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  • -Welcome, welcome, welcome,

    -歡迎,歡迎,歡迎。

  • welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show," everybody.

    歡迎,歡迎來到 "今夜秀",大家。

  • We are here. [ Cheers and applause ]

    我們在這裡。[歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • Studio 6A in New York City. It feels good.

    紐約市6A工作室這感覺很好。

  • Thank you so much for watching. Let's get to the news and jokes.

    謝謝大家的觀看。讓我們來看看新聞和笑話吧。

  • Well, guys, I think it's fair to say that right now

    好了,夥計們,我想這是公平的說,現在

  • America is at a crossroads.

    美國正處在一個十字路口。

  • It doesn't get much bigger than this.

    沒有比這更大的了。

  • So we begin tonight with our top story.

    所以,我們今晚開始我們的頭條新聞。

  • -Get excited because McDonald's is bringing back the McRib.

    -興奮吧,因為麥當勞要把麥排骨帶回來了。

  • -That's right. [ Laughter and cheers ]

    -沒錯[笑聲和歡呼聲]

  • Americans were like, "Finally, a glimmer of hope

    美國人就像,"終於有了一絲希望"。

  • in the barren wasteland that's been 2020."

    在貧瘠的荒原上,已經2020年了。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • When he heard about it, Trump dropped out of the race

    特朗普聽說後,就退出了競選。

  • and said, "I'm done.

    並說:"我已經完成了。

  • Clearly, I've 'made America great again.'

    很明顯,我已經 "讓美國再次偉大"。

  • The McRib." [ Laughter ]

    McRib。"[笑聲]

  • Somehow you know 2020 will wrap up

    不知為何你知道2020年將會結束

  • with the McRib being the cure for COVID.

    與麥瑞博是治療COVID的方法。

  • You know that, right? [ Laughter ]

    你知道的,對吧?[笑聲]

  • In other less exciting news, the election is just four days away.

    另一個不那麼令人激動的消息是,選舉還有四天就開始了。

  • And Trump is busy campaigning, but I saw a new poll

    而特朗普正忙於競選,但我看到一個新的民調。

  • that found that nearly 60% of Americans disapprove

    發現近六成的美國人不贊成。

  • of Trump holding large rallies during the pandemic.

    的特朗普在大流行期間舉行大型集會。

  • So, not only are the rallies dangerous,

    所以,不僅集會危險。

  • they're also unpopular.

    他們也是不受歡迎的。

  • They're basically the kid in high school

    他們基本上是高中生的孩子

  • who played with the Bunsen burners.

    誰玩的本生燈。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Seriously, if you want to do something dangerous

    說真的,如果你想做一些危險的事

  • and unpopular, go to your local Blimpie and order the tuna.

    並不受歡迎,去當地的Blimpie點金槍魚。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • That's right, Trump is still holding rallies,

    沒錯,特朗普還在舉行集會。

  • including one yesterday in Tampa,

    包括昨天在坦帕的一個。

  • but it didn't go quite as planned, watch this.

    但它並沒有完全按計劃進行,看這個。

  • -Just two days after President Trump's rally

    -就在特朗普總統集會後兩天。

  • in Omaha, Nebraska, sent several supporters

    在內布拉斯加州的奧馬哈,派了幾個支持者

  • to the hospital for being too cold,

    因為太冷而被送到醫院。

  • his rally in Tampa, Florida, yesterday sent even more

    他昨天在佛羅里達州坦帕市的集會上發出了更多的聲音。

  • to the hospital for being too hot.

    因為太熱而被送到醫院。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Don't worry, Trump had everyone cool off

    -別擔心,特朗普讓大家都冷靜下來了。

  • by blowing in each other's faces.

    通過在對方臉上吹氣。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Actually, Trump said we are only seeing more cases of heatstroke

    事實上,特朗普說我們只是看到更多的中暑病例

  • because we have the most testing.

    因為我們的測試最多。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Years from now, Trump supporters will be reminiscing

    若干年後,特朗普的支持者們將會想起

  • about these rallies like they're old concerts.

    關於這些集會就像他們的老音樂會。

  • Like, "Were you at the hypothermia rally?"

    就像 "你參加了低體溫集會嗎?"

  • "Nah, I caught him on the heatstroke leg of the tour."

    "沒有,我在中暑的那段行程中抓到了他。"

  • Yeah, it was so hot in Tampa, a fire truck --

    是啊,它是如此熱在坦帕,消防車 -

  • this is real -- actually sprayed water over the crowd.

    這是真實的 - 實際上噴水 在人群中。

  • But Trump didn't seem to know what was happening.

    但特朗普似乎並不知道發生了什麼。

  • Check out what he said.

    看看他是怎麼說的。

  • -Look at that. Oh, are they doing that on purpose?

    -看看這個哦,他們是故意的嗎?

  • [ Crowd cheers ]

    [人群的歡呼聲]

  • Are they friend or foe?

    他們是朋友還是敵人?

  • It felt good. I felt water on my face,

    這感覺很好。我感覺臉上有水。

  • I said, where the hell is that coming from from?

    我說,這到底是哪裡來的?

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

    [歡呼聲和掌聲]

  • They may be doing that on purpose.

    他們可能是故意這麼做的。

  • Let's find out if they're friend or foe.

    讓我們來看看他們是朋友還是敵人。

  • And if they are foe, let's take care of those son of a bitches.

    如果他們是敵人,那我們就去解決那些狗孃養的。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Trump's like, "Friend or foe, either way,

    -特朗普就像,"朋友或敵人,任何一種方式。

  • let's turn this into a wet T-shirt contest.

    讓我們把這個變成一個溼T恤比賽。

  • Come on! Those sons of bitches."

