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  • -Welcome to "The Tonight Show," everyone.

    -歡迎來到 "今夜秀",各位。

  • I'm Jimmy Fallon, anchoring hour 30

    我是吉米-法倫,主播30小時的節目

  • of NBC's election-night coverage.

    的NBC的選舉夜報道。

  • Come on. It's 2020.

    來吧,現在是2020年。這是2020年。

  • Did you really think last night would end up wrapped up

    你真的以為昨晚的事情會結束嗎?

  • with a neat little bow?

    用一個整齊的小蝴蝶結?

  • Seriously, today, it felt like waking up with a hangover,

    說真的,今天,感覺一覺醒來,就像宿醉了一樣。

  • then realizing you're still at the bar.

    然後意識到你還在酒吧。

  • "What time is it?"

    "現在是什麼時間?"

  • What a long, emotional, and confusing ride this has been.

    這是一段多麼漫長、情緒化和混亂的旅程。

  • It's like a Matthew McConaughey car commercial that won't end.

    這就像馬修-麥康納的汽車廣告,不會結束。

  • Meanwhile, you think you're stressed.

    同時,你認為你有壓力。

  • Imagine how President Trump feels.

    想象一下特朗普總統的感受。

  • In two months, he's either getting

    兩個月後,他要麼得到

  • inaugurated or incarcerated.

    就職或入獄;

  • It was a crazy night.

    這是一個瘋狂的夜晚。

  • Here's what most people heard

    以下是大多數人聽到的內容

  • right before they went to bed.

    就在他們睡覺前。

  • -Too close to call.

    -險象環生

  • -Too close to call. -Too close to call.

    -險象環生-太接近了

  • -Too close to call. -Too close to call.

    -險象環生-太接近了

  • -Yeah, the one thing we know for sure is, no more polls.

    -是的,我們可以肯定的是,沒有更多的民意調查。

  • That's it. Done, okay? No more polls, alright?

    就這樣吧完成了,好嗎?沒有更多的民意調查,好嗎?

  • From now on, the only time Americans want to hear

    從現在開始,美國人唯一想聽到的就是

  • about a poll is if they're talking about Santa

    關於民意調查是,如果他們談論的是聖誕老人。

  • or strippers.

    或脫衣舞娘。

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • Yep, today, pollsters saw a different blue wave

    是的,今天,民調專家們看到了不同的藍波。

  • right as they were slowly walking into the ocean.

    就在他們慢慢走進大海的時候。

  • At this point, I'd rather hear predictions from

    在這一點上,我更願意聽到來自

  • the guy trying to guess my weight at a carnival.

    那個在嘉年華會上想猜我體重的人。

  • Pollsters were basically us when we really think

    民意調查員基本上是我們,當我們真正認為

  • we've nailed a parallel park but then get out of the car

    我們已經釘住了一個平行的停車場,但隨後下車。

  • and see we're about 14 feet from the curb.

    我們離路邊大約有14英尺。

  • It's like, "Honey, look out.

    這就像,"親愛的,小心。

  • You don't want to scrape the bottom of the do--

    你不會想刮到底部的do --

  • Oh, actually, well, we could fit a Le Car

    哦,其實,我們可以裝一輛Le Car。

  • between where we parked and where the..."

    在我們停車的地方和..."

  • -Le Car. [ Laughter ]

    -Le Car.[笑聲]

  • I knew you'd laugh at "Le Car."

    我就知道你會嘲笑 "Le Car"。

  • From now on, when you release a poll,

    從現在開始,當你發佈一個投票。

  • just say both candidates are tied

    勢均力敵

  • with a margin of error of 100.

    誤差率為100。

  • As we speak, some states are still tallying the votes.

    就在我們說話的時候,一些州還在統計選票。

  • Somehow, Chuck E. Cheese can count a million tickets

    不知道為什麼,查克奶酪可以數出一百萬張票。

  • on the spot, and we still can't count the votes in three days?

    在現場,我們還不能在三天內統計票數?

  • I can't take the suspense anymore.

    我再也受不了這種懸念了。

  • My stress eating has gone from brownies to ice cream

    我的壓力飲食已經從布朗尼變成了冰激凌。

  • to just pouring raw cake mix down my throat.

    把生蛋糕粉倒進我的喉嚨裡。

  • Yep, the race is still too close to call.

    是的,比賽還是太接近了。

  • Apparently, a lot of voters looked at

    很顯然,很多選民看中了

  • 90,000 COVID cases a day and thought,

    一天9萬個COVID案例,並認為。

  • "Sure, I can do four more years of this."

