WELCOME TO "A LATE SHOW."

歡迎來到 "深夜秀"。

I AM YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT.

我是你的主播，史蒂芬-科爾伯特。

YOU KNOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMENT, WHEN DONALD TRUMP FIRST

女士們，先生們，你們知道嗎，當唐納德-特朗普第一次... ...

CONTRACTED THE CORONAVIRUS, I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE, JUST MAYBE,

感染了冠狀病毒，我想，也許，只是也許。

HE WOULD EMERGE FROM THIS EXPERIENCE WITH A SHRED OF

他將從這次經歷中脫穎而出，帶著一絲絲。

HUMILITY, BECAUS HONESTLY NOTHING WOULD DISARM CRITICS

謙虛，因為老老實實地沒有任何東西會讓批評者失去信心。

MORE THAN IF HE STOOD UP AND TOLD THE WORLD, "I WAS WRONG.

比他站起來告訴世界 "我錯了 "更重要。

I LEARNED MY LESSON, AND I TRULY SYMPATHIZE WITH THE

我學到了我的教訓，我真的很同情他們。

WHO HAVE BEEN GRAVELY ILL OR LAST THEIR LIVES ON TO THIS

患有嚴重疾病或將生命延續至此的人。

PANDEMIC.

PANDEMIC：

I LEARNED MY LESSON, AND I TRULY SYMPATHIZE WITH THE

我學到了我的教訓，我真的很同情他們。

BUT I FORGOT ONE THING ABOUT TRUMP: HE NEVER DOES THAT.

但我忘了特朗普的一點：他從不這樣做。

HE NEVER CHANGES.

他永遠不會改變。

HE'S A TEFLON TROUT.

他是一個特富龍鱒魚。

HE JUST SWIMS THROUGH ALL THE NORMAL EXPERIENCES OF THE WORLD

他只是遊走在所有正常的世界的經驗。

AND NOT A BARNACLE OF LEARNING STICKS TO HIM.

而不是給他一個學習棒的穀倉。

HE'S THE LEAST WISE PERSON IN HISTORY.

他是歷史上最不聰明的人。

HE'S THE ANTI-SOLOMON.

他是反索羅門。

( AS TRUMP ) "WHAT IF THIS TIME, WE SEWED TWO

（作為特朗普）"如果這一次，我們縫製了兩個。

BABIES TOGETHER?" THE STRAW THAT BROKE MY BRAIN'S

孩子們在一起？""打破我的大腦的那根繩子

BACK WAS HIS DRAMATIC RETURN LAST NIGHT TO THE WHITE HOUSE

他昨晚在白宮的戲劇性歸來。

FROM WALTER REED ON MARINE ONE.

沃爾特-裡德在 "海軍一號 "上的講話。

IT WAS TIMED SO IT COULD APPEAR LIVE ON THE EVENING NEWS, AND

它是定時的，所以它可以出現在現場 在晚間新聞，和。

EVERY BIT OF IT WAS PURE STRONGMAN PROPAGANDA.

它的每一個片段都是純粹的強人宣傳。

HERE HE IS LEAVING THE HOSPITAL: THERE YOU GO.

他在這裡離開醫院：你去那裡。

PUMP YOUR FIST.

握緊你的拳頭

AND THEN SLOWLY TAPPING THE HANDRAIL. YOU'RE CONTAGIOUS.

然後慢慢地拍打扶手，你真夠嗆。

STOP TOUCHING IT.

停止觸摸它。

THEN BACK AT THE WHITE HOUSE, RATHER THAN USE THE USUAL

然後回到白宮，而不是使用通常的。

GROUND-LEVEL ENTRANCE, HE CLIMBED UP THE STAIRS.

一樓入口處，他爬上了樓梯。

ONLY DONALD TRUMP WOULD THINK CLIMBING STAIRS IS A FEAT OF

只有唐納德-特朗普才會認為爬樓梯是一種特質。

STRENGTH.

