WELCOME!

歡迎！

WELCOME!

歡迎！

HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE -- TO "A LATE SHOW."

HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE -- TO "A LATE SHOW."

I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主持人STEPHEN COLBERT。

I'M VERY EXCITED.

我非常興奮。

I'M ALSO A LITTLE TIRED BECAUSE I GOT UP WAY EARLY THIS MORNING

我也有點累了，因為我今天早上起得太早了。

AND INTERVIEWED BARACK OBAMA TODAY.

並採訪了巴拉克・奧巴馬今天。

THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME DRIVING NOW IS MY POST-OBAMA

現在唯一讓我開車的就是我的後奧巴馬時代

HIGH, JUST WHAT YOU WANT TO MAKE YOU

高，正是你想讓你的。

FEEL BETTER AFTER A MAGA HANGOVER.

在MAGA HANGOVER之後感覺更好。

ALSO KNOWN AS A COMBOVER.

又稱COMBOVER。

IT WAS A GREAT INTERVIEW, AND IN -- JUST FRIENDS HANGING OUT,

這是一個偉大的採訪，並在 - 只是朋友們掛出。

MAN!

男人！

( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS GOOD.

（笑）這是很好的。

IT WAS GOOD.

它是好的。

IN KEEPING WITH HIS LONG HISTORY OF PAUSES, I WILL BE AIRING

秉承他長期以來的pauses歷史，我將會播出。

THAT INTERVIEW... UH...

該採訪...呃...

TOMORROW.

明天。

BUT OF COURSE WE HAVE A CURRENT PRESIDENT THAT DOESN'T WANT TO

但是，當然，我們有一個現任總統，不希望。

BE A FORMER PRESIDENT.

成為前主席。

I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN ANOTHER EDITION OF OUR

我將在我們的另一版中告訴你所有的事情。

NEVER-ENDING SEGMENT: >> NO! NO!

永無止境的環節。>> 不！不！

HELP ME RUDY WAN GIULIANI, YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!

幫幫我，魯迪-溫-朱利亞尼，你是我唯一的希望！

MAY THE FRAUD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS.

願詐騙者永遠與你同在。

>> Stephen: THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE!

>> 史蒂芬：白宮的路！

>> STEPHEN: THE PRESIDENT'S SLOW-MOVING COUP IS NOT GOING

>> 史蒂芬：總統的慢動作夫婦不走了。

WELL.

好吧。

THIS AFTERNOON, THE MICHIGAN ELECTION BOARD CERTIFIED JOE

今天晚上，密歇根州選舉委員會對喬伊進行了認證

BIDEN'S WIN IN THAT STATE.

比登在該州的勝利。

THEN, TONIGHT WE LEARNED THAT THE GENERAL SERVICES

然後，今天晚上我們得知，總務處的工作人員

ADMINISTRATION INFORMED PRESIDENT-ELECT JOE

行政通報候任主席喬伊

BIDEN THE ADMINISTRATION IS READY TO BEGIN THE FORMAL

行政當局已準備好開始正式的工作。

TRANSITION PROCESS, ACCORDING TO A LETTER FROM ADMINISTRATOR,

過渡進程，根據行政長官的信。

EMILY MURPHY.

艾蜜莉-墨菲

SO IT'S OFFICIAL: OUR NEXT COMMANDER IN CHIEF WILL BE

所以正式宣佈，我們的下一任總司令將是：

PRESIDENT BIDEN.

比登主席：

WHICH MEANS SOMEWHERE, RUDY GIULIANI IS FILING A LAST-DITCH

這意味著在某處，魯迪-吉利安尼正在申報最後的... ...

LEGAL CLAIM THAT OUR CURRENT PRESIDENT'S NAME HAS ALWAYS BEEN

法律聲明：我們現任總統的名字一直是

"JOE BIDEN."

