And ever.

永遠。

What video is this?

這部影片是關於什麼？

[Drunk single people review - Valentine's day gifts]

[喝醉的單身者對情人節禮物的評論。]

Today, we're reviewing Valentine's Day gifts, and we are not qualified to do so.

今天我們要評論情人節禮物，但其實我們沒有資格。

I am, as the people say, alone but not lonely.

我就是人們所說的——單身卻不孤單。

I am alone and a little bit lonely sometimes.

我單身，而且有時有點孤單。

I'm just ready to cry.

我快要哭了。

This got so sad.

這太令人感到悲傷了。

We are an objective party, here to tell you how dumb your gifts are to each other.

我們代表客觀的那方，在這裡告訴你們，你們送給對方的禮物有多蠢。[紅酒＆玫瑰花]

Oh, a dozen long-stem roses.

噢，十二朵長莖玫瑰花。

- Flowers always smell nice. - They do smell good.

花朵總是聞起來很香。它們聞起來是很香沒錯。

But also kind of smell like a funeral home.

但是花朵也聞起來像殯儀館。

Don't⏤what are you doing, Kelsey?

Kelsey，你在做什麼！

I was gonna do "she loves me, she loves me not".

我想用花瓣猜她是否愛我。

If you just give me some flowers, that's enough.

如果只送我幾朵花，我就滿足了。

She loves me, she loves me not...

她愛我，她不愛我...

You went, you got the flowers.

留下花束後，你就走了！

You thought of me.

至少你有想到我。

- That's really sweet. - You bought them.

- 好甜蜜。- 花是你親自買的。

She lo⏤uh... oh.

她愛我。

It went in my wine.

噢，花瓣掉進我的紅酒裡了。

Just in general, send your friend flowers, why not?

在一般情況下，送花給朋友有什麼不對？

I'm gonna drunk send all of my friends flowers.

我要醉到送花給我所有的朋友了。

- She loves me not... - I'm on the edge of my seat.

- 她不愛我... - 我現在坐立難安。

She loves me.

她愛我。

[beep] Surprise!

真令人驚訝！

Wow, Wow.

哇哇。

- Surprise, surprise. - Wow, Wow.

真是意想不到。

If she brought me wine and flowers, I'm probably gonna give it up.

如果有人送我紅酒和花，我可能會轉送給別人。[一盒巧克力]

Oh, I see chocolate.

我看到巧克力了！

It has a fucking cat on it.

上面竟然有隻貓咪！

Thanks, but you don't love me.

謝謝你，但是你不愛我。

Yes, it's going straight to my hips.

沒錯，會讓我屁股變大的食物。

The one thing I don't like about these chocolates is that you don't know what you're getting.

我不喜歡這些巧克力的原因是，你不知道你會吃到哪一種口味。

And then, I try it and I'm like...

我吃了一顆，然後覺得...

This gift tells me, ohhh kind of forgot that I had to do something for Valentine's Day so I'm going to get this.

這禮物給我的感覺，嗯，有點像是我不知道情人節要幹嘛，所以才買巧克力。

This is more acceptable for me in milkshake form or milk form.

我比較能接受的是奶昔或是牛奶。

If you got me chocolate milk for Valentine's Day, that would be awesome.

如果你在情人節送我巧克力牛奶，那會棒極了。

This would be a no for me dawg.

老兄，巧克力對我來說是不過關的禮物。

That being said, I'm gonna have another.

話雖如此，我還要再吃另外一個。

Yeah I'm hungry.

我好餓。

Actually, this is all delicious, you know what, I take it back.

老實說這些很好吃，我要收回我的話。

This is a f**king dope gift.

這禮物真棒。

If you gave me this, I would laugh a lot.

如果你送我這個，我會笑瘋。

And I would wear these with you as a joke one time and then we would never use them again.

我會把這當作笑話跟你一起穿一次，然後就再也不會碰它們。

With four leg holes?

有四個洞的內褲？

This is hilarious.

這太搞笑了。

We're going to try it on?

我們要試穿看看嗎？

This is happening.

我們要試穿了。

This is incredible.

太不可思議了。

No!

不！

This is not sexy.

這一點都不性感。

Two people can't comfortably fit in this.

兩個人一起穿這個是不可能感到舒服的。

A boner, a nice ass and two human bodies can not comfortably fit in here.

勃起、完美的屁股和兩個人體，是不可能舒服地套在這件內褲裡。

- Where do you put your hands? - I can't, I can not put my hands.

- 手該放在哪裡？-我沒有辦法放我的手。

- How does it look? Let's give it a twirl. - There's no way to not be sexy with this.

- 看起來如何？我們來轉圈圈。- 穿這個不可能性感的！

Ohh, yeah.

噢，耶。

Zach, no wonder we're single.

Zach，難怪我們兩個都單身。

I know.

我知道。

- Look at the dumb shit that we do. - I know.

- 看看我們做的蠢事。- 我知道。

Joke gifts would be awesome.

惡搞的趣味禮物很棒。

If my girlfriend got me a joke gift, I'd love it.

如果我的女友送我惡搞的趣味禮物，我會愛死。

Now I'm like a baby joey.

我像是一隻袋鼠寶寶。

I'm like a baby kangaroo.

我像是一隻袋鼠寶寶。

It starts off silly.

