I think what I am really talking about is when you want to have a more meaningful gathering with your friends or, um or any type of group, uh, there are ways to increase the level of meaning, and that's by increasing the level of focus.

我想我真正在說的是，當你想與你的朋友或，嗯或任何類型的團體有一個更有意義的聚會時，呃，有一些方法可以增加意義的水準，那就是通過增加焦點的水準。

And so I'll give an example.

所以我舉個例子。

I was speaking with a woman who is a journalist, and she was assigned by Real Simple magazine to do a piece on how the art of gather if I her dinner party.

我和一個女人是記者，她被《真實簡單》雜誌指派去做一篇關於如何聚集藝術的文章，如果我她的晚宴。

So she called me up, and I think she thought I was gonna say, like, put your fish knives this way and put the wine glass here and George and wine is all the rage And I said, Well, what is the need in your life right now that by bringing a specific group of people you might address and she said, for a dinner party, Just work with me here.

所以她打電話給我，我想她以為我會說，把你的魚刀放在這邊，把酒杯放在這裡，喬治和葡萄酒是所有的流行，我說，好吧，什麼是需要在你的生活中，現在，通過帶來一個特定的群體，你可能會解決，她說，對於一個晚宴，只是與我在這裡工作。

And she said, and she said, Well, I'm a worn out mom.

她說，她說，嗯，我是一個破舊的媽媽。

The other day I was at a friend's house.

前幾天，我在朋友家。

She cut me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich into triangles.

她把我的花生醬和果凍三明治切成三角形。

She fed me and I burst into tears and I said, Why did you burst into tears?

她給我餵飯，我就哭了，我說，你怎麼哭了？

And she said, Because I realized that how worn out I am and how beautiful it was to feel taken care of in that moment.

而她說，因為我意識到，我是多麼的疲憊，在那一刻感覺到被照顧是多麼的美好。

And she said, What if I hosted a dinner party for my other worn out Mom's said, That's great, given a name.

她說，如果我為我的另一個破舊的媽媽的舉辦一個晚宴呢，那太好了，給個名字。

All right, Make it sealable the worn out mom's hootenanny Give it a rule.

好吧，讓它可以密封破舊的媽媽的呼嚕聲給它一個規則。

If you talk about your kids, you have to take a shot.

如果你說起你的孩子，你就必須出手。

Andi started getting excited.

安迪開始興奮起來。

I could hear her on the phone like, Oh, so what do I do?

我可以聽到她在電話裡說，哦，那我該怎麼辦？

I send a paperless post poster and even and I said, Just put in an email put worn out Mom hootenanny in the subject line.

我發了一個無紙化的帖子海報，甚至和我說，就在郵件中把破舊的媽媽胡亂寫在主題行。

Tell the peanut butter and jelly story sandwich.

講花生醬和果凍的故事三明治。

Give them context to your life.

讓他們瞭解你的生活背景。

Invite the other worn out moms in your life.

邀請你生活中其他破舊的媽媽們。

And she did this and all six women RSVP'd yes, within the 1st 45 minutes, and she's like I've never had response rates like this and they didn't take out.

她做了這個，所有的六個婦女RSVP'd是， 在第一45分鐘內， 她像我從來沒有這樣的響應率， 他們沒有拿出。

They did not cook right?

他們沒有做飯吧？

It was embodied all the way through When they walked in, she thought about the opening ritual, and she didn't call it that.

這是一路的體現 當他們走進去的時候，她想到了開場白，她不叫開場白。

But when each woman walked in, she we like, thought up this idea.

但是當每個女人走進來的時候，她我們喜歡，想出了這個主意。

She had them rummage through their person, take out anything child related and put in a basket.

她讓他們把身上的東西翻了個底朝天，把與孩子有關的東西都拿出來，放在一個籃子裡。

So, like there's like discussing old Gummy bear, you know, packs having packs.

所以，就像有像討論 老Gummy熊，你知道，包有包。

And it was this joyous, hilarious, beautiful soul filling night.

而這就是這個歡樂、熱鬧、美麗的充滿靈魂的夜晚。

And it's just taking your real life and not pretending it's not your life.

而這只是把你真實的生活，而不是假裝它不是你的生活。

It's actually saying, This is my life, right?

其實是在說，這就是我的生活，對吧？

This is not a B formal and don't open the kimono.

這不是B級正式的，不要打開和服。

So part of this this gathering is not so much saying, Become tight and closed and like No, no, no, it's saying, like, what is what is the need right now around which I'm willing to show you my need and invite you in to basically create something new together to mark, to witness, to remember, to invent, rather than saying, Let's come together, be in the living room and blow out birthday candles?

所以，這個這個聚會的一部分不是說，變得緊緊的，封閉的，像不不不，而是說，像，現在的需求是什麼，圍繞著這個需求，我願意給你看我的需求，邀請你進來，基本上是一起創造一些新的東西，來紀念，來見證，來記憶，來發明，而不是說，讓我們一起來，在客廳裡吹生日蠟燭？

You could still have a cake, right, but it's more starting with the need, not with the format.

你還可以吃蛋糕吧，但更多的是從需求出發，而不是從形式出發。

I think of every gathering as a social contract, which basically means it is an agreement between that promise of as a host of what it is you're going to provide both materially and psychologically and anak actual opportunity say yes, yes, I am willing to receive that as a guest.

我認為每一次聚會都是一種社會契約，這基本上意味著它是一種協議，作為主人的承諾，它是什麼，你要提供物質和心理和anak實際機會說是的，是的，我願意接受，作為一個客人。

Yes, I am willing to take that risk of the guest and many of us, whether it's you live in London or live in New York, like me, or in many cities around the world.

