probably the single worst invention of modern times), we are likely to face enemies. People

可能是現代最糟糕的一個發明），我們很可能會面對敵人。人

who disagree with us, people who tell us we're 'bad', people who say we should be ashamed

與我們意見相左的人，說我們 "壞 "的人，說我們應該感到羞恥的人。

of ourselves - or even be destroyed.

我們自己--甚至被摧毀。

The common-sense advice, from well-meaning friends, is not to listen, to shrug it off,

好心的朋友給的常識性建議，就是不聽，推脫。

to assert that no one cares, that the bully is 'mad' or mentally unwell - and to suggest

斷言沒有人在乎，欺負人的人是 "瘋子 "或精神不正常--並建議。

a change of scene. It's very kind - and, sadly, usually, for many of us, entirely ineffective.

場景的改變。這是非常好的--可惜的是，通常，對我們很多人來說，完全沒有效果。

The question then emerges: why is it that some people find it extremely hard to defend

那麼，問題就來了：為什麼有些人覺得極難辯解？

themselves, either in the sense of practically answering back to an enemy or simply of not

自己，無論是在實際回擊敵人的意義上，還是在簡單的不。

caving in internally in the face of an attack? Why is it that, when they are being bullied

面對攻擊時，內心會屈服嗎？為什麼當他們被人欺負的時候

at work, some people are able to mount a polite, calm fightback, while others melt into self-loathing

在工作中，有些人能夠禮貌、冷靜地進行反擊，而有些人則陷入自怨自艾的境地。

and despair? Why is it that if they are criticised unfairly in a romantic context, some people

和絕望？為什麼如果在浪漫的情境中受到不公平的責備，有些人就會

are able to point out that the criticism is not right and get their side of the story

都能指出責備的不對，並得到自己的說法。

across and feel steady and solid, while others descend at once into paranoia?

跨，感覺穩穩當當，而有的人卻一下子陷入了偏執?

We might put it like this: in order to be able to defend oneself against an external

我們可以這樣說：為了能夠抵禦外力的侵襲。

foe, one has to be on one's own side. And this is not - for some of us - as easy as

敵人，必須站在自己這邊。而這對我們中的一些人來說，並不像... ...那樣容易。

it sounds. Without us necessarily even quite realising the fact, our entire personalities

這聽起來。我們甚至都沒有意識到這個事實，我們的整個人格...

may be geared towards interpreting ourselves as bad, wrong, a mistake, shameful and a piece

可能是針對我們自己的解釋是不好的，錯誤的，錯誤的，可恥的和一塊的

of shit. This may sound dramatic and we know, in our intellectual adult selves, that this

的狗屎。這可能聽起來很戲劇化，我們知道，在我們知識分子的成年人，這

can't be entirely right. Nevertheless, deep down, this isn't only slightly right, it's

不可能完全正確。然而，在內心深處，這不僅僅是稍微對了一點，而是。

the fundamental truth about us.

關於我們的基本事實。

A first step towards dealing with an external enemy is realising that our personalities

對付外敵的第一步，就是認識到我們的人格

are built up in such a way that we're going to have a big problem on our hands whenever

是建立在這樣的方式，我們將有一個大問題在我們的手，每當

we face opposition. We should expect to find this hard and we do. We are, and there is

我們面臨著反對。我們應該預料到這很難，我們也確實如此。我們是，而且有

no pejorative association around this whatsoever, a bit mentally fragile or unwell in this area.

沒有任何貶義的聯想，在這方面有點精神脆弱或不健康。

We therefore need to call for help, extend a lot of compassion to ourselves and devote

是以，我們需要呼救，對自己伸出大量的慈悲心，並投入

all the critical care we're going to need to get through the crisis. We then need to

所有的關鍵護理，我們將需要 通過危機。然後，我們需要

take on board that - unfortunately - the real enemy we're harbouring is not so much currently

考慮到--不幸的是--我們所包庇的真正的敵人並不是那麼多，當前

outside of us (though they are there too) as inside of us.

外在的我們（雖然他們也在那裡），因為我們的內心。

We need to ask ourselves: why does the accusation feel so true? Our conscious minds give us

我們需要問自己：為什麼感覺指控如此真實？我們的意識給我們

access to only a fraction of the information about us. Just as we can't intuitively understand

只獲得了關於我們的一小部分資訊。就像我們無法直觀地瞭解到...

how a cell operates in our very own body, so the make up of most of our emotional brain

細胞是如何在我們自己的身體裡運作的，所以我們大部分的情感大腦的組成。

is sunk in darkness. However, there will be a history to our self-loathing. We hate ourselves

是在黑暗中沉淪。然而，我們的自我厭惡會有一個歷史。我們恨自己

because somewhere along the line, we were not properly loved. Somewhere in the past,

因為在過去的某個地方，我們沒有得到適當的愛。在過去的某個地方。

we heard a story - you are a piece of shit, you don't deserve to be, f*** off… - and

我們聽到了一個故事 - 你是一坨屎，你不配，滾蛋... ... - 和

the story has stuck.

這個故事已經堅持了下來。

How could someone facing an accusation that they are an idiot but who inside has a voice

怎麼會有人面對指責說自己是白痴，但內心卻有聲音的人

saying that they're a moron ever get the strength to defend themselves? They know in

說他們是白痴的人有沒有力氣保護自己？他們知道在

the adult part of the mind that they should be fighting back, but they can't, because

成年人的思想部分，他們應該反擊，但他們不能，因為

inside all they hear is: you are everything your enemy is saying you are. They identify

他們內心所聽到的是：你就是你的敵人所說的一切。他們認定

entirely with their aggressor.

