Top story.

頭條新聞：

Y'all with covert cases climbing like a gentrify er at an indoor rock wall and the loser in Cheeto missing in non action Americans Air tourney over whether to celebrate Thanksgiving or gnaw.

你們都和祕密案件一樣在室內巖壁上攀爬，像個貧民窟的人，而在非行動的美國空中錦標賽中，奇多的失敗者失蹤了，因為是否要慶祝感恩節或啃食。

Seven.

七

Governors are being worthy of my retweets by asking people to stand the 500 guidelines.

治理者們都是值得我轉發的，請大家站在500的準則上。

But South Dakota's governor showed that although she's beautiful on the outside, she still has a lot of internal work to do when it comes to mask mandate.

但南達科他州州長表現，固然她的外貌很美，但在掩飾任務方面，她仍有很多內功要做。

I don't want to approach a policy or a mandate just looking to make people feel good.

我不希望接近一項政策或任務只是為了讓人們感覺良好。

I want to do good and actually put forward provisions that make a difference for families.

我想做好事，實實在在地提出對家庭有所幫助的規定。

Honestly, if a scientist told me I had to pour water on myself because I'm on fire and I'm setting everyone around me on fire, I'd be like, OK, pervert, You just want to see me in a wet T shirt.

老實說，如果一個科學家告訴我，我必須往自己身上澆水，因為我著火了，我讓周圍的人都著火了，我會說，好吧，變態，你只是想看我穿溼T桖的樣子。

I'm being responsible and limiting my apartment to the 40 people in my Park Slope pod.

我負責任地把我的公寓限制在我的公園坡艙的40人範圍內。

Everybody will have to swear not to have co vid, and I am doing vibe checks at the door.

每個人都要發誓不要有co vid，我在門口做氛圍檢查。

Okay, there is some good news in all this.

好吧，這裡面有一些好消息。

Then Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade is still happening.

那麼梅西百貨的感恩節大遊行還在進行。

So I don't know, maybe Trump is actually doing a good job.

所以我不知道，也許特朗普其實做得很好。

I was going to surprise you, Kylie, but I made a balloon of you.

我本想給你個驚喜，凱莉，但我把你做成了氣球。

Brian, that is so freaking.

布萊恩，這是如此嚇人。

So we you Brian, do you think I'm 35 ft long?

所以，我們你布萊恩，你認為我35英尺長？

Sorry, this makes me really uncomfortable.

對不起，這讓我很不舒服。

Sorry.

對不起，我不知道

I'll never make a bowl interview again.

我再也不會去做碗裡的採訪了。

I mean, you can just make it accurate.

我的意思是，你可以讓它準確。

Like make it look teeny, tiny like I am moving on Treasonous cheese Man.

就像讓它看起來很小，很小，就像我在移動叛逆的奶酪人。

Trump is getting absolutely ghosted by the election.

特朗普被大選搞得絕對鬼迷心竅。

For more.

欲知更多。

Let's bring in New York Times cybersecurity reporter Nicole Pearl Roth.

讓我們請來《紐約時報》網絡安全記者妮可-珀爾-羅斯。

Thank you for joining us, Nicole.

謝謝你加入我們，妮可。

Thanks for having me highly.

謝謝你讓我高度。

Now, Nicole, you've been covering President Trump's firing of his adorable cyber security chief, Chris Scrubs.

現在，Nicole，你一直在報道特朗普總統解僱他可愛的網絡安全主管Chris Scrubs的事情。

How has this firing left America vulnerable Besides my riot profile pics getting hacked so guys not on my level inexplicably think I'm on their level.

這場槍擊事件讓美國如何脆弱 除了我的暴動資料照片被黑，所以不在我這個級別的人莫名其妙地認為我在他們這個級別。

Great question.

好問題。

So I think at this point we're basically firing the guy who made sure that there wasn't any foreign hacking interference in the election.

所以我認為，在這一點上，我們基本上是解僱的傢伙 誰確保有 沒有任何外國黑客干預選舉。

And unfortunately, one of the things that Chris Krebs was doing really well.

