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  • >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY!

    >> Stephen:嘿,大家好!

  • WELCOME!

    歡迎!

  • WELCOME!

    歡迎!

  • HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE -- TO "A LATE SHOW."

    HERE'S MUD IN YOUR EYE -- TO "A LATE SHOW."

  • I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT.

    我是你的主持人STEPHEN COLBERT。

  • I'M VERY EXCITED.

    我非常興奮。

  • I'M ALSO A LITTLE TIRED BECAUSE I GOT UP WAY EARLY THIS MORNING

    我也有點累了,因為我今天早上起得太早了。

  • AND INTERVIEWED BARACK OBAMA TODAY.

    並採訪了巴拉克・奧巴馬今天。

  • THE ONLY THING KEEPING ME DRIVING NOW IS MY POST-OBAMA

    現在唯一讓我開車的就是我的後奧巴馬時代

  • HIGH, JUST WHAT YOU WANT TO MAKE YOU

    高,正是你想讓你的。

  • FEEL BETTER AFTER A MAGA HANGOVER.

    在MAGA HANGOVER之後感覺更好。

  • ALSO KNOWN AS A COMBOVER.

    又稱COMBOVER。

  • IT WAS A GREAT INTERVIEW, AND IN -- JUST FRIENDS HANGING OUT,

    這是一個偉大的採訪,並在 - 只是朋友們掛出。

  • MAN!

    男人!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) IT WAS GOOD.

    (笑)這是很好的。

  • IT WAS GOOD.

    它是好的。

  • IN KEEPING WITH HIS LONG HISTORY OF PAUSES, I WILL BE AIRING

    秉承他長期以來的pauses歷史,我將會播出。

  • THAT INTERVIEW... UH...

    該採訪...呃...

  • TOMORROW.

    明天。

  • BUT OF COURSE WE HAVE A CURRENT PRESIDENT THAT DOESN'T WANT TO

    但是,當然,我們有一個現任總統,不希望。

  • BE A FORMER PRESIDENT.

    成為前主席。

  • I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN ANOTHER EDITION OF OUR

    我將在我們的另一版中告訴你所有的事情。

  • NEVER-ENDING SEGMENT: >> NO! NO!

    永無止境的環節。>> 不!不!

  • HELP ME RUDY WAN GIULIANI, YOU'RE MY ONLY HOPE!

    幫幫我,魯迪-溫-朱利亞尼,你是我唯一的希望!

  • MAY THE FRAUD BE WITH YOU ALWAYS.

    願詐騙者永遠與你同在。

  • >> Stephen: THE ROAD FROM THE WHITE HOUSE!

    >> 史蒂芬:白宮的路!

  • >> STEPHEN: THE PRESIDENT'S SLOW-MOVING COUP IS NOT GOING

    >> 史蒂芬:總統的慢動作夫婦不走了。

  • WELL.

    好吧。

  • THIS AFTERNOON, THE MICHIGAN ELECTION BOARD CERTIFIED JOE

    今天晚上,密歇根州選舉委員會對喬伊進行了認證

  • BIDEN'S WIN IN THAT STATE.

    比登在該州的勝利。

  • THEN, TONIGHT WE LEARNED THAT THE GENERAL SERVICES

    然後,今天晚上我們得知,總務處的工作人員

  • ADMINISTRATION INFORMED PRESIDENT-ELECT JOE

    行政通報候任主席喬伊

  • BIDEN THE ADMINISTRATION IS READY TO BEGIN THE FORMAL

    行政當局已準備好開始正式的工作。

  • TRANSITION PROCESS, ACCORDING TO A LETTER FROM ADMINISTRATOR,

    過渡進程,根據行政長官的信。

  • EMILY MURPHY.

    艾蜜莉-墨菲

  • SO IT'S OFFICIAL: OUR NEXT COMMANDER IN CHIEF WILL BE

    所以正式宣佈,我們的下一任總司令將是:

  • PRESIDENT BIDEN.

