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  • Every day, especially in the era of social media (from the mental health perspective,

    每天,尤其是在社交媒體時代(從心理健康的角度。

  • probably the single worst invention of modern times), we are likely to face enemies. People

    可能是現代最糟糕的一個發明),我們很可能會面對敵人。人

  • who disagree with us, people who tell us we're 'bad', people who say we should be ashamed

    與我們意見相左的人,說我們 "壞 "的人,說我們應該感到羞恥的人。

  • of ourselves - or even be destroyed.

    我們自己--甚至被摧毀。

  • The common-sense advice, from well-meaning friends, is not to listen, to shrug it off,

    好心的朋友給的常識性建議,就是不聽,推脫。

  • to assert that no one cares, that the bully is 'mad' or mentally unwell - and to suggest

    斷言沒有人在乎,欺負人的人是 "瘋子 "或精神不正常--並建議。

  • a change of scene. It's very kind - and, sadly, usually, for many of us, entirely ineffective.

    場景的改變。這是非常好的--可惜的是,通常,對我們很多人來說,完全沒有效果。

  • The question then emerges: why is it that some people find it extremely hard to defend

    那麼,問題就來了:為什麼有些人覺得極難辯解?

  • themselves, either in the sense of practically answering back to an enemy or simply of not

    自己,無論是在實際回擊敵人的意義上,還是在簡單的不。

  • caving in internally in the face of an attack? Why is it that, when they are being bullied

    面對攻擊時,內心會屈服嗎?為什麼當他們被人欺負的時候

  • at work, some people are able to mount a polite, calm fightback, while others melt into self-loathing

    在工作中,有些人能夠禮貌、冷靜地進行反擊,而有些人則陷入自怨自艾的境地。

  • and despair? Why is it that if they are criticised unfairly in a romantic context, some people

    和絕望?為什麼如果在浪漫的情境中受到不公平的責備,有些人就會

  • are able to point out that the criticism is not right and get their side of the story

    都能指出責備的不對,並得到自己的說法。

  • across and feel steady and solid, while others descend at once into paranoia?

    跨,感覺穩穩當當,而有的人卻一下子陷入了偏執?

  • We might put it like this: in order to be able to defend oneself against an external

    我們可以這樣說:為了能夠抵禦外力的侵襲。

  • foe, one has to be on one's own side. And this is not - for some of us - as easy as

    敵人,必須站在自己這邊。而這對我們中的一些人來說,並不像... ...那樣容易。

  • it sounds. Without us necessarily even quite realising the fact, our entire personalities

    這聽起來。我們甚至都沒有意識到這個事實,我們的整個人格...

  • may be geared towards interpreting ourselves as bad, wrong, a mistake, shameful and a piece

    可能是針對我們自己的解釋是不好的,錯誤的,錯誤的,可恥的和一塊的

  • of shit. This may sound dramatic and we know, in our intellectual adult selves, that this

    的狗屎。這可能聽起來很戲劇化,我們知道,在我們知識分子的成年人,這

  • can't be entirely right. Nevertheless, deep down, this isn't only slightly right, it's

    不可能完全正確。然而,在內心深處,這不僅僅是稍微對了一點,而是。

  • the fundamental truth about us.

    關於我們的基本事實。

  • A first step towards dealing with an external enemy is realising that our personalities

    對付外敵的第一步,就是認識到我們的人格

  • are built up in such a way that we're going to have a big problem on our hands whenever

    是建立在這樣的方式,我們將有一個大問題在我們的手,每當

  • we face opposition. We should expect to find this hard and we do. We are, and there is

    我們面臨著反對。我們應該預料到這很難,我們也確實如此。我們是,而且有

  • no pejorative association around this whatsoever, a bit mentally fragile or unwell in this area.

