is in a state where a strong desire to move forward on an issue meets with an equally

處於這樣一種狀態：在一個問題上取得進展的強烈願望遇到了同樣的問題。

strong compulsion to stay fixed where one is. For example, we might at one level powerfully

強烈的強迫性，讓人不得不停留在原地。例如，我們可能在某一層面有力地

want to leave a job in finance in order to retrain in architecture – but at the same

想離開金融行業，轉而從事建築行業--但與此同時

time, remain blocked by a range of doubts, hesitations, counter-arguments and guilty

時候，仍然被一系列的懷疑、猶豫、反駁和罪惡感所阻擋。

feelings. Or we might be impelled to leave our marriage – while simultaneously unable

感受。或者，我們可能會被迫離開我們的婚姻--同時又不能夠

to imagine any realistic life outside it. To act feels horrific, but doing nothing is

想象一下它之外的任何現實生活。行動起來感覺很可怕，但什麼都不做則是

killing us as well. Every avenue appears shut off. And so one ruminates, turns over the

把我們也殺了。每一條通道似乎都被關閉了。於是，人們反思著，翻閱著。

question late at night, tries the patience of therapists – and watches life go by with

深夜問診，試探治療師的耐心--看著生活一天天過去。

mounting anxiety and self-disgust.

越來越多的焦慮和自我厭惡。

As an outsider, one might be tempted to ask questions to move things on: Why don't you

作為一個局外人，可能會想問一些問題來推動事情的發展。你為什麼不

try to enrol on a course to see if you might like a new area of work? Why don't you discuss

嘗試報名參加一個課程，看看你是否會喜歡一個新的工作領域？你為什麼不討論

your dissatisfactions with your partner? Why don't you go to counselling? What about

你對伴侶的不滿？你為什麼不去做心理諮詢？那

splitting up? But we're likely to find that our friend can't make any progress, whatever

分分合合？但我們很可能會發現，我們的朋友無法取得任何進展，無論。

we say. It seems as if they are subject to a law disbarring them from progressing, not

我們說。好像他們要受到法律的約束，不讓他們進步，不

a law you'd find in the statutes of the country they live in, but some sort of personal

你會在他們居住的國家的法律中找到的法律，但某種個人的。

law – a law that might go like this: Make sure you don't achieve satisfaction in your

法--一個可能這樣的法則。確保你在你的生活中不能獲得滿足感。

career; Make sure your relationship has no life in it but cannot be abandoned; Make sure

事業；確保你的感情沒有生命力，但不能放棄；確保

you aren't happy in the place you live in. In order to understand the origin of these

你在你所居住的地方並不快樂。為了瞭解這些的起源

laws, we have to look backwards. Difficult childhoods and the complicated families they

法律，我們必須向後看。困難的童年和複雜的家庭。

unfold in are the originators of a lot of these restrictive unspoken laws, whose impact

展開在是很多這些限制性的潛規則的始作俑者，他們的影響。

echoes across our lives. Some of these laws might go like this: 'Make sure you never

迴響在我們的生活中。其中一些法律可能是這樣的。"確保你永遠不會

shine, it would upset your little sister'. 'You have to be cheerful not to let my depression

亮，會讓你的小妹妹傷心的'。'你要開開心心的，不要讓我的鬱悶情緒

break through.' 'Never be creatively fulfilled because it would remind me of my envy';

突破'。'永遠不要有創造性的滿足感，因為這會讓我想起我的嫉妒'。

'Reassure us that we are clever by winning all the prizes at school'; 'We need you

'讓我們放心，我們是聰明的，贏得了學校所有的獎品'；'我們需要你。

to achieve to make us feel OK about ourselves'. 'You would disappoint me if you became boisterous

以達到讓我們自我感覺良好的目的'。'如果你變得喧鬧，你會讓我失望的。

and one day sexual'. Of course, no one ever directly says such

並有一天性'。當然，從來沒有人直接說這樣的

things in a family (laws couldn't operate if they could so easily be seen), but the

家裡的事情（法律如果那麼容易被人看到，就無法運作），但。

laws are there nevertheless, holding us into a particular position as we grow up and then,

法則還是存在的，在我們成長的過程中，把我們固定在一個特定的位置上，然後。

once we have left home, continuing to surreptitiously distort our personalities away from the path

一旦我們離開了家，繼續偷偷地扭曲我們的人格，遠離道路。

of their legitimate growth. It can be hard to draw any connection between adult stuck

的合法成長。這可能是很難得出任何聯繫成人卡住了

situations and any childhood laws. We may miss the link between our reluctance to act

情況和任何童年法律。我們可能會錯過我們不願意採取行動之間的聯繫。

at work and a situation with dad at home thirty years before. But we can hazard a principle

在工作中和三十年前在家裡和爸爸的情況。但我們可以冒昧的說一個原則

nevertheless: any long-term stuckness is likely to be the result of butting into some sort

然而：任何長期的困頓都有可能是撞上了某種

of law inherited unknowingly from childhood. We are stuck because we are being overly loyal

的法律，從小不知不覺地繼承下來。我們之所以被困住，是因為我們過於忠誠

to an idea of something being impossible generated in the distant past, impossible because it

遙遠的過去產生的不可能的想法，不可能的事情，因為它

was threatening to someone we cared for or depended on.

