LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AND WELCOME TO "THE LATE LATE SHOW."

女士們，先生們，歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

THERE'S A BUZZ IN HERE.

這裡有一個嗡嗡聲。

IF YOU HAD SEEN US WALKING AROUND, THERE'S SPRINGS IN THESE

如果你看到我們到處走動，這些地方就會有泉眼。

HERE STEPS, BECAUSE WE HAVE SOME BIG NEWS TO ANNOUNCE.

這裡的步驟，因為我們有一些重大新聞要宣佈。

REALLY BIG, HUGE.

非常大，非常大。

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE BEEN WAITING A LONG TIME TO SAY THIS AT THE END

你知道嗎，我們已經等了很久，要在最後說這句話了。

OF A STRESSFUL WEEK, AND WE CAN FINALLY SAY IT -- HENRY GOLDING

緊張的一週，我們終於可以說出來了 -- -- 亨利-戈爾丁。

IS ON THE SHOW TONIGHT IN STUDIO!

今晚在演播室的節目中!

LIVE, HERE, RIGHT THERE!

現場，這裡，就在這裡！

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL ALSO BE CHATTING WITH

我們也將與我們的朋友們交流

AUTHOR AND PROFESSOR OF AFRICAN AMERICAN STUDIES DR. MICHAEL

作家和非洲美洲研究教授Dr.MICHAEL

ERIC DYSON.

ERIC DYSON。

AND LATER ON, WE'VE GOT A PERFORMANCE FROM THE DELIGHTFUL

而後，我們得到了一個表演，來自美味的

ELLA MAI, SO STICK AROUND.

艾拉麥，所以堅持下去。

I THINK THAT'S ALL THE NEWS.

我想這就是所有的新聞。

( LAUGHTER ) ONE OTHER THING, BEFORE I

還有一件事，在我... ...

FORGET, IT LOOKS LIKE JOE BIDEN WILL BE

忘記了，它看起來像喬-比登將會是。

THE 46TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

美國第46任總統：

(CHEER BUTTON) WE THINK.

(歡呼按鈕)我們認為：

( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

我不知道發生了什麼事。

I HAVEN'T SLEPT PROPERLY IN A LONG TIME, SO I CAN'T TELL IF

我很久沒有好好睡過覺了，所以我不能告訴你。

ANY OF THIS IS REAL.

這些都是真實的。

I MEAN, IT'S A FRIDAY, WHY ARE WE EVEN ON THE AIR?

我是說，今天是星期五，為什麼我們還在直播？

WE DON'T TAPE FRIDAYS?

我們週五不錄節目？

WHAT'S GOING ON?

發生了什麼事？

WHO ARE YOU?

你是誰？

WHAT?

什麼？

THIS IS HOW MY DAY STARTED, MY WIFE GOT A TEXT AT 5:00 A.M.

我的一天就是這樣開始的，我妻子在凌晨5點發了個簡訊。

FROM ONE OF THE MUMS AT OUR CHILDREN'S SCHOOL, AND I MEAN

我是說，我們孩子學校的一個老師說的

THE LAPTOP IN THEIR BEDROOM.

筆記本電腦在他們的臥室。

THE TEXT SAID, TURN ON THE TV, THE ANNOUNCEMENT IS IMMINENT.

文字說，打開電視， 公告是即時的。

THAT WAS AT 5:00 A.M.

那是在凌晨5點。

WE TAPED THE SHOW AT 3:00 IN THE AFTERNOON AND NOTHING'S CHANGED

我們在下午3點錄製了節目，但沒有任何變化。

SINCE THEN.

從那時起。

IT WAS 2:53, RIGHT, ROB?

當時是2: 53，對吧，羅伯？

>> 253.

>> 253.

253 AT 5:00 A.M., AND EVERYONE WAS SAYING, IT'S THE

253在凌晨5點，和每個人都說，這是

SAME.

同樣的。

I SAID, ARE YOU KIDDING?

我說，你在開玩笑嗎？

THEY'RE ADDICTED TO THIS!

他們沉迷於此！

ARE YOU JOKING?

你在開玩笑嗎？

THEY'RE NOT TURNING OFF.

他們沒有關閉。

THEY'VE SAID THE SAME THING FOR 16 HOURS NOW.

他們已經說了16個小時的話了

THEY'RE CRAZY FOR THESE DUDES TAPPING A SCREEN!

他們為這些笨蛋拍螢幕而瘋狂！

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SCREENS WHEN THE ELECTION IS

你知道選舉時螢幕上會發生什麼嗎？

DONE, ROB?

完成了嗎，羅伯？

>> PUT THEM AWAY FOR FOUR YEARS.

>> 把它們放了四年。

>> James: BECAUSE I WOULD LOVE ONE.

>> 詹姆斯。因為我很想有一個。

>> Reggie: IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN.