    比登主席:

  • WHICH MEANS SOMEWHERE, RUDY GIULIANI IS FILING A LAST-DITCH

    這意味著在某處,魯迪-吉利安尼正在申報最後的... ...

  • LEGAL CLAIM THAT OUR CURRENT PRESIDENT'S NAME HAS ALWAYS BEEN

    法律聲明:我們現任總統的名字一直是

  • "JOE BIDEN."

    "JOE BIDEN。"

  • EMILY MURPHY, WHO IS, AGAIN, THE HEAD OF THE G.S.A., WANTED TO

    埃米莉-墨菲,又是G.S.A.的負責人,她想要

  • MAKE IT CLEAR THAT SHE WAS NOBODY'S PATSY, WRITING, "I WAS

    明確她是誰也不認識的PATSY,寫道:"我是"。

  • NEVER DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY PRESSURED BY ANY EXECUTIVE

    絕不直接或間接地受到任何高管的壓力。

  • BRANCH OFFICIAL, INCLUDING THOSE WHO WORK AT THE WHITE HOUSE OR

    部門官員,包括在白宮工作的官員,或在白宮工作的官員。

  • G.S.A., WITH REGARD TO THE SUBSTANCE OR TIMING OF MY

    G.S.A.,關於我的內容或時間。

  • DECISION."

    決定。"

  • ADDING, "ALSO, I'M THE ONE WHO LEFT A BAG OF ONION RINGS IN THE

    補充道:"還有,我是那個在家裡留下一袋洋蔥圈的人。

  • BOTTOM DRAWER OF THE RESOLUTE DESK AND THEN FORGOT ABOUT IT SO

    議事臺的底稿,然後就忘了,所以。

  • NOW THE WHOLE OVAL OFFICE SMELLS LIKE MOLDY

    現在整個VAL辦公室都有黴味了

  • ONIONS."

    洋蔥。"

  • THEN SOMETHING UNTHINKABLE HAPPENED, THE PRESIDENT MADE A

    然後,不可思議的事情發生了,主席做了一件事,他說:"我想我是在做一件事。

  • REASONABLE STATEMENT TWEETING, "I WANT TO THANK EMILY MURPHY AT

    合理的聲明在微博上說:"我想感謝Emily MURPHY在。

  • GSA FOR HER STEADFAST DEDICATION AND LOYALTY TO OUR COUNTRY.

    GSA感謝她對我國的堅定奉獻和忠誠。

  • I BELIEVE WE WILL PREVAIL!

    我相信我們會勝利的!

  • NEVERTHELESS, IN THE BEST INTEREST OF OUR COUNTRY, I AM

    無論如何,為了我們國家的最佳利益,我...

  • RECOMMENDING THAT EMILY AND HER TEAM DO WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE

    建議埃米莉及其團隊做該做的事。

  • WITH REGARD TO INITIAL PROTOCOLS, AND HAVE TOLD MY TEAM

    關於初始程序,我已經告訴我的團隊。

  • TO DO THE SAME.

    做同樣的事情。

  • TURNS OUT, THIS WHOLE TIME, ALL HE HAD TO DO TO SOUND

    原來,這整個時間,所有他需要做的聲音

  • PRESIDENTIAL WAS JUST NOT BE PRESIDENT ANYMORE.

    主席就是不做主席了。

  • ELSEWHERES, IN GEORGIA, OFFICIALS HAVE JUST COMPLETED A

    在其他地方,在喬治亞州,官員們剛剛完成了一個。

  • HAND RECOUNT OF THE ENTIRE STATE AND CONFIRMED THAT JOE BIDEN

    證實了喬-比登的說法。

  • WON.

    贏了。

  • SO THE PRESIDENT SAW THE WRITING ON THE WALL AND GRACIOUSLY ASKED

    於是,主席看到牆上的字跡,親切地問道:"你是誰?

  • GEORGIA FOR ANOTHER ELECTION RECOUNT.

    格魯吉亞進行另一次選舉計票。

  • HE WANTS THEM TO RECOUNT THE RECOUNT.