"JOE BIDEN。"

EMILY MURPHY, WHO IS, AGAIN, THE HEAD OF THE G.S.A., WANTED TO

埃米莉-墨菲，又是G.S.A.的負責人，她想要

MAKE IT CLEAR THAT SHE WAS NOBODY'S PATSY, WRITING, "I WAS

明確她是誰也不認識的PATSY，寫道："我是"。

NEVER DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY PRESSURED BY ANY EXECUTIVE

絕不直接或間接地受到任何高管的壓力。

BRANCH OFFICIAL, INCLUDING THOSE WHO WORK AT THE WHITE HOUSE OR

部門官員，包括在白宮工作的官員，或在白宮工作的官員。

G.S.A., WITH REGARD TO THE SUBSTANCE OR TIMING OF MY

G.S.A.，關於我的內容或時間。

DECISION."

決定。"

ADDING, "ALSO, I'M THE ONE WHO LEFT A BAG OF ONION RINGS IN THE

補充道："還有，我是那個在家裡留下一袋洋蔥圈的人。

BOTTOM DRAWER OF THE RESOLUTE DESK AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT IT SO

議事臺的底稿，然後就忘了，所以。

NOW THE WHOLE OVAL OFFICE SMELLS LIKE MOLDY

現在整個VAL辦公室都有黴味了

ONIONS."

洋蔥。"

THEN SOMETHING UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED, THE PRESIDENT MADE A

然後，不可思議的事情發生了，主席做了一件事，他說："我想我是在做一件事。

REASONABLE STATEMENT TWEETING, "I WANT TO THANK EMILY MURPHY AT

合理的聲明在微博上說："我想感謝Emily MURPHY在。

GSA FOR HER STEADFAST DEDICATION AND LOYALTY TO OUR COUNTRY.

GSA感謝她對我國的堅定奉獻和忠誠。

I BELIEVE WE WILL PREVAIL!

我相信我們會勝利的!

NEVERTHELESS, IN THE BEST INTEREST OF OUR COUNTRY, I AM

無論如何，為了我們國家的最佳利益，我...

RECOMMENDING THAT EMILY AND HER TEAM DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE

建議埃米莉及其團隊做該做的事。

WITH REGARD TO INITIAL PROTOCOLS, AND HAVE TOLD MY TEAM

關於初始程序，我已經告訴我的團隊。

TO DO THE SAME.

做同樣的事情。

TURNS OUT, THIS WHOLE TIME, ALL HE HAD TO DO TO SOUND

原來，這整個時間，所有他需要做的聲音

PRESIDENTIAL WAS JUST NOT BE PRESIDENT ANYMORE.

主席就是不做主席了。

ELSEWHERES, IN GEORGIA, OFFICIALS HAVE JUST COMPLETED A

在其他地方，在喬治亞州，官員們剛剛完成了一個。

HAND RECOUNT OF THE ENTIRE STATE AND CONFIRMED THAT JOE BIDEN

證實了喬-比登的說法。

WON.

贏了。

SO THE PRESIDENT SAW THE WRITING ON THE WALL AND GRACIOUSLY ASKED

於是，主席看到牆上的字跡，親切地問道："你是誰？

GEORGIA FOR ANOTHER ELECTION RECOUNT.

格魯吉亞進行另一次選舉計票。

HE WANTS THEM TO RECOUNT THE RECOUNT.

他想讓他們算算賬。

MR. PRESIDENT, THINGS DON'T NECESSARILY GET BETTER WHEN YOU

主席先生，事情並不一定會因為你而變得更好。

ASK FOR A DO-OVER.

要求重來。

LOOK AT ERIC.

看看埃裡克。

I CAN'T REMEMBER A BIGGER SORE LOSER THAN THIS.

我不記得有比這更大的輸家。

IT'S LIKE WHEN ALI KNOCKED OUT SONNY LISTON AND HE HELD UP THAT

就像阿里打倒了桑尼-萊斯頓，他舉起了那個

SIGN THAT SAID, "I ACTUALLY WON.