>> 這將是非常有趣的。

>> REG HAS ONE.

>> REG有一個。

>> James: YOU HAVE ONE THAT'S ALSO PROBABLY A WATCH.

>> 詹姆斯。你有一個也可能是手錶。

I WOULD LOVE ONE.

我很想有一個。

I WOULD BE LIKE, KIDS, GATHER IN.

我想，孩子們，聚集在。

THIS ROOM, THIS ROOM AND THIS ROOM HAVEN'T BEEN CLEANED.

這個房間，這個房間和這個房間都沒有打掃過。

( LAUGHTER ) AND IF YOU LOOK -- IF YOU LOOK

（笑） 如果你看 - 如果你看

HERE, NOW THIS IS COMING IN TO ME NOW, MAX, YOU LEFT YOUR

現在，這是在我這裡，最大，你離開了你的。

DINNER OUT, WHICH MEANS YOUR POCKET MONEY GOES DOWN TO --

在外面吃飯，這意味著你口袋裡的錢會下降到... ...

IT'S COMING IN NOW -- THERE, 38%.

它現在來了 - 在那裡，38％。

( LAUGHTER ) BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING

（笑）但我們不知道什麼是怎麼回事

ON AND THIS ALL KICKED OFF THIS MORNING WHEN DECISION DESK HQ,

而這一切都開始了今天早上，當決定書桌總部：

THEY WERE THE FIRST OUTLET TO CALL THE STATE OF PENNSYLVANIA

他們是第一個將賓夕法尼亞州稱為 "州 "的機構。

AND THEREFORE CALL THE ENTIRE ELECTION FOR JOE BIDEN.

是以，宣佈喬-比登的選舉全部結束。

AND IT WAS, LIKE, THAT'S IT.

它是，喜歡，就是這樣。

I MEAN, IT'S ALL WRAPPED UP.

我的意思是，它的所有包裝起來。

THIS IS THE LAST TIME WE'LL EVER HEAR FROM DONALD TRUMP.

這是我們最後一次聽到唐納德・特朗普的聲音。

( APPLAUSE ) DONE!

( 掌聲 ) 完成!

NOW, I DON'T KNOW IF ANY OTHER NETWORKS HAVE CALLED THE RACE

現在，我不知道是否有其他電視網已經宣佈比賽開始了

AND THIS TIME -- I TELL YOU WHO I FEEL BAD FOR.

而這次... 我告訴你，我為誰感到難過。

I FEEL BAD FOR THE WHITE HOUSE AIDE WHO RIGHT NOW IS RUNNING

我為白宮的助理感到難過，他現在正在運行。

AROUND SWITCHING THE WHITE HOUSE TO ALL THE TVs TO A CHANNEL

把白宮的所有電視切換到一個頻道上

THAT STILL SAYS IT'S TOO CLOSE TO CALL.

這還是說，它是太接近打電話。

( LAUGHTER ) IMAGINE WHAT IT FEELS LIKE IN

想象一下，在這裡的感覺是什麼？

THE WHITE HOUSE AT THE MOMENT.

此刻的白宮。

IF YOU WORK IN THE WHITE HOUSE AND YOU HAVE BEEN THERE 25

如果你在白宮工作，而且你已經在那裡工作了25年。

YEARS, YOU MUST BE JUST WALKING AROUND LIKE, OH, TOUGH DAY.

年，你必須只是走來走去的樣子， 哦，艱難的一天。

AND THEN TURN A CORNER AND WAS LIKE -- (LAUGHING) -- SORRY,

然後轉過一個角落，就像 - （笑） - 對不起。

IVANKA, IT'S A TOUGH DAY.

伊凡卡，這是一個艱難的一天。

JARED, YOUR LUNCH IS ON ITS WAY.

賈裡德，你的午餐已經在路上了。

(LAUGHING).

(笑)：

( LAUGHTER ) BUT THIS H NEWS IS A HUGE CAUSE

（笑）但這個H新聞是一個重要的原因。

FOR CELEBRATIONS, IF WE WERE ALLOWED TO HAVE CELEBRATIONS.

慶祝活動，如果我們被允許有慶祝活動。

I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT THIS IS FOR JOE BIDEN.

無法想象這是什麼 喬-比登。

I IMAGINE HE'S LETTING HIS HAIR DOWN AND GETTING INTO A LITTLE

我想象著他把頭髮放下來，弄成一個小的樣子

MALARKEY.

馬拉基：

AVIATORS ON, COUPLE OF ICE CREAMS, AND SAYING, GUYS, I KNOW

飛行器上，一雙冰淇淋，並說，夥計們，我知道。

I SAID NO MALARKEY, BUT IT'S TIME FOR SOME MALARKEY.

我說過不要馬拉基，但現在是時候來點馬拉基了。

>> Reggie: MALARKEY TIME.

