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  • So, a few years ago I was at JFK Airport

    幾年前,我在約翰甘迺迪國際機場

  • about to get on a flight,

    準備搭飛機時

  • when I was approached by two women

    兩位女士朝我走來

  • who I do not think would be insulted

    我不認為她們被描述成年老矮小

  • to hear themselves described

    且言詞強硬的義裔美國女人

  • as tiny old tough-talking Italian-American broads.

    會有被羞辱的感覺

  • The taller one, who is like up here,

    比較高的一位,大概這麼高

  • she comes marching up to me, and she goes,

    她走向我,然後說

  • "Honey, I gotta ask you something.

    「親愛的,我得問你一件事」

  • You got something to do with that whole

    「你是那位最近出版…」

  • 'Eat, Pray, Love' thing that's been going on lately?"

    「享受吧!一個人的旅行」的人嗎?

  • And I said, "Yes, I did."

    我說:「是的,我是」

  • And she smacks her friend and she goes,

    她咂嘴跟朋友說

  • "See, I told you, I said, that's that girl.

    「你看吧,我就說是那個女生」

  • That's that girl who wrote that book

    「她就是那個以電影為基礎…」

  • based on that movie."

    「出書的女生」

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • So that's who I am.

    那就是我的形象

  • And believe me, I'm extremely grateful to be that person,

    相信我,我很感謝能成為那樣的人

  • because that whole "Eat, Pray, Love" thing

    因為整個「享受吧!一個人的旅行」

  • was a huge break for me.

    對我來說非常幸運

  • But it also left me in a really tricky position

    但它也讓我陷入兩難

  • moving forward as an author

    身為一位作家

  • trying to figure out how in the world

    我試圖了解自己

  • I was ever going to write a book again

    到底該如何再寫一本新書

  • that would ever please anybody,

    能讓大家滿意

  • because I knew well in advance

    因為我已經先知道

  • that all of those people who had adored "Eat, Pray, Love"

    喜歡「享受吧!一個人的旅行」的所有人

  • were going to be incredibly disappointed

    都將會非常失望

  • in whatever I wrote next

    不管我接下來寫什麼

  • because it wasn't going to be "Eat, Pray, Love,"

    都不會是「享受吧!一個人的旅行」這本書了

  • and all of those people who had hated "Eat, Pray, Love"

    而討厭「享受吧!一個人的旅行」的所有人

  • were going to be incredibly disappointed

    都將會非常失望

  • in whatever I wrote next

    不管我接下來寫什麼

  • because it would provide evidence that I still lived.

    都證明我還活著

  • So I knew that I had no way to win,

    所以我知道怎麼做都不對

  • and knowing that I had no way to win

    而知道這個事實

  • made me seriously consider for a while

    讓我認真地想了一下

  • just quitting the game

    乾脆不玩了

  • and moving to the country to raise corgis.

    去鄉下養狗

  • But if I had done that, if I had given up writing,

    但如果我這麼做了,真的放棄寫作

  • I would have lost my beloved vocation,

    我當時就會失去我最愛的職業

  • so I knew that the task was that I had to find

    所以我知道我的任務是要找出

  • some way to gin up the inspiration

    某種方法,讓我得到靈感

  • to write the next book

    繼續寫下一本書

  • regardless of its inevitable negative outcome.

    而不去在乎必然會有的負面結果

  • In other words, I had to find a way to make sure

    換句話說,我必須找到方法確保

  • that my creativity survived its own success.

    我的創造力在成功之後還是存在

  • And I did, in the end, find that inspiration,

    我做到了,最後找到了靈感

  • but I found it in the most unlikely

    但我是在最不可能

  • and unexpected place.

    最出乎意料的地方,找到靈感的

  • I found it in lessons that I had learned earlier in life

    那是我早年的人生就學到的一課

  • about how creativity can survive its own failure.

    也就是創造力戰勝失敗

  • So just to back up and explain,

    讓時光回到過去,解釋一下

  • the only thing I have ever wanted to be

    我這輩子唯一想做的事

  • for my whole life was a writer.

    為什麼是當一位作家

  • I wrote all through childhood, all through adolescence,

    我整個童年和青春期都在寫作

  • by the time I was a teenager I was sending

    一直到青少年時,我寄了

  • my very bad stories to The New Yorker,

    我寫的一些爛故事到「紐約客」

  • hoping to be discovered.

    希望能被發掘

  • After college, I got a job as a diner waitress,

    大學畢業後,我當起餐廳服務生

  • kept working, kept writing,

    不斷工作並持續寫作

  • kept trying really hard to get published,

    繼續非常努力地讓自己的書出版

  • and failing at it.

    然後繼續失敗

  • I failed at getting published

    連續六年

  • for almost six years.