簽上寫著 "我真的贏了"。

BOXING FRAUD!" IN PENNSYLVANIA, A REPUBLICAN

拳擊詐騙！"在賓夕法尼亞州，共和黨人

FEDERAL JUDGE DISMISSED THE CAMPAIGN'S LAWSUIT SEEKING TO

聯邦法官駁回了競選人的訴訟，要求其

THROW OUT NEARLY SEVEN MILLION PENNSYLVANIA VOTES, DECLARING

拋棄近七百萬張賓夕法尼亞州的選票，宣佈：

THAT THE PRESIDENT'S LAWYERS PRESENTED, "STRAINED LEGAL

主席的律師提出的 "有限制的法律程序 "的建議。

ARGUMENTS WITHOUT MERIT AND SPECULATIVE ACCUSATIONS,

無功利的論點和特別的指控。

UNSUPPORTED BY EVIDENCE.

沒有證據支持。

IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, THIS CANNOT JUSTIFY THE

在美利堅合眾國，這不能證明《聯合國憲章》是正確的。

DISENFRANCHISEMENT OF A SINGLE VOTER, LET ALONE ALL THE VOTERS

剝奪一個選民的權利，不要說所有選民了。

OF ITS SIXTH MOST POPULATED STATE."

我的第六個人口大州。"

DON'T KNOW WHY THEY'RE SURPRISED.

不知道為什麼他們會驚訝。

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE, RIGHT ON THE PRESIDENT'S HAT.

它一直都在那裡，就在總統的帽子上。

MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.

讓美國再次偉大。

EXCEPT YOU, PENNSYLVANIA.

除了你，賓夕法尼亞州。

SUCK IT WIT WHIZ!" DELICIOUS.

去你媽的WIZ！"美味。

DELICIOUS.

美味。

THIS LAWSUIT WAS ESSENTIALLY THE LAST MAJOR CASE SEEKING TO

這場官司無疑是最後一個試圖通過訴訟解決的重大案件。

THROW OUT OR BLOCK ENOUGH VOTES THAT COULD SWING A KEY STATE IN

拋出或阻止足夠多的選票，從而使一個關鍵的州發生變化。

THE PRESIDENT'S FAVOR.

主席的青睞：

BUT THE POTUS FOR NOT MUCH MO-TUS HAD THIS DEFIANT

但是，總統沒有多少MO-TUS有這一違抗。

STATEMENT: >> IT'S JUST A FLESH WOUND.

聲明：>> 這只是一個皮肉之傷。

>> STEPHEN: THE PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM IMMEDIATELY APPEALED

>> 主席的律師團立即提出上訴。

ON SUNDAY BUT LEGAL EXPERTS SAY THE APPEAL'S CHANCES OF SUCCESS

週日，但法律專家認為，上訴成功的機率很小。

ARE INCONCEIVABLE.

是不可剝奪的。

COINCIDENTALLY, THAT WAS ALSO THE MOTTO OF HIS UNIVERSITY.

巧合的是，這也是他大學的MOTTO。

AFTER THE RULING, SEVERAL REPUBLICANS SAID IT WAS TIME FOR

判決後，許多共和黨人表示，是時候了。

THE PRESIDENT TO GIVE UP INCLUDING, PENNSYLVANIA SENATOR

包括賓夕法尼亞州參議員在內的主席放棄

PAT TOOMEY, SEEN HERE ON "BRING YOUR FOREHEAD TO WORK" DAY.

帕特-托米，在 "帶著你的頭顱去工作 "的日子裡出現在這裡。

TOOMEY RELEASED A STATEMENT OVER THE WEEKEND DECLARING, "WITH

托米在上週末發表聲明，宣佈 "隨著

TODAY'S DECISION BY JUDGE MATTHEW BRANN, A LONGTIME

今天的判決由法官馬特西-布蘭作出，他是一位長期的法官。

CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN WHOM I KNOW TO BE A FAIR AND UNBIASED

我知道他是一個公正和不偏不倚的保守派共和黨人。

JURIST, TO DISMISS THE CAMPAIGN'S LAWSUIT, THE

法學家，駁回競選人的訴訟，《法制日報》。

PRESIDENT HAS EXHAUSTED ALL PLAUSIBLE LEGAL OPTIONS TO

主席已經用盡了所有可能的法律手段，以便

CHALLENGE THE RESULT OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE IN

競選總統的結果提出質疑。

PENNSYLVANIA."