    他想讓他們算算賬。

  • MR. PRESIDENT, THINGS DON'T NECESSARILY GET BETTER WHEN YOU

    主席先生,事情並不一定會因為你而變得更好。

  • ASK FOR A DO-OVER.

    要求重來。

  • LOOK AT ERIC.

    看看埃裡克。

  • I CAN'T REMEMBER A BIGGER SORE LOSER THAN THIS.

    我不記得有比這更大的輸家。

  • IT'S LIKE WHEN ALI KNOCKED OUT SONNY LISTON AND HE HELD UP THAT

    就像阿里打倒了桑尼-萊斯頓,他舉起了那個

  • SIGN THAT SAID, "I ACTUALLY WON.

    簽上寫著 "我真的贏了"。

  • BOXING FRAUD!" IN PENNSYLVANIA, A REPUBLICAN

    拳擊詐騙!"在賓夕法尼亞州,共和黨人

  • FEDERAL JUDGE DISMISSED THE CAMPAIGN'S LAWSUIT SEEKING TO

    聯邦法官駁回了競選人的訴訟,要求其

  • THROW OUT NEARLY SEVEN MILLION PENNSYLVANIA VOTES, DECLARING

    拋棄近七百萬張賓夕法尼亞州的選票,宣佈:

  • THAT THE PRESIDENT'S LAWYERS PRESENTED, "STRAINED LEGAL

    主席的律師提出的 "有限制的法律程序 "的建議。

  • ARGUMENTS WITHOUT MERIT AND SPECULATIVE ACCUSATIONS,

    無功利的論點和特別的指控。

  • UNSUPPORTED BY EVIDENCE.

    沒有證據支持。

  • IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, THIS CANNOT JUSTIFY THE

    在美利堅合眾國,這不能證明《聯合國憲章》是正確的。

  • DISENFRANCHISEMENT OF A SINGLE VOTER, LET ALONE ALL THE VOTERS

    剝奪一個選民的權利,不要說所有選民了。

  • OF ITS SIXTH MOST POPULATED STATE."

    我的第六個人口大州。"

  • DON'T KNOW WHY THEY'RE SURPRISED.

    不知道為什麼他們會驚訝。

  • IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THERE, RIGHT ON THE PRESIDENT'S HAT.

    它一直都在那裡,就在總統的帽子上。

  • MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.

    讓美國再次偉大。

  • EXCEPT YOU, PENNSYLVANIA.

    除了你,賓夕法尼亞州。

  • SUCK IT WIT WHIZ!" DELICIOUS.

    去你媽的WIZ!"美味。

  • DELICIOUS.

    美味。

  • THIS LAWSUIT WAS ESSENTIALLY THE LAST MAJOR CASE SEEKING TO

    這場官司無疑是最後一個試圖通過訴訟解決的重大案件。

  • THROW OUT OR BLOCK ENOUGH VOTES THAT COULD SWING A KEY STATE IN

    拋出或阻止足夠多的選票,從而使一個關鍵的州發生變化。

  • THE PRESIDENT'S FAVOR.

    主席的青睞:

  • BUT THE POTUS FOR NOT MUCH MO-TUS HAD THIS DEFIANT

    但是,總統沒有多少MO-TUS有這一違抗。

  • STATEMENT: >> IT'S JUST A FLESH WOUND.

    聲明:>> 這只是一個皮肉之傷。

  • >> STEPHEN: THE PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM IMMEDIATELY APPEALED

    >> 主席的律師團立即提出上訴。

  • ON SUNDAY BUT LEGAL EXPERTS SAY THE APPEAL'S CHANCES OF SUCCESS

    週日,但法律專家認為,上訴成功的機率很小。

  • ARE INCONCEIVABLE.

    是不可剝奪的。

  • COINCIDENTALLY, THAT WAS ALSO THE MOTTO OF HIS UNIVERSITY.