而不幸的是，克里斯-克雷布斯做得很好的一件事。

Waas combating a lot of the disinformation around the election, much of which was coming from the White House itself, which is why he got fired.

圍繞著大選，華府打擊了大量的虛假資訊，其中大部分來自白宮本身，這就是他被解僱的原因。

Now we're not talking about the hackers going after down ballot races.

現在我們說的不是黑客要去追殺落選賽。

I lost my race to join my co op board, and not because of my campaign to make every resident only play games with their Children in which whoever is the most quiet wins a day long.

我輸掉了加入合作社董事會的競爭，並不是因為我的運動，讓每個居民只和他們的孩子玩遊戲，誰最安靜誰就贏了一天。

Now the debate over disinformation spilled into the Senate, where the Judiciary Committee questioned Tech leaders, including Mark Zuckerberg, aka Mark asked Badonkadonk Berg, taste like a robot, but body gotta Whoa.

現在，關於虛假資訊的辯論蔓延到參議院，司法委員會對包括馬克-扎克伯格在內的科技領袖進行了質詢，又名馬克問巴東卡東克伯格，味道像機器人，但身體得哇。

But Tom, I'm going to do some surveillance on that capital a ass with my but nah killers.

但是湯姆，我要用我的殺手鐗去監視那個資本家的屁股。

Here's what he said while holding on rodeo style to that wild, plump dumper.

他是這樣說的，同時對那個野性的、豐滿的跳水運動員進行圈地式的牽制。

We also have broader policies in place around trying to slow the spread of misinformation more broadly, even when it's not going to lead Thio some kind of violence or imminent harm.

我們也有更廣泛的政策，圍繞著試圖減緩錯誤信息的傳播更廣泛，即使它不會導致Thio某種暴力或迫在眉睫的傷害。

And that's why we've created, uh, this independent fact checking program where we work with more than 80 partners around the world.

這就是為什麼我們創建了，呃，這個獨立的事實核查項目 我們與全球80多個合作伙伴合作。

Um, to help t help do do fact checking That's Marky Mark and the Bubble, but serving up some euphemism.

嗯，為了幫我做事實調查，那是Marky Mark和泡泡，但也是一些委婉的說法。

Riel nous, using the words work with instead of pay to tow, blind you to the conflict of interest.

Riel nous，用work with而不是pay to tow這些詞，讓你看不見利益衝突。

Now Nicole is duck Herb aren't doing enough to stop disinformation, considering the top 10 posts are consistently in Dan Bongino claiming Trump won five new red states no one knows about.

現在Nicole是鴨子Herb沒有做足夠的工作來阻止虛假資訊，考慮到前10個帖子一直在Dan Bongino聲稱特朗普贏得了五個新的紅色州，沒有人知道。

It's a really good point.

這是一個非常好的觀點。

He's not doing enough to curb disinformation.

他在遏制虛假資訊方面做得還不夠。

If you look at ah, lot of the content that's had the highest engagement since the election started and what how much of that is disinformation?

如果你看看啊，很多的內容，有最高的參與，因為選舉開始，什麼多少是虛假資訊？

The bulk of the content we're seeing around the election on Twitter on Facebook is about disinformation again, most of it coming from Trump himself.

我們在推特上和臉書上看到的圍繞大選的大部分內容又是關於虛假資訊的，其中大部分來自特朗普本人。

I mean, these claims about stopping disinformation do not seem accurate at all.

我的意思是，這些關於制止虛假資訊的說法似乎一點也不準確。

One Facebook user got this past the so called fact checkers.

一位Facebook用戶通過所謂的事實檢查員得到了這個。

Kylie Weaver's head probably smells like a scallion or this false statement.

凱莉-韋弗的頭可能有蔥味，或者這個假話。

Kylie Weaver just messaged me about the scallion thing.

凱莉-韋弗剛剛給我發了關於蔥的事情。

OMG l o l stop searching your own name loser or this clear Russian disinformation.

OMG l o l停止搜索你自己的名字失敗者或這明顯的俄羅斯虛假資訊。

Kylie Weaver tracked down where I work and called my boss.

