Welcome to a late show.

歡迎來到晚間節目。

I'm your host, Stephen Colbert.

我是你們的主持人，斯蒂芬・科爾伯特。

It has been five days since it became clear that Joe Biden won the election, at which point the current president refused to concede.

喬-拜登贏得大選已經有五天了，此時現任總統拒絕認輸。

Duct taped himself to the Resolute desk and slapped a sign in the Oval Office door that says No Dem is allowed.

用膠帶把自己貼在了堅決辦公桌上，並在橢圓形辦公室的門上貼上了一塊牌子，上面寫著 "不允許民主黨人進入"。

He's like a toddler, too, hopped up on sugar to go to bed.

他也像個蹣跚學步的孩子，跳著糖去睡覺。

There's no reasoning with him at this point.

這時候跟他講道理是沒有用的。

You just have to let him tire himself out.

你只要讓他自己累死就可以了。

Wait till he falls asleep on the kitchen floor and hope he hasn't conspired with the dog to stage a coup.

等到他在廚房地板上睡著了，希望他沒有和狗密謀發動政變。

I'll give you the latest in my over in 70 days segment to data to Booth Road from the White House.

我給大家介紹一下我70天內的最新段子，從白宮到布斯路的數據。

Well, buckle up, buddy boys, because getting this guy out of office is gonna be a bumpy ride.

好了，繫好安全帶，夥計們， 因為讓這傢伙下臺會是一個坎坷的旅程。

Yesterday, the administration removes senior defense officials and installed loyalists triggering alarm at the Pentagon, And I'm being told we have footage of that alarm I e.

昨天，政府罷免高級國防官員，並安裝了忠誠的人，引發了五角大樓的警報，我被告知，我們有該警報的鏡頭，我e。

Would.

會：

Presidents don't usually sack top defense officials when they're planning to leave office in a couple of months, one defense official put it.

總統通常不會在計劃幾個月後離任時解僱國防高官，一位國防官員這樣說。

This way.

這樣一來。

This is scary.

這是可怕的。

It's very unsettling.

這很讓人不安。

These air Dictator moves, yes, but they have inspired an exciting new Maroon five remix locks, Darling.

這些空氣獨裁者的動作，是的，但他們已經激發了一個令人興奮的新Maroon五人混音鎖，Darling。

That's not dictate ary enough for you.

這對你來說還不夠專制。

Dear Leader was unhappy with these officials, in part because they resisted the president's entreaties to make available military weaponry, including tanks and jets for Trump orchestrated holiday displays.

親愛的領袖對這些官員不滿意，部分原因是他們拒絕總統的懇求，要求提供軍事武器裝備，包括坦克和噴氣式飛機，用於特朗普精心策劃的節日展示。

Oh yeah, because it's not the Thanksgiving Day parade until you see Santa writing his Christmas nuke.

哦，是的，因為它不是 感恩節遊行，直到你看到聖誕老人 寫他的聖誕核彈。

So it's a little concerning.

所以這有點讓人擔心。

But you know who's not worried.

但你知道誰不擔心嗎？

President elect and founder of the separate Binary in Fight Club, Joe Biden.

當選總統、單獨二元在搏擊俱樂部的創始人喬-拜登。

Biden was asked about what affect the president's tantrums were having on the incoming administration.

拜登被問及總統的發脾氣對新一屆政府有什麼影響。

He said this Well, um, I just think it's an embarrassment, quite frankly, the only thing that how can I say this tactfully?

他說，嗯，我只是覺得這是一個尷尬， 坦率地說，唯一的事情，我怎麼能說這個技巧？

I think it will not help the president's legacy nicely played.

我想這對總統的遺產沒有任何幫助，很好地發揮了作用。

But at this point, what could hurt his legacy?

但此時，有什麼能傷害他的遺產呢？

It's like finding out Jeffrey Dahmer's illegally parked in handicap spots bad, but the ledgers pretty full and so is the freezer, Biden continued.

這就像發現傑弗裡-達默非法停放在亞盤位置不好，但賬目相當飽滿，冰箱也是如此，拜登繼續說道。

I'm confident that the fact that they're not willing to acknowledge we want at this point is not of much consequence in our planning and what we're able to do between now and January 20th.

我相信，他們現在不願意承認我們想要的事實，對我們的規劃和我們從現在到1月20日之間能夠做的事情沒有太大的影響。

You know what?

你知道嗎？

It feels really good that ignoring the president is now so presidential.

感覺真的很好，現在無視總統是如此的總統。

Biden's advisors don't seem too concerned, though viewing the G.

拜登的顧問們似乎並不太擔心，雖然看待格。

O.

O.