    巧合的是,這也是他大學的MOTTO。

  • AFTER THE RULING, SEVERAL REPUBLICANS SAID IT WAS TIME FOR

    判決後,許多共和黨人表示,是時候了。

  • THE PRESIDENT TO GIVE UP INCLUDING, PENNSYLVANIA SENATOR

    包括賓夕法尼亞州參議員在內的主席放棄

  • PAT TOOMEY, SEEN HERE ON "BRING YOUR FOREHEAD TO WORK" DAY.

    帕特-托米,在 "帶著你的頭顱去工作 "的日子裡出現在這裡。

  • TOOMEY RELEASED A STATEMENT OVER THE WEEKEND DECLARING, "WITH

    托米在上週末發表聲明,宣佈 "隨著

  • TODAY'S DECISION BY JUDGE MATTHEW BRANN, A LONGTIME

    今天的判決由法官馬特西-布蘭作出,他是一位長期的法官。

  • CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN WHOM I KNOW TO BE A FAIR AND UNBIASED

    我知道他是一個公正和不偏不倚的保守派共和黨人。

  • JURIST, TO DISMISS THE CAMPAIGN'S LAWSUIT, THE

    法學家,駁回競選人的訴訟,《法制日報》。

  • PRESIDENT HAS EXHAUSTED ALL PLAUSIBLE LEGAL OPTIONS TO

    主席已經用盡了所有可能的法律手段,以便

  • CHALLENGE THE RESULT OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE IN

    競選總統的結果提出質疑。

  • PENNSYLVANIA."

    賓夕法尼亞州。"

  • ADDING, "THESE DEVELOPMENTS, TOGETHER WITH THE OUTCOMES IN

    增補:"這些發展,加上《公約》中的成果,

  • THE REST OF THE NATION, CONFIRM THAT JOE BIDEN WON THE 2020

    全國人民,確認喬-比登贏得了2020年的選舉。

  • ELECTION AND WILL BECOME THE 46TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED

    當選並將成為聯合國第46任主席。

  • STATES."

    國家。"

  • DID YOU HEAR THAT, REPUBLICANS?

    你聽到了嗎,共和黨人?

  • HE SAID IT AND DIDN'T IMMEDIATELY BURST INTO FLAMES.

    他說,並沒有立即爆發的火焰。

  • YOU CAN SUMMON THAT COURAGE TOO.

    你也可以總結出這種勇氣。

  • RESIST THE PEER PRESSURE, AND TELL THE WORLD ONCE AND FOR ALL

    抵制同行壓力,一勞永逸地告訴世界。

  • "I'M INTO DEMOCRACY AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT."

    "我加入民主黨,我不在乎誰知道它。"

  • NO ONE IS GOING TO JUDGE YOU FOR IT.

    沒有人會是以而對你評頭論足。

  • HECK, THIS FOURTH OF JULY, YOU COULD EVEN MARCH IN THE

    嘿,這個七月四日,你甚至還可以在這裡遊行。

  • DEMOCRACY PRIDE PARADE.

    民主自豪遊行。

  • TOOMEY WAS NOT ALONE.

    托米不是一個人。

  • YESTERDAY, WE ALSO HEARD FROM MICHIGAN REPRESENTATIVE AND MAN

    今天,我們還聽到了密歇根州代表和男人的聲音。

  • WHO DIDN'T EXPECT TO SEE A WOMAN LIKE YOU IN AN OFFICIAL PHOTO

    誰也沒想到會在官方照片中看到像你這樣的女人。

  • LIKE THIS, FRED UPTON.

    像這樣,弗雷德・尤頓。

  • UPTON SAID IT'S TIME FOR HIS PARTY TO FACE FACTS.

    UPTON說現在是他的政黨面對事實的時候了。

  • >> NO ONE HAS COME UP WITH ANY EVIDENCE OF FRAUD OR ABUSE.

    >> 沒有人提出任何欺詐或濫用的證據。

  • >> STEPHEN: I THINK RUDY HAS SEARCHED THAT TRUCK FROM TOP TO

    >> 我想魯迪已經把那輛卡車從頭到尾搜了個遍。

  • BOTTOM BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S MOTOR OIL.

