Tell us what have we got here?

告訴我們這裡有什麼？

Well, we have a Chinchilla from Peru.

嗯，我們有一個來自祕魯的金吉拉。

I thought that was an affluent rat, you had there.

我還以為那是一隻富裕的老鼠，你有。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

A rat that had come into some money.

一隻老鼠，進了一些錢。

I've heard of... this is a Chinchilla.

我聽說過... 這是一隻金吉拉。

I know the Chinchilla coats.

我知道金吉拉大衣。

This was the animal they used to make Chinchilla coats.

這就是他們用來製作金吉拉大衣的動物。

And you can tell this...

你可以告訴這個...

So he'd go like over here

所以他就會像在這裡

in this part of the coat right here.

在這部分的大衣就在這裡。

No, I'm kidding, I like animals too.

不，我開玩笑的，我也喜歡動物。

This is incredible, they feel so soft.

太不可思議了，它們感覺很柔軟。

Very, very dense follicles of hair.

非常非常密集的毛囊的毛髮。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

This is not so soothing for the Chinchilla,

這對奇納河人來說，就不那麼舒坦了。

but for me, very calming.

但對我來說，很平靜。

This is what I do before every show,

每次演出前我都會這樣做。

as I have a Chinchilla brought to me and I...

因為我有一個金吉拉帶給我，我... ...

(Conan sighs)

（柯南嘆氣）

... soothing.

......舒緩。

Very nice.

非常好

This animal very seldom even drinks,

這種動物連喝水都很少。

and it, it would never take a bath in water,

而它，絕不會在水中洗澡。

because high up in the Andes it's cold.

因為在安第斯山脈的高處，它是寒冷的。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

The follicles are so dense,

毛囊好密。

it would probably never dry out and would actually die,

它可能永遠不會乾涸，會真正死去。

so it bathes in dust.

所以它沐浴在灰塵中。

Bathes in dust?

沐浴在塵埃中？

And if you put this animal in our...

如果你把這個動物放在我們的... ...

I thought that was a shake and bake,

我還以為是搖一搖，烤一烤。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

cook it up, is this extra crispy or Cajun spice?

烹調起來，是特別的酥脆還是加香？

So if I put the Chinchilla in here,

所以如果我把金吉拉放在這裡。

it will take a dust bath?

它將採取塵浴？

I think he will, yes.

我想他會的，是的。

Alright, this is a amazing.

好吧，這是一個驚人的。

(audience coos)

（庫斯觀眾）

Oh, that's great television right there.

哦，這是偉大的電視在那裡。

(Audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

And he's done, that was it?

他完成了，就這樣？

That's it?

就這樣？

You can't just take a...

你不能只拿一個... ...

and then it leaves the pan and... that's nice Clyde,

然後它離開鍋和... 這是不錯的克萊德。

throw it back into the dust.

把它扔回塵埃裡。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

This is the only way they can stay clean,

只有這樣，他們才能保持乾淨。

is to basically roll in dust,

就是基本上滾滾紅塵。

and many other animals do this as well.

和許多其他動物也會這樣做。

Is it soothing for the animal?

對動物來說，它是舒緩的嗎？

This is the Chinchilla at a four star spa.

這是在四星級溫泉的奇納河。

A little massage right there.

就在那裡做一下按摩。

(Conan sings)

（柯南唱）

You must calm Chinchilla calm, that's incredible.

你一定要冷靜欽差冷靜，這太不可思議了。

Let me show you something else I brought along.

讓我給你看看我帶來的其他東西。

Let me show you something else,

讓我給你看點別的東西。

alright, that sounded sinister,

好吧，這聽起來很邪惡。

when you said it that way.

當你這樣說的時候

I guess he's just chilling out right here, look at this.

我想他只是在這裡放鬆一下，看看這個。

Just hanging out, he can hang out, he's okay.

只是出去玩，他能出去玩，他就可以了。

I hope that guy works for you.

我希望那個傢伙為你工作。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

That was an audience member that just came down.

那是一位剛下來的觀眾。

'I want a Chinchilla.'

'我想要一隻金吉拉'。

Oh my God, look at this.

