you know him from his comedy central special.

你知道他從他的喜劇中心特別節目。

He's got a sketch special with comedy central,

他和喜劇中心有一個小品特別節目。

with the Hasan Minhaj called Goatface.

與Hasan Minhaj合作，叫Goatface。

Please welcome the very funny, Fahim Anwar.

請歡迎非常有趣的法希姆-安瓦爾。

(audience cheering)

（觀眾歡呼）

[Moses] Fahim, how are you?

法希姆 你好嗎?

Thank you hold for applause, hold on.

謝謝大家的掌聲，請稍等。

Let's talk about your career.

讓我們來談談你的職業。

What new forms of revenue Yeah let's talk about

有什麼新的收入形式 是的，我們來談談

multiple specials. I know.

多個特殊的。我知道

Hey, how do we survive in this COVID world,

嘿，我們如何在這個COVID的世界裡生存。

in this uncertain times, Moses?

在這個不確定的時代，摩西?

I don't know, it seems like you kind of knew

我不知道，好像你已經知道了。

how to pivot immediately.

如何立即支點。

You do a lot of online videos.

你做了很多在線視頻。

Yeah kind of, like, I think of you as a comedian too.

是啊，就像，我把你當成一個喜劇演員了。

It's like standup is our main jam.

這就像站立是我們的主要果醬。

And then we have these other outlets, like, all right,

然後我們有這些其他的管道， 像，所有的權利。

I'll do a dumb thing on Instagram

我會在Instagram上做一件愚蠢的事情。

or I'll do a tweet, and once the stage is gone,

或者我做一個微博，一旦舞臺上的人走了。

I guess you just kind of lean in on what's still available.

我想你只是有點靠在還能用的東西上。

Yeah, because the stage, I think it's still kind of works

是的，因為舞臺，我認為它仍然是一種工作原理。

if you're a one-liner guy, but I think you and I,

如果你是一個單行線的傢伙，但我認為你和我。

I mean you're on a much higher level.

我的意思是，你是在一個更高的水準。

are very physical performers,

是很有體力的表演者。

a lot of it, it's like in your body,

很多東西，就像在你的身體裡。

which you can't really do.

你不能真正做到這一點。

Totally, and it's a conversation with the audience.

完全可以，而且是和觀眾對話。

So it's like, if they're really liking something,

所以，這就像，如果他們真的喜歡的東西。

that informs, you go, oh, let me milk this.

告知，你去，哦，讓我奶這個。

So it's the song and dance with an audience

所以是和觀眾一起歌舞的過程

and that's kind of informs your act.

這也是你的行為的一種體現。

So when you strip an audience away,

所以，當你把觀眾剝離出來的時候。

you're kind of creating in a vacuum

你在真空中創作

and that's tough for a standup live performer.

而這對於一個站立的現場表演者來說是很難的。

Yeah, 'cause unlike a musician,

是啊，因為不像一個音樂家，

where you just play your three minutes song,

在那裡，你只是玩你的三分鐘的歌曲。

stand up, if you're doing it right,

站起來，如果你做的對。

when you get beyond like out of your head

當你得到超越喜歡出你的頭

and you're doing it long enough,

而且你做的時間夠長了。

you're essentially asking the audience for permission

你本質上是在徵求觀眾的同意。

every 15 seconds or so.

每15秒左右。

It's like, can I keep talking about,

這就像，我可以繼續談論。

my dick, my dick sucks. (Fahim agreed)

我的雞巴，我的雞巴很爛。(法希姆同意)

Yeah, so you've seen my new stuff?

是啊，所以你已經看到了我的新東西？

Yeah, I've seen it.

是的，我見過它。

I had an hour, it was about to come out.

我有一個小時的時間，就要出來了。

We were about to tape, it was gonna be called

我們正要錄影，它是要去被稱為

"My Dick Sucks".

"我的老二很爛"

And we had like MSG, and we had that rent out,

我們有像味精，我們有，租出去。

it was gonna be three nights.

這是要去是三個晚上。

Yeah, My Dick sucks.

是啊，我的雞巴很爛。

And that's now my big catch phrase.

而這也是我現在的一大口頭禪。

Oh my God.

哦，我的上帝。

But now it's like on hold.

但現在就像擱置了一樣。

And then you had the merch already printed out.

然後你已經把商品打印出來了。

Yeah, I had so many boxes of my Dick sucks

是啊，我有那麼多盒我的雞巴爛貨

and I don't know where to put it.