    底部,因為我很確定那是機油。

  • ANOTHER REPUBLICAN WHO SAYS ENOUGH IS ENOUGH IS MARYLAND

    另一個說 "夠了就是夠了 "的共和黨人是馬里蘭。

  • GOVERNOR AND WALLACE WHO ATE GROMIT, LARRY HOGAN.

    總督和瓦利斯誰吃了GROMIT,拉里・霍根。

  • HOGAN HAD HARSH WORDS ABOUT THE PRESIDENT'S ATTEMPT TO STEAL

    霍根對總統試圖竊取的言論頗有微詞。

  • MICHIGAN'S ELECTORAL VOTES BY BLACKMAILING THEIR LEGISLATIVE

    密歇根州的選舉投票通過黑信寄給他們的立法機構。

  • LEADERS: >> I THOUGHT THE PRESSURING OF

    領導人:>> 我認為,壓力對我的影響是巨大的。

  • THE LEGISLATORS TO TRY TO SOMEHOW CHANGE THE OUTCOME WITH

    立法者試圖以某種方式改變結果。

  • ELECTORS WAS COMPLETELY OUTRAGEOUS.

    競選人完全是令人不快的。

  • WE'RE BEGINNING TO LOOK LIKE WE'RE A BANANA REPUBLIC.

    我們開始看起來像一個香蕉共和國。

  • >> STEPHEN: PLEASE, WE DON'T LOOK LIKE A BANANA REPUBLIC.

    >> 拜託,我們看起來不像香蕉共和國。

  • IF ANYTHING, WE'RE A "J. COUP."

    如果有的話,我們是一個 "J. COUP"。

  • SLIGHT STRETCH, BUT I LIKE IT.

    輕微的拉伸,但我喜歡它。

  • BUT THE BIGGEST NAME TO TURN ON THE PRESIDENT WAS CLEARLY,

    但最大的名字背叛主席的顯然是:

  • FORMER NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR AND DEPRESSED FRED FLINTSTONE, CHRIS

    前新澤西州州長和沮喪的弗雷德-弗林斯通,CHRIS

  • CHRISTIE.

    CHRISTIE.

  • CHRISTIE SAID IT WAS TIME FOR THE PRESIDENT TO CONCEDE, AND HE

    克里斯蒂說,現在是主席讓步的時候了,而他

  • PUT THE BLAME ON THE WHITE HOUSE LEGAL TEAM:

    把責任推給白宮的法律團隊。

  • >> THEY ALLEGE FRAUD OUTSIDE THE COURTROOM, BUT WHEN THEY GO

    >> 他們在法庭外指控詐騙,但當他們走後

  • INSIDE THE COURTROOM, THEY DON'T PLEAD FRAUD AND THEY DON'T ARGUE

    在法庭上,他們不辯解欺詐,也不爭辯。

  • FRAUD.

    詐騙。

  • THE PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM HAS BEEN A NATIONAL EMBARRASSMENT.

    主席的律師團是全國的恥辱。

  • >> STEPHEN: C'MON, CHRIS, THAT'S NOT FAIR.

    >> 來吧,克里斯,這是不公平的。

  • HIS LAWYERS ARE RUDY "TUCKING IN HIS SHIRT" "INTERNATIONAL"

    他的律師是魯迪 "塞進他的襯衫""國際"。

  • EMBARRASSMENT.

    EMBRARASSMENT。

  • WELL, WITH SO MANY PEOPLE HUMILIATED BY THE ABSOLUTE

    好吧,與這麼多的人被侮辱的絕對。

  • INCOMPETENCE OF HIS LEGAL TEAM, THE PRESIDENT DID WHAT HAD TO BE

    他的律師團隊不稱職,主席做了該做的事。

  • DONE AND FIRED SOMEONE NAMED SIDNEY POWELL.

    炒了一個叫SIDNEY POWELL的人。

  • IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO SHE IS CONGRATULATIONS, NOW YOU DON'T

    如果你不知道她是誰,恭喜你,現在你不知道了。

  • HAVE TO KNOW.

