Did we have sex last night!?

我們昨晚做愛了嗎！？

We sure did, cowboy.

我們當然有，牛仔。

Oh my god!

哦，我的上帝！

Silenzio!

安靜！

Ah! Oh. Wait.

啊，哦，等等

Am I supposed- Wasn’t that a spell?

我應該... ... 那不是一個咒語嗎？

It’s Italian. It means shut up.

這是意大利語。 它的意思是閉嘴。

Ginny, honey, darling, I-

金妮，親愛的，親愛的，我...

Harold James Potter!

哈羅德-詹姆斯-波特！

I had come here to report that I haven’t found Ron, and to ask if perhaps you’d gotten lucky.

我是來報告說我還沒有找到羅恩 I had come here to report that I haven't found Ron, 並詢問你是否走運 and to ask if perhaps you'd gotten lucky.

[snicker]

[偷笑]

Instead I am forced to reassess everything I thought I cared about in my life.

而我卻被迫重新評估我以為自己生命中所關心的一切。

Harry, do you wish to be married to me?

哈利，你願意嫁給我嗎？

Yes! Yes, of course, darling! I love you! I-

是的，是的，當然，親愛的！ 我愛你！ 我... I-

Shut up!

閉嘴！

How long has this been going on?

這種情況已經持續多久了？

Never! Just last night! It was an accident!

從來沒有！ 就在昨天晚上！ 那是個意外！

We drank too much! Because we were so upset! Worried about Ron!

我們喝多了！ 因為我們太難過了！ 擔心羅恩！

Is that true?

是真的嗎？

No.

不知道

I was curious what it would be like to sleep with Harry. So I poured wine down his throat and jumped him.

我很好奇和哈利睡覺會是什麼感覺。 於是我把酒灌進他的喉嚨，然後跳了他。

It’s not rocket science.

這不是火箭科學。

And is it going to happen again?

而這種情況還會發生嗎？

No! No, of course not!

不，不，當然不是！

I don’t even remember it happening the first time!

我甚至不記得第一次發生的事情了!

Hermione?

赫敏？

No. I’m satisfied.

不，我很滿意。

Well, my curiosity is satisfied.

好吧，我的好奇心得到了滿足。

How could you?

你怎麼能這樣？

Was my explanation not clear?

我的解釋不清楚嗎？

Harry, get dressed!

哈利，穿好衣服！

What the!? Where is my-!?

怎麼了？ 我的... ？

Ah yes, that.

啊，是的，那。

While I decide what’s to become of us, I’ve confiscated your genitals.

當我決定我們的命運時 我沒收了你的生殖器

Confiscated them!? Well where the hell are they!?

沒收了？ 那他們到底在哪裡！？

Never you mind!

不要緊！

And you.

還有你

You admit that you betrayed my trust, seduced my husband, and ruined our friendship

你承認你背叛了我的信任 勾引了我的丈夫 破壞了我們的友誼。

all for one night of drunken sex?

都是為了一個晚上的醉酒性愛？

That’s not the Hermione Weasley I called a sister.

那不是我叫的赫敏-韋斯萊的妹妹。

I knew this would upset you. I do hope we can get past it.

我知道這會讓你不高興 我真的希望我們能克服它。

Maybe we can talk it out over margaritas. How’s your Thursday?

也許我們可以邊喝瑪格麗特酒邊談。 週四過得怎麼樣?

I hereby challenge you to a duel.

我在此向你挑戰決鬥。

Ooo! I’ve never been in one of those!

我從來沒有坐過這種車！

Uh, Ginny, hon, not sure-

呃,金妮,親愛的,不確定...

Harry shut up! Tomorrow. Midnight.

哈利，閉嘴！ 明天吧 午夜。

Agreed.

同意。

Fine! Harry, go find Ron.

好吧，哈利，去找羅恩。

Try not to have sex with him.