賓夕法尼亞州。"

ADDING, "THESE DEVELOPMENTS, TOGETHER WITH THE OUTCOMES IN

增補："這些發展，加上《公約》中的成果，

THE REST OF THE NATION, CONFIRM THAT JOE BIDEN WON THE 2020

全國人民，確認喬-比登贏得了2020年的選舉。

ELECTION AND WILL BECOME THE 46TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

當選並將成為聯合國第46任主席。

STATES."

國家。"

DID YOU HEAR THAT, REPUBLICANS?

你聽到了嗎，共和黨人？

HE SAID IT AND DIDN'T IMMEDIATELY BURST INTO FLAMES.

他說，並沒有立即爆發的火焰。

YOU CAN SUMMON THAT COURAGE TOO.

你也可以總結出這種勇氣。

RESIST THE PEER PRESSURE, AND TELL THE WORLD ONCE AND FOR ALL

抵制同行壓力，一勞永逸地告訴世界。

"I'M INTO DEMOCRACY AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT."

"我加入民主黨，我不在乎誰知道它。"

NO ONE IS GOING TO JUDGE YOU FOR IT.

沒有人會是以而對你評頭論足。

HECK, THIS FOURTH OF JULY, YOU COULD EVEN MARCH IN THE

嘿，這個七月四日，你甚至還可以在這裡遊行。

DEMOCRACY PRIDE PARADE.

民主自豪遊行。

TOOMEY WAS NOT ALONE.

托米不是一個人。

YESTERDAY, WE ALSO HEARD FROM MICHIGAN REPRESENTATIVE AND MAN

今天，我們還聽到了密歇根州代表和男人的聲音。

WHO DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE A WOMAN LIKE YOU IN AN OFFICIAL PHOTO

誰也沒想到會在官方照片中看到像你這樣的女人。

LIKE THIS, FRED UPTON.

像這樣，弗雷德・尤頓。

UPTON SAID IT'S TIME FOR HIS PARTY TO FACE FACTS.

UPTON說現在是他的政黨面對事實的時候了。

>> NO ONE HAS COME UP WITH ANY EVIDENCE OF FRAUD OR ABUSE.

>> 沒有人提出任何欺詐或濫用的證據。

>> STEPHEN: I THINK RUDY HAS SEARCHED THAT TRUCK FROM TOP TO

>> 我想魯迪已經把那輛卡車從頭到尾搜了個遍。

BOTTOM BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S MOTOR OIL.

底部，因為我很確定那是機油。

ANOTHER REPUBLICAN WHO SAYS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IS MARYLAND

另一個說 "夠了就是夠了 "的共和黨人是馬里蘭。

GOVERNOR AND WALLACE WHO ATE GROMIT, LARRY HOGAN.

總督和瓦利斯誰吃了GROMIT，拉里・霍根。

HOGAN HAD HARSH WORDS ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S ATTEMPT TO STEAL

霍根對總統試圖竊取的言論頗有微詞。

MICHIGAN'S ELECTORAL VOTES BY BLACKMAILING THEIR LEGISLATIVE

密歇根州的選舉投票通過黑信寄給他們的立法機構。

LEADERS: >> I THOUGHT THE PRESSURING OF

領導人：>> 我認為，壓力對我的影響是巨大的。

THE LEGISLATORS TO TRY TO SOMEHOW CHANGE THE OUTCOME WITH

立法者試圖以某種方式改變結果。

ELECTORS WAS COMPLETELY OUTRAGEOUS.

競選人完全是令人不快的。

WE'RE BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE WE'RE A BANANA REPUBLIC.

我們開始看起來像一個香蕉共和國。

>> STEPHEN: PLEASE, WE DON'T LOOK LIKE A BANANA REPUBLIC.

>> 拜託，我們看起來不像香蕉共和國。

IF ANYTHING, WE'RE A "J. COUP."

如果有的話，我們是一個 "J. COUP"。

SLIGHT STRETCH, BUT I LIKE IT.