威脅到我們關心或依賴的人。

Therefore one of the main paths to liberation lies in coming to 'see' that the law exists

是以，通向解脫的主要途徑之一，就在於來'看'到法的存在。

and then unpicking its warped and unnecessary logic. We can start by asking whether, beneath

然後揭開其扭曲和不必要的邏輯。我們可以先問一下，在這下面

our practical dilemma, there may be a childhood law at work, encouraging us to stay where

我們的實際困境，可能有一個童年的法律在起作用，鼓勵我們留在原地。

we are. We can dig beneath the surface problem in search of the emotional structure that

我們是。我們可以在表面問題的下面挖掘出情感結構，即

might be being engaged (in the unconscious, architecture = the creativity dad never enjoyed,

可能會被參與（在無意識中，建築=爸爸從未享受過的創意。

sexual fulfilment = what hurt my loveable mum). We may discover that some of the reason

性滿足=什麼傷害了我可愛的媽媽）。)我們可能會發現，有些原因

we can't give up on finance and take up a more imaginative role is because throughout

我們不能放棄金融，承擔更多想象力的角色，是因為在整個

childhood, we had to accept a law that we couldn't be both creatively fulfilled and

童年的時候，我們不得不接受一個規律，那就是我們不可能既滿足創造力，也不可能

make money – in order to protect our volatile father from his own envy and inadequacy. Or

賺錢--為了保護我們多變的父親不被自己的嫉妒和不足所傷害。或者說

we can't leave our marriage because, unconsciously, we're coming up against a law from childhood

我們不能離開我們的婚姻，因為，在不知不覺中，我們要面對從小到大的法律。

that tells us that being a good child means renouncing one's more bodily and visceral

它告訴我們，做一個好孩子意味著放棄一個人的更多的身體和內臟

sides. The specifics will differ but the principle

雙方。具體內容會有所不同，但原則是

of a hidden law from childhood explains a huge number of adult stucknesses. The way

的一種隱藏的規律，從小就解釋了大量的成人困頓。的方式

forward is, first and foremost, hence to realise that there might be a law in operation when

是以，首先是要認識到，可能有一個法律在運行，當我們的生活中出現這種情況時，就會有一個法律。

we get stuck, that we aren't merely being cowardly or slow in not progressing; and that

我們被卡住了，我們不僅僅是懦弱或緩慢的不進步；而且... ...

we feel trapped because we are, in our faulty minds, back in a cage formed in childhood,

我們覺得自己被困住了，因為在我們錯誤的思想中，我們又回到了童年形成的籠子裡。

which we have to be able to see, think about and then patiently dismantle. We can along

我們要能夠看到、思考，然後耐心地拆解。我們可以沿著

the way accept that we are now adults, which means that the original family drama no longer

的方式接受，我們現在是成年人，這意味著，原來的家庭劇不再

has to apply. We don't have to worry about upsetting parental figures; their taboos were

不得不適用。我們不必擔心會惹惱父母的形象，他們的禁忌是

set up to protect them but they are making us ill; we can feel sad for the laws that

為保護他們而設立，但他們卻使我們生病；我們可以為法律感到悲哀，因為這些法律

these damaged figures imposed on us (often with no active malevolence) but can recognise

這些損壞的數字強加給我們（往往沒有主動的惡意），但可以識別出。

that our imperative is move them aside and act with the emotional freedom that has always

我們的當務之急是把它們移到一邊，並與情感自由的行動一直

been our birthright. We may need to be disloyal to a way of being that protected someone we

是我們與生俱來的權利。我們可能需要不忠於一種保護我們的人的存在方式。

cared about or depended on – in order to be loyal to a more important someone still:

關心或依賴--為了忠誠於一個更重要的人還。

ourselves.

我們自己。

Our Decision Dice are a tool to help you make wiser decisions in work, love and the rest of your life.

我們的決策骰子是幫助您在工作、愛情和生活中做出更明智決定的工具。