I live in London, which is a pretty multicultural place, but every time I go into these Western grocery stores, I see how they sell rice and it just hurts my heart.

我住在倫敦，這裡是個文化多元的地方，但每次我去西式的生鮮超市，看到他們賣米的方式都令我相當痛心。

Earlier this morning, I went to our grocery store, Tesco, and I bought a bunch of rice.

今天稍早的時候我去了趟 Tesco 超市並買了一堆米。

And I'm gonna show you what they do to our beloved carb.

我接下來要展示給你們看這些人是如何對待我們深愛的碳水化合物。

Many different types of rice here that I'm never gonna eat, and I kept the receipt because I know I'm gonna return this shit after I record this video.

有超多種我永遠都不會吃的米類，我把收據留著因為我知道我錄完這個影片之後還要回來處理這些鳥玩意。

Tesco Easy Cook Brown Rice.

Tesco 輕鬆煮糙米。

It says there on the packaging, this rice is easy to cook.

包裝上是這樣寫的，這個米可以「輕鬆煮」。

I never knew that was a problem.

我從來不知道這會是個問題。

Growing up, we just made rice every day.

從小到大我們每天都煮米。

I didn't know making rice was a hard thing.

我從來不知道原來煮米是件難事。

You just dumped it in a rice cooker and pressed the button.

你只要把米倒進電鍋然後按下按鈕就好。

Is rice hard to cook in this day and age?

現在這個時代煮米變成一件難事了嗎？

Is there such a thing as hard-to-cook rice?

有「超難煮」的米這種東西嗎？

You start cooking it, your house burns down, someone breaks in and kidnaps your pets.

你開始煮米之後會火燒厝，然後有人闖進你家綁架你的寵物。

That rice is so hard to cook.

煮米真的超難的！

If only a scientist could come up with an easier way.

如果有科學家能想出更簡單的方法就好了。

As if the easy-cook rice wasn't enough, now they have boil-in-the-bag, easy-cook boil-in-the-bag rice.

如果「輕鬆煮」米還不夠，他們現在還有「連袋煮」版本，「輕鬆連袋煮」米飯。

So you're gonna cook the rice and the container at the same time.

所以你會同時煮米和煮容器。

Is that how busy your life is that you don't even have time to remove rice from its container before cooking it?

你生活是有多忙，忙到甚至連把米從包裝裡倒出來煮的時間都沒有？

I'm in such a hurry, don't take the rice out of the bag, just put the rice in the bag and we will boil both of those things together.

我真的超忙的，不要把米從袋子裡倒出來，放在袋子裡然後通通一起煮就好。

So if you boil the rice in the bag, then you're gonna eat the plastic.

如果你把米和袋子一起煮，你會吃到塑膠啊！

Oh that's my favorite rice topping, you know, I put an egg on it and a plastic bag.

好啦那是我最愛的配菜，你也知道的，我會在飯上面放一顆蛋和塑膠袋。

This just sounds horrifying.

這聽起來真的有夠可怕。

You're eating plastic, my friend.

朋友啊，你在吃塑膠啊！

Don't do that.

不要這樣啦！

And there's this electricity in the air.

空氣中有電流在流動。

In the UK, the most popular brand of instant rice: Uncle Ben's.

在英國，這是最受歡迎的即食米品牌 Uncle Ben's。

Their unique selling point is they come in a pouch, all right, and they make it really easy to cook.

他們獨特的賣點在於米分裝在小袋子裡，好的，這讓米變得很好煮。

You just put the whole pouch in the microwave.

你只要將整個袋子丟到微波爐裡。

So they went boil in the bag, that is not convenient enough.

所以他們先嘗試了煮袋子，但還是不夠方便。

Let's get rid of the boiling and we turn the bag into a pouch.

好啦我們別用煮的了，把米裝到袋子裡吧！

Just put the rice in the pouch in the microwave.

只要把整袋丟到微波爐裡就好。

Just, beep.

然後逼。

That's enough Asian culture for me.

我已經太亞洲了，先不要這樣。

It's time to squeeze my lunch out of this pouch.

是時候把我的午餐從袋子裡擠出來了。

Squeeze it out like toothpaste.

像牙膏一樣擠出來。

No good cuisine comes out of a pouch, all right?

好吃的料理才不會用袋子裝呢，好嗎？

I've never been to a Michelin-star restaurant: "Holy, shit, that was really good, man.”