    必須知道。

  • BUT I'LL TELL YOU ANYWAY.

    但我還是會告訴你。

  • SHE WAS MICHAEL FLYNN'S LAWYER AND SHE'S BEEN FLOATING WILD

    她是邁克爾-弗林的律師,她卻一直逍遙法外。

  • CONSPIRACY THEORIES LIKE THE PRESIDENT LOST GEORGIA

    陰謀論,如總統失去了格魯吉亞。

  • BECAUSE GOVERNOR BRIAN KEMP HAS BEEN BRIBED BY A VENEZUELAN

    因為布賴恩-肯普總督受到了委內瑞拉人的嘉獎。

  • FRONT COMPANY IN CAHOOTS WITH THE C.I.A. TO THROW ELECTIONS TO

    前線公司與C.I.A.CAHOOTS,將選舉拋給C.I.A.。

  • COMMUNISTS, AND THAT AMONG OTHERS, THE GUY RESPONSIBLE FOR

    負有責任的人,以及其他方面的人。

  • RIGGING THE ELECTION WAS HUGO CHAVEZ.

    操縱選舉的是胡戈-查韋斯。

  • ONE SLIGHT PROBLEM, HUGO CHAVEZ HAS BEEN DEAD SINCE 2013.

    有個小問題,HUGO CHAVEZ從2013年開始就死了。

  • THOUGH HE STILL LOOKS HEALTHIER THAN MITCH MCCONNELL.

    雖然他仍然看起來健康 比MITCH MCCONNELL。

  • POWELL'S CONSPIRACY THEORIES ARE SO OUT THERE THAT IT BECAME TOO

    鮑威爾的陰謀論太過離譜,以至於變得太過離譜

  • MUCH EVEN FOR RUDY GIULIANI TO TOLERATE.

    甚至連魯迪-朱利亞尼都無法忍受。

  • NOT ONLY DID HE FIRE POWELL, HE TRIED TO WILL HER OUT OF

    他不僅解僱了鮑威爾,他試圖將她的出

  • EXISTENCE.

    存在。

  • IN A STATEMENT, HE AND POTUS LAWYER JENNA ELLIS SAID THAT

    在一份聲明中,他和總統律師JENNA ELLIS說:

  • "SIDNEY POWELL IS PRACTICING LAW ON HER OWN."

    "SIDNEY POWELL是在她自己的地盤上練習法律。"

  • ADDING, SHE "IS NOT A MEMBER OF THE PRESIDENT'S LEGAL TEAM."

    補充說,她 "不是總統律師團的成員。"

  • YES, SHE DOESN'T WORK WITH THEM AT ALL.

    是的,她根本不和他們一起工作。

  • IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT DURING GIULIANI'S TWO HOUR PRESS

    巧合的是,在吉利安尼的兩小時記者會上

  • CONFERENCE, SHE WAS ON STAGE THE ENTIRE TIME.

    大會上,她在舞臺上的整個時間。

  • SIMPLE MIX-UP.

    簡單的混搭。

  • THEY INVITED SIDNEY POWELL, BUT THEY 'MEANT' TO INVITE SIDNEY

    他們邀請了SIDNEY POWELL,但他們 "打算 "邀請SIDNEY。

  • POWELL TOTAL LANDSCAPING.

    POWELL TOTAL LANDSCAPING。

  • DESPITE THE CURRENT ADMINISTRATION BEING UNWILLING

    儘管現任政府不願意......,但是......。

  • TO ACCEPT THE INEVITABLE, JOE BIDEN KEEPS ON DOING PRESIDENT

    喬-比登接受不可避免的,繼續做主席。

  • STUFF.

    東西。

  • TODAY, HE NAMED HIS PICK TO HEAD THE STATE DEPARTMENT:

    今天,他任命了他的人選來上司國家部門。

  • FORMER DEPUTY SECRETARY OF STATE AND AMBASSADOR TO SILVER

    前副國務院副局長兼駐白銀大使......。

  • FOX-ISTAN, ANTONY BLINKEN.