但我不知道該把它放在哪裡。

I have some of it in my place right now.

我家現在就有一些。

And it's not gonna make sense when things open up.

等到事情打開了，也就說不通了。

And my Dick is getting better. My dick is soft

我的老二也越來越好了。我的老二軟了

My dick's as soft as this shirt.

我的小弟弟和這件襯衫一樣軟。

It's not even true anymore.

這都不是真的了。

It's not, it's a false narrative.

不是的，這是一種虛假的說法。

It's completely healed since the accident.

自從事故發生後，它已經完全痊癒了。

Totally.

是啊

I mean, there's some very sad options.

我的意思是，有一些非常悲傷的選擇。

Like I was talking to Tom.

就像我在和湯姆說話一樣

I mean, you can perform in a-

我的意思是，你可以在一個 -

Wait, you did the truck show?

等等，你做了卡車展？

Yeah it's the best version,

是的，這是最好的版本。

I heard it's good.

聽說很不錯。

I got asked to do it, but I think I was in Denver

我被邀請去做這件事，但我想我是在丹佛。

for that week or whatever, but I hear it's great.

那個星期或什麼的，但我聽說它的偉大。

Oh yeah, you were in a COVID's fake protest in Denver.

哦，對了，你在丹佛參加了COVID的假抗議活動。

Forgot about that.

忘了這一點。

No, I did some charity gig. I did some like charity gig

不，我做了一些慈善演出。我做了一些像慈善演出

and it was in a airplane hangar

而且是在飛機庫裡

and they were all in tuxedos.

而且他們都穿著燕尾服。

It was just like upper crust Denver.

就像上層的丹佛一樣。

I swear to God it's like I was doing stand up

我向上帝發誓，這就像我在做站立。

in a bond movie.

在一部債券電影中。

Insane, all the hell gigs are things that were

瘋了，所有的地獄演出都是事情是

essentially competing for.

本質上是在爭奪。

Like yeah absolutely, airport hangar, who books that?

是的，絕對的，機場機庫，誰會去訂？

Like the tallest ceilings.

比如最高的天花板。

You know, the best thing for comedy is like in a basement,

你知道，最好的喜劇是像在地下室。

low ceilings, packed together.

低矮的天花板，擠在一起。

This was a hangar, like the voice just evaporates.

這是一個機庫，像聲音就這樣蒸發了。

They're sitting so far away from each other,

他們坐得太遠了。

but they were still happy.

但他們還是很高興。

Yeah, it's like, what can you do?

是啊，這就像，你能做什麼？

So that's the thing about standup comedy and yesteryear,

所以，這就是單口相聲和昔日的事情。

that we were just a distraction,

我們只是一個分心。

to shovel food and drinks into people's mouths.

把食物和飲料塞進人們的嘴裡。

Like we were there to keep them in their seats long enough

就像我們在那裡讓他們在座位上坐得夠久一樣

to pull up a dump truck and put it in their mouth.

拉起一輛翻斗車，把它放在他們的嘴裡。

Yeah people wonder like,

是的，人們不知道喜歡。

why do you do 45 to an hour of material?

你為什麼要做45到一個小時的材料？

Cause that's how long it takes to order a drink,

因為點一杯飲料要花這麼長時間。

some food and then another drink.

吃點東西，然後再喝一杯。

Yeah.

是啊。

That's what this art form is,

這就是這種藝術形式。

no painting is fueled by like how many people

沒有畫是由喜歡多少人的燃料。

can sit through it Yeah totally,

是的，完全可以坐下來。

and I love how nimble this art form is too.

我也喜歡這種靈活的藝術形式。

Where like, if they're a little late

哪裡喜歡，如果他們有點晚了

they're putting the checks out on the table,

他們把支票放在桌子上。

they'll tell you to like, to go like this.

他們會告訴你喜歡，這樣走。

You know, like go along, stretch it out.

你知道的，就像走在路上，伸展它。

And then you just, you know, do some more bullshit

然後你只是，你知道，做一些更多的廢話。

for 10 more minutes until everyone signs their checks.

再過10分鐘，直到每個人都在支票上簽字。

Nothing else, you couldn't do that like with a magician,

別的不說，你不能像魔術師那樣。

be like, more magic.

是喜歡，更多的魔法。

More cards, just get more cards, introduce more decks.

更多的卡牌，就多弄些卡牌，多介紹些卡牌。

Just the magicians just vamping,

只是魔術師們只是抽風。

just trying to make some tricks on the fly.