    來吧!這些狗孃養的。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Yeah, people were packed tightly in unsanitary conditions

    是啊,人們在不衛生的條件下擠得很緊。

  • and hosed down with water.

    並用水沖洗。

  • It's good to know his supporters are being treated

    很高興知道他的支持者受到了待遇

  • like circus elephants.

    像馬戲團的大象。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • And get this, with long waits at the polls,

    而得到這個,在民意調查時漫長的等待。

  • I heard you can hire someone to stand in line

    聽說你可以請人排隊了

  • and hold your place.

    並守住自己的位置。

  • And for an extra $50 on election night,

    而在選舉當晚還能多賺50元。

  • they'll scream into a pillow for you.

    他們會尖叫到枕頭為你。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • You do that for voters, you're patriotic.

    你這樣做是為了選民,你是愛國的。

  • You do that at Disney, you're dragged through Toontown

    在迪斯尼,你這樣做,你會被拖著穿過卡通鎮

  • while they throw turkey legs at you.

    當他們向你扔火雞腿的時候

  • "Shame! Shame!"

    "慚愧!恥辱!"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • You guys, Halloween is tomorrow and everyone has plans,

    各位,明天就是萬聖節了,大家都有計劃。

  • and some notable people in Washington

    和華盛頓的一些知名人士

  • also have something going on.

    也有一些事情。

  • I'll show you what I mean. For example,

    我告訴你我的意思。比如說:

  • Mike Pence plans to hand trick-or-treaters

    邁克-彭斯計劃把 "不給糖就搗蛋 "的人交給他。

  • his favorite hard candy, ice cubes.

    他最喜歡的硬糖,冰塊。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Next up, Donald Trump, Jr., plans to inhale

    接下來,小唐納德-特朗普計劃吸入

  • a bunch of Pixy Stix and go rant on Fox News.

    一堆Pixy Stix和去咆哮 在福克斯新聞。

  • -The media runs right away. It's Russian disinformation.

    -媒體馬上就跑了這是俄羅斯的假消息。

  • There's literally zero evidence

    有字面上的零證據

  • that it's Russian disinformation.

    這是俄羅斯的虛假資訊。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • -Steve Mnuchin plans to tell kids for the last time,

    史蒂夫-姆努欽計劃最後一次告訴孩子們。

  • "I'm not dressed as McLovin."

    "我沒有穿成麥克拉溫的樣子。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • Rudy Giuliani plans to spend a quiet night at home

    魯迪-朱利安尼計劃在家中度過一個安靜的夜晚。

  • tucking in his shirt.

    掖著他的襯衫。

  • That's...interesting. [ Laughter ]

    這是... ... 有趣。[笑聲]

  • Wilbur Ross plans to slowly suck on a Werther's Original

    威爾伯-羅斯計劃慢慢地吮吸韋爾瑟的原件

  • until he nods off. [ Laughter ]

    直到他點頭。[笑聲]

  • That's kind of cute. Yeah. I'm not sure about this --

    那是一種可愛。是啊,我不確定這個...

  • Joe Biden plans to bore trick-or-treaters

    喬-拜登計劃讓 "不給糖就搗蛋 "的人感到厭煩。

  • with long story about how his friend Ron Caramel

    他的朋友羅恩-卡拉梅是如何的長篇大論

  • invented the candy apple.

    發明了糖果蘋果。

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • And finally President Trump plans to

    最後特朗普總統計劃

  • smile through a window and be a human jack-o'-lantern.

    透過窗戶微笑,做一個人類的千斤頂燈籠。

  • Oh, well I hope they all have fun.

    哦,好吧,我希望他們都能玩得開心。

  • [ Cheers and applause ] I hope they have a good time,

    [歡呼聲和掌聲] 我希望他們有一個好時機。

  • it's Halloween.

    今天是萬聖節

  • Well, let's change gears, I heard soon you'll be able

    好了,我們換個等級吧,我聽說你很快就能... ...

  • to buy a brand new kind of milk. Take a look.

    來買一種全新的牛奶。看看吧

  • -Nestle is coming out with

    -雀巢將推出

  • Cinna-toast Crunch-flavored milk, aka "Cinnamilk."

    Cinna -toast Crunch口味的牛奶,又名 "肉桂牛奶"。

  • The new flavored milk tastes like a epic combination

    新口味牛奶的味道就像一個史詩般的組合。

  • of cinnamon and sugar deliciousness,

    肉桂和糖的美味。

  • with hints of toasted cereal in every sip.

    每一口都帶著烤麥片的味道。

  • [ Light laughter ]

    [輕笑]

  • -Cows -- cows heard and were like,

    -奶牛--奶牛聽到了,就像。

  • "I didn't realize what we did wasn't enough for you."

    "我不知道我們所做的對你來說還不夠。"

  • [ Laughter ]

    [笑聲]

  • And finally, here's a weird story,

    最後,這裡有一個奇怪的故事。

  • a food writer in Georgia just created a restaurant

    佐治亞州的一位美食作家剛剛創建了一家餐廳

  • on her front porch for chipmunks.

    在她的前廊上的花栗鼠。

  • Take a look.

    看看吧

  • -Yeah. Right now, her kids are like,

    -是啊,現在,她的孩子就像...現在,她的孩子們都喜歡,

  • "Okay, we need to talk about Mom."

    "好吧,我們需要談談媽媽。"

-Welcome, welcome, welcome,

-歡迎,歡迎,歡迎。

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特朗普又一次舉行危險的集會|今夜秀節目組 (Trump Holds Yet Another Dangerous Rally | The Tonight Show)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2020 年 10 月 31 日
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