一開始覺得這樣很蠢。

But if I was going to have sex with Zach right now, I'd be having the most fun sex I could have.

但如果我現在要跟 Zach 上床的話，那會是最有趣的一次性行為。

That's the most action I've gotten all year.

這是我今年為止活動最多的一次。

Same.

我也是。

[Nicholas Sparks 4-Pack]

[尼可拉斯·史派克四部曲 DVD]

Love this movie.

我愛死這部電影。

The Notebook?

《手札情緣》？

Yes.

沒錯。

The Notebook is great, but you don't do a four pack.

《手札情緣》很棒，但你不會看四部一組的電影啊！

I'm sorry but who has a DVD player any more?

抱歉，但現在誰家有 DVD 播放器？

This isn't for Valentine's Day.

這不是在情人節時看的。

This is for single people.

這是給單身狗看的。

This is for us.

這是我們要看的。

This is what we should watch.

這是我們該看的！

He built her a house.

男主角為女主角蓋了一棟房子。

And yet some people still don't watch my Instagram stories.

然而，有些人甚至不看我的限時動態。

Maybe we just don't like movies that much.

或許只是因為我們不那麼喜歡電影。

No, I like movies, but you gonna take me to a movie and not get me a movie.

不，我喜歡電影，但是你要帶我去看電影，而不是買 DVD 給我。

This is a threat.

這是恐嚇。

This is like if you break up with me, you'll never have this.

這就像是在說，如果你跟我分手，你就不會有像電影裡那般的生活。

These are all sad stories.

這幾部都是悲傷的電影。

You know what I would love, Space Jam.

你知道我愛看的電影是——《怪物奇兵》。

Would you just stay with me?

你可以留下來跟我在一起嗎？

Stay with you?

跟你在一起？

What for?

為什麼？

Look at us, we're already fighting.

看看我們，已經開始吵架了。

Well, that's what we do.

我們就是會這樣。

We fight!

我們會吵架！

You tell me when I'm being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you're being a pain in the ass.

你說我是自大的混蛋，我說你是個討厭鬼。

- Because I want you. - All of you.

- 因為我想要你。- 想要你的全部。

Forever you and me, all the days.

你和我永遠在一起，每一天。

- Go, I lost you once. - No, don't go

- 你走吧，反正我曾失去過你。- 不，不要走。

- I think I can do it again. - No, you can't, you know you can't.

- 我覺得我可以再失去你一次。- 不，你無法。

- If that's what you really wanted. - You know you can't, you won't do it.

- 如果離開真的是你想要的。- 你知道你承受不住，你不會放她走。

F**k you Ryan Gosling.

去 X 的，雷恩葛斯林。

I'm gonna cry.

我要哭了。

Nicholas Sparks might be the reason I'm alone.

尼可拉斯·史派克可能是我單身的原因。

[Wedding ring]

[婚戒]

The cynic in me says "ah, cheesy", but then the romantic in me is like "f**k yeah, Valentine's Day proposal."

我厭世的一面會認為：「齁，真老套」，但是我浪漫的那一面會想：「耶，情人節的求婚」！

I would just be like, bitch ...

我會表現得像個壞女人。

You don't propose on Valentine's Day.

不可以在情人節求婚。

You don't propose on Christmas.

不可以在聖誕節求婚。

And you don't propose on my or yours birthday.

不可以在彼此生日當天求婚。

- Why not? - Those are staple holidays that belong to Jesus Christ, Cupid, me and you and not in that order.

- 為什麼不可以？- 那些是屬於耶穌和邱比特的節日，輪不到你和我慶祝。

Will you make me the happiest man in the world?

你願意讓我成為世上最幸福的男人嗎？

Yes! Yes! Yes! A million times yes!

願意！願意！願意！超級願意！

Boo, wait, is it the right or the left?

等等，戒指是要戴在右手還是左手？

It's this one.

這隻手。

I like diamonds.

我喜歡鑽石。

Jewelry's good.

珠寶是不錯的禮物。

I'd say again.

我要再說一次。

Customize it to the person.

要客製化。

Subscribe something on it, inscribe.

在上面訂閱，不，是刻字。

[Final Thoughts]

[最終想法]

I still like the idea of Valentine's Day.

我還是喜歡情人節這個節日。

I hate that none of these things are gonna be for me.

我只是討厭有關情人節的慶祝，都不會發生在我身上。

Just some like love man.

就是跟「愛」有關啊！

I'm happy for people who are in love.

我替戀愛中的人感到開心。

And I'm happy for myself because I love myself.

我也很替自己開心，因為我愛我自己。

Damn straight.

說得太對了。

Do whatever you want, I don't know.

做任何你想做的事，我不知道。

Why are you asking us?

為什麼要問我們？

We don't know anything, that's why we're here.

什麼都不知道是我們坐在這裡的原因。

Yeah, we're the worst people to ask this.

沒錯，我們是最不該被問這個問題的人。

It's all about what's your intention and showing that you really care.

這跟你的目的有關， 顯露出你的真心。

And wear a condom.

記得要戴套。

Oh God, you don't want kids yet.

我的天，你還不會想要生小孩的。

You're not ready.

你還沒準備好當父母。

You're not ready.

你還沒準備好當父母。

Will you be my back-up Valentine?

你要當我的情人節備胎嗎？

I'd be an honor.

這是我的榮幸。

You're drunk now?

你喝醉了嗎？