    都沒有書出版

  • So for almost six years, every single day,

    所以六年來的每一天

  • I had nothing but rejection letters

    我只有拒絕信

  • waiting for me in my mailbox.

    在信箱裡等著我

  • And it was devastating every single time,

    每次都讓我很受傷

  • and every single time, I had to ask myself

    每次我都問自己

  • if I should just quit while I was behind

    是不是該趁早收手

  • and give up and spare myself this pain.

    放棄寫作,不再讓自己感到痛苦

  • But then I would find my resolve,

    但是我找回了決心

  • and always in the same way,

    每次都是用一樣的方法

  • by saying, "I'm not going to quit,

    我說:「我不會放棄」

  • I'm going home."

    「我要回家」

  • And you have to understand that for me,

    你們必須了解,對我來說

  • going home did not mean returning to my family's farm.

    回家不是回到家裡的農田

  • For me, going home

    對我來說,回家

  • meant returning to the work of writing

    代表回到寫作這份工作

  • because writing was my home,

    因為寫作就是我的家

  • because I loved writing more than I hated failing at writing,

    因為我熱愛寫作勝過痛恨寫作失敗

  • which is to say that I loved writing

    也就是說,我熱愛寫作

  • more than I loved my own ego,

    勝過於我的自尊心

  • which is ultimately to say

    而最後的結論是

  • that I loved writing more than I loved myself.

    我愛寫作勝過於愛自己

  • And that's how I pushed through it.

    這就是我撐下去的方法

  • But the weird thing is that 20 years later,

    但奇怪的是20年後

  • during the crazy ride of "Eat, Pray, Love,"

    在「享受吧!一個人的旅行」瘋狂之旅中

  • I found myself identifying all over again

    我發現自己又出現相同的感覺

  • with that unpublished young diner waitress

    我好像變回當年那個年輕的服務生

  • who I used to be, thinking about her constantly,

    無法發表任何作品,我一直想著她

  • and feeling like I was her again,

    覺得自己好像又變回當年的她

  • which made no rational sense whatsoever

    這不合邏輯

  • because our lives could not have been more different.

    因為我們的生活是如此與眾不同

  • She had failed constantly.

    她不斷失敗

  • I had succeeded beyond my wildest expectation.

    而我的成功已經超乎自己的想像

  • We had nothing in common.

    我們兩人完全不同

  • Why did I suddenly feel like I was her all over again?

    為什麼我會突然又覺得自己像她呢?

  • And it was only when I was trying to unthread that

    我試圖抽絲剝繭時

  • that I finally began to comprehend

    才終於開始了解

  • the strange and unlikely psychological connection

    我們生活中經歷慘敗的過程

  • in our lives between the way we experience great failure

    和我們經歷成功的過程

  • and the way we experience great success.

    之間有著奇特且不太可能產生的心理連結

  • So think of it like this:

    所以想想看

  • For most of your life, you live out your existence

    你們大部分的人生,都盡量活出自我

  • here in the middle of the chain of human experience

    在人類生活經驗的一環中

  • where everything is normal and reassuring and regular,

    一切都是那麼正常、安心和規律

  • but failure catapults you abruptly way out over here

    但失敗突然來襲,讓你脫軌

  • into the blinding darkness of disappointment.

    將你投入因失望而看不清的黑暗世界

  • Success catapults you just as abruptly but just as far

    成功也來的一樣突然

  • way out over here

    讓你脫軌

  • into the equally blinding glare

    將你投入因知名度和讚美聲

  • of fame and recognition and praise.

    而看不清的耀眼世界

  • And one of these fates

    這當中的一種結果

  • is objectively seen by the world as bad,

    被世人客觀地認為是負面的

  • and the other one is objectively seen by the world as good,

    另一種結果則是被世人客觀地認為是正面的

  • but your subconscious is completely incapable

    但你的潛意識完全無法

  • of discerning the difference between bad and good.

    辨識這當中的好壞

  • The only thing that it is capable of feeling

    唯一能感覺到的

  • is the absolute value of this emotional equation,

    是情緒上對等的價值

  • the exact distance that you have been flung

    也就是兩者與自己

  • from yourself.

    所產生的距離

  • And there's a real equal danger in both cases

    而且兩種精神上

  • of getting lost out there

    迷失的情況

  • in the hinterlands of the psyche.

    都很危險

  • But in both cases, it turns out that there is

    但兩種情況到最後

  • also the same remedy for self-restoration,

    也都能用相同的治療方法自我修復

  • and that is that you have got to find your way back home again

    也就是必須盡快順利地

  • as swiftly and smoothly as you can,

    再次找到你回家的路

  • and if you're wondering what your home is,

    如果不確定自己的家在哪裡

  • here's a hint:

    我給大家一個提示

  • Your home is whatever in this world you love

    你的家就在這世界上

  • more than you love yourself.