強度：

( AS TRUMP ) "NOW WATCH ME DRINK WATER WITH

"現在看我和你一起喝水

ONE HAND, AND FOR MY FINAL TRICK, I WILL CLOSE THIS

一隻手，而我的最後一招，我將關閉這個。

UMBRELLA.

UMBRELLA：

IT CAN'T BE DONE!

不能這樣做！

HOW DID YOU DO IT, MARY POPINS!" ONCE ON THE BALCONY, KIM JONG

你是怎麼做到的，瑪麗-波賓斯！"在陽臺上，金鐘...

DON REMOVED HIS MASK.

不要刪除他的面具。

( AS TRUMP ) "I'M BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL, AND

"我從醫院回來了，而且...

JUST TO PUT ANY LINGERING DOUBTS TO REST:

只是為了消除任何殘留的疑慮。

I'VE LEARNED NOTHING.

我什麼都沒學到。

KNEEL BEFORE ME, YE WEAK AND WITHERED, AND INHALE MY

你們這些軟弱無力的人，跪在我面前，吸我的氣。

PRECIOUS DROPLETS!" TRUMP WANTED THIS TO BE A SHOW

精美的水滴！"特朗普想這是一場秀。

OF STRENGTH, BUT MOMENTS AFTER TAKING OFF HIS MASK, HE WAS

的力量，但在脫下面具後的幾個小時，他是。

CLEARLY STRUGGLING TO BREATHE.

明顯地掙扎著呼吸。

STILL, IT'S A STRONG LOOK.

不過，這是一個強大的外觀。

BECAUSE NOTHING BAD EVER HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHO ARE FAMOUS FOR

因為出名的人永遠不會有壞事發生。

THEIR BALCONIES: MUSSOLINI, SADDAM, JULIET.

他們的陽臺。MUSSOLINI, SADDAM, JULIET.

IT WAS ALL STUPID, BUT HERE'S THE STUPIDEST PART.

這一切都很愚蠢，但這裡是最愚蠢的部分。

AFTER LEAVING THE BALCONY AND GOING INTO THE WHITE HOUSE, HE

離開陽臺後，進了白房子，他... ...

WENT BACK OUT AND WAS SEEN RE-SHOOTING HIS ENTRANCE INTO

回到外面，被人看到重新拍攝他的進入。

THE WHITE HOUSE.

白宮：

YOU DON'T GET TO DO RE-SHOOTS OF ACTUAL IMPORTANT MOMENTS.

你不需要重新拍攝實際的重要時刻。

"OKAY, HONEY, I HAD THE LENS CAP ON.

"好吧，親愛的，我有鏡頭蓋上。

HEY, DOC, CAN WE PUT THE BABY BACK IN?

嘿，醫生，我們能把孩子放回去嗎？

GET A SHOEHORN.

得到一個鞋墊。

SORRY, DOCTORS, EVERYBODY, BACK TO ONE!

對不起，醫生們，各位，回到一個人身上！

REMEMBER, YOU'RE IN PAIN, AND PUSH!"

記住，你是在痛苦中，和推！"

IT'S MAGICAL.

這是神奇的。

IT SEEMED LIKE THE WHOLE THING WAS PROPAGANDA.

似乎整個事情都是宣傳。

AND IT REALLY SEEMED LIKE IT WAS PROPAGANDA WHEN THEY RELEASED IT

而且他們發佈的時候好像是在做宣傳。

AS PROPAGANDA: ♪ ♪ ♪

作為宣傳。♪ ♪ ♪

AS PROPAGANDA: ♪ ♪ ♪

作為宣傳。♪ ♪ ♪

>> Stephen: GOOD GERBILS.

>> Stephen:良好的胃口。

NOT ONLY WAS THAT CAMPAIGN PROPAGANDA, IT'S ALSO A TRAILER

不僅是廣告宣傳，也是預告片。

FOR THE UPCOMING MOVIE, "TRIUMPH OF THE ILL."

