Christmas. And, er...

聖誕節。 - 還有，呃...還有，呃...

Like every year, I find myself

像每年一樣，我發現自己

confronted with the annual conundrum of

面臨著每年都要面對的難題

what presents to buy everyone.

給大家買什麼禮物。

What presents to buy family and friends.

給家人和朋友買什麼禮物。

Er, well fortunately I don't really have any friends.

呃，幸好我沒有什麼朋友。

So, er, that's half the battle won already.

所以，呃，這已經是贏了一半的戰鬥了。

But still, there's still family to take care of.

但還是要照顧家人。

And so far I've spent the last 20 minutes

到目前為止，我花了20分鐘的時間

working on this bespoke Christmas scene.

工作在這個定製的聖誕場景。

The good news is, in Japan,

好消息是，在日本。

when you want to buy things, but don't know what it is you want to buy

當你想買東西，但不知道你想買的是什麼的時候

there's an amazing shop to get the job done.

有一個驚人的商店來完成這項工作。

It's called Don Quijote

它叫唐吉訶德

and it's a huge, giant emporium.

這是一個巨大的，巨大的帝國。

A giant discount gift store

一個巨大的折扣禮品店

where you can find pretty much anything.

在那裡你可以找到幾乎所有的東西。

Except dinosaurs and self-worth.

除了恐龍和自我價值。

You can especially find bizarre, poorly branded items.

尤其是你可以找到奇異的、品牌差的商品。

After all, this is the shop where I first discovered

畢竟，這是我第一次發現的店。

Black Man underwear.

黑人內褲。

A questionable brand of underwear

一個有問題的內衣品牌

whose target market I am still struggling to comprehend.

其目標市場我還在努力理解。

But if you need ideas and inspiration for things to buy

但如果你需要購買的東西的想法和靈感

that ultimately you neither need, nor really want

歸根結底，你既不需要，也不真的想要

then Don Quijote is the best place to start.

那麼唐吉訶德就是最好的開始。

So...

所以...

let's go and see what we can find.

讓我們去看看我們能找到什麼。

Let's get some inspiration for Christmas presents.

讓我們獲得一些聖誕禮物的靈感。

Off we go.

我們走吧

If you're the type of person who likes to wear

如果你是那種喜歡穿著

only premium fancy dress products,

只有優質的化裝品。

Don Quijote has got you covered.

唐吉訶德會幫你解決。

Who needs expensive Nintendo license products

誰需要昂貴的任天堂授權產品

when you can get...

當你能得到...

Red Capman!

紅帽人！

Which is basically Mario, except there's just an R

基本上就是馬里奧，只是有一個R。

on the hat, instead of an M.

帽子上，而不是一個M。

If you're more of a Luigi person,

如果你比較喜歡路易吉。

then, er, don't worry.

那麼，呃，不用擔心。

There's Green Capman as well!

還有綠帽人也是!

Also with a G.

還帶著一個G。

Now, maybe you're a girl, and you're thinking

現在，也許你是一個女孩，你在想... ...

"I don't want to go as Red Capman."

"我不想去當紅帽人。"

"I don't want to go as Green Capman, either."

"我也不想去當綠帽人。"

Don't worry.

別擔心

There's Red Caplady as well!

還有紅帽女郎!

Fun for everyone!

每個人都有樂趣!

Nobody gets left out.

沒有人被排除在外。

Look at the enthusiasm etched on her face.

看她臉上刻著的熱情。

Vending machine costume. Look at that.

自動售貨機的服裝。你看那。

That is pretty good, actually.

其實，這很好。

Oh, it's got the exact quote you would use

哦，它有確切的報價 你會使用

if you were wearing this costume.

如果你穿著這套服裝。

And, there's another one.

而且，還有一個。

Of course there's another one.

當然還有一個。

Post Box.

郵政信箱：

It's a tough one, isn't it.

這是一個艱難的問題，不是嗎。

Would you rather go to a party dressed as a post box

你是否願意去參加一個派對 穿成一個郵筒。

or a vending machine.

或自動售貨機。

I live the, um, level of distain

我的生活，嗯，蔑視的程度

by the people wearing these costumes in the photos.

由照片中穿著這些服裝的人。

It doesn't look like he's enjoying it on any level.

看上去他一點也不喜歡這樣的生活。

He just looks really angry.

他只是看起來很生氣。

I suppose I would be if someone tried to

我想如果有人試圖

post a letter into my face as well.

把信也貼到我的臉上。

In the run up to Christmas,

在聖誕節前

Don Quijote is a great place for stocking fillers.

堂吉訶德是買襪子填充物的好地方。

I don't suppose there's going to be

我不認為會有

much demand for these anymore.

對這些的需求已經很大了。

I'm surprised there was in the first place, though, to be honest.

不過，說實話，我很驚訝一開始就有。

Nothing says "Christmas spirit"

沒有什麼比 "聖誕精神 "更重要了

like a reindeer gimp mask.

就像一個馴鹿的皮具面具。

But look at the picture on the back.

但看後面的圖片。

Look at this guy's face!

看看這傢伙的臉！

This is the worrying reality of what this would look like.

這就是令人擔憂的現實，這將是什麼樣子。

How could you conceivably think about wearing this?

你怎麼會想到要穿這個？

Imagine you go on a date with a guy

想象一下，你去約會的傢伙

and you go back to the apartment

然後你回到公寓

and things go well, clothes come off.

和事情的順利進行，衣服的脫落。

And the guy pulls down his

而這個傢伙拉下他的

trousers or pants

褲

to reveal

揭露

Sappy Underwear.

薩菲內衣。

Why would anyone buy

為什麼會有人買

underwear with the word "sappy" written

吊帶褲

on the top. Like...