凱莉-韋弗追蹤到我工作的地方，給我老闆打了電話。

It's four AM walk away from the Chardonnay.

離夏敦埃酒有四上午的路程。

Wow.

哇哦

Thes troll farms are out of control.

巨魔農場已經失控了。

Let's move on from Cheeto News and move on to news about the Cheetos election.

讓我們從奇點新聞開始，繼續說說關於奇點選舉的新聞。

We now have a special report from investigative correspondent for Jatin Mehta and Jeremy Levy, 11.

現在我們有一個特別報道，來自調查記者賈廷-梅塔和傑里米-李維，11。

Thanks for joining us, boys.

謝謝你加入我們，孩子們。

No, no, thank you.

不，不，謝謝你。

Not journalistic.

不是記者。

Got it.

我知道了

What do you have for us?

你有什麼要給我們的？

Yeah, There's a lot of this information out there that company Dominion voting systems that change votes from Trump to Biden, which is ridiculous.

是啊，有很多這樣的資訊，公司的多米尼克投票系統，將選票從特朗普改成了拜登，這太荒唐了。

True, Ridiculous.

真實，荒謬。

Super Andrew and Nicole.

超級安德魯和妮可。

You can confirm that, right?

你可以確認，對嗎？

That's right.

是的

So there were some hiccups that happened on election Day, which are normal.

所以在選舉日發生了一些小插曲，這很正常。

But in five of the counties that had some of these glitches on Li, two of them used Dominion and one it was actually human error that caused some of the problems.

但是，在五個縣中，在李上出現了一些故障，其中兩個縣使用了多米尼克，一個它實際上是人為的錯誤，導致了一些問題。

And that was fixed, right?

那是固定的，對嗎？

And some of the human error in the jamming reach out.

而一些人為錯誤的卡位伸出。

You wanna talk?

你想談談嗎？

About what?

關於什麼？

That waas.

那霧氣。

Yeah.

是啊。

I think Nicole was about to say this.

我想妮可正想說這個。

What?

什麼？

What really happened is the Democrats were having sex with the ballot scanners, right?

真正的情況是民主黨人和選票掃描器發生了性關係，對嗎？

Because each thrust knocked an additional vote into the Biden Texas OMG.

因為每一次刺殺都會給拜登德州OMG多敲一張票。

Wow!

哇！

Okay, it's so scary that that could happen.

好吧，這太可怕了，這可能發生。

Yeah, totally, Very scary.

是的，完全是，非常可怕的。

Again.

再來一次

Nicole was about to say that the kinkier machines kind of liked it from the sides from the Democrats.

妮可本來想說，淫機有點喜歡從民主黨人的側面。

And right.

也對。

And there were a lot of three Somes as well.

而三某也有很多。

And I think Cole was alluding to this a little bit.

我想科爾是在暗示這一點。

But at 1.2 of the machines started making out with each other.

但是在1.2的時候機器開始互相親熱。

Started making out.

開始親熱。

Now, Jeremy.

現在，傑里米。

Nicole, can any of the three of you speak to whether or not the cybersecurity community anticipated this?

妮可，你們三位誰能說說網絡安全界是否預料到了這一點？

We actually talked to Nicole right before this election and Germany, and she she predicted that this is a disagreement we had.

其實我們在這次大選和德國之前就和妮可聊過，她她預測這是我們的一個分歧。

She predicted that the voters wouldn't be generous enough lovers for this to be a problem.

她預測，選民們不會有足夠慷慨的情人，這是個問題。

Exactly.

就是這樣

Nicole, do you want to talk about how the voters maybe hit it right are.

妮可，你想談談如何選民也許打它的權利是。

I wasn't actually aware of any of these kinky sex issues that happened, but the good news is that they put a lot of redundancies in place this year.

其實我並不知道這些變態性問題的發生，但好消息是，他們今年把很多冗員都裁撤了。

So, um, even if there were glitches on Election day or people were having kinky sex mirror the ballot scanners or what have you?