    "當然,我可以再幹四年。"

  • Experts still can't believe the race is this tight.

    專家們仍然不敢相信比賽會如此激烈。

  • Apparently, people were voting based on which candidate

    顯然,人們是根據哪位候選人來投票的。

  • they want to drink bleach with.

    他們想喝漂白劑,

  • But one of the big stars of the election night

    但大選之夜的一個大明星

  • was America's sweetheart

    是美國的甜心

  • and MSNBC political correspondent Steve Kornacki,

    和MSNBC政治記者Steve Kornacki。

  • who is on our show this evening.

    誰是我們今天晚上的節目。

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • Guy was working the touch-screen map like a magician.

    蓋伊像個魔術師一樣在操作觸屏地圖。

  • All night long, he was shown on the "Kornacki Cam."

    整個晚上,他都在 "科納基凸輪 "上顯示。

  • You see that?

    你看到了嗎?

  • MSNBC basically treated him like

    MSNBC基本上把他當成

  • a panda that was about to give birth.

    一隻即將分娩的熊貓。

  • Last night was incredibly tense,

    昨晚的氣氛非常緊張。

  • and you could tell the newscasters were feeling it.

    你可以告訴新聞主播的感覺。

  • Even CNN's graphics guy, who does the banner

    就連CNN的平面設計人員,也是做橫幅的人

  • at the bottom of the screen, was stressed out.

    在螢幕下方,被強調。

  • Take a look at this.

    看看這個。

  • -And when Florida's close, it comes down to the I-4 corridor.

    -佛羅里達州接近的時候,就到了I-4走廊了。

  • -But a tremendous amount of Democratic vote

    -但是,大量的民主黨選票。

  • are still outstanding at...

    還在...

  • -You know, that's nearly 30 points there -- 28 points.

    -你知道,那是將近30個點,28個點。

  • -That puts him at 17,000, 18,000 votes.

    -他的票數是17,000,18,000。

  • -With this wild and different 2020,

    -有了這個狂野而不同的2020年。

  • mail-in voting, in-person early voting.

    郵寄投票、當面提前投票;

  • If he saw this and, say, it's past midnight...

    如果他看到這個,比如說,已經過了午夜... ...

  • The question is,

    問題是:

  • is that just the early votes or are there votes?

    是隻有提前投票還是有投票?

  • Wayne County...

    韋恩縣...

  • -And they are going to count ballots

    -他們要去計票

  • that come in postmarked by Election Day.

    在選舉日之前以郵戳為準。

  • -It was no longer off the map,

    -它已經不再是地圖上的東西了。

  • like they thought it was after 2016.

    就像他們認為是2016年以後。

  • -And, so, what I'm trying to do is

    -所以,我想做的是... ...

  • identify where, specifically, in this county...

    具體到本縣的哪裡...

  • -He's moving to Belgium.

    -他要去比利時了

  • He's moving to Belgium.

    他要去比利時了

  • Well, very early this morning, Biden spoke to a drive-in crowd

    今天一早,拜登向駕車的人群發表了演講。

  • in Wilmington, Delaware, and he told us that we need patience.

    在特拉華州威明頓,他告訴我們,我們需要耐心。

  • But I'm not sure it's one of America's strengths.

    但我不確定這是美國的優勢之一。

  • I mean, if a TikTok video isn't fun in the first 3 seconds,

    我的意思是,如果一個TikTok視頻在前3秒就不好玩了。

  • we're like, "Ah, next."

    我們很喜歡,"啊,下一個。"

  • Yeah, we just have to be patient in a country

    是啊,我們只需要在一個國家耐心等待。

  • that literally invented a Domino's tracker

    多米諾跟蹤器的發明者。

  • so we know exactly when our pizza will arrive.

    這樣我們就能知道我們的披薩什麼時候能到了。

  • Like, "It's in the oven, honey! It's in the oven!

    就像,"它在烤箱裡,親愛的!它在烤箱裡!

  • He's almost here! He's almost here!

    他快到了!他快到了!

  • Honey, wave to him. Make sure he knows it's us."

    親愛的,向他揮手。確保他知道是我們。"

  • But this is very interesting.

    但這是非常有趣的。

  • Joe Biden actually got more votes

    喬-拜登居然得了更多的票

  • than any other candidate in history.

    比歷史上任何其他候選人都要多。

  • -Wow.

    -哇。

  • -Yeah.

    -是的

  • So, once again, how is this even close?