    你所愛勝過自己的地方

  • So that might be creativity, it might be family,

    所以那可能是創造力;可能是家庭

  • it might be invention, adventure,

    可能是創新、冒險

  • faith, service, it might be raising corgis,

    信仰、服務,也可能是養狗

  • I don't know, your home is that thing

    我不知道,你的家

  • to which you can dedicate your energies

    是你能投入精力

  • with such singular devotion

    非常努力付出

  • that the ultimate results become inconsequential.

    以至於最後結果也不重要的事物

  • For me, that home has always been writing.

    對我來說,那個家一直都是寫作

  • So after the weird, disorienting success

    所以在經歷「享受吧!一個人的旅行」

  • that I went through with "Eat, Pray, Love,"

    不可思議且令人迷惘的成功後

  • I realized that all I had to do was exactly

    我發現我必須做的

  • the same thing that I used to have to do all the time

    就和我過去經歷令人迷惘的失敗時

  • when I was an equally disoriented failure.

    一直必須做的一樣

  • I had to get my ass back to work,

    我必須回到工作上

  • and that's what I did, and that's how, in 2010,

    我就是這麼做的,也因此讓我在2010年

  • I was able to publish the dreaded follow-up

    能夠在「享受吧!一個人的旅行」之後出版

  • to "Eat, Pray, Love."

    下一部糟糕的作品

  • And you know what happened with that book?

    你們知道那本書怎麼樣了嗎?

  • It bombed, and I was fine.

    完全慘敗,但我沒事

  • Actually, I kind of felt bulletproof,

    事實上,我覺得自己免疫了

  • because I knew that I had broken the spell

    因為我知道自己破除了魔咒

  • and I had found my way back home

    而且找到了回家的路

  • to writing for the sheer devotion of it.

    讓我能全心投入寫作

  • And I stayed in my home of writing after that,

    在那之後我待在家繼續寫作

  • and I wrote another book that just came out last year

    寫了去年出版的一本書

  • and that one was really beautifully received,

    那一本頗受好評

  • which is very nice, but not my point.

    這樣當然很好,但那不是重點

  • My point is that I'm writing another one now,

    我的重點是我現在又在寫另一本書了

  • and I'll write another book after that

    之後我會再寫下一本

  • and another and another and another

    然後繼續不斷地寫

  • and many of them will fail,

    其中會有很多本失敗

  • and some of them might succeed,

    有一些可能會獲得成功

  • but I will always be safe

    但在結果隨機帶來的颶風中

  • from the random hurricanes of outcome

    我永遠都很安全

  • as long as I never forget where I rightfully live.

    只要我記得自己好好地住在哪裡

  • Look, I don't know where you rightfully live,

    各位,我不知道你們住在哪裡

  • but I know that there's something in this world

    但我知道世界上一定有什麼

  • that you love more than you love yourself.

    是你愛它勝過於愛自己的

  • Something worthy, by the way,

    順便提一下,那要是值得的事

  • so addiction and infatuation don't count,

    所以上癮、迷戀都不算

  • because we all know that those are not safe places to live. Right?

    因為我們都知道那些地方住起來不安全,對吧?

  • The only trick is that you've got to identify

    唯一棘手的是,你必須確定

  • the best, worthiest thing that you love most,

    你最愛的、最好、最值得的事是什麼

  • and then build your house right on top of it

    然後在那裡建房子

  • and don't budge from it.

    永不離開

  • And if you should someday, somehow

    假如有一天不知怎麼的

  • get vaulted out of your home

    因為經歷慘敗或巨大的成功

  • by either great failure or great success,

    遠離了你的家

  • then your job is to fight your way back to that home

    那你的工作就是努力回到那個家

  • the only way that it has ever been done,

    而唯一可行的辦法是

  • by putting your head down and performing

    埋頭苦幹

  • with diligence and devotion

    勤奮地投入

  • and respect and reverence

    表現出重視且敬愛的態度

  • whatever the task is that love

    不管是什麼任務

  • is calling forth from you next.

    你都能找回你所熱愛的事物

  • You just do that, and keep doing that

    你就這麼做,持續做下去

  • again and again and again,

    一次又一次

  • and I can absolutely promise you, from long personal experience

    我完全可以向你保證,依我個人的經驗

  • in every direction, I can assure you

    不管哪個方向,我都可以向你保證

  • that it's all going to be okay.

    一切都會好起來

  • Thank you.

    謝謝大家

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

So, a few years ago I was at JFK Airport

幾年前,我在約翰甘迺迪國際機場

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【TED】伊莉莎白.吉兒伯特: 成功、失敗,以及持續創造的動力 (Success, failure and the drive to keep creating | Elizabeth Gilbert)

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    Halu Hsieh 發佈於 2014 年 05 月 12 日
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