儘量不要和他發生關係。

How could I when you’ve got my-

我怎麼能這樣做，當你有我的...

Go!

走！

You know the last thing Ron said before he left me?

你知道羅恩離開我前說的最後一句話嗎？

He said,

他說：

Your problem is you’ve never made a mistake in your life.

你的問題是你這輩子都沒犯過錯。

I want to see what I’ve been missing.

我想看看我錯過了什麼。

Oh blow it out your arse.

哦，把它從你的屁股裡吹出來。

[cell phone rings]

[手機鈴聲]

Hello?

喂？

Harry Potter?

哈利波特？

Yes.

是的，我知道

Sorry to read about you being out of work. But we've got something we think would be perfect for you.

很抱歉讀到你失業的消息。 但我們已經得到了一些東西，我們認為將是完美的你。

Look, I’ve told you people before.

聽著，我以前告訴過你的人。

I don’t see why anyone would want a Lego video game based on my life.

我不明白為什麼有人會想要一個基於我生活的樂高電子遊戲。

It doesn’t make any sense. Why can’t they just be us, people?

這沒有任何意義。 為什麼他們就不能是我們這些人呢？

What do Lego blocks have to do with anything!? It’s bloody stupid!

樂高積木跟這有什麼關係？ 太他媽愚蠢了！

No no no, it’s nothing like that. Perfectly respectable job, I promise.

不，不，不，不是這樣的。 我保證，這是份非常體面的工作

Come by tonight. I’ll text you the address.

今晚來吧。 我把地址發短信給你

Ron, I know you’re out here.

羅恩，我知道你在這裡。

Hello Harry! Tea?

你好，哈里！ 茶？

So nice having company. Haven’t seen anyone in ages.

有伴兒真好。 好久沒見到人了

What do you expect? You’ve been hiding in a forest for a month.

你想怎樣？ 你已經在森林裡躲了一個月了。

In a place only Hermione or I would even think to look for you.

在一個只有赫敏或我才會想到要找你的地方。

Hadn’t been back here since then.

從那以後就沒再來過這裡了。

Out hunting Horcruxes.

出去獵殺聚魂器。

We never really took the time to enjoy nature, you know?

我們從來沒有真正花時間去享受大自然，你知道嗎？

Uh, we were a bit distracted.

呃，我們有點心不在焉。

Aren’t we always though? Aren’t we always though?

我們不總是這樣嗎？ 我們不是一直都在嗎？

Um…

嗯...

Are you high?

你嗑藥了嗎？

Oh, sorry.

哦，對不起。

Want some?

要不要來點？

What’s wrong with living out here, you know?

住在外面有什麼不好，你知道嗎？

Communing with Mother Earth, living off the land?

與地球母親交流，靠土地生活？

There’s nothing wrong with it, Ron. It’s just sort of, you know, sudden.

沒有什麼不妥，羅恩。 這只是一種，你知道，突然。

And big. You know, a big change. I mean, what about Hermione?

和大。 你知道，一個大的變化。 我是說，赫敏怎麼辦？

Haven’t been feeling a ton of respect from that direction.

一直沒有感受到來自那個方向的大量尊重。

Before I left, she told me

我走之前，她告訴我

I put the Ron in moron.

我把羅恩放在白痴裡了。

Sorry.

對不起，我不知道

Why? I didn’t say it wasn’t funny.

為什麼這麼說？ 我沒說這不好笑。

I’m just saying… I’m just saying…

我只是說說而已...

Hermione and I fell in love when we were kids.

赫敏和我小時候就相愛了。

When silly little things like complete incompatibility didn’t matter.

當傻乎乎的小事，比如完全不兼容都不重要的時候。

Do you know what it’s like being married to someone who’s better than you at everything?

你知道嫁給一個什麼都比你強的人是什麼感覺嗎？

Well, no.

嗯，沒有。

Seems mean to say it out loud though.