完全與侵略者同在。

This can get pretty dangerous pretty fast. If the external enemy is vicious enough, and

這可能很快就會變得非常危險。如果外敵足夠凶殘，而且。

joins artfully enough with the internal enemy, there can be suicidal thoughts - and perhaps

與內心的敵人巧妙地結合起來，可能會有自殺的念頭--也許是

suicide itself. The defenceless are the opposite of self-righteous. To their enemies, they

自殺本身。毫無防備的人是自以為是的反面教材。對他們的敵人來說，他們

are implicitly saying: I hate myself more than you ever could. I want to kill myself

隱含的意思是我比你更恨自己我想自殺

more than you want to kill me.

勝過你想殺我。

The solution to this is a large naive word we'll have heard before but which we need

解決這個問題的辦法是一個大天真詞，我們會聽到過，但我們需要的是

to grasp in its life-saving dimension: love. We need to hear often enough and clearly enough

掌握其救命的層面：愛。我們需要經常和清楚地聽到

from other human beings - and they don't need to be romantic partners - that contrary

而且他們不需要是浪漫的伴侶，相反的

to what the internal enemy is saying, we are decent enough, not perfect but that isn't

對於內部敵人所說的，我們已經足夠體面，不完美，但這不是

the criterion for deserving to exist. We need to fix ourselves by absorbing, properly absorbing,

值得存在的標準。我們需要通過吸收、適當吸收來修正自己。

the kindness of others.

人情。

The problem is that people who feel they are pieces of shit aren't very good at letting

問題是，人們誰覺得自己是狗屎是不是很好的讓

others take care of them. They don't know how to ask for help, and when help is given,

別人照顧他們。他們不知道如何尋求幫助，也不知道何時給予幫助。

they may initially push it away, accusing the kind friend of being weird or inadequate

一開始他們可能會推脫，指責這位好心的朋友怪異或不足為道

(why would they be seeking to help a freak?).

(為什麼他們會尋求幫助一個怪胎？)。

We know from the condition known as body dysmorphia that it's no use telling someone who feels

我們從身體畸形的情況中知道，告訴一個感覺到的人，是沒有用的。

they are disgusting that they are in fact very nice looking. We need to help them understand

他們是噁心的，他們實際上是非常好看的。我們需要幫助他們瞭解

how they grew to hate themselves so much and show them, via a friendship, that there could

他們是如何成長為如此痛恨自己的，並通過友誼向他們展示，可以有

be another way of relating to who they are. We have some hints about how our minds work

是與他們的身份有關的另一種方式。我們對我們的思想是如何運作的有一些提示。

from the way we acquire language: children fluently pick up incredibly complex patterns

從我們學習語言的方式來看：孩子們能流利地學會令人難以置信的複雜模式。

of speech from listening to those around them in the early years. A parallel emotional process

的言語，從早年聽身邊的人說話。一個平行的情感過程

is going on. If someone when we were little was speaking hate, and shame and guilt to

正在進行。如果有人在我們小的時候，對我們講仇恨，講羞恥，講愧疚。

us, we will have started to speak like that to ourselves - and it won't be easy, in

我們就會開始這樣對自己說話--而這並不容易，在

adulthood, to learn a new language, let alone to come to speak it fluently to ourselves.

成年後，要學習一門新的語言，更不要說來對自己說流利的語言了。

Telling someone mired in self-hatred to 'cheer up' or 'like themselves a bit more'

告訴一個陷入自我憎恨的人 "振作起來 "或 "更喜歡自己一點"。

is going to be as impatient as telling someone from England to 'just speak Bulgarian'.

是會像告訴一個來自英國的人'就說保加利亞語'一樣不耐煩。

It's going to take time and a lot of training.

這需要時間和大量的訓練。

Nevertheless, if we want to think about what an ambitious project for humanity would look

然而，如果我們要思考一個雄心勃勃的人類項目會是什麼樣子的。

like, it would be a giant programme of learning to replace the internalised languages of hate

就像，這將是一個巨大的學習計劃，以取代內化的仇恨語言。

and enmity with those of love and compassion. We've trying to do this for a couple of

和敵意與那些愛和同情。我們已經嘗試這樣做了好幾年了

millenia at least. But we've done a pretty poor job of it so far - and the project feels

至少有幾千年的歷史。但到目前為止，我們的工作做得相當糟糕--而且這個項目感覺到

more urgent than ever. We might start today, by speaking a few stumbling phrases of love

比以往任何時候都更加迫切。我們不妨從今天開始，說幾句跌宕起伏的愛的話語。

to the self-hating part of ourselves and to someone we know near us who is perhaps right

對我們自己的自怨自艾的部分和我們身邊認識的人，他也許是對的。

now mired in shame and inadequacy.

現在陷入了羞恥和不足之中。

At The School of Life we run regular virtual classes for adults. These mini life courses cover such topics as;

在 "生命學校"，我們定期為成人開設虛擬課程。 這些迷你生活課程涵蓋的主題有：

how to help relationships work, coping with anger and anxiety, career guidance, finding meaning and purpose in life and using culture as a therapeutic tool.

如何幫助人際關係的發展，如何應對憤怒和焦慮，如何進行職業指導，如何找到生活的意義和目標，如何利用文化作為治療工具。