Name: 獨裁者眼睜睜地看著我們的總統緊緊抓住他的工作，乞求現金，並阻礙權力的過渡。 (Autocrats Watch Our President Cling To His Job, Beg For Cash, And Obstruct The Transition Of Power)
Uploaded: 2020-11-13T20:06:18.000Z
Duration: 13 min 17 s

Hey, everybody, Welcome to Ah, Late Show.

嘿，大家好，歡迎來到 "晚間秀"。

我是你們的主持人，斯蒂芬・科爾伯特

程度副詞

And you and you and you, my friends, for this special night.

還有你和你，還有你，我的朋友們，為了這個特別的夜晚。

Because, believe it or not, this is our 1000 Episode 1000 and I wish I wish I could be together with the whole staff right now.

因為，不管你信不信，這就是我們的1000集1000，我希望我現在就能和全體員工在一起。

We it's they've done such an extraordinary job.

我們... ...他們做了一件非常了不起的事情。

The writers, the staff, the editors, the producers, postproduction, the amazing crew off my editorial staff, the lawyers, though the lawyers We planned a big balloon drop which I assume is happening right now in the vacant theater.

編劇，工作人員，編輯，製片人，後期製作，驚人的船員關閉我的編輯人員，律師，雖然律師，我們計劃一個大的氣球下降，我認為這是發生在現在的空置的劇院。

You could lie to me because we're not allowed end.

你可以騙我，因為我們不允許結束。

Someone should really check on my petting zoo down there.

有人真的應該檢查我的寵物園在那裡。

I haven't fed the animals about eight months.

我已經有八個月沒有餵過動物了。

Of course, while we're celebrating, ah 1000 we won't know the real number of shows until they've done the complete hand.

當然，當我們在慶祝的時候，啊1000我們要等到他們做完整手的時候才能知道真正的節目數量。

Speaking of which were on day six of the current president not admitting he's the soon to be ex president, I'll give you all the DEETs in my latest installment off.

說到這是在第六天現任總統不承認自己是即將成為前總統的時候，我在最新一期關給大家介紹一下DEETs。

我是個屌絲，屌絲，屌絲，屌絲獨裁者。

I'm a Dick Dick Dick Road from the White House.

Those are those Are the actual lyrics to that song people.

這些都是那些實際的歌詞 這首歌的人。

非常，非常，非常，真的在唱歌。

Here's some interesting facts, you tainment.

這裡有一些有趣的事實，你tainment。

No one believes the president's claims of victory, not even the president, because aides say he has no real plan to overturn the results.

沒有人相信總統所說的勝利，甚至總統也不相信，因為助手說他沒有真正的計劃來推翻結果。

所以同樣的方式，他打敗了科夫它。

In fact, the president is so sure he lost that he is talking privately about running again in 2020 for what?

事實上，總統非常肯定自己輸了，所以他私下裡說要在2020年再次參選什麼？

But he's gonna be so old by then forget descending an escalator.

但到時候他就會老得忘了下扶梯了

He'll have to make his announcement from a staircase.

我的意思是，這傢伙74歲的緣故。

By 2024 he'll be 78 which is exactly the right age for a president.

到2024年，他就78歲了，這正是一個總統的年齡。

It's all walk in bathtubs around here, right?

這裡的浴缸都是步入式的，對吧？

According to a Reuters Ipsos fact owes poll, nearly 80% of Americans recognize Biden as the winner Do you know how hard it is to get?

根據路透社益普索事實欠調查，近八成美國人承認拜登是贏家你知道有多難嗎？

80% of Americans do agree on anything that isn't smothered in melted cheese.

80%的美國人都同意任何沒有被融化的奶酪悶死的東西。

Even worse for the president and better for democracy Onley.

對總統來說更糟糕，對民主安利更好。

3% said he won, compared to 5% who say they don't know who won.

3%的人說他贏了，而5%的人說不知道誰贏了。

True Fous has just slightly less support than Wow, by the way.

對了，真福斯的支持率只是略低於哇。

3%的人認為，他贏得了克里斯。

It is possible that Onley negative 2% of Americans believe he won.

有可能昂利負2%的美國人相信他贏了。

Of course, that negative two would be Eric and Donna.

當然，這個負二就是埃裡克和唐娜了。

The whole administration is joining in on the delusion.

Apparently, Joe Biden has yet to receive a presidential daily briefing.

顯然，喬-拜登還沒有收到總統每日簡報。

And it is unclear, ladies and gentlemen, whether his team will have access to classified information.

而目前還不清楚，女士們先生們，他的團隊是否能接觸到機密信息。

Well, sure, if Biden wants access to classified national security Intel.

當然 如果拜登想接觸國家安全機密情報的話

Everybody knows he's got to go through the proper channels and buy a membership to March a Lago.