不過說出來似乎很刻薄。

I’m sure she’s not better than you at everything.

我相信她不是什麼都比你強。

She beat me in a pissing contest!

她在小便比賽中打敗了我！

Wow… Distance?

哇，距離？

Distance.

距離：

Wow.

哇哦

I mean there's being a fuck-up,

我的意思是有'的被一個他媽的。

then there’s being a fuck-up who lives with Hermione.

還有就是和赫敏住在一起的混蛋。

Ron, you’re not a fuck-up.

羅恩，你不是一個他媽的了。

Fifteen failed businesses in eight years?

8年內有15家企業失敗？

Who’s high now?

現在是誰在嗨？

Still you.

還是你。

What happened with the last one? You said it was a sure thing.

上次的事怎麼了？ 你說這是肯定的事。

Said that about all of them, though, didn’t I?

我不是說過所有的人都是這樣嗎？

I guess the world just wasn’t ready for edible socks.

我想這個世界還沒有準備好接受可食用的襪子。

I still don’t see how it’s any worse than edible underwear.

我還是不明白怎麼會比食用內褲差。

But that’s the whole point, I suppose.

但我想，這才是重點。

Ah, here we are.

啊，我們到了。

Immobulus!

伊莫布魯斯！

Such a generous bounty nature provides!

大自然提供瞭如此慷慨的恩惠!

Do you want

你要不要

a sandwich?

三明治？

You call this living off the land? Is this how you’ve been getting food?

你說這是靠土地生活？ 你就是這樣獲得食物的嗎？

And pot!

還有鍋！

So you're abandoning your wife, and you’re going to spend your remaining days living in the woods

所以，你要拋棄你的妻子，你要花你的餘生生活在樹林裡。

stealing food from campers because your life hasn't gone as planned?

偷營員的食物，因為你的生活沒有'去按計劃？

You know I never really had any plans.

你知道我從來沒有任何計劃。

You must be getting me confused one of with the girls.

你一定是把我和女孩們搞混了。

Speaking of which, have you knocked up my sister yet?

說到這裡，你把我妹妹肚子搞大了嗎？

Weird... And no.

奇怪...也沒有

She wants a family.

她想要一個家庭。

I know.

我知道，我知道

It's just,

它'只是。

whenever I picture a child, it's never happy.

每當我想象一個孩子，它從來沒有快樂。

I love Ginny, I just don't see why anyone would want to do that to a kid.

我愛金妮，我只是不明白為什麼有人要對一個孩子這樣做。

What? Have one?

什麼，有嗎？

It's hard to explain.

這很難解釋。

Hey man,

嘿，夥計。

I'm here for you.

我在這裡等你。

I think I feel like,

我想我覺得像。

like the very concept of a family-

喜歡家庭的概念

Oh bollocks! I forgot to unfreeze the muggles!

哦，胡說八道！ 我忘記解凍麻瓜了！

Pew!

擢！

I do hope you’ll think about coming back.

我真的希望你能考慮回來。

I mean, everyone’s entitled to a bad mood now and then, but this is a bit dramatic.

我是說，每個人都有權利偶爾心情不好，但這有點戲劇性。

I lost my job yesterday, doesn’t mean that I’m going-

我昨天丟了工作，並不代表我要... ...

You lost your job yesterday?

你昨天丟了工作？

So you don’t have to work tomorrow!

這樣你明天就不用上班了!

Brilliant! You should crash here tonight!

厲害！ 你今晚應該在這裡過夜！

It’ll be great!

這將是偉大的！

I’m sure I can find a caravan with some beers in it.

我相信我可以找到一個大篷車，裡面有一些啤酒。

No, I can’t.

不，我不能。

I have this job offer, interview, thing I have to go to.

我有這個工作機會，面試，事情我必須去。

Job offer?

工作機會？

Yeah, I got the call this morning.

是的，我今天早上接到了電話。

So you lost your job yesterday,

所以你昨天丟了工作

and got offered one this morning?

