把這種態度延伸到我們與更廣闊的世界的交往中。

We assume that what we particularly want should  never be the important factor. We opt for a career  

我們以為，我們特別想要的東西永遠不應該是重要的因素。我們選擇的職業

on the basis that – to others – it looks like the  right thing to subscribe to. At parties we'll be  

基於--在別人看來--它看起來像是正確的事情，所以才會訂閱。在聚會上，我們會

able to answer the question what do you do? in  a way that – by consensus – is unobjectionable  

能夠回答 "你是做什麼的？"這個問題的方式--根據共識--是無異議的。

or somewhat impressive. At the same time, we  learn to see freedom as both appealing and,  

或有些印象深刻。同時，我們學會將自由視為既吸引人又。

in a way, absurd. We'll be free, we feel, when we  don't have anything else to fill our time with:  

在某種程度上，是荒謬的。我們會自由，我們覺得，當我們沒有別的東西來填充我們的時間。

on Saturday mornings or when we're retired. In the process, we become highly adept at  

在週六上午或我們退休的時候。在這個過程中，我們變得高度熟練於

rationalising our frustrations. We tell ourselves  that we have no option. We have to stick with a  

合理化我們的挫折。我們告訴自己，我們沒有選擇。我們必須堅持

job that we resent or a marriage that has grown  stale because (we say) we need the money or our  

怨恨的工作，或者因為（我們說）需要錢而變質的婚姻，或者我們的。

friends would be disappointed or it's the  kind of thing everyone like us has to do.  

朋友們會很失望，不然就是我們這種人都要做的事情。

We become geniuses at elaborating excuses that  make our unhappiness look necessary and sane.

我們成為天才，精心設計藉口，使我們的不快樂顯得必要而理智。

The mid-twentieth century British psychoanalyst  Donald Winnicott encountered many patients – often  

二十世紀中葉英國精神分析學家唐納德-溫尼科特遇到了許多病人--常常是

high-performing and prestigious ones – who were  in acute distress because they were, as he put it,  

他說，他們陷入了嚴重的困境，因為他們是。

'too good.' They had never felt the  inner freedom and security to say no,  

'太好了'。他們從來沒有感受到內心的自由和安全感，無法說不。

largely because their earliest caregivers would  have viewed the expression of their authentic  

主要是因為他們最早的照顧者會把他們真實的表達方式看成是一個 "大 "字。

feelings as a threatening insurrection they had to  quash. Winnicott proposed that health could only  

感情作為一種威脅性的叛亂，他們必須加以鎮壓。溫尼科特提出，健康只能

come about from counteracting this tendency to  subordinate too quickly – and too trustingly – to  

應對這種過快--過份信任--服從的傾向，才會有這樣的結果。

the preferences of others, including people who  might claim to care a lot about us. Being 'bad' in  

別人的喜好，包括那些可能聲稱很關心我們的人。作為 "壞 "在

a salutary way in Winnicott's vision wouldn't have  to mean breaking the law or becoming aggressive;  

在溫尼科特的設想中，一種有益的方式不一定意味著違法或變得咄咄逼人。

it would mean finding the inner freedom to do  things others might find disconcerting on the  

這將意味著找到內心的自由，做一些別人可能會覺得不舒服的事情，在上。

basis that we, our authentic selves,  have a sincere wish to explore them.  

的基礎上，我們這個真實的自我，有一個真誠的願望去探索它們。

It would be founded on a very profound  view that others can never ultimately  

它將建立在一個非常深刻的觀點上，即他人永遠無法最終。

be the best custodians of our lives, for  their instincts about what's acceptable  

是我們生活中最好的監護人，因為他們對什麼是可接受的直覺。

haven't been formed on the basis of  a deep knowledge of our unique needs. 

還沒有形成對我們獨特需求的深刻了解的基礎上。

We tend to fantasise about freedom in terms of  not having to work or of being able to take off on  

我們傾向於幻想自由，不用工作，或者能夠在工作中起飛。

long trips. But if we dig into its core, freedom  really means no longer being beholden to the  

長途旅行。但如果我們挖掘其核心，自由其實意味著不再受制於人。

expectations of others. We may, quite freely, work  very hard or stay at home during the holidays. The  

對他人的期望。我們可以很自由地工作，很努力地工作，或者在假期裡呆在家裡。但我們的生活卻不盡如人意。

decisive factor is our willingness to disappoint,  to upset or to disconcert others in doing so.  

決定性的因素是我們願意在這樣做的時候讓別人失望、讓別人不高興或者讓別人不滿意。

We don't need to relish this – we may by nature  be inclined to get on well with as many people  

我們不需要樂此不疲--我們可能天生就喜歡和儘可能多的人和睦相處

as possible. But we can live with the idea that  our central choices might not meet with general  

儘可能的。但是，我們可以接受我們的中心選擇可能不符合一般人的想法。

approval. At the party, we can risk someone  not being at all impressed by what we do,  

認可。在聚會上，我們可以冒著別人對我們所做的事情一點印象都沒有的風險。

or regarding our living arrangements as unorthodox  or our opinions as odd. But we don't mind too  

或認為我們的生活安排不正常或我們的意見很奇怪。但我們並不介意

much – because we've become free. Our sense of  what our life is about is no longer so confused  

多--因為我們已經變得自由了。我們對生命的意義不再那麼迷茫

with the notion of meeting the  expectations of others. To be free,  

與滿足他人期望的概念。要自由。

ultimately, is to be devoted – in ways that might  be strenuous – to meeting our own expectations.

歸根結底，就是要致力於--以可能是艱苦的方式--滿足我們自己的期望。

How to overcome your childhood is a book that teaches us how character is developed. The concept of emotional inheritance. The formation of our concepts of being good or bad and the impact of parental styles of love on the way we choose adult partners.

如何戰勝童年》是一本教我們如何培養性格的書。 情感傳承的概念。 我們的好壞觀念的形成，以及父母的愛的風格對我們選擇成人伴侶的影響。