    福克斯坦,安東尼-布林肯。

  • ANOTHER BIDEN PICK WHO WE ALL KNOW FROM NEVER HAVING HEARD OF.

    另一個我們都知道的從未聽說過的BIDEN人選。

  • NOT THE C.E.O. OF AN OIL COMPANY, NOT A FORMER FOX NEWS

    不是一家石油公司的CEO,不是前福克斯新聞公司的CEO

  • HOST, NOT EVEN A GUY KID ROCK RECOMMENDED FROM GUITAR CENTER.

    宿主,甚至不是吉他中心推薦的男孩子搖滾。

  • BUT THERE IS SOMETHING THAT RINGS A BELL ABOUT HIS NAME:

    但他的名字卻讓人印象深刻。

  • ANTONY BLINKEN.

    ANTONY BLINKEN.

  • HIS NAME IS A. BLINKEN.

    他的名字是A.眨眼。

  • "ABE LINCOLN!" A. BLINKEN WILL BE JOINED IN

    "ABE林肯!"A. BLINKEN將加入進來

  • BIDEN'S CABINET BY INTERIOR SECRETARY "JOE ORGEWASHINGTON"

    內務部 "喬-奧爾格瓦辛頓 "的比登內閣。

  • AND ATTORNEY GENERAL "JAY EFFKAY."

    和總檢察長 "JAY EFFKAY。"

  • BLINKEN'S RECORD IS SPOTLESS, EXCEPT FOR ONE RHINESTONE GLUED

    BLINKEN的唱片除了一張萊茵石膠合的唱片外,其他都是一塵不染。

  • IN THE CORNER, BECAUSE ON HIS TWITTER BIO, YOU'LL SEE HIS

    在角落裡,因為在他的微博上,你會看到他的。

  • TITLES FROM THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION, HIS CO-FOUNDING

    奧巴馬政府的標題,他的聯合創始人。

  • OF WEST-EXEC ADVISORS AND...

    西部經濟區顧問和...

  • HOLD YOUR HORSES.

    抱著你的馬。

  • FOLLOW ABLINKEN ON SPOTIFY?

    在SPOTIFY上關注ABLINKEN?

  • OH, YOU KNOW I WILL.

    哦,你知道我會的。

  • 'CUZ OUR NEW SECRETARY OF STATE HAS HIS OWN ROCKIN' DAD BAND!

    "因為我們的新任國務卿有自己的搖滾爸爸樂隊!"。

  • AND HERE'S A LITTLE TASTE, WITH THE MAN HIMSELF ON VOCALS:

    這裡有一個小的味道,與人自己的聲音。

  • ♪ ♪

    ♪ ♪

  • NOTE OH YEAH ♪ ♪ I GOT TO GOT TO GOT TO

    注意到哦,是的 我得去得去

  • ♪ I DON'T EXPECT YOU TO FEEL THE WAY I DO

    我不指望你的感覺 我做的方式

  • THAT THIS LOVE IS FOR REAL ♪ >> Stephen: SORRY...

    這種愛是真實的 對不起... ...

  • WHOA!

    哇!

  • BABY!

    寶貝!

  • THAT'S SOME FOGGY BOTTOM!

    那是一些霧狀的底部!

  • IF HIS DIPLOMACY ARE AS SMOOTH AS HIS HOT LICKS WE'RE BACK ON

    如果他的權力和他的熱狗一樣順利,我們就會回到原點。

  • THE WORLD STAGE BABY.

    世界舞臺寶貝。

  • MY MAN IS GOING TO LOCK ISRAELI AND PALESTINIAN LEADERS IN A

    我的男人要把以色列和巴勒斯坦的領導人關在一個房間裡。

  • ROOM AND WHEN THINGS GET TENSE, HE'S GONNA PULL OUT THAT GUITAR

    當事情變得緊張時,他就會掏出吉他來

  • AND SAY "YOU TWO GET TO THE NEGOTIATING TABLE, OR I'M GONNA

    然後說 "你們兩個到談判桌上來,否則我就...