是的，我願意承擔客人和我們很多人的這種風險，不管是你住在倫敦，還是像我一樣住在紐約，或者是在全世界很多城市。

They're getting more and more multicultural.

他們越來越多的多元文化。

So we all have different ways of gathering right and a huge part of, I think, the reason why, whether you are introverted, extroverted or whether you are honoring forward or honoring recessive or whatever you wanna call it.

所以，我們都有不同的聚集方式吧，我想，很大一部分原因是，不管你是內向的，外向的，還是你是尊前性的，還是尊隱性的，或者不管你想怎麼稱呼它。

We are vague in our invitations, and so we don't actually represent what it is we want to do.

我們在邀請函上的內容很模糊，所以我們實際上並不能代表我們要做的事情。

In an evening six or seven years ago, my husband and I got married in India and I'm half Indian and he's Indian American, and we went back for the first time to India to meet our families or extended families.

六七年前的一個晚上，我和丈夫在印度結婚，我是半個印度人，他是美籍印度人，我們第一次回印度見家人或大家庭。

But we knew that the context of our family culture was that if we just got everyone together for dinner.

但我們知道，我們家庭文化的背景是，如果我們只是把大家聚在一起吃飯。

The cousins would talk to the cousins.

表哥表姐們會和表哥表姐們哈拉。

Uncles would talk to the uncles.

叔叔們會和叔叔們說。

Both sides would kind of keep to themselves after the formalities, and we really wanted to have a different kind of night.

雙方在辦完手續後，都會有點兒自顧不暇，我們真的想過一個不一樣的夜晚。

We did it in like a neutral area.

我們在一箇中立的地方做的。

It wasn't on either person's house and invited everybody and said, We're going to do a different kind of night.

這不是在任何一個人的家裡，邀請大家說，我們要做一個不同的夜晚。

It's called 15 toasts.

這就是所謂的15個敬酒。

Get ready, Thio.

準備好，Thio.

Share a story.

分享一個故事。

And so everyone knew what they were coming for, and they behaved in part because of each other, right?

所以大家都知道他們的來意，他們的行為部分是因為對方，對嗎？

The other family well kept them on their best behavior.

其他家庭很好地讓他們保持最佳狀態。

And at the beginning of the night, we've done our glass and we said, Tell us a story, a story, your experience from your life that no one around the table has ever heard and how it affected your lens on the world.

而在晚上開始的時候，我們已經完成了我們的玻璃，我們說，給我們講一個故事，一個故事，你生活中的經歷，周圍的人都沒有聽過，它是如何影響你對這個世界的鏡頭。

And for three hours, to our their credit, they were game and they told stories.

而在三個小時裡，令我們讚不絕口的是，他們在遊戲中，他們在講故事。

And we heard stories like my grandmother, who is now 92 rarely speak.

而我們聽到的故事就像我的奶奶，她現在已經92歲了，很少說話。

She spoke in Hindi.

她說的是印地語。

I did it through translation, who was one of the first women to go to Banaras University Banaras Hindu university And how she went in a covered up carriage with a blanket and her Her father said that he she should go and apply, But he was gonna go out of town to be at a cousin's wedding and purposely wasn't gonna be in town when all the families complained so he could pretend that he didn't know mhm.

她父親說她應該去申請 但他要出城去參加一個表妹的婚禮 故意不在城裡，當所有的家庭都在抱怨時，他就可以假裝不知道了

And then we said So, Nanny, how did that change your view?

然後我們說 那麼，保姆，你的觀點是怎麼改變的？

And she said, I understood how change happens.

她說，我明白變化是如何發生的。

And we said Why?

我們說為什麼？

And she said, Well, for me, I understood that change can't happen without at least some of the powerful consenting to it.

她說，好吧，對我來說，我明白了，如果沒有至少一些有權勢的人的同意，改變是不會發生的。

So part of this and and all everyone was willing to do it because we set them up to understand that this is what this thing waas.

所以這其中的一部分和所有的人都願意做，因為我們給他們設定了，讓他們明白這個東西是什麼瓦斯。

I think a lot of the pushback and a lot of the terror comes when you spring things on people or when the purpose is illegitimate, right?

我認為很多的反擊和很多的恐怖來自於當你把東西彈給別人或者當目的是不合法的時候，對嗎？

Like, why are we doing this?

比如，我們為什麼要這樣做？

It doesn't make any sense.

這沒有任何意義。

Think about how you prime your guests think about naming your invitations and ways that, you know, even in a work meeting.

想一想你首要客人是如何思考命名你的邀請函和方式的，你知道，甚至在工作會議上。

Is it a brainstorming is a laboratory.

是頭腦風暴是實驗室。

It is a workshop, right?

這是一個工廠中的房間吧？

And if you make your title your name of your gathering, do your work for you or your actually then bringing people in.

而如果你把你的頭銜作為你的聚集地的名字，為你做事，或者你的其實然後把人帶進來。

So your prime ing them in a way where they already know what they're going to be talking about.

所以，你的首要ing他們的方式，他們已經知道他們要談論的東西。

And we tend to under host because we think the gathering begins when people walk in the door.

而我們傾向於主持不足，因為我們認為聚會從人們進門開始。

But the gathering begins at the moment of discovery, and you're hosting people all the way through to the moment they walk in.

但是，聚會從發現的那一刻開始，你要一直接待人們，直到他們走進來的那一刻。

And if you do that well, there's much less to facilitate in the room because people already are kind of on board for what it is you want to be doing.

如果你做得好，房間裡需要促進的東西就會少很多，因為大家已經對你想做的事情有了一種共識。