為即將上映的電影 "病魔的誘惑"。

TRUMP COMING HOME AND TAKING OFF THE MASK REALLY SENDS A BAD

特朗普回家摘下面具真的很有感觸

MESSAGE.

MESSAGE：

IN FACT, THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN THE MESSAGE THIS SENT IS

事實上，唯一比這條資訊更糟糕的是，這條資訊是

THE ACTUAL MESSAGE HE SENT: >> I LEARNED SO MUCH ABOUT

他發送的實際資訊。>> 我學到了這麼多關於

CORONAVIRUS.

CORONAVIRUS：

AND ONE THING THAT'S FOR CERTAIN, DON'T LET IT DOMINATE

有一件事是肯定的，不要讓它支配。

YOU.

你。

DON'T BE AFRAID OF IT.

不要害怕它。

YOU'RE GONNA BEAT IT.

你一定會打敗它。

>> Stephen: ONCE AGAIN, HE LEARNS NOTHING.

>> Stephen:再一次，他什麼也沒學到。

HE'S LIKE IF SCROOGE WOKE UP ON CHRISTMAS MORNING AND SAID,

他就像如果史高治在聖誕節早上醒來說：

"I'VE BEEN VISITED BY THREE GHOSTS.

"我被三個鬼魂拜訪過，

pDON'T BE AFRAID OF THEM, FOLKS, AND DON'T LET THEM DOMINATE YOU.

不要害怕他們，夥計們，不要讓他們支配你。

I JUST PUT ON MY BOSE NOISE- CANCELING HEADPHONES AND SLEPT

我只是戴上我的BOSE消音耳機，然後溜走了。

LIKE A GIN-SOAKED BABY.

就像一個被琴酒浸泡過的嬰兒。

THE POINT IS, I'M GOING TO INFECT TINY TIM WITH

關鍵是，我要去感染TINY TIM與。

CORONAVIRUS.

CORONAVIRUS：

SOMEBODY GET ME A GOOSE."

誰給我弄只鵝來。"

HE'S GOING TO LICK THE GOOSE AND GIVE IT TO THE KRACHET FAMILY.

他要去舔鵝，並把它送給KRACHET家族。

I THINK THAT'S WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN.

我想這就是將要發生的事情。

BUT TRUMP HAS GOOD REASON TO BE POSITIVE ABOUT THE VIRUS.

但特朗普有充分的理由對病毒持積極態度。

>> WE HAVE THE BEST MEDICAL EQUIPMENT.

>> 我們有最好的醫療設備。

WE HAVE THE BEST MEDICINES, ALL DEVELOPED RECENTLY.

我們有最好的藥物，都是最近開發的。

>> Stephen: (AS TRUMP) "WE HAVE THE BEST MEDICINE.

>> 斯蒂芬：（作為特朗普）"我們有最好的藥物。

WE ALL HAVE EXPERIMENTAL TREATMENTS THAT NOBODY ELSE HAS

我們都有別人沒有的經驗療法。

GOTTEN.

GOTTEN：

WE ALL HAVE THE BEST HELICOPTER TO FLY US TO AND FROM OUR

我們都有最好的直升機來飛往我們的國家和地區。

PUBLICLY SUBSIDIZED MANSION THAT ITSELF CONTAINS AN IN-HOME

公立別墅，本身就有一個家庭住宅

INTENSIVE CARE UNIT ITSELF.

密集護理組織、部門本身。

WE'RE DEFINITELY GONNA BEAT THIS VIRUS.

我們一定要打敗這個病毒。

THAT'S WHAT WE ALL HAVE.

這就是我們都有的。

NOT SURE ABOUT YOU ALL, THOUGH.

我對你們都不太確定

WE ALL HAVE THAT."

我們都有這個。"

ONE OF THE REASONS TRUMP WAS FEELING SO PEPPY IS THAT HE'S

特朗普感到如此悲觀的原因之一是，他是。

JACKED UP ON THE STEROID DEXAMETHASONE.

