YouTube, those sons of bitches they took all my

Youtube,那狗娘養的

money but they demonetized all my videos.

他們拿走我所有的錢

as you can see by this background I'm

*咳嗽*

living in in the,

它們剝奪我所有的影片, 如你所見 藉由這個背景

I'm living in the slums I'm eating,

我住在...

Edgar's dog food that's right I I made

我住在貧民窟了

some bad investments okay I did I I

我只能吃Edgar的狗糧,沒錯

thought it was going to work out who

我,我做了些爛投資 好嗎,我 我

knew rats could it live underneath water

我想著這樣能解決

okay maybe I maybe I should have seen

誰知道老鼠在水面下活不了?

that one coming

好吧,也許我-

god dammit why do I invest all my money

...也許我該料到那會發生 靠腰,我為什麼會

in the rat under water rats nah leprosy

將我所有錢投資在那隻老鼠---那隻水面下的老鼠? *咳嗽*

I have leprosy now I'm gonna have to get

痲瘋病

a new job don't you understand the

我現在得了痲瘋病了

serious and see of the situation why

我得找個新工作 你難道不懂

aren't you looking at me huh well no I

這情況的嚴重性嗎? 你幹嘛

have not something that moment I'm gonna

看著我,哼?

have to find another job what job am i

不,我還沒陷那麼深。 我只要

qualified what talents do I have as a

找另一份工作

youtuber as a joke because youtubers

哪種工作我比較拿手? 我有哪些才華?

doesn't have talent Photoshop Photoshop

做為一個YouTuber? *笑*

that's right

(這是一個笑話啦因為YouTubers沒有才華)

Aynsley Photoshop let's see on Twitter

Photoshop,沒錯

what people want made a rotor shop daddy

Ainsley. *Bing!*

oh five as a happy wholesome American

讓我們看看推特,人們想要我

family now that's just straight-up

將DaddyOFive P成健康快樂的

impossible

美國人家庭 嗯那簡直不可能

don't be ridiculous Danville cinnamon

toast can the future of YouTube right

不要搞笑了,Dan Bull

there zooming on the nipple

Cinnamon ToastKen- "未來的YouTube" 在這兒

the real future of YouTube you just go

在奶頭上放大

to the trending tab and look whatever

*戲劇性音樂*

cancer is on that shit

想知道未來的YouTube

we got Roman Atwood Vox iJustine and

只要去熱門標籤

what's up mom's Photoshop Wall Street

看看在那屎上有什麼癌症之類的

Journal into a good publication okay

我們有Roman Atwood, Vox, iJustine 和WhatsUpMoms.

that should be easy enough I accept your

"將華爾街時報P成好的刊物"

challenge

好的 那應該夠簡單了

all right we have the Wall Street

我接受你的挑戰

Journal logo here and let's let's make

好的,我們這裡有華爾街時報的logo

some fine-tuning adjustments change the

讓我們,呃,做點

letters a little bit we rearranged

一些讓它好轉的調整 讓字小一些

essentially just rearrange what we're

改變,本質上的改變,

looking at here oh wow it's it's

我們正看著的這個

starting to look like something could it

呃喔 哇嗚

be a good publication my god let's add

這看起來開始像某種東西了

some coloring beautiful

這可能變成好的刊物嗎? 老天

Dolan that will be fede bucks okay you

讓我們上點色 漂亮!

can PayPal me who's chaos says fuck me

呃,Dolan,那樣50元,行嗎?

up well this has already been

你可以 PayPal我喔 *眨眼*

photoshopped okay you clearly use some

WhosChaos說"把我搞砸吧"

fucking filter to smooth out his skin

恩,這已經被P過了,好吧

what are you fucking I what can we do

你顯然用了些靠北的濾鏡...去磨你的皮

with this I don't fucking know I'm going

你是在幹...

to be honest here you look like shit I'm

好吧,我們可以怎麼做?

