♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

>> Stephen:歡迎回來。

EVERYBODY!

每個人！

LET'S SAY HELLO THE JON BATISTE.

讓我們向JON BATISTE問好。

HELLO, JON.

你好，喬恩。

>> Jon: WHOA, WITH SOMEBODY WHO LOVES ME!

>> 喬恩。哇，有一個愛我的人！

COME ON!

來吧！

>> Stephen: OH, I MISS WHITNEY.

>> 哦，我想念惠特尼。

HEY, HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

嘿，你感覺怎麼樣？

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, I'M JUST PREPARING AND I'M IN GOOD

>> 喬恩：你知道，我只是在準備，我在好的。

SPIRITS AND I'M GOING TO STAY THRSM WE'VE JUST GOT TO KEEP

靈魂和我要留在這裡，我們必須要保持

MOVING.

移動。

>> Stephen: THIS IS TRUE.

>> Stephen:這是真的。

I KNOW YOU'VE ALREADY VOTED.

我知道你已經投了票。

I KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO BE DOWN IN PHILLY TOMORROW, RIGHT?

我知道你明天要去費城，對吧？

>> Jon: YESES, AND WE'RE GOING TO BE BRINGING LOVE AND JOY

>> 喬恩：是的，我們要把愛和快樂帶給大家。

AMIDST WHATEVER HAPPENS.

在任何事情發生的時候。

>> Stephen: I JUST WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW OUR LATE

>> 我只是想讓大家知道我們的晚期。

NIGHT, "LATE SHOW" DIGITAL TEAM HAS A BIG DAY.

夜晚，"晚間秀 "數字團隊迎來了一個重要的日子。

THEY'RE PRESENTING A LATE SHOW PRE-SHOW HOPING FOR THE BEST

他們將推出晚間節目的預演，希望能有最好的效果。

STARTING AT 11:00 A.M. RIGHT UP TILL SHOW TIME.

從上午11點開始，一直到演出時間。

CHECK IT OUT ON THE INSTAGRAM, THE TWITTER AND THE Facebook.

請在INSTAGRAM，TWITTER和Facebook上查看。

VISIT Twitter.com/VISIT@COLBERT LATE S

訪問Twitter.com/VISIT@COLBERT LATE S。

>> Jon: PLEASE, STAY COOL OUT THERE.

>> 喬恩。求你了，在外面冷靜點。

>> Stephen: JON BATISTE, EVERYBODY.

>> Stephen:JON BATISTE，每個人。

THANK YOU, JON.

謝謝你，喬恩。

>> Jon: YES, INDEED.

>> 喬恩。是的，確實如此。

>> STEPHEN: JOINING ME NOW IS THE HOST OF "LAST WEEK TONIGHT"

>> 現在和我一起的是 "今晚最後一週 "的主持人。

ON HBO, PLEASE WELCOME, JOHN OLIVER.

在HBO，請歡迎，約翰・奧利弗。

HELLO, JOHN OLIVER.

你好，約翰・奧利弗

>> HELLO, EVERYONE.

>> 你好，大家好。

HOLA, STEPHEN.

HOLA, STEPHEN.

>> Stephen: HOLA, JOHN.

>> Stephen:HOLA，JOHN。

BUENO.

BUENO.

>> Stephen: NO PRESSURE BY THE WAY, BUT YOU'RE THE LEAD

>> 斯蒂芬：沒有壓力的方式，但你是上司。

INTERVIEW TONIGHT.

採訪今晚。

THE SECOND INTERVIEW IS CHER.

第二場採訪是切爾。

YOU'RE OPENING FOR CHER TONIGHT.

你今晚要為雪兒開場。

DID YOU EVER DREAM THAT YOU WOULD BE WEARING THAT WHEN YOU

你有沒有想過，你會穿這樣的衣服，當你。

OPENED FOR CHER?

對雪兒開放？

HOW DARE YOU WEAR THAT!