所以，嗯，即使有故障 在選舉日或人們有淫蕩的性 鏡像選票掃描儀或你有什麼？

Um, they were going to have people print out.

嗯，他們打算讓人打印出來。

It was not exactly kinky sex near the ballot scanners.

在選票掃描器附近不完全是淫亂的性愛。

It was with the That was the problem.

這就是問題所在。

It was with the ballot scanner.

是用選票掃描器。

If it was, if it was kinky sex, it was near here.

如果是，如果是淫亂的性愛，就在這附近。

That's a completely different have been a problem about Yeah, good work.

這是一個完全不同的一直是一個問題 是啊，好工作。

All three of you.

你們三個都是

Thank you, Raja, Jeremy and Nicole for that report.

謝謝你，拉賈，傑里米和妮可的報告。

Obviously, President Trump Cheeto is used to getting dragged by fearless boss bitches in the media.

很顯然，特朗普總統切託已經習慣了被媒體上無所畏懼的老闆娘拖累。

But he's not prepared to be literally dragged out of the White House if you want g t f o on his own.

但如果你想g t f o靠自己的力量，他並不準備真的被拖出白宮。

According to some Secret Service T one scenario that's been floated, the Secret Service detail charged with guarding Trump would sort of closed their eyes while Biden's new Secret Service team comes in and walks trump out the door.

根據一些特勤局T一個被浮出水面的方案，負責保護特朗普的特勤局細節會算是閉上眼睛，而拜登的新特勤隊則會進來送特朗普出門。

There has also been speculation that the FBI could get involved or that the U.

也有人猜測，FBI可能會參與其中，或者美國。

S Marshal service could come in and escort Trump out.

S警署可以進來護送特朗普出去。

Okay, listen, I know it's a very exciting thing to imagine, and we liberals have this fantasy of Trump being dragged out of the White House and handcuffs.

好吧，聽著，我知道這是件很刺激的事情，我們自由派有這樣的幻想，特朗普被拖出白宮，戴上手銬。

But let's be realistic.

但我們還是現實一點吧。

It's simply not gonna happen that way.

根本就不會發生這樣的事情。

Here's how it is going to happen.

下面是如何發生的。

At 2300 hours, Trump drift off to sleep.

23時，特朗普昏昏欲睡。

I am hidden in a bush outside the window, waiting, watching, biding my time.

我藏在窗外的灌木叢中，等待著，觀察著，等待著我的時間。

I see his stupid fat orange breathing slow as he enters his first Cheeto like REM cycle.

我看到他那蠢蠢欲動的胖橘子呼吸緩慢，他進入了他的第一個切託式的REM週期。

That's when I make my move.

這時我才會行動。

Using the laser scalpel in my utility belt, I cut a tiny size zero hole through the window and shiny my little ass through.

我用多功能腰帶上的脈衝光手術刀，在窗戶上開了一個小小的零號洞，把我的小屁股照了過去。

Once inside the bedroom, I shed my Gillies do and take up my walkie talkie.

一進臥室，我就脫下吉利服，拿起對講機。

Malala has secured the bag.

馬拉拉已經把包包收好了。

I repeat, Malala has secured the bag over.

我重複一遍，馬拉拉已經把袋子固定了過來。

That's my signal for backup.

這是我的信號，請求支援。

Lila comes repelling down from the ceiling.

萊拉從天花板上驅趕下來。

Peter emerges from his disguises.

彼得從他的偽裝中出現。

A painting of George Washington.

喬治-華盛頓的畫作。

I cannot tell a lie bitch and Brian has been doing laps around the perimeter in a golf cart for the past three hours to keep watch.

我不能告訴一個謊言，婊子和布萊恩一直在做圈周圍 在過去的三個小時的高爾夫車看守的周邊。

Happy to help, Just then, Trump wakes up.

樂於助人，就在這時，特朗普醒了。

He looks at me, his Cheeto esque eyes narrowing and says, You, you're the one who's been doing others.

他看了看我，他那雙切託式的眼睛眯了起來，說，你，是你一直在做別人。

Viral takedowns of May, and he lunges at me and wraps his tiny hands around my tiny neck.