我從來沒有在米其林等級的餐廳看到說，「誒這有夠好吃耶」。

"Yeah, man, my favorite dish, lobster from a pouch."

「真的老兄，這我的最愛，袋裝龍蝦呢！」

And then Uncle Ben's, they have a whole array of different types of rice.

然後 Uncle Ben's 還推出了一系列不同的米飯。

Look at this, Chinese-style rice.

你看看這個，中式米飯。

If you haven't noticed, Uncle Ben's is a middle-aged Black person.

如果你沒有注意到，Uncle Ben 是一位中年黑人男子。

I don't know if I trust this guy to make Chinese-style rice.

我是不太知道該不該相信這位的中式米飯啦！

Can we have Uncle Wong?

就不能來位 Uncle 翁嗎？

"Uncle Wong's Chinese-Style Rice," maybe I'll give that a chance.

Uncle 翁的中式米飯，或許我就會買單。

Also, who is selling rice in a yogurt cup?

還有，誰會用優格杯賣飯啦？

Uncle Ben's, that's who.

就是 Uncle Ben，就是他。

Oh, yeah, it comes with a free plastic spoon.

好的裡面還有免費的塑膠湯匙。

You open it up, it's in there, you scoop rice out of this yogurt cup.

你把包裝打開湯匙就在裡面，你可以把飯從這個優格杯裡挖出來。

Oh, it's delicious.

好喔，真好吃。

That's how Asians all over the world eat rice, you know?

全世界的亞洲人都這樣吃飯的，你知道嗎？

We go to a street-food stall and they serve us a yogurt cup and then when we are finished with the rice, we put a string over these two cups and make a telephone.

我們到路邊攤吃飯，然後店家們用優格杯給我們食物，我們吃完之後還可以在兩個杯子中間連上繩子做電話。

Just, oh, I can hear the sound of rice crying.

然後，喔我聽到米飯哭泣的聲音。

Tesco Arborio Risotto Rice.

Tesco 義大利燉飯米。

Risotto looks like rice, but it's not actually rice.

Risotto (燉飯米) 看起來像米，但它其實不是米啊。

It is pasta.

它是義大利麵。

Stop selling risotto in the rice section.

不要再把燉飯米放在米區了。

You can't just put the word rice after risotto and think, yeah, people are gonna be tricked into thinking this is rice.

不要因為你叫它燉飯「米」所以就認為，喔人們會認為它是一種米。

Asian families will love it.

還覺得亞洲家庭會愛死這個。

You can't east risotto with chopsticks.

你不能用筷子吃燉飯。

That's where I draw the line.

規則就是這樣。

It's not rice if you can't eat it with chopsticks.

如果你不能用筷子吃，它就不叫米。

You're not gonna believe this, cauliflower rice.

你不會相信這個的，花椰菜米。

Oh, boy, white people have really outdone themselves here.

老天鵝，老外們真的又刷新了自己的紀錄了。

Cauliflower rice.

花椰菜米。

What's next, white people?

老外們，接下來還有什麼？

I can't believe it's not rice?

我不敢相信，這根本不是米啊。

You're making rice from cauliflower?

你用花椰菜做米？

Why're you still calling it rice, then?

那為什麼還要叫它「米」啊？

Just call it cauliflower granules of shit that nobody likes.

就叫它花椰菜粒之類，這種壓根沒人會喜歡的鳥名字就好啦！

This hurts my heart.

這真的很讓人傷心。

This is not Asian, but it seems like Western grocery stores also bring in other races into the mix.

亞洲人不會，倒是西方的生鮮超市似乎很喜歡來個族群大融合。

"Oh, we are so cultured."

「好喔我們被教育得很好。」

We got Tesco Spicy Mexican Inspired Rice.

這裡有 Tesco 墨西哥口味香辣米。

So who inspired you to make this rice?

所以是誰讓你想做這種飯的？

A spicy Mexican.

一位很「辣」的墨西哥人。

If you wanna buy good rice, go to an Asian grocery store, where they sell rice by the largest sacks and the rice is actually fresh and it's good.

如果你想買好的米，去亞洲超市買那種超大袋的，那些米其實很新鮮又好吃。

I'm gonna stop talking about rice now because it's really upsetting me.

我不想講關於米的事情了因為心情真的很北宋。