你怎麼敢這麼穿！

>> THIS HAS AT LEAST A THOUSAND TOO FEW SEQUINS OF IT.

>> 這至少有幾百個太少的序列。

THIS IS AN ABSOLUTE SATORIAL ESCAPE.

這是一個絕對飽和的逃避。

>> Stephen: WHEN I ACTUALLY GOT SET UP AT MY HOUSE, YOU WERE

>> Stephen:當我在我的房子裡安頓下來的時候，你就... ...

MY FIRST GUEST.

我的第一個客人：

AGAIN, THANK YOU FOR THAT.

再次感謝你。

YOU WERE MY LAST GUEST BEFORE THE GREAT CHANGING OF THE AGE,

你是我在時代鉅變前的最後一個客人。

WHATEVER IT MAY BE.

無論它是什麼。

>> WELL, CHER IS.

>> 好吧，切爾是。

CHER IS THE LAST.

切爾是最後一個。

AND YOU COULD NOT HAVE PICKED BETTER.

你也不會有更好的選擇了。

WHEN THEY SAID TO ME CHER IS GOING TO BE ON TONIGHT, I

當他們對我說，切爾將是今晚，我

THOUGHT, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEED NOW.

思想，這正是我現在需要的。

I DON'T NEED MYSELF AS A GUEST, I NEED CHER.

我不需要自己當客人，我需要的是雪兒。

>> Stephen: YES, I'M ALWAYS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

>> 斯蒂芬：是的，我一直在期待著它。

I'VE ALWAYS WAND TO TALK TO HER.

我一直想跟她說話。

SHE'S CHER!

她是雪兒！

HAVE YOU TALKED TO CHER BEFORE?

你以前跟雪兒談過嗎？

>> NO, I HAVEN'T TALKED TO CHER.

>> 不，我還沒跟雪兒說過話。

>> Stephen: WHY WOULDN'T YOU?

>> Stephen:你為什麼不願意？

YOU DON'T BUMP INTO HER BACKSTAGE AT ALL THE --

你沒有撞到她的後臺，在所有的 -

>> AT THE VENETIAN?

>> 在威尼斯人？

NO, DON'T.

不，不要。

I WATCH WHAT SHE DOES ON TWITTER EVERY NOW AND THEN BECAUSE SHE'S

我時不時地看她在微博上做什麼，因為她是。

SPECTACULAR ON TWITTER.

SPECTACULAR ON TWITTER。

>> Stephen: I'LL READ THIS, SHE'S LIKE ALL CAPS MOMMA OUT

>> Stephen:我會讀這個，她就像所有的大寫的媽媽了。

THERE.

在那裡。

>> ALL CAPS AND SHE TWEETS LIKE A TODDLER WHO'S JUST HAD TWO

>> 所有的大寫字母和她的微博像一個蹣跚學步的孩子誰只是有兩個。

MOUNTAIN DO YOUS AND LEARNED WHAT EMOJIS ARE FOR THE FIRST

MOUNTAIN DO YOUS和學會了什麼EMOJIS是第一次。

TIME.

時間。

SHE GOES HARD.

她去硬。

>> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, IT'S A BIG WEEK FOR THE COUNTRY.

>> 斯蒂芬：顯然，這對國家來說是重要的一週。

IT'S A BIG WEEK FOR THE WORLD.

這是世界的重要一週。

AMERICA'S ELECTIONS MEAN SOMETHING EVERYWHERE.

美國的選舉在任何地方都意味著什麼。

>> I WOULDN'T UNDERSTATE THE EXTENT TO WHICH THE REST OF THE

>> 我不會理解的程度，其中的其餘部分。

WORLD IS EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN WHAT'S HAPPEN.

世界對發生的事情有情感上的投資。

>> Stephen: REALLY?

>> Stephen:真的嗎？

HAVE YOU SPOKEN TO THEM?

你跟他們談過了嗎？

I HAVEN'T TALKED TO ANYBODY.