P s legal and PR efforts as a comedy of errors.

P s法律和公關工作是一出錯誤的喜劇。

Yes, it's just like Shakespeare.

是的，這就像莎士比亞。

The president's fraud claims are much ado about nothing because he's pulling these accusations of fraud right out of his Coriolanus.

總統的詐騙指控是無稽之談 因為他把這些詐騙指控從他的 "科利奧蘭納斯 "裡扯出來了。

Of course, members of the losing campaign claim there's plenty of evidence.

當然，敗選的成員聲稱有很多證據。

Take White House press secretary and winter sorceress spreading frost on flowers.

就拿白宮新聞祕書和冬季女巫在花上撒霜來說吧。

Kayleigh McEnany.

Kayleigh McEnany.

McEnany was on the Fox News last night, socially distancing from reality, and she provided this ironclad case.

麥卡納尼昨晚上了福克斯新聞，社會與現實的距離，她提供了這個鐵證。

We keep hearing the drumbeat of Where is the evidence right here.

我們一直在聽 "證據在哪裡 "的鼓聲。

Sean.

肖恩

234 pages of sworn affidavits.

234頁的宣誓書。

He's a real people real allegation signed with notaries.

他是一個真正的人真正的指控簽署的公證人。

These air riel and anyone who cares about transparency and the integrity of the system should want this to pursue to the discovery phase.

這些空氣瑞爾和任何關心繫統的透明度和完整性的人應該希望這追求到發現階段。

Well, you never said that they were printed on paper.

你從來沒有說過它們是印在紙上的。

In that case, I think I found even more proof right in the form of these affidavits that only look like Thai food menus.

在這種情況下，我想我找到了更多的證據，就在這些看起來只像泰國食品菜單的宣誓書中。

And, oh, look at this exhibit exhibit to it's labeled everything.

而且，哦，看看這個展覽展品，它的標籤上什麼都有。

Exhibit two.

證據二：

Voter fraud.

選民欺詐；

Enjoy.

好好享受吧

Enjoy the goal.

享受這個目標。

It won't won't roll off my finger.

它不會從我的手指上滾下來。

Okay, there's a reason the White House has had such a hard time finding fraud.

好吧，白宮這麼難發現欺詐行為是有原因的。

Some states have incredible standards for election transparency, like Vermont, where officials have already published complete presidential results for every single town we're talking.

有些州的選舉透明度標準令人難以置信，比如佛蒙特州，那裡的官員已經公佈了我們所說的每一個城鎮的完整總統結果。

Burlington STO.

Burlington STO.

Montpellier, Roxbury, Extra Sharp, Roxbury, Ben Jerry's Cranberry Candle and the People's Collective of West Ham, Pancho Town.

蒙彼利埃、羅克斯伯裡、特銳、羅克斯伯裡、本傑瑞的蔓越莓蠟燭和西漢姆的人民集體、潘喬鎮。

And what's extra fun is they can also see the full list of all 1942 write in votes for president, a big chunk of which went to Senator Bernie Sanders with 619 votes, or 6190.17% of the total.

而格外有趣的是，他們還可以看到1942年所有寫進總統選票的完整名單，其中一大半是參議員伯尼-桑德斯的619票，佔總票數的6190.17%。

That puts me in the top 17% of the bottom 1% right where I wanna be.

這讓我在底層1%的人中排在前17%的位置... ...就在我想去的地方。

And I promise this impersonation is not going anywhere.

我保證這個冒牌貨哪也不去。

Unlike the impressions of other losing presidential candidates, feel the Bern, BH everything that was going on me to losing it.

與其他輸掉的總統候選人的印象不同，感覺伯恩，BH的一切，都是我輸掉它。

I'm losing it tonight other celebs receiving write in votes include Dwayne Johnson, Joe Pesci, Kiefer Sutherland, Tea Leoni, Chiana Reeves, Betty White, Wu Tang Clan, Melissa McCarthy, Jon Stewart spelled with an h.

我今晚要輸了... ...其他獲得選票的名人包括Dwayne Johnson, Joe Pesci, Kiefer Sutherland, Tea Leoni, Chiana Reeves, Betty White, Wu Tang Clan, Melissa McCarthy, Jon Stewart拼成的H。

So not that Jon Stewart, just some guy named Jon Stewart and Oprah Winfrey, who, because she got six votes, is now legally the comptroller of Brattleboro.

所以不是那個喬恩-斯圖爾特，只是某個叫喬恩-斯圖爾特的人和奧普拉-溫弗瑞，因為她得到了六張選票，現在合法地成為了布拉特伯勒的主計長。

It's time to issue municipal boots.

是時候發行市級靴子了。

How do I do?