sorry you don't look great but

我要誠實一點

there-there is the solution okay I have

你看起來像屎

a problem with the fact that you're

我很抱歉 你看起來不棒

trying to steal my hair and but I will

但...有解決的方法好嗎

say you have a huge fucking nose and

我有個問題

that you know represent as a fellow

你在偷打我頭髮的主意對吧

member of the big-ass nose community I

但我會說

appreciate you and I want to accentuate

你有個超他媽大的鼻子

your best features why I can't submit by

做為一個

just lifting them up just a tiny bit we

大屁鼻協會的成員,我欣賞你 然後我想

don't want you to look weird or bad or

加強你最好的面貌

anything so let's just do that

就是把它提高然後弄小一點

so let's describe that beautiful nose

我們不希望你看起來很奇怪或糟糕什麼的

and let's get rid of you wow that is

所以我們就那樣做吧

look Wow

所以讓我們抓起那美麗的鼻子

can you tell I'm good at Photoshop oh my

讓我們擺脫你

god it looks so real

哇喔 那看起來─

can't you tell by the pixels yep I'm

哇你可以說我很會p? 喔買尬

definitely not regretting spending time

看起來好真實

on this one I definitely think this was

你不能藉由像素說明?

worth the effort make him happy

對的,我絕對不後悔

who cries on camera what a goddamn loser

花時間在這個上

I can't allow that to happen I will do

我覺得這努力超級值得

it for free this should be easy

讓他開心 誰會在鏡頭前哭

oh fuck I fucked it up I fucked it up

真是個天殺的魯蛇 我不允許這發生

goddamnit I'm not cut out for this

我會免費做這個 這應該很簡單

that's not just mean G make me into a

喔幹!我搞砸了 我他媽搞砸了

dodge please notice me senpai it's my

真是天殺的 把這卡掉啊

dream to be in one of your vids well

*笑*

your wish is my command as long as you

jasmine g:"把我變成狗拜託"

pay pal I have a feeling she's gonna

"注意到我吧前輩 出現在你的影片裡是我的夢想"

regret this I just found the perfect

嗯,你的希望就是對我的命令,只要你PayPal

dodge the perfect I mean already I can't

我有種感覺她會後悔這個的

tell the difference alright let's start

我找到一隻完美的狗 超完美的

with the eyes make it make it nice and

我的意思是我不能講出差異了

simple to be honest already you look ten

好了,我們先動眼睛

times better Felix the plastic surgeon

讓它,讓它很棒又簡單

here to fulfill all your needs moving on

老實說,妳已經看起來好看十倍了

to the note that looks great

這滿足了你所有需求

I love my lime thank you for asking yes

接下來是鼻子 那看起來好讚

I think we're getting somewhere next

我愛我的生活 謝謝你這麼要求

time it'd be really great if you could

好的,我覺得我們到某個地方了

send me in like a little lower rest

下次,如果你可以寄給我像是小一點的照片那就太棒了

photo that would be really helpful thank

那會很有幫助,謝謝你

you it looks like we're gonna have to

看來我們必須給你

give you a complete new set of teeth yes

完整的一副新牙

yes now just the ears I don't see your

好 現在只剩耳朵

ear so I'm just gonna have to guess

我沒看到你的耳朵

actually never mind there's a little ear

我只能猜了

tip that's all we got to work with

事實上,不要緊,這裡有一點小耳朵

that's all we were doing yeah yes proper

那就是我們要處理的 那就是我們要做的

dog ears wow look at that

正確的狗耳朵

and you're really wearing a necklace so

哇喔 看看那個

there there you go Oh oh my god Jesus

然後你也戴了項鍊了

Christ

所以,這是你要的

let's have a little look-see before

喔買尬 基督啊

after my god you look great honey

讓我們看看 -之前

not only 50 bucks thank you oh my god if

之後!!!

this continues I might be able to

我的老天,妳看起來超棒,寶貝! 那就50元了 謝謝 喔買尬

support myself make me into a helicopter

如果這持續下去 我可能

you know what I feel privileged to help

支撐我自己了

you in your transition into an Apache

"把我變成一台直升機" 你知道嗎

helicopter you're so brave let's take

能幫到你我覺得很榮幸

your sorry don't mean to be rude but you

把你變成一台阿帕契直升機 你真勇敢

have weird ass fingers disgusting but

就拿你的

they will make you fly fucking like did

抱歉,不是故意沒禮貌但 你有奇怪的手指 噁爆了

you have to cover up your whole goddamn

但他們會讓你飛起來

face Wow

幹,你有必要遮住

so brave okay what a grace is it yeah

你整個天殺的臉嗎?

fucking dumb oh my god okay ah

哇嗚 真是勇敢 OK多棒的一個 *笑*

another satisfied customer

天殺的,笨到靠北 喔買尬 OK呃...