我沒有跟任何人說話。

JUST BECAUSE OF COVID I DON'T WANT TO SPREAD IT OUTSIDE OUR

就因為科維德，我不想把它傳播到外面去。

BORDERS OVER A TELEPHONE LINE.

邊界在電話線上。

HOW ARE EVERYBODY IN THE U.K.

如何在英國的每一個人。

PERCEIVING WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN?

感受到即將發生的事情？

>> MY BEST FRIEND TEXTED ME, LIKE, 5:00 A.M. THIS MORNING AND

>> 我最好的朋友發短信給我，就像，今天早上5: 00，然後

HE SAID, HEY, IS IT TENSE OVER THERE?

他說，嘿，那邊很緊張嗎？

I WAS QUITE BLEARY.

我是很清楚的。

I TEXTED HIM AND WENT BACK TO SLEEP.

我發短信給他，然後回去睡覺。

I TEXTED BACK ALL CAPS PRETTY ( BLEEP ) TENSE EXCLAMATION MA

我發短信回所有的大寫漂亮（BLEEP）緊張的排除馬。

SEND.

發送：

IT READ AS PUNCHY AS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO.

它讀起來像它應該的那樣痛快。

YEAH, THEY ARE ALL WAITING WITH INVESTED INTEREST IN THE WAY

是的，他們都在等著用投資興趣的方式。

AMERICA IS GOING TO SWING.

美國要去搖擺。

>> Stephen: YOU ALSO HAVE A BIG WEEK BECAUSE IT'S YOUR FIRST

>> Stephen:你也有一個重要的一週，因為這是你的第一次。

PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION NOW THAT YOU'RE AN AMERICAN CITIZEN.

既然你是美國公民，就應該參加總統選舉。

>> YES.

>> 是。

>> Stephen: SO YOU'RE ALLOWED TO VOTE.

>> 所以你可以投票。

A, THAT'S SO EXCITING.

A，那太興奮了。

>> IT'S AMAZING.

>> 它是驚人的。

>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON HAVING BEEN MADE A CITIZEN

>> 斯蒂芬：祝賀你成為公民。

BEFORE.

之前：

THIS BUT WHAT DID IT FEEL LIKE TO GO PULL THE LEVER OR HOWEVER

這但什麼感覺是喜歡去拉動槓桿或如何。

THEY DID IT AT YOUR POLLING PLACE?

他們在你的投票站做的？

>> THAT WAS NO LEVER.

>> 那是沒有槓桿。

THAT WAS DISCI'S APPOINTING.

那是迪西的任命。

HONESTLY, IT WAS AMAZING.

老實說，這是一個驚人的。

PUTTING ASIDE THE CANDIDATES IN THIS ELECTION FOR A MOMENT,

暫時拋開這次選舉中的候選人，

WHICH ALREADY I FEEL SORRY ABOUT IT, PUTTING THAT ASIDE, AS AN

我已經覺得很抱歉了，把這個放在一邊，作為一個。

IMMIGRANT WHO JUST GOT HIS CITIZENSHIP IN DECEMBER OF LAST

去年12月剛獲得公民身份的移民。

YEAR, I WAS WAITING FOR THAT TO FEEL REAL.

一年來，我一直在等著那份真實的感覺。

BUT WHEN YOU WORRY ABOUT YOUR IMMIGRATION STATUS ALL THE TIME

但當你一直在擔心自己的移民身份時。

AND EVEN GETTING YOUR PASSPORT DOESN'T FEEL REAL BECAUSE YOU

甚至拿到護照也不覺得真實，因為你...

HAVEN'T TESTED IT AGAINST A SYSTEM.

還沒有測試過它的系統。

BUT I THOUGHT THIS WILL FEEL DIFFERENTLY WHEN I LEAVE

但我想，這將感覺不同 當我離開的時候，

AMERICA, COME BACK AND AM TREATED DIFFERENTLY BY THE

美國，回來後，我受到了不同的待遇。

SYSTEM.