    那麼,再一次,這又是怎麼一回事呢?

  • Meanwhile, Trump spoke from The White House

    與此同時,特朗普在白宮發表講話

  • early this morning, and he seemed upset

    今天一早,他似乎很不高興

  • that the results weren't immediately called in his favor.

    的結果沒有立即叫他滿意。

  • Watch this.

    看這個。

  • -We were getting ready for a big celebration.

    -我們正準備參加一個盛大的慶祝活動.

  • -Oh, yeah. -Yeah.

    -哦,是的-是的

  • -We were winning everything.

    -我們贏得了一切

  • And, all of a sudden, it was just called off.

    而且,突然之間,就這樣被叫停了。

  • Literally, we were just all set to get outside

    從字面上看,我們剛準備好到外面去

  • and just celebrate something that was so beautiful, so good.

    並只是慶祝的東西,是如此的美麗,那麼好。

  • -Aww. That's too bad.

    -啊.那太糟糕了

  • I'd hate for the election to get in the way of a good party.

    我不希望選舉影響到一個好的政黨。

  • Yeah, Trump also lashed out at the voting process

    是啊,特朗普還對投票過程進行了抨擊。

  • and made a pretty bold claim.

    並提出了一個很大膽的要求。

  • Take a look at this.

    看看這個。

  • -This is a fraud on the American public.

    -這是對美國公眾的欺詐。

  • This is an embarrassment to our country.

    這是我們國家的恥辱。

  • We were getting ready to win this election.

    我們已經準備好贏得這次選舉。

  • Frankly, we did win this election.

    坦率地說,我們確實贏得了這次選舉。

  • -Yeah. If you're keeping track, in the same speech,

    -是的,如果你沒記錯的話,是在同一篇演講中

  • Trump claimed the election was a fraud and an embarrassment

    特朗普稱選舉是舞弊和尷尬

  • and then declared victory.

    然後宣佈勝利。

  • I don't think we should correct Trump.

    我認為我們不應該糾正特朗普。

  • Just nod along, put him in a fake White House,

    只要點點頭,讓他住進假白宮。

  • and let him spend the next four years

    讓他在接下來的四年裡

  • thinking he's in charge.

    以為他是負責人。

  • Who cares, right?

    誰在乎呢,對吧?

  • Well, as you can might expect, Trump has been

    正如你所料,特朗普一直在。

  • tweeting a lot today, and you could tell he's getting worried,

    今天發了很多微博,可以看出他開始擔心了。

  • because one of his posts said...

    因為他的一個帖子說...

  • Dude, they're not finding votes.

    夥計,他們沒有找到選票。

  • They're counting them.

    他們在計算他們。

  • Because no one wanted to leave the house

    因為沒有人願意離開這個家

  • because there's a pandemic!

    因為有一個大流行病!

  • Gosh!

    天哪!

  • Trump's getting close to being like,

    特朗普越來越接近像。

  • "Okay, forget about the votes.

    "好了,忘了投票的事吧。

  • Let's measure this thing in retweets."

    讓我們用轉發量來衡量這個事情。"

  • Oh, and before we go any further,

    哦,在我們繼續之前,

  • here's some extremely important election news.

    這裡有一些非常重要的選舉新聞。

  • -Voters in New Jersey have passed

    -新澤西州的選民已經通過了

  • a constitutional amendment

    修憲

  • legalizing recreational marijuana.

    娛樂性大麻合法化;

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • -That's right -- weed is legal in New Jersey.

    -沒錯,大麻在紐澤西是合法的。

  • You just know there's already guy walking around

    你只知道已經有人在附近走動了

  • in a tie-dye track suit.

    穿著扎染的運動服。

  • He's like, "Excuse me.

    他就像,"對不起。

  • You guys like, uh...

    你們喜歡,呃...

  • You guys like Phish?

    你們喜歡Phish嗎?

  • You like the Phish?

    你喜歡Phish嗎?

  • Like the Phish.

    像Phish一樣

  • May wake up with a fish in your bed. A fish."

    可能醒來時,你的床上有一條魚。一條魚。"

  • ♪♪

    ♪♪

  • Listen, when you're home to the Jets and Giants,

    聽著,當你的家是噴氣機隊和巨人隊的時候,

  • you got to make drugs legal.

    你得讓毒品合法化。

  • Now that weed is legal, New Yorkers

    現在大麻是合法的,紐約人。

  • driving into New Jersey are gonna go from

    開車進入新澤西州是要去從