that we need to speak to those whom we so badly wish would understand us. We long for

我們需要和那些我們非常希望能夠理解我們的人說話。我們渴望

our intentions to be known, for our moods to be honoured, for our states of mind to

我們的意圖被瞭解，我們的心情被尊重，我們的心態被尊重。

be read – but we do not for that matter want to speak or particularly see an urgent

但我們並不是為了這個問題而想說話，也不是特別想看到一個迫切的問題。

need to do so. We want to be guessed at, intuited, read by a kind of magic we don't realise

需要這樣做。我們希望被猜測，被直覺，被一種我們沒有意識到的魔力所讀懂。

we believe in. We want people to know what we have not bothered to tell them. We may

我們相信。我們希望人們知道我們沒有費心告訴他們的東西。我們可能

even, in certain moods, suspect that they know full well what we think and want – but

甚至，在某些情緒下，他們懷疑他們很清楚我們的想法和想要的東西--但。

are deliberately frustrating us in order to score points and humiliate us. The only explanations

故意讓我們失望，以達到得分和羞辱我們的目的。唯一的解釋是

for them not having guessed already is rudeness, a lack of love or extreme stupidity. We think

對他們來說，還沒有猜到是粗魯，是缺乏愛心，還是極端愚蠢。我們認為

like this not because we are evil; we are stubbornly mute because we were, for a short

不是因為我們是邪惡的，而是因為我們曾在短時間內頑固地保持沉默。

but profound length of time infants. In other words, for a significant stretch, we were

但深刻的時間長度的嬰兒。換句話說，在相當長的一段時間裡，我們是

in the odd position that we could not utter a word. Others had to guess what was on our

處於奇怪的位置，我們一句話也說不出來。其他人不得不猜測我們的想法

minds. And most importantly, for a while, they more or less got it right. They listened

思想。最重要的是，有一段時間，他們或多或少都做對了。他們聽了

to our crying, they witnessed our angry faces, they saw our outstretched arms; they had a

他們目睹了我們憤怒的面孔，他們看到了我們伸出的雙臂；他們有一個 "我"。

shot at guessing and they got it right. They fetched some milk, they picked up nounou from

猜測的機會，他們得到了它的權利。他們拿了一些牛奶，他們從Nounou那裡拿了一些牛奶

the floor, they put us on their shoulder and walked us around the living room – and we

地板上，他們把我們放在他們的肩膀上，帶著我們在客廳裡走來走去--我們。

felt calm and satiated. They were not geniuses at interpersonal understanding, they guessed

感到平靜和滿足。他們並不是瞭解人際關係的天才，他們猜到了

correctly because it was easy. The things we needed back then were so uncomplicated

正確，因為它很容易。那時候我們需要的東西是如此的不簡單

and so limited: food and drink, clean clothes, sleep, hygiene and reassurance. It is this

而如此有限：吃喝、乾淨的衣服、睡眠、衛生和保證。就是這樣

ancestral memory of successful mind-reading that has the paradoxical effect of making

成功的讀心術的祖先記憶，具有使人反常的效果。

us more isolated and intemperate than we need to be in later life. We keep expecting that

我們在晚年生活中更加孤立無援，無精打采。我們一直在期待

a process which unfolded successfully when we were young might continue to occur – even

年少時的成功過程可能會繼續發生，甚至是

though we have grown infinitely more sophisticated in what we need to be understood for. We don't

儘管我們已經變得無比複雜，我們需要被理解的東西。我們不

just need the milk and a cuddle, we now need people to understand how our diary is looking

只是需要牛奶和一個擁抱，我們現在需要人們瞭解我們的日記是怎麼看的。

next week, what the hand we put around them in bed means, how the kitchen should be left,

下週，我們放在床上的手是什麼意思，廚房應該如何離開。

where the towels need to hang, how the document should get back to the NY office, who should

毛巾需要掛在哪裡，文件應該如何送回紐約辦公室，誰應該......？

have the remote control and how we feel about their mother. And we want them to know all

有遙控器和我們對他們母親的感覺。我們想讓他們知道所有

this not on the basis of careful and slow instructions and eloquent, patient and playful

這不是基於仔細和緩慢的訓示和雄辯，耐心和遊戲的基礎上。

disquisitions, but immediately, just like that, on the basis that they are intelligent

但馬上，就像這樣，在他們是聰明人的基礎上，他們是智慧的

and that they care for us. And if they don't understand, then there might be cause to shout,

以及他們對我們的關心。如果他們不理解，那就有理由大喊大叫。

to accuse them of laziness or a lack of affection or to fire them. We are terrible communicators

指責他們懶惰或缺乏感情，或者解僱他們。我們是可怕的溝通者

because we refuse to accept the dignity, necessity and complexity of the act of communication.

因為我們拒絕接受溝通行為的尊嚴、必要性和複雜性。

We wander the earth with the problems of sophisticated adults insisting on believing that we are

我們帶著老練的成年人堅持認為自己是的問題在地球上游蕩。

as easy to understand as infants.

像嬰兒一樣容易理解。

Did you know we also have an app to help you meet people with whom you can have deeper, more meaningful connections?

你知道我們也有一個應用程序來幫助你認識一些人，你可以與他們有更深、更有意義的聯繫嗎？

Follow the link on screen now to download it.

現在就按照螢幕上的鏈接下載吧。