    沒有任何貶義的聯想,在這方面有點精神脆弱或不健康。

  • We therefore need to call for help, extend a lot of compassion to ourselves and devote

    是以,我們需要呼救,對自己伸出大量的慈悲心,並投入

  • all the critical care we're going to need to get through the crisis. We then need to

    所有的關鍵護理,我們將需要 通過危機。然後,我們需要

  • take on board that - unfortunately - the real enemy we're harbouring is not so much currently

    考慮到--不幸的是--我們所包庇的真正的敵人並不是那麼多,當前

  • outside of us (though they are there too) as inside of us.

    外在的我們(雖然他們也在那裡),因為我們的內心。

  • We need to ask ourselves: why does the accusation feel so true? Our conscious minds give us

    我們需要問自己:為什麼感覺指控如此真實?我們的意識給我們

  • access to only a fraction of the information about us. Just as we can't intuitively understand

    只獲得了關於我們的一小部分資訊。就像我們無法直觀地瞭解到...

  • how a cell operates in our very own body, so the make up of most of our emotional brain

    細胞是如何在我們自己的身體裡運作的,所以我們大部分的情感大腦的組成。

  • is sunk in darkness. However, there will be a history to our self-loathing. We hate ourselves

    是在黑暗中沉淪。然而,我們的自我厭惡會有一個歷史。我們恨自己

  • because somewhere along the line, we were not properly loved. Somewhere in the past,

    因為在過去的某個地方,我們沒有得到適當的愛。在過去的某個地方。

  • we heard a story - you are a piece of shit, you don't deserve to be, f*** off… - and

    我們聽到了一個故事 - 你是一坨屎,你不配,滾蛋... ... - 和

  • the story has stuck.

    這個故事已經堅持了下來。

  • How could someone facing an accusation that they are an idiot but who inside has a voice

    怎麼會有人面對指責說自己是白痴,但內心卻有聲音的人

  • saying that they're a moron ever get the strength to defend themselves? They know in

    說他們是白痴的人有沒有力氣保護自己?他們知道在

  • the adult part of the mind that they should be fighting back, but they can't, because

    成年人的思想部分,他們應該反擊,但他們不能,因為

  • inside all they hear is: you are everything your enemy is saying you are. They identify

    他們內心所聽到的是:你就是你的敵人所說的一切。他們認定

  • entirely with their aggressor.

    完全與侵略者同在。

  • This can get pretty dangerous pretty fast. If the external enemy is vicious enough, and

    這可能很快就會變得非常危險。如果外敵足夠凶殘,而且。

  • joins artfully enough with the internal enemy, there can be suicidal thoughts - and perhaps

    與內心的敵人巧妙地結合起來,可能會有自殺的念頭--也許是

  • suicide itself. The defenceless are the opposite of self-righteous. To their enemies, they

    自殺本身。毫無防備的人是自以為是的反面教材。對他們的敵人來說,他們

  • are implicitly saying: I hate myself more than you ever could. I want to kill myself

    隱含的意思是我比你更恨自己我想自殺

  • more than you want to kill me.

    勝過你想殺我。

  • The solution to this is a large naive word we'll have heard before but which we need

    解決這個問題的辦法是一個大天真詞,我們會聽到過,但我們需要的是

  • to grasp in its life-saving dimension: love. We need to hear often enough and clearly enough

    掌握其救命的層面:愛。我們需要經常和清楚地聽到

  • from other human beings - and they don't need to be romantic partners - that contrary

    而且他們不需要是浪漫的伴侶,相反的

  • to what the internal enemy is saying, we are decent enough, not perfect but that isn't

    對於內部敵人所說的,我們已經足夠體面,不完美,但這不是

  • the criterion for deserving to exist. We need to fix ourselves by absorbing, properly absorbing,

    值得存在的標準。我們需要通過吸收、適當吸收來修正自己。

  • the kindness of others.

    人情。

  • The problem is that people who feel they are pieces of shit aren't very good at letting

    問題是,人們誰覺得自己是狗屎是不是很好的讓

  • others take care of them. They don't know how to ask for help, and when help is given,

    別人照顧他們。他們不知道如何尋求幫助,也不知道何時給予幫助。

  • they may initially push it away, accusing the kind friend of being weird or inadequate

    一開始他們可能會推脫,指責這位好心的朋友怪異或不足為道

  • (why would they be seeking to help a freak?).

