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  • Hello lovely people!

  • Hi I'm Jessica and I'm disabled this video also

  • features Claudia my wife who is not disabled- so subscribe if you enjoy

  • lesbians of varying abilities

  • This is part 2 of the video "my wife is not an angel"

  • um... because we talked for a really long time but I think that it was quite

  • a useful conversation that we had and we discussed many topics so I decided to

  • make a part 2: that is the video you are watching right now.

  • You can watch part 1 by clicking the link in the description

  • down below or clicking in the card above

  • in this corner. We were answering questions from the members of the

  • Kellgren-Fozar Club about what it's like to be in an interabled relationship.

  • If you would like to become a member of the Kellgren-Fozard Club

  • and get access to a private secret extra monthly behind the scenes video

  • as well as an extra area on my

  • discord board and a whole range of other goodies and you can do so by clicking

  • the join button next to subscribe button below.

  • And so on with the video:

  • Ah this is a really good question Lauren!

  • What are the positives about having a

  • disabled partner that you wouldn't have an abled partner?

  • First one is really obvious.

  • Is it?

  • You get to park everywhere!

  • Oh yeah! [laughs]

  • especially in Brighton, there is really limited parking

  • We have a disabled badge, it's great!

  • Yes that's good, you get to drive places door-to-door

  • There's loads of disabled bays. As sort of a confident introvert

  • you know sometimes I like to socialize but sometimes I don't I can just use

  • Jessica as an excuse to usually just like back away. I'll be like:

  • 'Oh she's very tired now'

  • It doesn't usually work because Jessica's like such an

  • extrovert even though she is tired she pushes through it.

  • I'm exhausted and I keep talking

  • She's like: 'Shut up!'

  • Picking her up from under the table like:

  • You are really tired now, we need to go! And she's like: 'blah blah'

  • A positive and a negative.

  • I mean it is a positive of my disabilities, it is a negative of my personality.

  • Oh airports are really good, because we get to go through special assistance.

  • Special assistance at airports.

  • Avoid the queue. Yeah it's great!

  • You get to go to the front of the line because I can't stand up for very long.

  • Basically the benefits that you get from being a disabled

  • person, the abled person who kind of jumps on that wagon. Yeah....

  • And also there is the obvious thing like I've probably been educated

  • in chronic illness and disabilities like hidden disabilities and being more aware

  • of people around me now of all ages whether they are classed as disabled

  • whether they're just struggling that maybe I wouldn't have been so aware of

  • in the past. Which is really helpful to your jobs

  • since you deal with the general public all the time. Yeah.

  • And I think generally I'd like to think it has

  • made me you know not an angel but a better human being.

  • All right Martha says:

  • I hope your neck is more tolerable now yes thank you it is I sprained my neck

  • was great and then a whole shoulder dislocation thing. It was fun.

  • Do you ever feel like

  • you want to protect Claudia or maintain some kind of normality in denial maybe

  • by pretending something isn't as bad as it is and how do you deal with those

  • feelings if you have them? I completely do that all the time and some of its

  • conscious and some of it isn't. I don't always tell you when I'm in pain.

  • Sometimes that's unconscious because I'm like: boring.

  • and sometimes it is a

  • conscious thing where I'm like: okay you know you've got your stress of the day

  • had a problem at work you want to just unload I'll just wait for you to get to

  • the end of the story and then I'll be like: [crying] great story

  • I'm in crippling pain can you help?

  • Yeah, I do tell you to tell me more but also

  • at the same time I know that I'm quite difficult that I'm like: 'yeah but like

  • it's about me right now.'

  • [both laugh]

  • I think it just comes down to personality.

  • And sometimes I, like there's nothing you she can do.

  • I respond to Jessica's needs with anger because I can't do anything to make it

  • better. I don't know. Yeah you're just angry at the world.

  • Disabled people or ill people or people who struggle with the mental illness

  • there is an element of of course you want to protect those we love from

  • knowing actually how it feels and how much it can really really suck sometimes.