輕微的拉伸，但我喜歡它。

BUT THE BIGGEST NAME TO TURN ON THE PRESIDENT WAS CLEARLY,

但最大的名字背叛主席的顯然是：

FORMER NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR AND DEPRESSED FRED FLINTSTONE, CHRIS

前新澤西州州長和沮喪的弗雷德-弗林斯通，CHRIS

CHRISTIE.

CHRISTIE.

CHRISTIE SAID IT WAS TIME FOR THE PRESIDENT TO CONCEDE, AND HE

克里斯蒂說，現在是主席讓步的時候了，而他

PUT THE BLAME ON THE WHITE HOUSE LEGAL TEAM:

把責任推給白宮的法律團隊。

>> THEY ALLEGE FRAUD OUTSIDE THE COURTROOM, BUT WHEN THEY GO

>> 他們在法庭外指控詐騙，但當他們走後

INSIDE THE COURTROOM, THEY DON'T PLEAD FRAUD AND THEY DON'T ARGUE

在法庭上，他們不辯解欺詐，也不爭辯。

FRAUD.

詐騙。

THE PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM HAS BEEN A NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT.

主席的律師團是全國的恥辱。

>> STEPHEN: C'MON, CHRIS, THAT'S NOT FAIR.

>> 來吧，克里斯，這是不公平的。

HIS LAWYERS ARE RUDY "TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT" "INTERNATIONAL"

他的律師是魯迪 "塞進他的襯衫""國際"。

EMBARRASSMENT.

EMBRARASSMENT。

WELL, WITH SO MANY PEOPLE HUMILIATED BY THE ABSOLUTE

好吧，與這麼多的人被侮辱的絕對。

INCOMPETENCE OF HIS LEGAL TEAM, THE PRESIDENT DID WHAT HAD TO BE

他的律師團隊不稱職，主席做了該做的事。

DONE AND FIRED SOMEONE NAMED SIDNEY POWELL.

炒了一個叫SIDNEY POWELL的人。

IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS CONGRATULATIONS, NOW YOU DON'T

如果你不知道她是誰，恭喜你，現在你不知道了。

HAVE TO KNOW.

必須知道。

BUT I'LL TELL YOU ANYWAY.

但我還是會告訴你。

SHE WAS MICHAEL FLYNN'S LAWYER AND SHE'S BEEN FLOATING WILD

她是邁克爾-弗林的律師，她卻一直逍遙法外。

CONSPIRACY THEORIES LIKE THE PRESIDENT LOST GEORGIA

陰謀論，如總統失去了格魯吉亞。

BECAUSE GOVERNOR BRIAN KEMP HAS BEEN BRIBED BY A VENEZUELAN

因為布賴恩-肯普總督受到了委內瑞拉人的嘉獎。

FRONT COMPANY IN CAHOOTS WITH THE C.I.A. TO THROW ELECTIONS TO

前線公司與C.I.A.CAHOOTS，將選舉拋給C.I.A.。

COMMUNISTS, AND THAT AMONG OTHERS, THE GUY RESPONSIBLE FOR

負有責任的人，以及其他方面的人。

RIGGING THE ELECTION WAS HUGO CHAVEZ.

操縱選舉的是胡戈-查韋斯。

ONE SLIGHT PROBLEM, HUGO CHAVEZ HAS BEEN DEAD SINCE 2013.

有個小問題，HUGO CHAVEZ從2013年開始就死了。

THOUGH HE STILL LOOKS HEALTHIER THAN MITCH MCCONNELL.

雖然他仍然看起來健康 比MITCH MCCONNELL。

POWELL'S CONSPIRACY THEORIES ARE SO OUT THERE THAT IT BECAME TOO

鮑威爾的陰謀論太過離譜，以至於變得太過離譜

MUCH EVEN FOR RUDY GIULIANI TO TOLERATE.

甚至連魯迪-朱利亞尼都無法忍受。

NOT ONLY DID HE FIRE POWELL, HE TRIED TO WILL HER OUT OF

他不僅解僱了鮑威爾，他試圖將她的出

EXISTENCE.

