I'm here with BuzzFeed,

我在這裡與BuzzFeed。

and today we are going to read some, aah, thirst tweets.

今天我們要讀一些，啊，口渴的微博。

I had to ask what a thirst tweet was.

我不得不問什麼是口渴的微博。

The fact that there's any tweets like this on the internet.

事實上，網絡上還有這樣的微博。

Nice to know that people are thinking about you.

很高興知道大家都在想你。

(soft upbeat music)

(柔和歡快的音樂)

Hey BuzzFeed Celeb,

嘿，BuzzFeed名人。

please let Max Greenfield read thirst tweets,

請讓馬克斯-格林菲爾德讀讀口渴的推文。

so he knows that all of my dreams consist only

所以他知道我所有的夢想都是由...

of him feeding me jelly beans, thanks.

他餵我吃果凍豆，謝謝。

It's all right, feels pretty kid-friendly, so far so good.

還行，感覺挺適合孩子的，目前來看還不錯。

Max Greenfield's smile clears my skin, improves my mood

麥克斯-格林菲爾德的微笑能讓我的皮膚變白，讓我的心情變好。

and raises my GPA.

並提高了我的GPA。

These are all very good for my self-esteem.

這些都對我的自尊心有很大的幫助。

I'm having a good day reading these.

看了這些，我今天的心情很好。

If I could meet a guy like Leo D'Amato,

如果我能遇到一個像里歐-達馬託這樣的人..,

I would absolutely decide to settle down

我絕對會決定安定下來

and become, as the kids say, a wifey.

並像孩子們說的那樣，成為一個妻子。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

Max Greenfield's jaw line is a gift from God literally.

麥克斯-格林菲爾德的下巴線條是上帝賜予的禮物，真的。

Well, it depends on, you know,

嗯，這取決於，你知道的。

what your spiritual preferences and how you view the world

你的精神偏好和你對世界的看法是什麼？

but it's really all a gift from God, truly,

但這其實都是上帝的恩賜，真的。

not just my jaw line, everyone's jaw line.

不只是我的下巴線，每個人的下巴線。

When will we be recognizing Max Greenfield

我們什麼時候才能認識到Max Greenfield

as the white boy of the year?

作為當年的白衣少年？

Appreciate it.

欣賞它。

I play the white boy of the year on The Neighborhood.

我在《鄰居》中扮演當年的小白臉。

I would pet Max Greenfield's head all day, if you let me.

如果你允許，我願意整天撫摸馬克斯・格林菲爾德的頭。

I don't know about all day.

我不知道整天。

Max Greenfield's smile is a deadly weapon.

麥克斯-格林菲爾德的笑容是致命的武器。

All right.

好吧，我知道了

Watching New Girl wondering when I'll get a sexy

看《新女郎》的時候，我就在想什麼時候能得到一個性感的。

Jewish boyfriend like Schmidt.

像施密特這樣的猶太男友。

Well, I think a lot of people are wondering that.

我想很多人都想知道這個問題。

Maybe, I don't know.

也許，我不知道。

Max Greenfield's thighs appreciation post.

馬克斯-格林菲爾德的大腿欣賞帖。

Well, that one makes me feel good.

好吧，這個讓我感覺很好。

I do a lot of squats, I work a lot on my legs.

我做了很多下蹲，我經常鍛鍊腿部。

Not a lot of upper body stuff.

上半身的東西不多。

I wanna lick Max Greenfield, head to toe.

我想舔麥克斯・格林菲爾德，從頭到腳。

Eh, I guarantee you don't.

誒，我保證你不會。

I don't know how to describe the fact

我不知道該怎麼形容這個事實。

that Max Greenfield played young Sandy Cohen on The O.C.

馬克斯-格林菲爾德在《O. C. 》中扮演年輕的桑迪-科恩。

any other way than as the horniest casting choice

除了作為最性感的選角之外，還有什麼其他方式嗎？

of all time, like, wow, what a gift.

的所有時間，喜歡，哇，什麼禮物。

Horny is an underused word.

角質是一個不夠用的詞。

Losing sleep, fantasizing about how Schmidt

失眠，幻想著施密特是如何的

from New Girl would be handling this bussy?

新女郎》裡的人，會不會處理這個娘娘腔？

Is that right?

是這樣嗎？

Oh, right on.

哦，對了。

I just found out what a bussy is,

我才知道什麼是娘娘腔。

and aah, really appreciate it.

和啊，真的很感激。

I'm honored.

我很榮幸

I feel like this is a safe space,

我覺得這是一個安全的空間。

so I need to have a threesome with Nick Miller and Schmidt.

所以我需要和尼克-米勒和施密特來個3P。

Whew, there, I said it and I feel better.

呼，好了，我說了，我感覺好多了。

It's gonna be a tough to tell for Jake Johnson.

這將是一個艱難的告訴傑克-約翰遜。

Can Max Greenfield murder my bussy, please.

麥克斯-格林菲爾德能不能殺了我的女人，求你了。

Murder's a strong word.

謀殺是個很強烈的詞

Veronica Mars should have at least sat

維羅妮卡-瑪爾斯至少應該坐在

on Leo's face one last time, just one girl's opinion.

在李奧的臉上最後一次，只是一個女孩的意見。

Well look, I don't write the shows.

好吧，看，我不寫的節目。

BuzzFeed, I just want to say thank you

BuzzFeed，我只想說謝謝你。

for compiling, um, all of these thirsty tweets about me.

對於編譯，嗯，所有這些渴求關於我的微博。

Um, It's something I would not have done on my own.

嗯，這是我自己不會做的事情。

So I appreciate the experience.

所以我很欣賞這段經歷。

And a lot of them were just compliments,

而且很多都是恭維。

except for the stuff about the bussy.

除了關於陰部的東西。

What a day this was.

今天是什麼日子？

I'll never forget it.

我永遠不會忘記。

Please check out The Neighborhood, Mondays,

請看《鄰里》，週一。

at 8:00 PM on CBS.

晚上8點在CBS播出。

(soft upbeat music)

(柔和歡快的音樂)