  • I think it's difficult to portray to someone unless they have had first-hand

  • experience sometimes the way it really feels.

  • I think for me...

  • personally the best way would be when we're having a nice time like we're both

  • in a good mood and you're not in pain currently we're just having a good

  • day like we're out for dinner or like out having a lovely walk and then you

  • approach the subject of telling me what it feels like when you're in loads of

  • pain and when I come home and I moan because then it's not like nagging me

  • it's like: 'I'm just gonna tell you a little life story'

  • Just so you know!

  • And then I'm like hmm

  • I will take that on board but I don't feel like I'm being put into a situation

  • that I can't have any control over right now and then I feel frustrated and angry.

  • So then well I rather she told me another time so then I'm like 'okay well

  • next time I come home I'll try and be more aware that Jessica might have had a

  • bad day or is in pain'. Wow okay well we've got the topic for our first dinner

  • out of the house after lockdown!

  • Elisa wants to know: I'd like

  • to know how you dealt with the fact that people were talk to Claudia instead of

  • you when they were talking about you?

  • Yeah yeah they talk to the people who

  • are with me rather than talking to me.

  • [whispering] Yeah that's really weird...

  • If someone talks to me about Jessica I just kind of like look at Jessica like

  • I'm just like 'why are you talking to me!'

  • Deflecting onto Jessica who is like 'oh thank you so much'

  • You know, whatever.

  • Or if they ask the sign language interpreter like 'oh does she want to do this?'

  • You can ask her yourself.

  • Yeah so, I think it's the

  • responsibility of the person who's being spoken to to correct them politely to

  • actually you address Jessica. Yeah it is an irritating feeling but you do

  • It is about training the people around you I suppose, sometimes though it's actually

  • helpful if they talk to you instead of me. It's this weird thing I found when we

  • go to the doctor if Claudia is there and she's able to talk about my pain or talk

  • about a difficulty that I've been having they listened to her more than they

  • listen to me. I find that quite often people will listen to the able-bodied

  • person in the room.

  • I don't think it's about just being able-bodied in this situation

  • I think it's just because you sometimes you look quite ridiculous

  • for someone who doesn't know you. You've just walked in you've got like a

  • bow in your hair or a tiara, you've got like a mock fur jacket on.

  • I don't know what you are talking about.

  • And you're like 'oh helloo'.

  • When I first met you I thought you were

  • a bit of a joke to be honest.

  • [slowmo] bit of a joke.

  • Sorry.

  • I remember I asked you on our second or third date: are you actually, is this...

  • Are you actually like this all the time?

  • But like, I just wanna know you! Like YOU!

  • And she was like: this is ME!

  • I was like really? You don't have other levels or...

  • I guess when I go in and I'm wearing like a polo neck or like you know

  • I sit in there very stir and choke out some medical sounding words

  • occasionally, whereas you... and I dont like people!

  • So I'm like sitting in the chari...

  • [laughing] You don' t like people!

  • hmm hmm and will this be helpful for her?

  • Whereas you are like:

  • 'Oh thank you so much okay doctor whatever you say'

  • Yeah I do look a bit silly

  • I do realise, I am aware that I look different but I found right that

  • disabled people are some of the most interesting dressers. I think partly it

  • is a defense mechanism, because if you look at me and I look like this and I'm

  • just woo swaying from side to side

  • you kind of just think it's part of the thing but if I dress

  • like everyone else and then you saw me walking along, you'd be like

  • Jesus, is she alright?

  • Like, no...

  • It hides things this look.

  • And when I'm like: 'aha, aha'

  • That's cause you can't hear!

  • I don't know what the hell you are saying!

  • But people let me get away with it.

  • Kinda leads into the next question of like your personality and your aesthetic

  • combined of your disabilities with how you manage situations and this person says:

  • This by Audrey says: my husband suffers from migraines sometimes we

  • can't cancel my I have to attend events or family get-together us without him

  • how did you explain to people that no he can't just take tylenol and no he isn't

  • trying to get out of coming?