JACKED UP ON STEROID DEXAMETHASONE.

STEROIDS CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INVINCIBLE.

STEROIDS可以讓你感到不可思議。

I'VE HAD THEM.

我有過這樣的經歷。

YOU GO FROM "I CAN BARELY STAND UP" TO "I'LL PUNCH A TIGER IN

你從 "我可以勉強站起來 "到 "我要打老虎"。

THE NUTS!" WORK IT LIKE A SPEED BAG.

堅果！"工作就像一個速度袋。

OF COURSE, IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME A PRESIDENT HAS RETURNED TO

當然，這不是第一次有總統回來了。

THE WHITE HOUSE ON STEROIDS.

白宮的性病：

EISENHOWER HAD A HEART ATTACK, AND WHEN HE RETURNED TO THE

艾森豪威爾心臟病發作，當他回來的時候。

WHITE HOUSE, HE LOOKED LIKE THIS.

白色的房子，他看起來像這樣。

IKE SMASH!

IKE SMASH！

ULTIMATELY, TRUMP HAD A SIMPLE REPETITIVE MESSAGE FOR THE

極端地，特朗普有一個簡單的重複性的資訊，對the

COUNTRY: GO OUT AND GET SOME SICK.

國家：出去，讓一些病。

>> DON'T LET IT DOMINATE.

>> 不要讓它支配。

DON'T LET IT TAKE OVER YOUR LIVES.

不要讓它接管你的生活。

WE'RE GOING BACK, WE'RE GOING BACK TO WORK.

我們要回去了，我們要回去工作了。

WE'RE GONNA BE OUT FRONT.

我們會在前面。

AS YOUR LEADER, I HAD TO DO THAT.

作為你的上司，我必須這樣做。

I KNEW THERE'S DANGER TO IT, BUT I HAD TO DO IT.

我知道這很危險，但我不得不這麼做。

I STOOD OUT FRONT.

我站在前面。

I LED.

LED。

NOBODY THAT'S A LEADER WOULD NOT DO WHAT I DID.

沒有人是一個領導者不會做我所做的事。

AND I KNOW THERE'S A RISK, THERE'S A DANGER, BUT THAT'S

我知道有風險，有危險，但那是...

OKAY.

好的。

AND NOW I'M BETTER, AND MAYBE I'M IMMUNE.

現在我好了，也許我是免疫的。

I DON'T KNOW.

我不知道。

BUT DON'T LET IT DOMINATE YOUR LIVES.

但不要讓它支配你的生活。

GET OUT THERE.

離開那裡。

BE CAREFUL.

小心點

>> Stephen: OKAY, THAT'S A MIXED IT'S LIKE A FIRE MARSHALL

>> Stephen:好吧，這是一個混合的，就像一個消防隊長。

SAYING, "DON'T LET THE FIRE DOMINATE YOU.

說，"不要讓火支配你，

WALK DIRECTLY INTO THE FLAMES, YOU COWARDS!

直接走進火焰中，你們這些懦夫！

BE CAREFUL."

小心點。"

THEN TO REINFORCE HIS CALL TO MAKE AMERICA A DEATH CULT AGAIN,

然後再重申他的號召，讓美國再次成為死亡崇拜者。

TRUMP TWEETED, "FLU SEASON IS COMING UP!

特朗普在推特上說："流感季節即將來臨!

MANY PEOPLE EVERY YEAR, SOMETIMES OVER 100,000, AND

每年都有許多人，有時超過10萬人，而且...。

DESPITE THE VACCINE, DIE FROM THE FLU.

儘管有疫苗，但還是會死於流感。

ARE WE GOING TO CLOSE DOWN OUR COUNTRY?

我們要關閉我們的國家嗎？

NO, WE HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE WITH IT, JUST LIKE WE ARE LEARNING TO

不，我們已經學會了與它共存，就像我們正在學習如何與它共存一樣。

LIVE WITH COVID, IN MOST POPULATIONS, FAR LESS LETHAL!"