存在。

IN A STATEMENT, HE AND POTUS LAWYER JENNA ELLIS SAID THAT

在一份聲明中，他和總統律師JENNA ELLIS說：

"SIDNEY POWELL IS PRACTICING LAW ON HER OWN."

"SIDNEY POWELL是在她自己的地盤上練習法律。"

ADDING, SHE "IS NOT A MEMBER OF THE PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM."

補充說，她 "不是總統律師團的成員。"

YES, SHE DOESN'T WORK WITH THEM AT ALL.

是的，她根本不和他們一起工作。

IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT DURING GIULIANI'S TWO HOUR PRESS

巧合的是，在吉利安尼的兩小時記者會上

CONFERENCE, SHE WAS ON STAGE THE ENTIRE TIME.

大會上，她在舞臺上的整個時間。

SIMPLE MIX-UP.

簡單的混搭。

THEY INVITED SIDNEY POWELL, BUT THEY 'MEANT' TO INVITE SIDNEY

他們邀請了SIDNEY POWELL，但他們 "打算 "邀請SIDNEY。

POWELL TOTAL LANDSCAPING.

POWELL TOTAL LANDSCAPING。

DESPITE THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATION BEING UNWILLING

儘管現任政府不願意......，但是......。

TO ACCEPT THE INEVITABLE, JOE BIDEN KEEPS ON DOING PRESIDENT

喬-比登接受不可避免的，繼續做主席。

STUFF.

東西。

TODAY, HE NAMED HIS PICK TO HEAD THE STATE DEPARTMENT:

今天，他任命了他的人選來上司國家部門。

FORMER DEPUTY SECRETARY OF STATE AND AMBASSADOR TO SILVER

前副國務院副局長兼駐白銀大使......。

FOX-ISTAN, ANTONY BLINKEN.

福克斯坦，安東尼-布林肯。

ANOTHER BIDEN PICK WHO WE ALL KNOW FROM NEVER HAVING HEARD OF.

另一個我們都知道的從未聽說過的BIDEN人選。

NOT THE C.E.O. OF AN OIL COMPANY, NOT A FORMER FOX NEWS

不是一家石油公司的CEO，不是前福克斯新聞公司的CEO

HOST, NOT EVEN A GUY KID ROCK RECOMMENDED FROM GUITAR CENTER.

宿主，甚至不是吉他中心推薦的男孩子搖滾。

BUT THERE IS SOMETHING THAT RINGS A BELL ABOUT HIS NAME:

但他的名字卻讓人印象深刻。

ANTONY BLINKEN.

ANTONY BLINKEN.

HIS NAME IS A. BLINKEN.

他的名字是A.眨眼。

"ABE LINCOLN!" A. BLINKEN WILL BE JOINED IN

"ABE林肯！"A. BLINKEN將加入進來

BIDEN'S CABINET BY INTERIOR SECRETARY "JOE ORGEWASHINGTON"

內務部 "喬-奧爾格瓦辛頓 "的比登內閣。

AND ATTORNEY GENERAL "JAY EFFKAY."

和總檢察長 "JAY EFFKAY。"

BLINKEN'S RECORD IS SPOTLESS, EXCEPT FOR ONE RHINESTONE GLUED

BLINKEN的唱片除了一張萊茵石膠合的唱片外，其他都是一塵不染。

IN THE CORNER, BECAUSE ON HIS TWITTER BIO, YOU'LL SEE HIS

在角落裡，因為在他的微博上，你會看到他的。

TITLES FROM THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION, HIS CO-FOUNDING

奧巴馬政府的標題，他的聯合創始人。

OF WEST-EXEC ADVISORS AND...

西部經濟區顧問和...

HOLD YOUR HORSES.

抱著你的馬。

FOLLOW ABLINKEN ON SPOTIFY?

在SPOTIFY上關注ABLINKEN？

OH, YOU KNOW I WILL.

哦，你知道我會的。

'CUZ OUR NEW SECRETARY OF STATE HAS HIS OWN ROCKIN' DAD BAND!