哦，我的上帝，看看這個。

I took a group of people to Tanzania on a Safari in June,

6月，我帶著一群人去坦尚尼亞的野生動物園。

and these are found in Tanzania,

而這些都是在坦尚尼亞發現的。

in the Rocky areas of rather dry,

在相當乾燥的岩石地區。

almost desert like conditions.

幾乎像沙漠一樣的條件。

Yes.

是的，我知道

And it's called a Tailless whip scorpion

而它的名字叫無尾鞭蠍子

or some people call them Cave dwelling spiders.

或者有人叫它們穴居蜘蛛。

But, wait, wait, wait, which is it,

但是，等等，等等，是哪個。

a spider or a scorpion?

蜘蛛還是蠍子？

Damned if I know.

該死的，如果我知道。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

I honestly...

我真的...

Wait, you're whipping out a bug

等一下，你是在掏竊聽器嗎？

and it may be a scorpion, but you're not sure?

而且它可能是一隻蠍子，但你不確定？

I don't think it's a scorpion.

我不認為這是一個蠍子。

Well, thanks for the scientific breakdown.

嗯，謝謝你的科學分析。

(sarcastically) I don't know, it might be a scorpion.

(諷刺地)我不知道，可能是一隻蠍子。

I'm not sure.

我不確定

How about if I put it on you?

我把它放在你身上怎麼樣？

Alright, okay I'm scared of these things.

好吧，好吧，我害怕這些東西。

They are poisonous.

它們是有毒的。

(everyone screams)

（每個人的尖叫聲）

It's on my crotch.

在我的褲襠上

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Off crotch, off crotch.

胯下，胯下。

Okay, look at that.

好吧，看那個。

Wait, that's great, yeah, that's nice.

等等，那太好了，是的，那很好。

Why do you put them on people?

你為什麼要把它們放在人身上？

(Conan screams)

（柯南尖叫）

Okay, look, it's clinging to you.

好吧，你看，它粘在你身上了。

Alright, do you wanna put it on my hair?

好吧，你想把它放在我的頭髮上嗎？

Put it on my hair, all bugs like my hair, I've found.

把它塗在我的頭髮上，所有的蟲子都喜歡我的頭髮，我發現。

It's not sticking is it?

沒有粘住吧？

Oh my God, oh my god, it just...

哦，我的上帝，哦，我的上帝，它只是... ...

What's it doing, why is it...

它在幹什麼，為什麼... ...

Why is it on my... it's on my wrist right now.

為什麼它在我的... 它在我的手腕上，現在。

It may be extending it's fangs.

它可能正在伸出它的獠牙。

I'm being very still, it's doing something.

我很靜，它在做什麼。

It's like probing my wrist right now.

現在就像在探我的手腕。

It's taking my pulse.

我的脈搏都快跳出來了

(audience exclaims)

(觀眾驚呼)

They actually do have venom.

它們其實是有毒液的。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Are you an idiot, what do you mean it has venom?

你是白痴嗎，什麼叫它有毒液？

Isn't the wrist the shallowest portion of the body?

手腕不是人體最淺的部位嗎？

So if a spider, a venomous spider,

所以如果是蜘蛛，毒蜘蛛。

or scorpion was to attack me,

或蠍子是攻擊我。

the wrist might be the most lethal place.

手腕可能是最致命的地方。

It will be the main line.

這將是主線。

Yeah, incredible, what a wonderful demonstration.

是啊，不可思議，多麼精彩的示範。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Should we remove the spiders please?

我們要不要把蜘蛛去掉？

That's great.

那太好了

Or scorpions or whatever they are.

或蠍子或其他什麼東西。

How are we going to get this one off without it...

沒有了它，我們怎麼能把這個問題解決掉... ...

bite or it's okay?

咬還是可以的？

It's going into the... okay,

它將進入... 好吧。

it almost went into the sleeve,

它幾乎進入了袖子。

which it thought of as a pale, freckled cave.

它認為這是一個蒼白的、有雀斑的山洞。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Alright, what's next?

好了，接下來是什麼？

Let's keep this moving Clyde.