    (為什麼他們會尋求幫助一個怪胎?)。

  • We know from the condition known as body dysmorphia that it's no use telling someone who feels

    我們從身體畸形的情況中知道,告訴一個感覺到的人,是沒有用的。

  • they are disgusting that they are in fact very nice looking. We need to help them understand

    他們是噁心的,他們實際上是非常好看的。我們需要幫助他們瞭解

  • how they grew to hate themselves so much and show them, via a friendship, that there could

    他們是如何成長為如此痛恨自己的,並通過友誼向他們展示,可以有

  • be another way of relating to who they are. We have some hints about how our minds work

    是與他們的身份有關的另一種方式。我們對我們的思想是如何運作的有一些提示。

  • from the way we acquire language: children fluently pick up incredibly complex patterns

    從我們學習語言的方式來看:孩子們能流利地學會令人難以置信的複雜模式。

  • of speech from listening to those around them in the early years. A parallel emotional process

    的言語,從早年聽身邊的人說話。一個平行的情感過程

  • is going on. If someone when we were little was speaking hate, and shame and guilt to

    正在進行。如果有人在我們小的時候,對我們講仇恨,講羞恥,講愧疚。

  • us, we will have started to speak like that to ourselves - and it won't be easy, in

    我們就會開始這樣對自己說話--而這並不容易,在

  • adulthood, to learn a new language, let alone to come to speak it fluently to ourselves.

    成年後,要學習一門新的語言,更不要說來對自己說流利的語言了。

  • Telling someone mired in self-hatred to 'cheer up' or 'like themselves a bit more'

    告訴一個陷入自我憎恨的人 "振作起來 "或 "更喜歡自己一點"。

  • is going to be as impatient as telling someone from England to 'just speak Bulgarian'.

    是會像告訴一個來自英國的人'就說保加利亞語'一樣不耐煩。

  • It's going to take time and a lot of training.

    這需要時間和大量的訓練。

  • Nevertheless, if we want to think about what an ambitious project for humanity would look

    然而,如果我們要思考一個雄心勃勃的人類項目會是什麼樣子的。

  • like, it would be a giant programme of learning to replace the internalised languages of hate

    就像,這將是一個巨大的學習計劃,以取代內化的仇恨語言。

  • and enmity with those of love and compassion. We've trying to do this for a couple of

    和敵意與那些愛和同情。我們已經嘗試這樣做了好幾年了

  • millenia at least. But we've done a pretty poor job of it so far - and the project feels

    至少有幾千年的歷史。但到目前為止,我們的工作做得相當糟糕--而且這個項目感覺到

  • more urgent than ever. We might start today, by speaking a few stumbling phrases of love

    比以往任何時候都更加迫切。我們不妨從今天開始,說幾句跌宕起伏的愛的話語。

  • to the self-hating part of ourselves and to someone we know near us who is perhaps right

    對我們自己的自怨自艾的部分和我們身邊認識的人,他也許是對的。

  • now mired in shame and inadequacy.

    現在陷入了羞恥和不足之中。

  • At The School of Life we run regular virtual classes for adults. These mini life courses cover such topics as;

    在 "生命學校",我們定期為成人開設虛擬課程。 這些迷你生活課程涵蓋的主題有:

  • how to help relationships work, coping with anger and anxiety, career guidance, finding meaning and purpose in life and using culture as a therapeutic tool.

    如何幫助人際關係的發展,如何應對憤怒和焦慮,如何進行職業指導,如何找到生活的意義和目標,如何利用文化作為治療工具。

Every day, especially in the era of social media (from the mental health perspective,

每天,尤其是在社交媒體時代(從心理健康的角度。

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如何學會更愛自己

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    Summer 發佈於 2020 年 08 月 12 日
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