>> 馬拉基時間。

>> James: DO YOU KNOW WHAT DECISION DESK HQ IS, REG?

>> 詹姆斯。你知道決策層總部是什麼嗎，REG？

>> Reggie: SOUNDS LIKE HEADQUARTERS FOR A SPECIFIC DESK

>> 雷吉: 聽起來像是特定辦公桌的總部。

THAT, LIKE, ANNOUNCES THINGS OFFICIALLY.

那，喜歡，宣佈事情正式。

>> James: THAT MAKES DECISIONS.

>> 詹姆斯。這使決定。

>> Reggie: YES.

>> 雷吉：是的。

>> James: IT SOUNDS LIKE THAT.

>> 詹姆斯。聽起來很像。

I THINK IT SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF THOSE -- LIKE A POLITICAL

我想這聽起來像其中的一個 -- 像一個政治的

VERSION OF ONE OF THE -- YOU KNOW THE RANDOM CELEBRITY -- THE

一個版本的... 你知道的隨機名人...

THINGS THEY CALL LIKE, YOU KNOW, CELEBRITY BUZZ WORLDWIDE.

他們所謂的東西喜歡，你知道， 世界各地的名人喧囂。

>> YEAH.

>> 是的。

>> James: AND THEY'RE LIKE AT THE BOTTOM OF A WEB SITE AND IT

>> 詹姆斯。他們就像在一個網站的底部，它。

HAS EIGHT SQUARES, YOU CAN'T MAKE ONE OUT AND IT JUST SAYS

有8個方塊，你無法找出一個，它只是說。

SOMETHING LIKE THIS IS HOW MADONNA CHEATED DEATH!

像這樣的事情是如何MADONNA欺騙死亡！

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

你知道我的意思嗎？

OR SAID SOMETHING LIKE BILLY JOEL IN PARACHUTE ACCIDENT!

或者說像比利-喬爾在降落傘事故中說的那樣！

( LAUGHTER ) AND YOU'RE, LIKE, THAT CAN'T BE

（笑）和你一樣，這不可能是

RIGHT, BUT I'LL CLICK ON IT, AND IT WILL SAY, BILLY!

右，但我會點擊它，它會說，比利！

CLICK THE NEXT SLIDE, AND JOEL!

點擊下一張幻燈片，和喬爾！

LIKES PARACHUTES NEVER DIED.

喜歡鸚鵡從來沒有死過。

NEXT ONE.

下一個。

YOU KNOW THE SITES I'M TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT?

你知道我說的那些網站，對吧？

FIVE SIGNS YOUR DOGS ARE COMMUNIST.

五個跡象表明你的狗是共產主義者。

( LAUGHTER ) THAT'S IT.

（笑）就是這樣。

BUT LOOK AT US, GANG!

但看看我們，幫派！

THIS IS WHAT GOOD NEWS FEELS LIKE.

這就是好新聞的感覺。

I'D ALMOST FORGOTTEN HOW TO SMILE.

我都快忘了怎麼笑了。

>> Reggie: YEAH.

>> 雷吉：YEAH。

>> James: IS THAT MY SMILE?

>> 詹姆斯。那是我的笑容嗎？

CLOSE.

關閉。

>> James: IS IT?

>> 詹姆斯。是嗎？

>> Reggie: THAT'S LIKE A SCHOOL PICTURE SMILE.

>> 雷吉：這就像一個學校的照片微笑。

( LAUGHTER ) >> James: YOU KNOW WHAT THIS

（笑） >> 詹姆斯：你知道這是什麼嗎？

MEANS?

意思是？

THIS MEANS TRUMP COULD BE THE FIRST ONE-TERM PRESIDENT IN 28

這意味著特朗普可能成為28年來第一個一屆的總統。

YEARS.

年。

THE LAST PRESIDENT TO LOSE A REELECTION WAS GEORGE H.W. BUSH,

最後一個在選舉中失敗的總統是喬治-H-W-布什。

AND I KNOW THESE ARE THE KINDS OF HISTORICAL FACTS THAT YOU

我知道這些都是歷史上的事實，你。

COME TO ME FOR.

來找我吧

TRUMP COULD BE THE FIRST ONE-TERM PRESIDENT IN 28 YEARS.

特朗普可能是28年來的第一個一任總統。

COINCIDENTALLY 28 YEARS IS EXACTLY HOW LONG THIS WEEK HAS

巧合的是，28年正是這一週的時間。

FELT.

FELT：

THIS ALSO MEANS THAT KAMALA HARRIS WILL BE THE FIRST FEMALE

這也意味著KAMALA HARRIS將成為第一個女性。

AND THE FIRST PERSON OF COLOR TO BE ELECTED VICE PRESIDENT IN

和第一位當選為副主席的有色人種。

AMERICAN HISTORY.