在上面。像...

people like to brag about

愛吹牛

wearing Calvin Klein underwear

穿著Calvin Klein的內衣

But, Sappy? Really?

但是，薩菲？真的嗎？

Why did someone decide this was a good idea?

為什麼有人決定這是個好主意？

...to have as a name on boxers? I don't know.

...作為拳擊手的名字？我不知道。

Sappy!

Sappy!

That's the one word you don't want.

這是你不想要的一個詞。

Finally, a hat that speaks to me!

終於有一頂能和我說話的帽子了!

Look at that.

你看那個。

"Evolution Motor!"

"進化引擎！"

"Two-wheeled motor vehicle power by an engine!"

"兩輪機動車由發動機提供動力！"

I love it when hats describe vehicles.

我喜歡用帽子來形容車輛。

I look at this, and I think,

我看著這個，我想。

"It's not a lollipop."

"這不是一個棒棒糖。"

"This is a bloody murder weapon."

"這是一個血腥的殺人武器。"

Look at that, you could take someone out with that.

你看，你可以用這個把人幹掉。

I don't know why that thought is going through my mind.

我不知道為什麼我的腦子裡會有這種想法。

Coins!

幣！

This is a piggy bank that takes 500-yen coins.

這是一個可以接受500日元硬幣的存錢罐。

It takes up to 600 coins.

最多需要600幣。

And, if you filled it up to the top,

而且，如果你把它填滿了。

that's 300,000 yen.

那是30萬日元。

$3,000.

$3,000.

I can't imagine just having $3,000

我無法想象只有三千塊錢。

in a Coink, like on the shelf, though.

在一個庫克，像在貨架上，雖然。

That'd take a pretty big level of dedication

這需要相當大的敬業精神

to have that kind of money just sitting around.

有這樣的錢只是坐在身邊。

When I think piggy bank, I think small change.

當我想到小豬存錢罐，我就會想到小錢。

Personally, the Coink...

個人認為，Coink...

missed the point.

錯過了這一點。

As per usual, the best English

一如既往，最好的英語

comes on sanitary products.

來的衛生產品上。

In this case, a toilet seat cover.

在這種情況下，馬桶座套。

Which just says,

這只是說。

"Let's choose the favorite color from a lot of colors."

"讓我們從很多顏色中選擇喜歡的顏色。"

"For your best life-styling and spending

"為了你最好的生活方式和消費方式

in your sanitary space."

在你的衛生空間。"

I suppose if you are going to spend a lot of time

我想，如果你要花很多的時間

in your sanitary space,

在你的衛生空間裡。

You do want to be sitting on your favorite color.

你確實想坐在你喜歡的顏色上。

That's not a good color though, is it?

不過這顏色不好看吧？

It looks like... again...

它看起來像... 又是...

dirty...

髒...

It just looks dirty and horrible.

它只是看起來很髒，很可怕。

I don't know why anyone would buy that.

我不知道為什麼有人會買這個。

Oh my god, there's more.

哦，我的上帝，還有更多。

It's the full set.

這是全套的。

The full Sappy set.

全套薩皮。

Sappy fullback!

Sappy後衛！

Look at that!

你看那！

"Undercover of the complete body."

"全身的臥底"。

The underwear just aren't enough.

內衣就是不夠用。

You have to get the full set.

你必須得到全套。

This is a robot assistant.

這是一個機器人助手。

They're used in lots of shops across japan.

日本各地的商店都在使用它們。

No.

不知道

Most advanced robot in Japan.

日本最先進的機器人。

He's utterly useless.

他完全沒有用。

Don Quijote.

堂吉訶德

The same shop where you can find walking sticks,

在同一家店，你可以找到柺杖。

boots and shoes,

靴和鞋。

and a fucking snowplow.

和一個他媽的掃雪機。

All in the same section!

都在同一個區域!

Just for fun!

只是為了好玩！

The best thing about Don Quijote

堂吉訶德最棒的地方

everything is overwhelmingly priced.

一切都是壓倒性的價格。

I'm not even making...

我甚至沒有做...

"Overwhelming price."

"壓倒性的價格。"

Genuinely.

真正的。

And I think that just about sums up the store, really.

我想，這剛好可以概括這家店，真的。

Whenever I'm walking around

每當我走來走去

anyone of the aisles, I feel pretty

任何一個過道，我覺得漂亮的

fucking overwhelmed

他媽的不知所措

by how much stuff there is.

由多少東西有。

All the colors, the music, the noises,

所有的顏色，音樂，噪音。

the signs... is just overwhelming.

跡象... 只是壓倒性的。

Overwhelming price, overwhelming shop.

壓倒性的價格，壓倒性的店鋪。

So that's Don Quijote,

所以這就是唐吉訶德。

and I can't leave here without a selfie.

我不能離開這裡不自拍。

Yeah.

是啊。

Well, that was interesting.

嗯，這是有趣的。

Not really sure what to buy anyone for Christmas still, though.

不過還真不知道該給誰買什麼聖誕禮物。

I saw lots of things, but nothing really caught my eye.

我看到了很多東西，但沒有什麼真正吸引我的目光。

Ah, fuck it.

啊，他媽的。

Sappy and Coink for everyone.

薩皮和庫克為大家介紹一下。

Yeah. Maybe I'll get the

是啊。也許我會得到

Sappy fullback.

Sappy後衛。

And, uh...

還有，呃...

I've got to get five or six Coinks.

我得去拿五六杯庫克酒。

I'll get the green one.

我去買綠色的

I like the green one the best.

我最喜歡綠色的那個。

Yeah.

是啊。

This is gonna be a great Christmas.

這將是一個偉大的聖誕節。