  • So I'm kind of lucky in the situation that my family

  • are medical background so they appreciate how debilitating a migraine

  • can be and I just kind of said it very much like say: she's got a migraine. like end

  • End of.

  • Fight me.

  • Yeah and I think when they have asked:

  • Oh you know. Again?

  • No, they never question that she would want to miss a coming

  • because again, that goes with your personality because you're such an

  • extrovert and you like social gatherings everyone knows if they know Jessica that

  • she wouldn't not come unless she couldn't.

  • I would never miss a party.

  • yeah so that you know

  • for me is quite then easy to explain our situation. Sure that's true I have my own

  • worries about it sometimes. Less with your family because they are medical but

  • when it's like other friends and you have to cancel on them you were at first

  • with my family before they place friends from before you were like 'oh but they

  • probably they don't understand'. We've been married for three and a half years

  • so your family are my family so I I know that they have a willingness for me

  • But definitely to start with and with friends that I hadn't really met and

  • spent time really I was like: they're gonna think I'm ridiculous. Yeah.

  • That's an interesting one. This is from Angela: I follow another interabled

  • couple and they seem to get a lot of comments about how the non-disabled

  • partner must have a fetish for disability, does Claudia ever received

  • the opposite of 'You are an angel comments?'

  • I don't really look at the comments.

  • [both laugh] So I wouldn't know.

  • And Clara is really good at moderating them like she gets rid of anything that might upset us.

  • So who knows!

  • That was my answer.

  • That's fair.

  • I've never seen comments or had anyone messaged me. I mean I never knew

  • it was even a thing until we had a conversation with some friends about

  • how it is. Oh yeah when I did the Hannah Witton round table!

  • And everyone was like:

  • Oh my goodness some people are really into that.

  • There is like a name for it. Isn't there?

  • There is but I have memory loss.

  • For both of you:

  • Is this relationship the first interabled relationship that either of you have had?

  • Did either of you have doubts about being an interabled couple

  • as your relationship grew? Selfish question, have you grown tired of my

  • long-winded comments? A moment of levity haha

  • unless you have in which case I apologise"

  • Never Richard, never.

  • I would say this was my first interabled relationship.

  • Um for me yes and no?

  • because I think as a disabled person I'd

  • have pretty small dating pool if I only dated disabled people.

  • I had one girlfriend before Claudia but we were young and it was long distance in

  • that we saw each other every other weekend.

  • it was more that we message each other on whatsapp a lot but yeah that was an

  • inter abled relationship and definitely I downplayed a lot about the pain that I

  • was in and what I could and couldn't do and because I saw her rarely I would

  • hide what was happening and then spent the rest of the week really paying for

  • it, like I had used up all of my energy. I would literally get on the train from

  • her to Brighton particularly long journey why was I doing it alone? Really

  • wasn't safe in retrospect. It's what you do for love you know?

  • Eugh, blind love. Puppy love when you are a kid.

  • You thought she was the love of your life. Of course I did!

  • So I'd get on the train and I'd pass out because I was in so much pain

  • and I'd be there in one of my my awful migraines where I can't lift my head

  • that's what I would be like on this train.

  • People must have thought you were a drug addict.

  • Probably I mean like very well dressed drugged addict.

  • But you still, don't hold yourself well in one of those migraines.

  • No!

  • Remember that time we were in Wa-ha.. Wahaca.

  • Oh god yeah!

  • You looked like you had like 10 beers. And you were just drinking water

  • and the waitress was a bit like...

  • All of our friends are so nonplussed because they're just used to

  • this so just continue talking as I'm like:

  • Slouching off.

  • You'll be my last interabled relationship!

  • Yes! I will.

  • My last relationship. My last relationship EVER.

  • Just us forever...

  • I know, Jessica sometimes goes: you are gonna be my wife forever

  • But she does it in this like little voice and sometimes it gets a bit creepy.

  • And I'm like: have I made the right decision? [both laugh]

  • I'm just joking. I'm wounded.