Wow it feels great that I can make

*拍手* 又一位滿意的客戶

people feel good can you give me big

哇嗚

muscular arms a poor soul in pain in

讓人們更好感覺真不錯

need he doesn't have any arms it will be

"你能給我一雙有大肌肉的手臂嗎?"

my honor my privilege and my duty you

一個可憐的靈魂很痛苦,很需要

know some people say that using

他沒有手臂

Photoshop generated arms is unethical

那會成為我的光榮 我的榮幸

dangerous can cause life's

你知道,有些人說

life-threatening disease no I say no

用Photoshop P上一般手臂

there's nothing wrong with it there's

是不道德的 是危險的

nothing wrong with having arms and if

會造成生命,生命威脅的疾病

you have a problem with having arms

不 我說不

you've got a problem with me because I

擁有手臂才沒有錯

have arms what the fuck am I talking

而且如果你對於擁有手臂有成見

about dude you're gonna look so small we

你就是和我有成見

need to work out when you look this good

因為我有手臂

when you look this good boy damn dog you

我他媽在講什麼?

go fuck them hoes up hit man you look

誰還需要運動

fucking at a touch

你看起來這麼棒啊男孩 天殺的

holy shit damn you look amazing another

你可以幹爆婊子們了!!!

satisfied customer thank you give

幹,老兄,你看起來超他媽緊的啦

Gerrard his eyebrows back what happened

天啊靠,耶,你看起來超讚

to Gerard's eyebrows you know what not

又一個滿意的客戶!

Mike not none of my business

感恩你

not a my Beza I've always wondered I

"將 Gerard的眉毛還給他"

know you think you've thought the same

Gerard的眉毛出啥問題啦?

thing I've always wondered what would it

你知道嗎 這不

be like to have ok meseta let's say it

不干我的事 不干我的事好嗎

on three one two caterpillar eyebrows

我一直很困惑

yes on point how high five

我知道你在想─

caterpillar eyebrows is the new hippest

你想到了同一件事

trend that a lot of people don't know

我一直很困惑啊

about I was a fan of caterpillar before

如果那樣的話會怎樣

caterpillars were cool okay alright

好吧,我們就說出來吧,倒數3秒

alright

1,2

caterpillars it's my thing it's what I

毛毛蟲眉毛

define my identity around

沒錯 正中紅心

peddlers I've been thinking about this

耶,擊掌啦

caterpillar thing for a long time

毛毛蟲眉毛

and I want you to know Gerard if you

就是新時尚的趨勢

actually want me to hit you up with some

還超多人不知道的勒

caterpillar eyebrows I can give you a

我以前很怕毛毛蟲

discount just because I really like your

其實毛毛蟲很酷啦,好嗎

music would you like some candy Peter a

好的,好的

bee we came down there and come now you

毛毛蟲是我的東西

get to caterpillar for free you get one

這就是確信我身分的,毛毛蟲

caterpillar is a friend that's Frank you

我有想過這個

get to print a caterpillar free while

毛毛蟲很久了

hillocks it looks good

而我想讓你知道,Gerard,

it looks really good it feels rewarding

如果你確實要我 替你

it's Edgar's turn to be in the middle

弄上一些毛毛蟲眉毛

thank you so cute

我可以給你一點折扣

Jesus guys chill it was pretty pie come

因為我很喜歡你的音樂

on Wallace read you want fortify I swear

想來點毛毛蟲眉毛嗎? 我們完成了

I can tell you everything about the fuck

然後你也得到了

fix this okay no problem

兩隻免費的毛毛蟲

you're welcome

你得到了一個朋友,你得到一位朋友,毛毛蟲朋友

you're welcome that'll be another 50

哇,他看起來─

here's a classic example of how the fuck

他看起來真的很棒

am I supposed to do that turn me into

那看起來就像被賞賜

this pug okay well you're covering your

"輪到Edgar在中間了"

whole guy do you have glasses and a

*笑*

fucking mug in your face how am I

牠好可愛

supposed to do that now just because you

老天啊,大夥,冷靜點那是pewdiepie呀

made such a dumb suggestion I'm going to

拜託,華爾街周刊,你想要的是PooDiePie,我保證

turn this cup into the pod look what an

我可以和你說關於他的每件事

amazing time that part of that mug has

*笑*三小啊

what the fuck am i doing

"修好他"....恩

god dammit the fucking on monetization

好喔沒問題

man I don't know what to do I don't know

不客氣啦

what to do but now I know thanks to you

不用客氣

guys and my amazing talent we can work

那又是50元了

this out together

這是個經典的例子去...

appreciate you and as always a little

我他媽該怎麼做啊?

high came in without one

"把我變成這隻巴哥犬"