和科維德一起生活，在大多數人看來，遠沒有那麼可怕！"

ADDING, "DON'T FEAR THE REAPER, BABY.

補充道："不要害怕收割機，寶貝。

TAKE MY HAND.

抓住我的手。

DON'T FEAR THE REAPER, WE'LL BE ABLE TO FLY.

別怕收割機，我們會飛起來的。

BABY I'M YOUR MAN, CORONA-NA-NA-NA."

寶貝我是你的男人，CORONA -NA -NA。"

NEEDS MORE COW BELL.

需要更多的牛鈴。

OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, WHAT YOU WROTE WAS WRONG.

好吧，首先，你寫的東西是錯誤的。

HOW WRONG?

錯在哪裡？

IT WAS PULLED DOWN BY FACEBOOK.

它被FACEBOOK拉下了。

SECOND, YOU HAVE COVID, AND YOU'RE TRYING TO CHANGE THE

第二，你有Covid，而你想改變這一切。

SUBJECT TO OTHER DISEASES.

受其他疾病影響。

IT REMINDS ME OF THAT SCENE IN "JAWS."

這讓我想起了 "JAWS "裡的那一幕。

>> THE FLU STILL KILLS MORE PEOPLE A YEAR!

>> 流感每年殺死更多的人!

>> Stephen: SO HOW DID THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD CATCH A

>> 史蒂芬: 那麼，自由世界的領袖是如何捕捉到的呢？

VIRUS THAT MOST AMERICANS HAVE SUCCESSFULLY AVOIDED?

大多數美國人都成功避免了的病毒？

IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THE WHITE HOUSE'S PREVENTION STRATEGY--

這一切都歸結於白宮的預防策略----。

THEY DON'T HAVE ONE.

他們沒有一個。

INSTEAD OF USING PROVEN COVID SAFETY MEASURES LIKE MASKS AND

不使用諸如口罩等經證實的安全措施，而是採用 "安全套"。

SOCIAL DISTANCING, THE WHITE HOUSE USED A TEST WITH A 10% TO

社會距離，白宮使用了一個10%到10%的測試。

20% FALSE NEGATIVE RATE.

20%的假負率。

TESTING ALONE DOESN'T STOP YOU FROM GETTING THE VIRUS.

單獨測試並不能阻止你感染病毒。

THAT'S LIKE SAYING, "BABE, SHOULD WE USE A CONDOM?"

這就像說，"寶貝，我們要不要用保險套？"

AND SHE SAID, "DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

她說，"不要擔心這個。

I TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST EVERY MORNING, SO WE'RE GOING."

我每天早上都要做懷孕測試，所以我們要去。"

THE PRESIDENT MUST BE FEELING BETTER, OR AT LEAST FEELING

主席必須感覺更好，或者至少感覺到

MANIC, BECAUSE AFTER WEEKS OF BACK AND FORTH WITH NANCY

狂躁，因為經過幾個星期與NANCY的來回奔波

PELOSI, THIS AFTERNOON, TRUMP HALTED COVID-19 RELIEF TALKS

佩洛西，今天晚上，特朗普停止了科維德-19的寬慰談話。

UNTIL AFTER THE ELECTION.

直到選舉結束後。

THAT MEANS NO ADDITIONAL UNEMPLOYMENT BENEFITS FOR

這意味著沒有額外的失業福利。

MILLIONS OF AMERICANS WHO ARE OUT OF WORK.

數以百萬計的美國人沒有工作。

TRUMP'S DOCTORS MIGHT NOT BE TELLING US ABOUT WHAT SIDE

特朗普的醫生可能沒有告訴我們他的立場。

EFFECTS HE HAS FROM COVID-19 BUT ONE THING IS FOR SURE: IT'S

他從COVID-19的效果，但有一件事是肯定的。它是

IT'S NOT AN ENLARGED HEART.