今天早上得到了一個？

Uh... yeah?

呃... 是嗎？

Excuse me.

對不起，請原諒

Did you eat my damn sandwich?

你吃了我的三明治嗎？

FUUUUUUUCK!

FUUUUUUUUCK！

So, Harry Potter.

所以，哈利波特。

What makes a man a man?

是什麼讓一個男人成為男人？

Uhhh...

呃...

Memories. A man is defined by his collection of memories.

回憶。 一個人的定義是由他的記憶集合。

They determine who he is, how he will act.

它們決定了他是誰，他將如何行動。

Powerful little buggers, memories.

強大的小兔崽子，記憶。

Sometimes that can be a problem. And that’s where we come in.

有時候，這可能是一個問題。 這就是我們的作用所在。

That’s Stretch.

這是彈力。

I’m Squat. We’re private contractors.

我是Squat 我們是私人承包商

Usually hired by the Department of Magical Enforcement.

通常是由魔法執行部僱傭的。

What happens is, wizard or witch commits a crime,

發生的事情是，巫師或女巫犯了罪。

enforcers pick him up.

執法者把他抓起來。

We’re called in to wipe the memory of any muggles that see what they shouldn’t.

我們被叫去抹去任何看到不該看到的麻瓜的記憶。

Requires dedication. Long hours.

需要奉獻精神。 工作時間長。

Maybe spending some nights in the office.

也許花一些晚上在辦公室。

Can get dangerous.

可能會變得很危險。

Nothing the great Harry Potter can’t handle.

沒有什麼是偉大的哈利波特不能處理的。

Oh, uh, thank you.

哦，呃，謝謝你。

Um, well yeah, sounds good.

嗯，是的，聽起來不錯。

Just got to talk it over with the wife.

只是要和老婆商量一下。

What you got to talk about it with her for?

你為什麼要和她談這個？

It’s a good job, all on the up and up. Just take it!

這是個好工作，都是上上之選。 拿著吧!

Oh, no, I’m sure it is.

哦，不，我肯定是這樣的。

It’s just we usually discuss before making any big decisions,

只是我們通常在做任何重大決定之前都會進行討論。

and I’m kind of in it right now with her anyway so…

我現在和她在一起，所以... ...

What’s the matter? She got your balls in her purse or something?

怎麼了？ 她把你的蛋蛋放進她的錢包裡了還是怎麼了？

Maybe we were wrong.

也許我們錯了。

Maybe the great Harry Potter can’t handle it.

也許偉大的哈利波特無法處理它。

I mean you haven’t really faced anything like that since you was a kid, eh?

我的意思是，你還沒有真正面對任何事情 因為你是一個孩子，嗯？

Well that doesn’t have anything to do with it!

嗯，這沒有任何關係！

He was better looking as a kid.

他小時候比較帥。

When did his nose get so big?

他的鼻子什麼時候變得這麼大了？

And your accent’s complete shit.

而且你的口音完全是狗屎。

Hey!

嘿！

I didn’t come here for this!

我不是為這個來的！

I came here for a job!

我是來找工作的！

Good.

很好啊

Welcome aboard.

歡迎來到這裡

Are you joking?

你在開玩笑嗎？

Oops.

糟了

Hi hon.

嗨，親愛的。

God I’m exhausted.

天啊，我累死了。

Found Ron. He’s a bit frazzled, but he’ll be all right.

找到羅恩了 他有點累了，但他會沒事的。

Just needs some time to sort things out, I’m sure.

只是需要一些時間來整理事情，我相信。

Got a lead on a new job.

有一份新工作的線索。

Well, sort of.

嗯，算是吧。

What?

什麼？

Oh. Right.

哦，是的。 哦，對了。

Hi, Stretch? Job offer still good?

嗨，舒展？ 工作機會還不錯嗎？

I'll take it.

我要了