我怎麼做我怎麼做？

I do.

我是這麼想的

I do.

我是這麼想的

This is kind of kind of bordering on Kermit Guy.

這有點近似於Kermit Guy。

I'm Oprah.

我是奧普拉

There are also some brave attempts to spell the names of actual politicians, including Toughly Gabbert, Mike him, Huckabee, The Ticket of Cacic and Bud Take Gig, former governor a skid.

也有一些勇敢的嘗試，拼寫實際的政治家的名字，包括Toughly Gabbert，Mike他，Huckabee，The Ticket of Cacic和Bud Take Gig，前州長一溜。

Guam's Meg Er and toward sandwich.

關島的梅格二和向三明治。

Okay, come on.

好吧，來吧。

Unbelievable.

難以置信

It's not that hard to spell Lindsey Graham, but the one actual write in candidate who may be taking the loss the hardest is H.

拼寫林賽-格雷厄姆並不難，但真正寫進候選人的人可能最難承受損失的是H。

P.

P.

Lovecraft, prehuman God of madness, Cath Alu.

洛夫克拉夫特，前人類的瘋神，凱斯-阿魯。

This is a devastating loss for Cathal O.

這對Cathal O來說是一個毀滅性的損失。

Since the election, the great dreamer has been hunkered down in the underwater city of really a weighing his legal options.

自大選以來，大夢想家一直蟄伏在水下城的真的嗎一個權衡他的法律選擇。

McConnell believes it is 100% within the rights of this earthly manifestation of eldritch horror to look into allegations of voting irregularities.

麥康奈爾認為，對投票違規的指控進行調查，是這個長生恐怖的世俗表現100%的權利。

What's the downside of humoring him for this little bit of time beyond our concept of time?

幽默他這一點時間超出了我們的時間概念，有什麼不好呢？

No one seriously thinks he'll rise from the boiling seas to spread his tentacles and melt men's minds with visions of non Euclidean geometry.

沒有人真的認為他會從沸騰的海洋中升起，張開他的觸角，用非歐幾里得幾何學的幻象融化人們的思想。

Except for his close ally of hollow, say gray festering blob of infinite malevolence, also known as Bill Bar.

除了他的親密盟友空心，說灰色潰爛的無限惡意的小球，也就是比爾吧。

The news coming out of the administration right now is pretty scary, but it helps that some of it is also deeply stupid, like this story about Republican activist and vice principal who called you in to ask you if your mom got his flowers.

現在從政府中傳出的新聞是相當可怕的，但它有助於一些也是非常愚蠢的，比如這個關於共和黨活動家和副校長的故事，他打電話給你，問你媽媽是否收到了他的花。

Dean Browning Browning has been very vocal in his support of the outgoing president.

布朗寧院長布朗寧一直非常支持即將離任的總統。

On Sunday, he tweeted what Trump built in four years.

週日，他在推特上發佈了特朗普四年來的建樹。

Biden will destroy in four months.

拜登將在四個月內摧毀。

Whoa, Dean, there's no way it will take only four months for Biden to disassemble his chicken bucket.

哇，院長，拜登不可能只用四個月的時間就把他的雞桶拆了。

Fort.

堡。

I know so far the story seems pretty ordinary, but here's where it gets weird.

我知道到目前為止，這個故事看起來很普通，但這裡是它變得奇怪的地方。

After Browning posted that tweet, a Twitter user pushed back, saying that the president had Onley taken credit for Obama's accomplishments to which Browning responded, I am a black gay guy, and I can personally say that Obama did nothing for me.

布朗寧發佈該條推特後，有推特用戶反駁說，總統把奧巴馬的成就歸功於昂利，布朗寧迴應說，我是一個黑人同性戀者，我個人可以說，奧巴馬沒有為我做任何事情。

My life Onley changed a little bit, and it was for the worst.

我的生活安利發生了一點變化，而且是最壞的變化。

Well, it certainly did Change for the worse you turned into some pasty, straight white guy named Dean Browning reminds me the famous Lincoln Douglas debate.

好吧，這當然是變壞了，你變成了一些糊塗的，直白的白人，叫迪恩-布朗寧，讓我想起了著名的林肯-道格拉斯辯論。

When Lincoln made a great point in favor of abolition on, Douglas replied, I'm a black gay guy, and I can personally say that slavery rules.

當林肯在上提出一個支持廢除奴隸制的偉大觀點時，道格拉斯回答說，我是一個黑人同性戀者，我個人可以說，奴隸制的規則。

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go do black gay guy stuff.

現在，如果你能原諒我，我得去做黑人同志的事情。

Here's what people think happened.