病毒式的攻佔梅，他向我撲來，用小手摟住我的小脖子。

It's tiny versus tiny.

這是微小與微小。

All hope is lost.

所有的希望都失去了。

Lila and Peter left to go get bubble tea.

萊拉和彼得離開去買泡泡茶了。

But then, yeah, someone kicks down the door and says, Not so fast, Mr Trump, before landing a flying cap, aware a kick right to Trump's head, knocking him out cold.

但是，是的，有人一腳踹開門，說：別這麼快，特朗普先生，然後落下一個飛帽，意識到一腳正中特朗普的腦袋，把他踢暈了。

I tried to stagger to my feet, but I'm dizzy.

我想搖搖晃晃地站起來，但我頭暈。

The mysterious man catches me and cradles me in his arms.

神祕人抓住我，把我摟在懷裡。

Are faces now inches apart?

現在的面孔是寸土寸金嗎？

I finally recognize him.

我終於認出了他。

Robert Mueller, he says.

他說，羅伯特-穆勒。

Hey, kid, I find myself staring at his lips.

嘿，孩子，我發現自己盯著他的嘴脣看。

They're perfect.

他們是完美的。

But then, whack, he crumples to the floor Behind him, Trump brandishes a golf club.

但隨後，他倒在地上，在他身後，特朗普揮舞著高爾夫球杆。

No, I cry.

不，我哭了。

Trump looks at me.

特朗普看著我。

A cheetah wish glint in his eye and says, Now that I've got you alone, I will review the location of my famous P tape.

獵豹許願眼中閃爍著光芒，說：現在我已經把你單獨找出來了，我要複習一下我著名的P帶的位置。

It is hidden underneath, but then he's interrupted by the sound of shattering glass.

它藏在下面，但他卻被玻璃的碎裂聲打斷了。

Lila and Peter are back with reinforcements and their bubble tea.

萊拉和彼得帶著援軍和他們的泡泡茶回來了。

I got Lee Chee and Peter got honey do in through the shattered bedroom window march.

我得到了李志和彼得得到了蜂蜜做在通過破碎的臥室窗戶行進。

Elissa Milano, AOC and Chast and Buddha Judge Photo.

Elissa Milano，AOC和查斯特和佛陀法官照片。

Seven twenties and on a skateboard.

七個二十多歲，在滑板上。

Elizabeth born enters riding Bailey, who rears up on his hind legs, ready for battle.

伊麗莎白出生騎著貝利進入，貝利後腿重新站起，準備戰鬥。

Chasson takes a running leap and jumps onto Trump's shoulders, squeezing his head between his thighs.

查森一個奔跑跳躍，跳到特朗普的肩膀上，把他的頭擠在大腿之間。

The pence fly buzzes back and forth between Trump's eyeballs.

彭斯飛在特朗普的眼球間來回嗡嗡作響。

AOC looks at me and says Kylie now and I use my scrunchie to tie his hands behind his back.

AOC看著我說凱麗了，我就用我的手帕把他的手綁在背後。

Take him away chassis and I say chats and jumps out and says, My pleasure.

帶他走底盤，我說哈拉，他就跳出來說，我的榮幸。

But please call me roof chess and takes off his mask to reveal that he was none other than Ruth Bader Ginsburg along.

但請叫我屋頂棋牌，並摘下面具，露出他正是露絲-巴德-金斯伯格沿。

Yea, and I'm still in the golf cart during all this.

是啊，我還在高爾夫球車裡，在這期間。

Brian, don't make this all about you.

布萊恩，不要把這一切都歸咎於你。

Okay, Nicole, Did any of that strike you as liberal fantasy?

好吧，妮可，你有沒有覺得這些都是自由派的幻想？

It did sound a little bit strange.

聽起來確實有點奇怪。

I have to say, Yeah, you're right.

我不得不說，是的，你是對的。

Data would probably be busy helping Jon Ossoff when that run off, honey.

戴達可能會忙著幫助喬恩-奧索夫，等他跑了，親愛的。