這不是一個擴大的心臟。

COME ON, MR. PRESIDENT.

來吧，先生。主席：

WE'VE SEEN YOUR TAXES.

我們已經看到了你的稅金。

YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE BROKE.

你知道破產是什麼感覺嗎？

IN HIS TWEET ANNOUNCING HIS ROID-ONOMICS PLAN, TRUMP

在他宣佈他的ROID-ONOMICS計劃的推特上，特朗普。

PROMISED THAT "IMMEDIATELY AFTER I WIN, WE WILL PASS A MAJOR

承諾："在我獲勝後，我們將立即通過一項重大的。

STIMULUS BILL THAT FOCUSES ON HARDWORKING AMERICANS AND SMALL

著重於美國苦力和小企業的經濟刺激法案。

BUSINESS."

業務。"

HE'S HOLDING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE HOSTAGE SO THEY'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

他挾持了美國人民，讓他們投他的票。

THAT EXPLAINS HIS NEW CAMPAIGN SIGNS: VOTE TRUMP AND NO ONE

這就解釋了他新的競選標語：投票給特朗普，誰也不投。

GETS HURT!

被傷害了！

ONLY ONE LITTLE PROBLEM WITH THAT PLAN: HE'S NOT WINNING.

這個計劃只有一個小問題：他不會贏。

IN THE LATEST CNN POLL, BIDEN LEADS TRUMP BY 16 POINTS.

在最新的CNN民意調查中，比登領先特朗普16個百分點。

( AS TRUMP ) "I'M ALSO GOING TO HAVE A PLAN

"我也會有一個計劃

FOR COVID.

對於COVID：

RIGHT AFTER 'PEOPLE' MAGAZINE NAMES ME THE 'SEXIEST MAN

就在《人物》雜誌將我評為 "最性感的男人 "之後。

ALIVE'.

"活著"。

I'M COMING FOR YOU McCONAUGHEY."

"我要去找你，麥庫納格希"

TRUMP TRIED TO REASSURE THE NATION:

特朗普試圖讓全國人民放心。

"OUR ECONOMY IS DOING VERY WELL.

"我們的經濟發展得很好。

THE STOCK MARKET IS AT RECORD LEVELS, JOBS AND UNEMPLOYMENT

股市處於歷史最高水準，就業和失業率

DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, DOT, ALSO COMING BACK IN RECORD

DOT，DOT，DOT，DOT，DOT，DOT，DOT，也將在記錄中迴歸。

NUMBERS.

數目：

WE ARE LEADING THE WORLD IN ECONOMIC RECOVERY, AND THE BEST

我們正在引領世界經濟復甦，而最好的

IS YET TO COME."

是未來。"

THAT DIDN'T QUITE SOUND ENTHUSIASTIC ENOUGH.

這聽起來還不夠刺激。

KIMBERLY?

金佰利？

>> THE BEST!

>> 最好的！

IS YET!

是的！

TO COME!

來了！

>> Stephen: WELL, IT COULD NOT GET ANY WORSE...

>> Stephen:好了，它不會得到任何更糟的... ...

IS WHAT I KEEP SAYING.

是我一直說的。

WALL STREET SAW TRUMP'S TWEET ABOUT HOW THEY'RE DOING AND

華爾街看到了特朗普關於他們如何做的推特，並。

IMMEDIATELY TUMBLED 600 POINTS.

瞬間暴漲600點。

YES, THEY S&P'd THEMSELVES.

是的，他們把自己標普了。

NOW, AGREEING TO A STIMULUS PACKAGE THIS CLOSE TO THE

現在，同意在臨近春節前推出一攬子經濟刺激計劃。

ELECTION WAS ALWAYS GOING TO BE TOUGH, BUT WITH HIS TWEET, TRUMP

選舉總是會很艱難，但隨著他的推特，特朗普

NOW OWNS THIS ISSUE.