讓我們繼續前進克萊德。

Okay, here's another potentially dangerous animal.

好吧，這又是一種潛在的危險動物。

I thought you meant her.

我以為你說的是她

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

(Conan exclaims)

（柯南感嘆）

What is this, I was clowning around

這是什麼，我是在鬧著玩的

and I didn't see you bring out this thing.

我沒看到你把這個東西拿出來。

What is it?

什麼事？

Accurately enough,

夠準確的。

it's called a black headed Python from Australia.

它叫澳洲的黑頭蟒。

And these animals don't get quite as large

而這些動物沒有那麼大的體型。

as some of the Asian and African Pythons.

作為一些亞洲和非洲的蟒蛇。

They get about eight feet long and they're constrictors...

它們大約有八英尺長，它們是縊縮動物... ...

Oh, constrictors, good.

哦，拘束者，好。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Put around neck and then mention the constricting part.

繞在脖子上，然後提緊部分。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

When they are ready to kill prey, they wrap around it,

當它們準備好殺死獵物時，它們就會纏住獵物。

they squeeze it tightly,

他們緊緊地捏住它。

and the animal dies of suffocation or cardiac arrest.

而動物因窒息或心臟驟停而死亡。

That's great.

那太好了

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

That's really great.

那真是太好了

It is constricting a little bit right now around the throat.

現在喉嚨周圍有點緊縮。

Is that because it senses that I'm scared

是不是因為它感覺到我很害怕？

and it's squeezing.

而它的擠壓。

I think he's afraid of falling,

我想他是怕摔倒。

he wants to wrap around very tightly.

他想包得很緊。

Okay, alright, so I should support him,

好吧，好吧，所以我應該支持他。

now, could it bite you in the face,

現在，它可以咬你的臉。

if I jammed this into your head right now?

如果我現在把這個塞進你的腦袋裡？

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

If I came at you with this would it bite you in the head?

如果我拿著這個來找你，它會不會咬你的頭？

It could, yes he could.

可以，是的，他可以。

So there's a chance

所以有可能

he would bite you in the head while it was strangling me.

他會咬你的頭，而它是扼殺我。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

But, it probably would turn around and bite you

但是，它可能會反過來咬你一口

because you have the tail end, and you know...

因為你有尾巴，你知道... ...

But at the last second,

但在最後一秒。

the Chinchilla springs from its dust bath

塵埃落定

and saves me, alright.

拯救了我，好吧。

He could consume the Chinchilla.

他可以消耗奇奇拉。

They swallow their prey whole.

它們將獵物整個吞下。

Their jaws distend enough

他們的下巴膨脹到足以

that this animal could swallow something as long as...

這種動物可以吞下的東西，只要... ...

Do you ever make these animals fight each other?

你有沒有讓這些動物自相殘殺？

Is that as HBO kind of thing, Cinemax?

是作為HBO的那種東西，Cinemax？

No we don't.

不，我們沒有。

Fox TV, definitely, alright.

福克斯電視，肯定，好吧。

Do you want to, maybe we should remove this.

你要不要，也許我們應該把它刪除。

Maybe we could hang him on the Christmas tree

也許我們可以把他掛在聖誕樹上

as an ornament.

作為裝飾品。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Hi, how are you?

嗨，你好嗎？

This animal was confiscated

這隻動物被沒收了

by the U.S. fish and wildlife service.

由美國魚類和野生動物服務。

It was an illegal animal brought into this country.

這是一個非法的動物帶進這個國家。

That animal is a criminal, you're saying?

你說，那個動物是個罪犯？

The person who brought it in.

帶來的人。

Oh, someone brought it in illegally, it was confiscated,

哦，有人非法帶進來的，被沒收了。

and then you went to the Lost and Found.

然後你去了失物招領處。

It went to the Lowry Park Zoo where it lives today.

它去了洛瑞公園動物園，今天它住在那裡。

I think we have time for one more,

我想我們還有時間再來一次。

and this is... oh wow, look at this.

這是... 哦，哇，看看這個。

I got this one, this looks to me like an Owl.

