A2 初級 英國腔 213 分類 收藏
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So, you're worried about a thing, are you?
Might be a bill you can't pay, might be a job interview.
Might be your career falling apart. Whatever.
But the best thing you can do in this situation is just to think about it as much as possible.
Don't do anything about it.
Just make sure keep worrying because that always makes problems go away.
Look at all those people.
Whatever you're worrying about must be a million times worse than anything they can imagine.
They've definitely never had to face a personal crisis.
I'm sure they never felt lonely, been sued, lost family members, spouses, children.
They probably never been fired, or been in love with someone who didn't love them back
or paniced about their career, or anything most humans go through in a lifetime.
Because whatever you're worried about is definitely the biggest thing that has ever happened to anyone. Ever.
No one has ever been to war so they wouldn't understand what you're going through.
They haven't approached Omaha Beach and known they are probably going to be dead in a few minutes.
No one has ever been trapped in a damaged spacecraft, thousands of miles from the earth, running out of oxygen
No one has had to face constant bombing from the air that turned up without warning.
Somehow whatever it is recently you've got on your mind, that justifies you loosing sleep.
And being a total dick to yourself.
Well, you know best. Luckily humans live forever and never age.
So dont worry, you've got infinite time to hold yourself back with doubts.
And actually it's worse than that.
You know, if the bad thing does happen,
where you dont get the job or you emberass yourself somehow
we're all gonna be laughing at you.
All seven billion of us
We don't have our own lifes, or relationships, or children, or careers.
We're just waiting to see you fuck up.
The entire planet is going to turn up at your house and write "lol" on your door. In piss.
That's what's gonna happen.
And even after you're dead we're going to errect a shrine on your grave that says:
"This person made a mistake."
and we'll visit it everyday with flowers.
But not the nice ones. Like petrol station roses. That we've found in a bin.
And don't even think about taking any creative risks.
That project you're working on, the book, or the movie or the video, or whatever
If you screw up any of it we're gonna laugh at you because we're certanly not busy worrying about our own lifes.
Homer, Beethoven, Tolstoi, Hitchcock, Tarantino... None of them ever worried about their careers.
Just keep sabotaging yourself so you don't have to ever fear doing something original.
That's the save path.
Same with doing what you love, actually.
No one has ever taken a risk before. You're the first one to do it. Ever.
And I'm sure the universe cares if you screw up or take a risk.
It definitely isn't busy regulating the speed of light or, you know, keeping the galaxies from fucking colliding!
In fact the entirety of creation was just designed to watch you fail personally.
That's what we're all doing here.
That's what get's us up in the moring.
You.
Failing.
Maybe just spend the rest of your life fixated on worrying
instead of ever doing anything ever again
instead of say becoming the best possible version of yourself and being kind to people
and taking wild and bold risks that scare you and will probably pay off some other time.
and living a lasting legacy for your great-grandchildren
so they can say that one of their ancestors in the early 21st century
was undeniably a bad motherfucker and did something brilliant
or was just a half decent human being who decided that the point of being alive
was to party as much as possible before the lights go out.
And just to be nice to other humans.
Probably better just to keep your head down. Don't rock the boat.
Can't risk emberassing yourself.
But none of that really matters, does it?
Because you're worried about that thing, aren't you?
Might be a bill you can't pay, might be a job interview.
Might be your career falling apart. Whatever.
But the best thing you can do in this situation is just to think about it as much as possible.
Don't do anything about it.
Just make sure keep worrying because no one has ever been in a bad situation before. Ever.
And I'm sure, whatever it is, is very important and won't ever go away.
Just like all the other things you used to worry about before.
And now can't even remember
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英式幽默!擔心的指導方針 (A Guide to Worrying)

213 分類 收藏
lauren.huang 發佈於 2020 年 7 月 1 日
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