We're back.

我們回來了

As I,

I's。

as I mentioned earlier,

正如我前面提到的。

and if you're just tuning in

如果你是剛調入

Kumail Nanjiani not able to make it tonight

庫邁爾-南賈尼今晚不能來了

through apparently no fault of his own.

通過顯然不是他自己的過錯。

Kumail Nanjiani.

庫邁爾-南賈尼

(Crowd laughing)

（眾人笑）

(Crowd clapping)

（人群鼓掌）

She was like a recovering stroke victim.

她就像一個正在康復的中風患者。

Listen.

名單：

Good job.

做得好

That's a trademarked Richter zinger character.

那是一個商標的里氏刺字。

Yeah.

是啊。

So our only guest tonight

所以我們今晚唯一的客人

has been my assistant for almost 10 years.

已經做了我的助理快10年了。

We've been through a lot together

我們一起經歷了很多

and she always tells it like it is.

她總是告訴它像它是。

Please welcome ladies and gentlemen, Miss. Sona.

請歡迎女士們，先生們，小姐。Sona。

(Crowd clapping an cheering)

(人群拍手歡呼)

Now, Sona.

現在，索納。

We didn't even explain

我們甚至沒有解釋

I think Jeff Ross, our producer just said get into makeup.

我想傑夫-羅斯，我們的製片人剛剛說過要去化妝。

Yes.

是的，我知道

And you didn't know why.

而你卻不知道為什麼。

No one told me anything.

沒有人告訴我什麼。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

But that's kind of like how my job is just regularly.

但這有點像我的工作只是定期。

Right.

好吧，我知道了

No one tells me anything.

沒有人告訴我什麼。

No one tells you anything.

沒有人告訴你什麼。

And so you do as you are told,

於是你就照做了。

so we told you to get into makeup and then you did.

所以我們叫你去化妝，然後你就去了。

And then at what point did you realize you were going to be

然後在什麼時候，你意識到你將會是。

the guest on the show tonight and not Kumail Nanjiani?

今晚節目的嘉賓而不是庫邁爾-南賈尼?

I think right when I was walking in,

我想就在我走進去的時候。

like you guys called my name and I was like,

像你們叫我的名字，我很喜歡，

Oh shit they really ran out of stuff to do.

哦，媽的，他們真的沒東西可做了。

Have an applause?

有掌聲嗎？

Just relax.

放鬆點

You look fantastic.

你看起來棒極了

What are you doing?

你在做什麼？

My hair is so crunchy.

我的頭髮好脆。

What?

什麼？

No. No.

不，不

Okay, that's better.

好吧，這是更好的。

It's fine.

沒事的

It's cool.

這很酷。

Let's tell people a little bit about you.

讓我們來給大家介紹一下你吧。

You've been working with me for almost a decade.

你和我一起工作了近十年。

For over a decade.

十多年來，。

Okay.

好吧，我知道了

No, that's how long it's been.

不，那是多久以前的事了。

I said working.

我說工作。

(Laughing)

（笑）

She goofs off a lot.

她經常傻乎乎的。

I do, I do.

我願意，我願意。

Do you have any weed?

你有大麻嗎？

I'm just kidding.

我只是在開玩笑。

You're actually not kidding.

其實你不是在開玩笑。

We had a lot of misadventures together you know,

我們一起經歷了很多不幸的事情，你知道的。

Yeah.

是啊。

How would you say it is working for me?

你說我的效果如何？

And you can be honest.

而且你可以誠實。

We have a fun chemistry.

我們有一個有趣的化學反應。

Don't look at me.

別看我

Is it

是不是

Would you say fun or would you say dysfunctional?

你會說好玩還是說不正常？

Dysfunctional.

功能障礙。

Well working for you, first of all,

首先，你的工作很好。

I mean I've been working for, for over 10 years.

我的意思是，我已經工作了，超過10年。

So obviously I like it,

所以很明顯，我喜歡它。

but there are times when I wanna like poison your food,

但有的時候我想在你的食物裡下毒。

or, or I wanna

或者，或者我想

I really think about ways to kill you slowly.

我真的在想辦法慢慢殺你。

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

是啊，是啊，是啊。

I'm kind of a crazy person.

我是個瘋狂的人

I think we can say.

我想我們可以說。

Yes you're kinda crazy.

是的，你是有點瘋了。

Hey, hey, hey.

嘿，嘿，嘿。

What you, what are you doing characters for all the sudden.

你，你這是幹什麼人物的突然。

(Laughing)

（笑）

What kind of character was that?

那是一個什麼樣的人物？

Prepare all kinds of bit.

準備好各種位。

Okay, yeah.

好吧，是的。

Let's, let's take it easy on those.

讓我們，讓我們把它容易在這些。

Presume.

假設。

You are looking for a house right now.

你現在正在找房子。

I thought that we could use television tech at your house.

我想，我們可以在你家使用電視技術。

Cause you and your husband

因為你和你丈夫

have been looking for about a while now.

已經找了一段時間了。

Can I put you on the spot.

我可以把你的位置。

Can you buy me a house?

你能給我買套房子嗎？

Can you buy me a house?

你能給我買套房子嗎？

(Singing)

(唱)

(Laughing)

（笑）

The answer is yes.

答案是肯定的。

I can buy you a house.

我可以給你買房子。

You've been very generous to me over the years.

這些年來，你對我很慷慨。

(Dog barking)

（狗叫聲）

This is honestly true.

說實話，這是真的。

We just were sent a clip from Kumail

我們剛剛收到庫邁爾的一個片段

and they think that they have in the booth.

他們認為，他們已經在展位。

Can they put this up?

他們能把這個掛起來嗎？

So here we go.

所以在這裡，我們去。

Hey, Conan's.

嘿，柯南的。

Sorry Kimo couldn't make it tonight.

對不起，基莫今晚不能來了。

It's my fault.

都是我的錯

I don't know my lines.

我不知道我的臺詞。

He doesn't know his lines.

他不知道他的臺詞。

At least he said sorry.

至少他說了對不起。

He said he was sorry.

他說他很抱歉。

Yeah, It seems to have broken up without her.

是啊，似乎沒有她就分手了。

All alright I love you Sona.

好吧，我愛你索娜。

You're a great friend.

你是個好朋友

You're a great assistant.

你是一個偉大的助手。

Son of obsessing and everybody we'll be right back.

痴迷的兒子和大家，我們馬上回來。