只是想做一些技巧上的飛行。

Yeah that's why I used to go like, ugh,

是的，這就是為什麼我曾經去喜歡，唉。

I always cringe when people make the argument,

當人們提出這個論點時，我總是感到噁心。

but let me say this is free speech.

但讓我說這是言論自由。

And it's like, it's really, it's chicken wing speech.

這就像，這真的是，這是雞翅演講。

It's just long enough.

這只是足夠長的時間。

The thing is, I think that there is that free speech thing

問題是，我認為，有 言論自由的事情。

and you should be able to.

而你應該可以。

But it's up to you to jump over the hurdle of making it

但要跳過這道坎，就得靠你自己了。

funny for the room.

有趣的房間。

If like people are turned off all the time,

如果喜歡的人一直被拒之門外。

you haven't done the work.

你還沒有做的工作。

The real trick and the beauty of standup

蹺蹺板的真招與妙招

is taking that controversial idea or whatever your idea is

是把那個有爭議的想法或任何你的想法是什麼

and doing the gymnastics and massaging it enough

並做體操和按摩它足夠的。

where it's digestible for even someone

連人都能消化的地方

who has opposing view.

誰有反對意見。

Like Bill Burr will do that all the time and it's great.

就像比爾-伯爾會一直這樣做，這很好。

Like they earn the laugh.

就像他們賺取笑聲一樣。

You can still get your idea across,

你還是可以把你的想法表達出來。

you just got to do the work

你只需要做的工作

instead of like free speech man, you don't like it.

而不是像言論自由的人，你不喜歡它。

People confuse just bombing with

人們把轟炸和

people don't like free speech.

人們不喜歡言論自由。

Yeah, like you didn't...

是啊，就像你沒有... ...

Your writing wasn't good enough.

你的文筆還不夠好。

Don't pretend you're Bill Hicks or something.

不要假裝你是比爾-希克斯什麼的。

Right, I don't need structure. I'm screaming about--

好吧，我不需要結構。我大叫著...

Or they don't get it!

或者他們不懂！

Like you're part of the problem!

好像你也是問題的一部分！

No, just write a little more.

不，只是多寫一點。

If you're doing your job, they should get it.

如果你在做你的工作，他們應該明白。

They should get it and like it.

他們應該得到它並喜歡它。

So does everyone in your life

你生活中的每個人也是如此

know that you have all this time off,

知道你有這麼多時間休息。

you're not performing on stage?

你不在舞臺上表演？

Like, are your parents being like,

就像，你的父母是像。

Hey, why are you living out there?

嘿，你為什麼要住在外面？

Do you want to come home?

你想回家嗎？

I have this thought, like, you get a sense of how much

我有這樣的想法，就像，你會感覺到有多

your parents really believe in you,

你的父母真的相信你。

by how quickly they tell you to get into real estate.

由他們告訴你如何快速進入房地產。

You know what I mean?

你知道我的意思嗎？

To like start selling houses.

為了喜歡開始賣房子。

For me, it was like, a few days like.

對我來說，這就像，幾天一樣。

Yeah, the shutdown, like a week later,

是啊，關門，像一個星期後。

like you should sell houses.

像你應該賣房子。

Like, Oh, you never believed in me.

就像，哦，你從來不相信我。

(chuckles)

（笑）

I'm finding out now and I always like

我現在發現了，我一直喜歡

how that's the solution for like parents everywhere.

這怎麼會是像各地父母的解決方案。

It's just like, if your kid was like

這就像，如果你的孩子是像

kind of a fuck up to begin with,

一種他媽的了開始。

you think they're gonna kill it in the real estate market.

你認為他們會殺死它 在房地產市場。

Like suddenly they're gonna be awesome.

就像突然間他們會變得很厲害。

If someone can't be a comedian

如果有人不能成為一個喜劇演員的話

and muster to work for 15 minutes a night

每晚工作15分鐘。

(Fahim laughs) and post some Instagram clips.

(法希姆笑)並在Instagram上發佈一些片段。

what are the odds they're gonna be free on a Sunday

他們週日有空的機率有多大？

for an open house.

為開放日。

Sure, you think they're gonna be on Selling Sunset?

當然，你覺得他們會上《賣日落》嗎？

Like, Hey thanks, mom and dad.

比如，嘿，謝謝你，爸爸媽媽。

I was spinning my wheels with this art stuff.

我被這些藝術的東西弄得暈頭轉向。

But now I'm a world class real estate agent.

但現在我是一個世界級的房地產經紀人。

I'd love to show you some properties.