我得到了這個，這個在我看來像貓頭鷹。

I need a glove, I think.

我需要一隻手套，我想。

That's an owl, there's a glove here.

那是一隻貓頭鷹，這裡有一隻手套。

I get a glove, alright.

我得到一個手套，好吧。

Now tell me about this Owl.

現在告訴我這個貓頭鷹的情況。

This looks like an Owl to me.

在我看來，這像是一隻貓頭鷹。

Yeah, this is a Eurasian Eagle Owl.

是的，這是一隻歐亞鷹鴞。

Owls are broken into two groups.

貓頭鷹分為兩組。

The typical Owls and the Eagle owls,

典型的貓頭鷹和鷹鴞。

our Great Horned Owl, in fact,

事實上，我們的大角貓頭鷹。

is very closely related to this animal.

是與這種動物有非常密切的關係。

And they really can turn their heads around

而且他們真的可以轉過頭來

like 360 degrees, right?

像360度，對不對？

Well, not 360 but about 270.

嗯，不是360，而是270左右。

I'm pretty sure it's 360.

我很確定是360。

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Let's compromise, about 310 degrees.

我們折中一下，大約310度。

Is it true that their heads detach...

他們的頭真的會脫落嗎？

(audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

... and there's candies inside?

...裡面還有糖果？

I've just been told...

我剛剛被告知...

I don't know as much about animals as you,

我對動物的瞭解沒有你多。

but this is a... look at the eyes.

但這是一個... ... 看的眼睛。

Tell us about the eyes Clyde.

跟我們說說克萊德的眼睛。

(Conan 'hoos')

(柯南 'hoos')

Well, first of all, they can't move their eyes very much.

好吧，首先，他們的眼睛不能經常移動。

It's ignoring me.

它在無視我。

They're positioned with boney rings

他們的位置是骨質環

that give them far vision.

讓他們有了遠大的理想。

Yes.

是的，我知道

And it's almost binocular.

而且幾乎是雙目。

It's excellent for, if you're a predator like this,

這是極好的，如果你是這樣的捕食者。

and you're looking for prey animals at some distance.

而你在一定距離內尋找獵物動物。

In fact if you'd like to see an example of how well they see

事實上，如果你想看看他們是如何看待的一個例子

we could put that glove on your hand.

我們可以把手套戴在你手上。

I got the glove on, yeah.

我戴上了手套，是的。

I thought this was for a medical exam.

我以為這是為了體檢。

Do we have a piece of meat back here?

我們有一塊肉回來嗎？

We have meat, do we have some meat here

我們有肉，我們這裡有肉嗎？

or just a little piece of meat?

或者只是一小塊肉？

What is this we're using?

我們用的這個是什麼？

Make a little clucking noise if you would,

如果你願意的話，可以發出一點咯咯的聲音。

just to get his attention.

只是為了引起他的注意。

You just want me to look stupid.

你只是想讓我看起來很傻。

That has nothing to do with this.

這與此無關。

Do a clucking noise?

做一個咯吱聲？

Okay, and it's going to...

好吧，它會... ...

Okay, this is cool.

好吧，這是酷。

Alright, let's see what happens.

好吧，讓我們看看會發生什麼。

(Conan clucks)

（柯南咯咯）

These are silent flyers.

這些都是無聲的傳單。

(Everyone screams)

（每個人的尖叫聲）

(Audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）

Wow, what an unprofessional show.

哇，好不專業的表演。

(Audience laughs)

（觀眾笑）

Look at that.

你看那個。

I love that camera work there.

我喜歡那裡的攝影作品。

Well, should we leave it there?

那麼，我們應該把它留在那裡嗎？

I think they've retrieved it,

我想他們已經找回了它。

and it's got a woman's wig with it.

它有一個女人的假髮與它。

(Audience cheers)

（觀眾歡呼聲）

(Conan clucks)

（柯南咯咯）

This thing is blind.

這東西是盲目的。

It's got the biggest eyes in the world, and it's like,

它有世界上最大的眼睛，它就像。

"I'm sorry, I'm not getting it, they're not seeing."

"對不起，我不明白，他們沒有看到。"