but I think it bears repeating.

但我認為這一點值得重複。

You've probably noticed a lot of late night hosts out there

你可能已經注意到了很多深夜的主持人在那裡

they just come out and they tell some monologue jokes,

他們只是出來，他們 告訴一些獨白的笑話。

All right?

好嗎？

That's fine for them.

這對他們來說很好。

But this guy, I like to innovate, okay?

但是這個傢伙，我喜歡創新，好嗎？

I'm sorry other hosts, that's just the way I roll.

對不起其他主機，這只是我的方式。

You see, I found a way to tell great topical jokes

你看，我找到了一個方法來講述偉大的時事笑話

here at the top of the show that add excitement, sex appeal

在這裡，在節目的頂部，增加刺激，性感的吸引力。

and a little 80s nostalgia.

和一點80年代的懷舊情緒。

It's a great new way of devised

這是一個很好的新設計方式。

we're gonna do it again tonight, check it out.

我們今晚要再做一次，檢查出來。

(clears throat)

（清嗓子）

Well, it was reported today that there are 240 U S schools

嗯，今天有報道說，美國有240所學校。

named for confederate leaders.

以邦聯領導人命名。

Yeah, the Confederate leaders include Robert E. Lee,

是啊，南方聯盟的領導人包括羅伯特-李。

Stonewall Jackson and Kid Rock!

斯通沃爾-傑克遜和基德-洛克！

♪ Breaking news, we have a world peace now ♪

爆炸性新聞，我們現在有一個世界和平

♪ Thanks to Conan's Epic Burn ♪

感謝柯南的史詩燒傷

♪ Did you ever think that you could laugh while you learn? ♪

你有沒有想過，你可以 笑，而你學習？

What was that?

那是什麼？

What do you mean, what was that?

什麼意思，那是什麼？

I'm trying to save the world with laughter, Andy.

我想用笑聲拯救世界，安迪。

Oh.

哦。

Hey, Fox News is laying off the people

嘿，福克斯新聞正在裁員。

who do hair and makeup or, as Fox News calls them reporters!

誰做頭髮和化妝或，福克斯新聞稱他們為記者！

♪ Conan's world Just caused a truth-quake ♪

* Conan's world just caused a truth -quake *

♪ Crushed the bad guys in a blink ♪

# 瞬間粉碎了壞人 # # Crushed the bad guys in a blink #

♪ He has jokes that make you smile and make you think ♪

他有笑話，讓你的笑容，讓你覺得?

I don't know how that made me think, that joke.

我不知道這讓我怎麼想的，那個笑話。

Okay Andy, just go with it, all right?

好吧，安迪，只是去與它，好嗎？

Go with it, it's working. Okay, all right.

隨它去吧，它的工作。好吧，好吧。

Recent polls revealed that Joe Biden

最近的民調顯示，喬-拜登

is struggling with Latino voters.

正在與拉丁裔選民鬥爭。

Today, Biden reminded a Latino group

今天，拜登提醒了一個拉丁裔團體。

that he voted against the Mexican-American war.

他投票反對美墨戰爭。

♪ Sleepy Joe just got destroyed now direct hit from C O B ♪

沉睡的喬剛被摧毀 現在直接從C O B的打擊

♪ He's crying on an Amtrak train the power of comedy ♪

他在美鐵列車上哭泣 喜劇的力量

This is actually my least favorite song

其實我最不喜歡這首歌

written for the movie St. Elmo's Fire.

為電影《聖艾爾摩之火》創作。

Thanks Andy, I'll keep that noted.

謝謝安迪，我會記住的。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

One more, scientists have discovered

還有一個，科學家發現

a noxious gas on Venus, that's a sign of life.

金星上的有害氣體，那是生命的象徵。

Of course, here on Earth, the noxious gas

當然，在地球上，有毒的氣體

is a sign of a nearby Arby's.

是附近一家Arby's的標誌。

♪ Uh oh, you've got punchline fever temperature of 103 ♪

# Uh oh, you've got punchline fever temperature of 103 #

♪ Comedy's the antidote and Conan's the vaccine ♪

喜劇是解藥，柯南是疫苗

(sighs)

（嘆氣）

Well, looks like no snarky comment from Andy on that one.

看來安迪沒有對這個問題做出尖酸刻薄的評論。

♪ Andy doesn't like this song but ♪

安迪不喜歡這首歌，但?

♪ No one asked what Andy likes ♪

# 沒有人問安迪喜歡什麼 #

♪ Cut to him right now look, he's not paying attention ♪

切到他現在看， 他不注意