系統：

STANDING IN LINE, I THOUGHT MAYBE THIS WILL BE IT.

站在隊伍裡，我想也許這就是了。

I DIDN'T FEEL IT.

我沒有感覺到。

GIVING THEM MY NAME AND GETTING THE BALLOT, I DIDN'T FEEL IT.

把我的名字給他們，然後拿到選票，我沒有感覺到。

SCANNING IT INTO THE MACHINE AND THE MACHINE SAYING YOU'RE R YOUR

把它掃描到機器裡，機器說你是你的。

VOTE HAS BEEN COUNTED, I NEARLY BURST INTO TEARS.

選票已經計算完畢，我幾乎要淚流滿面了。

THAT IS THE TRUTH.

這就是真相。

MY EYES GOT MISTY AND I THOUGHT, I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN CRY IN THE

我的眼睛有了霧氣，我想，我不知道我是否能在這裡哭。

VOTING STATION.

投票站：

>> Stephen: THAT'S LOVELY.

>> Stephen:這是可愛的。

I DIDN'T WANT TO WAIT FOR THE MACHINE TO SAY YOUR VOTE HAS

我不想等機器說你的選票已被選中

BEEN COUNTED, ASTERISK, YOU LIVE IN NEW YORK, SO IT'S COUNTED.

被計算，ASTERISK，你住在紐約，所以它的計數。

>> Stephen: SORT OF.

>> 史蒂芬：算是吧。

SO GIVE ME A BALLPARK OF HOW MANY HOURS YOU WERE IN LINE.

所以給我一個你排隊多少小時的圓盤。

WAS IT HOURS?

是小時嗎？

>> YEAH, I WAS PROBABLY -- YOU MEAN START TO FINISH --

>> 是的，我可能是 -- 你是說從頭到尾 --

>> Stephen: JOIN THE LINE.

>> Stephen:加入線。

THAT'S HOW LINES WORK.

這就是線的工作方式。

JOIN THE LINE.

加入線。

OUT OF LINE.

出線。

THE QUEUE.

闕。

DOES THAT HELP?

有幫助嗎？

>> MUCH BETTER.

>> 更好的。

I WAS IN THE QUEUE AN HOUR AND A HALF

我一個半小時前就到了皇后區。

>> Stephen: COMPARE THAT TO VOTING IN U.K.

>> 斯蒂芬：與英國的投票相比。

YOU GUYS JUST GO TO PUBS THERE.

你們只是去那裡的PUBS。

YOU EITHER PICK A PICKLED EGG OR SCOTCH EGG AND THEY KNOW THAT'S

你無論是選擇醃製的雞蛋還是蘇格蘭雞蛋，他們都知道這一點。

WWHAT PARTY YOU'RE VOTING FOR?

你要投給哪個黨？

>> I WISH IT WASN'T TRUE, BUT, YEAH, YOU WALK UP TO THE BAR AND

>> 我希望這不是真的，但是，是的，你走到酒吧，然後... ...

YOU SAY, ALL RIGHT, GOVERNOR, I TAKE THE PICKLED EGG.

你說："好吧，總督，我要吃醃蛋。

REALLY, VOTING FOR THATCHER AGAIN?

真的嗎 又要投給Thatcher了?

I AM.

我是。

YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THIS, I THINK LINES HAVE BEEN NORMALIZED

你必須明白這一點，我認為線已經正常化了。

IN AMERICA.

在美國。

I THINK THAT EVERYONE ELSE STANDS IN LINE FOR HOURS.

我想大家都在排隊等了好幾個小時。

>> Stephen: THERE ARE NOT LINES OVER THERE?

>> 史蒂芬：那邊沒有線？

>> NO, IT'S NOT LINES.