  • START 'STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN.'" THE CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO

    開始'通往天堂的階梯'。"冠狀病毒繼續到

  • SURGE TO RECORD LEVELS AND I'LL -- THAT'S AN EMOTIONAL SHIFT

    飆升至歷史最高水準,我將... 那是一種情緒上的轉變。

  • THERE.

    在那裡。

  • SORRY.

    對不起。

  • TRY IT AGAIN.

    再試一次。

  • DON'T CUT THIS PART OUT, I WANT PEOPLE TO SEE THE SAUSAGE BEING

    別把這部分剪掉,我想讓人們看到醬料的製作過程。

  • MADE.

    製造:

  • THE CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO SURGE -- DID I MENTION I'M

    浣熊病毒繼續飆升 -- 我有說過我是... ...

  • TIRED?

    厭倦了嗎?

  • THE COONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO SUFFRAGE TO RECORD LEVELS AND

    浣熊病毒繼續惡化到創紀錄的水準,並且

  • I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN

    我會告訴你所有的事情。

  • TONIGHT'S INSTALLMENT OF "CATCH A THIRD WAVE: ENDLESS BUMMER."

    今晚的 "捕捉第三波,無盡的浪潮 "的安裝。

  • ♪ ♪

    ♪ ♪

  • >> I'M COMING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS!

    >> 我要回家過節了!

  • BUCKLE UP!

    繫好安全帶!

  • GET IT?

    得到它?

  • LIKE MY HAT!

    像我的帽子!

  • DON'T MAKE ME SHOOT YOU WITH MY BLUNDER VIRUS!

    不要讓我用我的布隆德病毒射殺你!

  • >> Stephen: OKAY, GET OUT BLUNDER VIRUS ISN'T EVEN CLOSE

    >> 斯蒂芬:好吧,出去BLUNDER病毒還沒有接近。

  • TO A JOKE!

    開玩笑!

  • BLUNDER VIRUS?

    BLUNDER VIRUS?

  • DUE TO THE PANDEMIC, THE C.D.C.

    由於PANDEMIC,C.D.C.

  • IS BEGGING PEOPLE NOT TO TRAVEL FOR THANKSGIVING.

    懇求人們不要在感恩節旅行。

  • HERE'S HOW FORMER C.D.C.

    這裡是如何前C.D.C.。

  • DIRECTOR DR. TOM FRIEDEN PUT IT THIS WEEKEND:

    DIRECTOR DR.TOM FRIEDEN把它這個週末。

  • >> WE'RE ALL SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS VIRUS BUT UNFORTUNATELY

    >> 我們都很討厭和厭倦這種病毒,但不幸的是。

  • IT IS SPIRALING OUT OF CONTROL.

    它是螺旋失控。

  • WHEN PEOPLE TRAVEL, THE VIRUS TRAVELS.

    當人們旅行時,病毒也會旅行。

  • AND THIS THANKSGIVING COULD BE THE SUPER BOWL OF

    而這個感恩節可能是超級大碗的。

  • SUPER-SPREADING EVENTS.

    超級傳播活動。

  • >> Stephen: DON'T PUT IT THAT WAY, PLEASE.

    >> Stephen:不要把它的方式,請。

  • PEOPLE LOVE THE SUPER BOWL!

    人們喜歡超級碗!

  • YOU HAVE TO COMPARE IT TO A PARTY CALL IT "THE AWKWARD

    你必須把它比作一個派對,叫它 "尷尬的"。

  • RETIREMENT PARTY FOR PATRICIA FROM ACCOUNTING WHO DOESN'T WANT

    帕特里夏從會計部退休,不想參加的人的退休聚會。

  • TO RETIRE BUT IS BEING FORCED TO BY THE COMPANY AND SHE IS CRYING

    要退休,但被公司逼迫,她在哭。

  • WHILE PACKING UP THE KITTEN FIGURINES ON HER DESK AND YOU

    在她的辦公桌上收拾著小人偶,而你呢?