以下是人們認為發生的事情。

Browning is likely the owner of another Twitter account, one claiming to be a gay black man who loves Trump, and he simply forgot to log into it before posting the reply.

布朗寧很可能是另一個推特賬號的主人，這個賬號自稱是一個喜歡特朗普的黑人同性戀者，他只是在發佈回覆之前忘記了登錄賬號。

Yes, he was trying to do something merely deceptive, but instead did something incredibly idiotic.

是的，他是想做一些僅僅是欺騙性的事情，但卻做了一些不可思議的白痴事情。

Ah, move, known in political circles as the full Rudy End of story, right?

啊，動，在政界被稱為完整的Rudy End of story，對吧？

Wrong, because my friends here is where the weird get strange.

錯了，因為我的朋友們這裡是怪異的地方。

Hours after his gay black man tweet Browning posted regarding the tweet that is going viral from my account, I was quoting a message that I received earlier this week from a follower.

在他的同志黑人推特布朗寧發佈關於從我的賬戶中傳播的推特的幾個小時後，我正在引用本週早些時候從一個追隨者那裡收到的消息。

Sorry, if context was not clear if context was unclear, you didn't even put it in quotes.

對不起，如果上下文不清楚的話，你連引號都沒加。

The only thing that could have made it less clear would be if you had signed it.

唯一能讓人不那麼清楚的是，如果你簽了字。

Dean Browning straight white woman.

迪恩-布朗寧直男白人女性。

So did Dean make a mistake?

那麼院長是不是犯了錯誤？

Or did he tweet a random, unattributed quote?

還是他在微博上隨便引用了一句話，沒有署名？

We'll never know, except we might, because here's where the strange weirdness gets odd.

我們永遠不會知道，但我們可能會知道，因為這裡是奇怪的怪事變得奇怪的地方。

After Browning tweeted about his explanation, a reporter stumbled onto what he believed was the fake account the dean was trying to post from tweeting.

在布朗寧在推特上發表解釋後，有記者偶然發現了他認為是院長想從推特上發佈的假賬號。

You know who replies to Dean Browning a lot.

你知道誰經常回復迪恩-布朗寧嗎？

Dan Purdy, a gay black Trump supporter who joined Twitter in October with links to Purdy's Twitter account, showing his avatar of a cart tune, Black Man in a Beanie.

10月加入推特的黑人同志特朗普支持者丹-珀迪（Dan Purdy）的推特賬號鏈接，展示了他的頭像車調《戴小帽的黑人》。

Okay, case closed, then reopened because here's where the odd strange weirdness gets fishy.

好吧，案子結了，然後重新開庭，因為這裡就是奇奇怪怪的蹊蹺之處。

After the reporter scoop the Dan purty Twitter account posted this video.

記者獨家報道後，丹純微博賬號發佈了這段視頻。

Hey guys, my name is Dan purty, and I am indeed a gay black man.

嘿，夥計們，我的名字是丹普里， 我確實是一個黑人同志。

Well, my name is Stephen Colbert, and I am here for this.

我叫史蒂芬・高拔，我是為這個而來。

The message that you saw in Dean's Twitter was posted.

你在院長的微博上看到的資訊已經發布了。

I don't actually know how it was posted, but I did send it to him.

其實我也不知道是怎麼發的，但我確實發給了他。

No, I'm not a bott.

不，我不是一個瓶。

I hope you understand.

我希望你能理解。

No, I don't understand if you're confused to strap them if you got him.

不，我不明白，如果你得到了他，你是不是糊塗了，要把他們綁起來。

Because here is where the fishy, strange, weird oddness gets bizarre.

因為這裡才是腥風血雨、稀奇古怪的怪事。

After purty posted that video, reporters pointed out that purty looks exactly like a man named William Holt, otherwise known as Bill with a Y Holt, otherwise known as the adopted son and nephew off music legend Patti Labelle.

在purty發佈該視頻後，記者指出，purty長相酷似一個叫William Holt的人，又稱Bill with a Y Holt，又稱是音樂傳奇Patti Labelle的養子和侄子。

Oh, why did you say so?

哦，你為什麼這麼說？

If I had known that from the beginning, it wouldn't have helped at all.

如果我一開始就知道這些，那根本就幫不上忙。

Well, do you have anything to clear this up?

那麼，你有什麼要澄清的嗎？

Patti Labelle.

帕蒂-拉貝爾

Yeah, that clears that up.

是啊，這就清楚了。

We got a great show for you tonight, my guests or the Crown's Olivia Colman and Gillian Anderson.

我們今晚有一場精彩的節目 我的嘉賓是皇冠的奧利維亞-科爾曼和吉利安-安德森。