我很想帶你看一些房產。

Like he's probably gonna suck at that too.

就像他可能會吸在那太。

Right, there's no way the women at Selling Sunset

對了，《賣夕陽》的女人不可能

are actually selling those properties.

正在實際銷售這些財產。

I wouldn't buy a house after that very quick walkthrough,

我不會買房子後，非常快速的演練。

where they're also having a huge fight.

在那裡，他們也在大打出手。

I'm like, well, that's the house for me.

我想，好吧，這是我的房子。

Yeah, I don't know. Like they all look the same.

是啊，我不知道。就像他們看起來都是一樣的。

Like do you have to be gorgeous to sell houses?

比如賣房子一定要華麗麗嗎？

I think in LA for selling that.

我想在洛杉磯賣那。

I couldn't be like, I wanna show you some properties.

我不能像，我想告訴你一些屬性。

There's one on Mulholland. (Moses laughs)

在Mulholland有一個。（摩西笑）

It's got this open floor plan, you're gonna love it.

它有這個開放的平面圖， 你會喜歡它。

Okay. All right.

好吧，好吧好了，好了

Take my card, take my card.

拿我的卡，拿我的卡。

You talk it over with your wife.

你跟你老婆商量一下。

You don't want to make a rash decision.

你不要輕率地做出決定。

I'm not trying to pressure you, but I'm one of the bests.

我不是想給你壓力，但我是最好的之一。

And you live in this area?

你住在這一帶？

Well, I do mostly stuff in Torrance,

好吧，我做的大部分東西在託倫斯。

but they gave me a shot at the big time here on sunset.

但他們給了我一個機會，在這裡日落的大時間。

What about one of the women from from the show?

那劇中的一個女人呢？

You know, I wanted the, you know they're all made up.

你知道，我想要的，你知道他們都是虛構的。

They're busy right now.

他們現在很忙。

That's why they sent me to show you the property.

所以他們才派我來給你看房。

It's the same property.

這是相同的屬性。

It's just a different person showing it to you.

只是給你看的人不同而已。

My Ford focus, I gotta put money in the meter real quick.

我的福特福克斯，我得把錢在儀表真正的快。

I'll be back.

我會回來的

It's at the bottom of sunset, all the way down the hill.

就在夕陽下，一直往山下走。

(chuckles)

（笑）

Can you give me a ride to my car?

你能載我去我的車嗎？

I've gotta put money in my meter for my Ford focus.

我得把錢放進我的計價器裡，買我的福特福克斯。

Soaking wet.

浸泡法。

Dude that's what I noticed too,

夥計，這也是我注意到的。

like if you're a real estate agent,

就像你是一個房地產經紀人一樣。

you have to, even if you're not doing well,

你必須這樣做，即使你做得不好。

you have to lease a bomb ass car. It's all exuding this,

你得租一輛炸彈車。都是流露出這個意思。

even if you're really good at what you do,

即使你真的擅長你的工作。

you can't drive like a Honda Fit.

你不能像本田飛度駕駛。

Yeah, you gotta show up.

是的，你必須出現。

Cause' you're selling an image and a lifestyle.

因為你賣的是一種形象和生活方式。

And you're like, yeah, I want my guy to be cutthroat.

你就會想，是的，我想讓我的人變得更凶殘。

Right, you need to make people feel

對，你要讓人覺得

like shit about their life.

像狗屎他們的生活。

Or just like, Oh man, this guy, he deals with high society

或者只是喜歡，哦，夥計，這傢伙，他處理與上流社會。

or I'm visiting this world or he's gonna get me the best.

否則我就去拜訪這個世界，否則他就會給我最好的。

Like you don't wanna practical, like you do,

就像你不想實用，像你一樣。

but you want the fantasy of this

但你要的是這樣的幻想

Armani suit, Lamborghini, real estate agent.

阿瑪尼西裝、蘭博基尼、房地產中介。

Not the hell that I live in showing up in it. Honda Fit

不是我生活的地獄出現在它。本田飛度

Chips falling out. Yeah you're like

薯片掉出來了是啊，你就像

this guy looks like me.

這傢伙看起來像我。

I could just go on Redfin.

我可以直接上Redfin

Right, this is guy is not gonna brokage deal for me.

好吧，這傢伙不會給我做交易的

He came to Cleveland with empty Gatorade bottles

他帶著空的佳得樂瓶來到克利夫蘭。

out of his car.

從他的車上下來。

(talking over each other)