>> 不，這不是線。

IT'S ABSOLUTE MADNESS TO STAND -- TO HAVE TO STAND IN

站在這裡是絕對的瘋狂... ... 必須站在這裡

LINE FOR THAT LONG IS AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE WHEREVER YOU

這麼長的線是一個絕對的恥辱，無論你在哪裡。

ARE.

是：

NOBODY ELSE HAS TO STAND IN LINE FOR SEVEN, NINE, ELEVEN HOURS,

沒有人需要排隊7，9，ELEVEN小時。

WHATEVER YOU'RE HEARING ABOUT.

不管你聽到的是什麼：

IT'S ABSURD.

這是荒謬的。

>> Stephen: NOW THAT YOU VOTED AND YOU FEEL MORE AMERICAN, HAVE

>> 史蒂芬: 現在你投票了，你覺得自己更像美國人了，你有沒有覺得自己更像美國人了？

YOU THOUGHT ABOUT LOSING THE ACCENT?

你想過要把口音去掉嗎？

>> UM -- >> Stephen: HAVE YOU PUT ANY

>> UM -- >> Stephen:你有沒有把任何

EFFORT INTO IT, BY THE WAY?

努力去做，順便說一下？

>> I THINK WHAT I'M SCROLLING THROUGH IS WHICH ACCENT DO I

>> 我想我瀏覽的是哪種口音，我應該是

PICK?

挑？

IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET TO REINVENT YOURSELF, AM I DOING

如果你要去重生自己，我是不是在做什麼？

BRONX, AM I GOING INTO KIND OF 1950 SOUTH, AM I GOING TO THE

布朗克斯，我是不是要進入1950年的南方，我是不是要去的。

CALIFORNIA SURFER.

加利福尼亞州衝浪者。

>> Stephen: DELAWARE.

>> Stephen:德拉瓦州：

DELAWARE, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

德拉瓦爾，絕對沒有什麼。

FLAT.

扁平。

NEWSCASTER.

NEWSCASTER：

>> REALLY.

>> 真的。

>> Stephen: YES, A MANILA ENVELOPE TAPED TO A BEIGE WALL.

>> 斯蒂芬: 是的，一個馬尼拉的信封貼在了一堵褐色的牆上。

NO CHARACTER.

沒有人物。

NO CHARACTER AT ALL.

完全沒有個性。

>> ALL RIGHT, I'LL LOOK INTO THAT.

>> 好的，我會研究的。

>> Stephen: YEAH.

>> Stephen:是的。

I MIGHT GO WITH A REALLY INTENSE BALTIMORE ACCENT.

我可能會用一個很強烈的巴爾的摩口音。

>> Stephen: THOSE ARE DIFFICULT TO DO.

>> Stephen:這些都是很難做到的。

>> YEAH, THOSE NOISES DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

>> 是的，這些噪音沒有任何意義。

>> Stephen: GIVE ME A TASTE.

>> Stephen:給我一個味道。

I HAVE NO IDEA.

我不知道。

>> Stephen: OH, SO CLOSE!

>> Stephen:哦，如此接近！

JUST SAY I GOT STUCK IN THE FORT McHENRY TUNNEL.

就說我被卡在麥克亨利堡隧道里了。

>> LITERALLY, I WAS ABOUT TO HAVE A SWING AT THAT AND THERE

>> 真的，我正準備揮舞著它，然後在那裡

WAS SOMETHING IN MY BODY WENT THAT SOUND CAN'T COME OUT.

我的身體裡有什麼東西，聲音出不來了。

IT'S ACTUALLY NOT OKAY.

它實際上是不行的。

>> Stephen: JOHN, WE HAVE TO DO THAT COMMERCIAL THING YOU

>> 約翰，我們必須要做你的商業活動。

NEVER HAVE TO DEAL WITH.

永遠不必處理。

STICK AROUND, BACK WITH MORE JOHN OLIVER.

堅持下去，後面還有更多的約翰・奧利弗。

♪ ♪

♪ ♪