"因為我們的新任國務卿有自己的搖滾爸爸樂隊！"。

AND HERE'S A LITTLE TASTE, WITH THE MAN HIMSELF ON VOCALS:

這裡有一個小的味道，與人自己的聲音。

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

NOTE OH YEAH ♪ ♪ I GOT TO GOT TO GOT TO ♪

注意到哦，是的 我得去得去

♪ I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO FEEL THE WAY I DO ♪

我不指望你的感覺 我做的方式

♪ THAT THIS LOVE IS FOR REAL ♪ >> Stephen: SORRY...

這種愛是真實的 對不起... ...

WHOA!

哇！

BABY!

寶貝！

THAT'S SOME FOGGY BOTTOM!

那是一些霧狀的底部！

IF HIS DIPLOMACY ARE AS SMOOTH AS HIS HOT LICKS WE'RE BACK ON

如果他的權力和他的熱狗一樣順利，我們就會回到原點。

THE WORLD STAGE BABY.

世界舞臺寶貝。

MY MAN IS GOING TO LOCK ISRAELI AND PALESTINIAN LEADERS IN A

我的男人要把以色列和巴勒斯坦的領導人關在一個房間裡。

ROOM AND WHEN THINGS GET TENSE, HE'S GONNA PULL OUT THAT GUITAR

當事情變得緊張時，他就會掏出吉他來

AND SAY "YOU TWO GET TO THE NEGOTIATING TABLE, OR I'M GONNA

然後說 "你們兩個到談判桌上來，否則我就...

START 'STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN.'" THE CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO

開始'通往天堂的階梯'。"冠狀病毒繼續到

SURGE TO RECORD LEVELS AND I'LL -- THAT'S AN EMOTIONAL SHIFT

飆升至歷史最高水準，我將... 那是一種情緒上的轉變。

THERE.

在那裡。

SORRY.

對不起。

TRY IT AGAIN.

再試一次。

DON'T CUT THIS PART OUT, I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THE SAUSAGE BEING

別把這部分剪掉，我想讓人們看到醬料的製作過程。

MADE.

製造：

THE CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO SURGE -- DID I MENTION I'M

浣熊病毒繼續飆升 -- 我有說過我是... ...

TIRED?

厭倦了嗎？

THE COONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO SUFFRAGE TO RECORD LEVELS AND

浣熊病毒繼續惡化到創紀錄的水準，並且

I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN

我會告訴你所有的事情。

TONIGHT'S INSTALLMENT OF "CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER."

今晚的 "捕捉第三波，無盡的浪潮 "的安裝。

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

>> I'M COMING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS!

>> 我要回家過節了!

BUCKLE UP!

繫好安全帶！

GET IT?

得到它？

LIKE MY HAT!

像我的帽子！

DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU WITH MY BLUNDER VIRUS!

不要讓我用我的布隆德病毒射殺你！

>> Stephen: OKAY, GET OUT BLUNDER VIRUS ISN'T EVEN CLOSE

>> 斯蒂芬：好吧，出去BLUNDER病毒還沒有接近。

TO A JOKE!

開玩笑！

BLUNDER VIRUS?

BLUNDER VIRUS？

DUE TO THE PANDEMIC, THE C.D.C.

由於PANDEMIC，C.D.C.

IS BEGGING PEOPLE NOT TO TRAVEL FOR THANKSGIVING.

懇求人們不要在感恩節旅行。

HERE'S HOW FORMER C.D.C.

這裡是如何前C.D.C.。

DIRECTOR DR. TOM FRIEDEN PUT IT THIS WEEKEND:

DIRECTOR DR.TOM FRIEDEN把它這個週末。

>> WE'RE ALL SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS VIRUS BUT UNFORTUNATELY

>> 我們都很討厭和厭倦這種病毒，但不幸的是。

IT IS SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL.

它是螺旋失控。

WHEN PEOPLE TRAVEL, THE VIRUS TRAVELS.

當人們旅行時，病毒也會旅行。

AND THIS THANKSGIVING COULD BE THE SUPER BOWL OF

而這個感恩節可能是超級大碗的。

SUPER-SPREADING EVENTS.

超級傳播活動。

>> Stephen: DON'T PUT IT THAT WAY, PLEASE.