大家都知道，他得通過正當管道，購買March a Lago的會員資格。

But it gets the dumber because the State Department is preventing Biden from accessing messages from foreign leaders.

但更愚蠢的是，國務院正在阻止拜登獲取外國領導人的資訊。

So many of them have reached out to former Obama era diplomats for their assistance on how to send congratulatory messages to Biden's team.

所以，他們中的很多人都聯繫了前奧巴馬時代的外交官，請他們協助如何給拜登的團隊發賀電。

他們聽起來很絕望，而且他們是。

In fact, the president of Iraq had to resort to edible arrangement.

事實上，伊拉克總統不得不求助於可食用的安排。

But of all the intransigent people in the White House, the intransigent ist might be national security adviser and man who shops at the Sunglass Putts.

但在白宮所有頑固的人中，頑固的是t可能是國家安全顧問和在Sunglass Putts購物的人。

Oh, so the president elect is he who must not be named.

哦，所以當選的總統就是那個不能透露姓名的人。

他是伏地魔大人似乎還是不錯的。

It seems like no one around the president has the nerve to tell him that he lost, one GOP source said.

似乎總統身邊沒有人有勇氣告訴他，他輸了，一位GOP消息人士說。

It's like dealing with the lunatic on the subway.

這就像在地鐵上和瘋子打交道一樣。

Everyone just kind of sits and stares ahead, pretends they can hear him and wait for him to eventually get off.

大家就這樣坐在那裡盯著前方，假裝能聽到他的聲音，等待他最終下車。

Just because the lunatic on the subway gets off doesn't mean he'll leave the train.

地鐵上的瘋子下車並不代表他會離開火車。

I'm afraid we we cut the music on that one, Okay?

我怕我們... ...我們把音樂關掉，好嗎？

Despite clinging to the job desperately, he's not actually doing any of it.

儘管他拼命地堅持著這份工作，但實際上他什麼也沒做。

The latest intelligence briefing on the president's schedule was for October 2nd.

關於總統日程的最新情報通報是10月2日。

He really should take the briefings because I'm sure they're full of valuable information.

他真的應該去聽簡報，因為我相信他們充滿了寶貴的資訊。

For instance, he might find out that the United States elected a new president.

比如，他可能會發現，美國選出了新總統。

What has the president been doing with his time Instead?

Well, he has been watching even more TV than usual in recent weeks.

嗯，他最近幾周看的電視比平時還多。

MAWR How did he move the Resolute desk to a Best Buy?

MAWR他是怎麼把Resolute辦公桌搬到百思買的？

The president's allergy to reality is hitting epic new heights because the White House is still telling federal agencies to proceed with plans for his February budget.

總統對現實的過敏症正達到史詩般的新高度，因為白宮仍在告訴聯邦機構進行他的2月預算的計劃。

Now that is some industrial strength denial.

At a certain point, even Norman Bates was like, I'm starting to think my mom's not looking too great.

在一定程度上，連諾曼-貝茨都說，我開始覺得我媽的臉色不太好。

If the president's behavior seems familiar, that's because you've seen it in a failed state near you.

如果總統的行為看起來很熟悉，那是因為你已經在你附近的一個失敗的州看到了它。

Refusing to accept the results of a free and fair election are anti Democratic tactics employed by leaders like Robert Mugabi, Nicolas Maduro and Slobodan Milosevic.

拒絕接受自由和公正選舉的結果是羅伯特-穆加比、尼古拉-馬杜羅和斯洛博丹-米洛舍維奇等領導人採用的反民主策略。

We've got our own home grown, Slobo don my pillows, bitch.

我們已經有了自己的家產，斯洛波，把我的枕頭給我吧，賤人

Around the world, autocrats are watching this, one expert in Eastern Europe told reporters the president's refusal to concede would create a new model for like minded populists in Europe well, that's convenient timing, because I'm pretty sure he's going to start looking for a new model from Eastern Europe.

在世界各地，獨裁者都在關注這一點，東歐的一位專家告訴記者，總統的拒絕讓步將為歐洲的同類民粹主義者創造一個新的模式，嗯，這是方便的時間，因為我很確定他將開始從東歐尋找新的模式。

Pretty soon the president might not have a plan, but he's still asking supporters to donate to his official election defense fund, and he's not being subtle about it on the website.

很快，總統可能沒有計劃，但他仍然要求支持者向他的官方選舉辯護基金捐款，而且他在網站上並不隱晦。

Real name is Ginger, and it's just dancing until it gets its masters and marine biology.

真正的名字叫金吉婭，它只是在跳舞，直到它獲得碩士學位和海洋生物。

For a donation of $2800 you can join the first family circle man.

只要捐款2800元，就可以加入第一家庭圈人。