現在擁有這個問題。

ONE TRUMP CAMPAIGN STAFF MARVELED, "YOU HAVE TO TRY TO BE

一位特朗普的競選職員驚呼："你要想成為。

THIS POLITICALLY INEPT.

這種政治上的無能。

WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WHITE HOUSE?

白宮裡發生了什麼事？

WHERE IS MARK MEADOWS?" NOW, NO ONE HAS SEEN HIM.

馬克-米道斯在哪裡？"現在，沒有人見過他。

BUT THEY DID SPOT THIS FICUS WITH LEGS RUNNING OUT OF THE

但他們確實發現了這隻腳跑出來的FICUS。

WHITE HOUSE.

白宮：

TRUMP'S NOT THE ONLY ONE FEELING UNDER THE WEATHER.

特朗普不是唯一一個感到不舒服的人。

AS A RESULT OF THE ADMINISTRATION'S DISASTROUS LACK

由於行政當局的災難性缺失。

OF COVID SECURITY, AT LEAST 19 PEOPLE HAVE NOW TESTED POSITIVE

至少有19人的安全測試呈陽性。

WHO HAD BEEN IN RECENT CONTACT WITH THE PRESIDENT OR ATTENDED

最近與主席接觸過或出席過會議的人

WHITE HOUSE OR CAMPAIGN EVENTS.

白宮或競選活動。

19 PEOPLE!

19人！

TAKEN DOWN!

被拿下！

THOSE ARE "JOHN WICK" NUMBERS.

這些是 "約翰-威克 "的號碼。

19 PEOPLE GOT CLOSE ENOUGH TO TRUMP TO GET COVID.

19人得到了接近特朗普的機會，得到了COVID。

AND I WANT TO POINT OUT, NONE OF THEM WERE HIS KIDS.

我想指出的是，他們都不是他的孩子。

THAT'S GOT TO HURT ERIC.

這一定會傷害到埃裡克。

( AS ERIC ) "DAD, I'LL STILL TAKE A HUG!"

（作為埃裡克）"爸爸，我會採取一個擁抱！"

AND EARLIER TODAY, THE PENTAGON ANNOUNCED THAT THE JOINT CHIEFS

今天早些時候，五角大樓宣佈，聯合首席執行官將於今天上午10:00-11:00在五角大樓舉行會議。

OF STAFF ARE IN QUARANTINE AFTER AN ADMIRAL TESTED POSITIVE FOR

在一名海軍上將檢測結果呈陽性後，有多少工作人員被隔離？

COVID-19.

COVID-19.

LUCKILY, IF A WAR BREAKS OUT, THEY'RE ALL READY TO HANDLE IT

幸運的是，如果戰爭爆發，他們都準備好了應對它

OVER ZOOM.

OVER ZOOM。

( AS GENERAL ) "WAIT, I'M SORRY, WERE YOU ABOUT

（作為一般）"等等，對不起，你是關於什麼？

TO LAUNCH A MISSILE OR WAS I?

發射飛彈還是我？

NO?

沒有？

OKAY, YOU GO FIRST.

好吧，你先去。

WHO'S GOT THE LAUNCH CODES?

誰得到了啟動碼？

YOU'RE ON MUTE!" WHAT WITH THE PRESIDENT DANCING

你是靜音的！"總統跳舞是怎麼回事？

WITH THE DEVIL IN THE PALE MOONLIGHT, IT'S EASY TO FORGET

惡魔在淡淡的月光下，很容易被人遺忘

THAT HE'S TRYING TO DRAG THE REST OF US TO HELL, TOO.

他想把我們其他人也拖進地獄。

CONSIDER THE SUPREME COURT, WHERE HIS NEW NOMINEE WOULD GIVE

考慮到最高法院，他的新提名人將在那裡給予。

CONSERVATIVES A 6-3 MAJORITY.

保守派6-3佔多數。

AND WE GOT A PREVIEW OF WHAT THAT IMBALANCE MIGHT MEAN,

我們得到了一個預覽 什麼，不平衡可能意味著。