美國曆史。

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) INCREDIBLE!

（歡呼聲和掌聲） 難以置信！

ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!

絕對是不可思議的!

ONE THING IS CERTAIN, HISTORY WILL REMEMBER HER NAME EVEN IF

有一件事是肯定的，歷史會記住她的名字，即使...

FOX NEWS CONTINUALLY MISPRONOUNCES IT.

福克斯新聞繼續錯誤地發音。

SO WE'RE GOING TO GET AMERICA'S FIRST FEMALE AND PERSON OF COLOR

所以，我們將得到美國的第一個女性和有色人種。

VICE PRESIDENT WHICH IS A HUGE DEPARTURE FROM MIKE PENCE WHO

副主席，這是對邁克-彭斯的巨大背離。

WAS AMERICA'S LEAST FEMALE AND PERSON OF COLOR VICE PRESIDENT.

是美國最少的女性和有色人種副總統。

IT'S AMAZING IN A COUPLE OF YEARS FROM NOW WE WILL ONLY

它是驚人的，從現在開始的幾年內，我們將只。

REMEMBER MIKE PENCE' NAME BECAUSE A FLY ONCE LANDED ON HIS

記得邁克-彭斯的名字，因為有一隻蒼蠅曾經落在他的身上。

HEAD.

頭。

THAT WILL BE THE DEFINING MOMENT OF HIS TIME AS VICE PRESIDENT.

這將是他作為副總統的決定性時刻。

I GUARANTEE YOU, YOU WILL BE SOMEWHERE AND GO, WHAT IS IT,

我向你保證，你會在某個地方，去，是什麼。

HAD THE FLY ON HIS HEAD -- MIKE PENCE!

蒼蠅在他頭上飛來飛去 邁克-彭斯!

THAT'S IT!

就是這樣！

( LAUGHTER ) AND THE PRESIDENCY MAY NOT ONLY

而總統不僅可以......

BE TRUMP'S LAST LOSS.

是特朗普最後的損失。

FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS AGO HE'S BEEN GET PROTECTIONS ON TWITTER

在過去的四年裡，他在微博上得到了保護。

BECAUSE HE'S HEAD OF STATE, BUT IF HE KEEPS TWEETING AS A

因為他是州長，但如果他繼續發推特作為一個。

CIVILIAN HE COULD BE PERMANENTLY BANNED FROM THE SITE.

公民他可能會被永久禁止進入網站。

A TWITTER-FREE TRUMP WOULD TAKEN GETTING USED TO.

一個沒有微信的特朗普會習慣的。

TRUMP WITHOUT TWITTER, LIKE GUY FIERI WITHOUT HAIR GEL.

特朗普沒有微博，就像GUY FIERI沒有髮膠。

( LAUGHTER ) NOW, LOOK, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY,

現在，看，這顯然是

FOR MANY OF US, A CELEBRATORY DAY.

對我們很多人來說，這是一個值得慶祝的日子。

BUT WE HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT FOR MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE

但我們必須承認，對很多人來說，在那裡

WATCHING, THIS IS A DAY THAT'S TINGED WITH SADNESS.

看著，這是個充滿悲傷的日子。

IT IS.

它是。

WE ARE A NATION DIVIDED AND A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE HAD TO SAY

我們是一個四分五裂的國家，很多人不得不說：

GOODBYE TO SOMEONE THEY'VE GROWN VERY MUCH, I'M REFERRING TO

再見，他們已經成長了很多，我指的是...

MSNBC'S ELECTORAL EXPERT, STEVE CKANAKI.

MSNBC的選舉專家，STEVE CKANAKI。

>> WE HAVE ONE IMPORTANT STEP.

>> 我們還有一個重要的步驟。

WHAT WE NEED TO DO IS -- THAT'S RIGHT, THIS IS LIKE BEING IN

我們要做的是... ... - 沒錯，這就像在。

CHURCH YOU DON'T WANT TO OFFEND THE CHURCH ELDERS HERE.

教會你不想冒犯這裡的牧師。

IT JUST CAME UP.

它只是出現了。

SO TO REFRESH THE SITUATION, SO EXCITING, SO ENTHUSIASTIC.

所以要重新審視這個環境，如此激動人心，如此讓人著迷。

>> OH, BOY, LOOK WHT YOU JUST DID.

>> 哦，夥計，看你做了什麼。

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

( APPLAUSE ) >> James: WE'RE GOING TO MISS

( 掌聲 ) >> 詹姆斯:我們將錯過

YOU STEVE!

你史蒂夫！

SEE YOU SOON BUDDY.

再見，夥計。

WHEN WE COME BACK, WE'LL TALK WITH DR. ERIC MICHAEL DYSON.

當我們回來的時候，我們將與博士交談。ERIC MICHAEL DYSON.