I've spent most of my life trying to fill in the blanks.

我耗費了人生大部分的時間填補空缺。

Asking everyone around me about you.

向身邊的每一個人詢問你的一切。

The memories of you tucked away in a box in the attic.

關於你的記憶彷彿被藏進了閣樓的盒子裡。

I don't remember what your perfume smelled like, or what made you laugh, but I'll never forget lying in your hospital bed drawing pictures with you.

我不記得你香水的味道，也不記得什麼會讓你開懷大笑，但我永遠不會忘記我曾躺在醫院病床上和你一起畫畫。

Your rebellious little six year old.

我是你叛逆的六歲小女兒。

I'm writing this because I wanna tell you that you were so strong.

現在我寫下這些話語，是為了告訴你，你好堅強。

That I wish you didn't have to look at your daughter knowing that you'd never see her get taller, get heartbroken, get married.

告訴你我多希望你不需要望著自己女兒的同時，知道自己無法看著她成長、戀愛心碎並結婚。

I'm sorry that I always made you pick me up when you were so weak.

我很抱歉，當你虛弱時我還要你抱起我。

That I tripped over your IV pole.

很抱歉我絆倒了你的點滴架。

The Christmas I complained that I didn't get what I wanted.

很抱歉我在那年聖誕節抱怨沒有收到想要的禮物。

Being afraid of your wig.

很抱歉我當時害怕你的假髮。

I'm sorry for the fits I threw, the I love you moms I never got to say.

很抱歉我亂發脾氣，很抱歉我從來沒說「媽媽，我愛你。」

And I'm sorry that it's taken me 21 years to write this card, and it's still not perfect.

也很抱歉我花了 21 年才寫出這張卡片，而且還不完美。

I'm writing this because I'd give anything just to be able to fight with you.

現在我寫下這些話語，是因為只要能夠再和你吵架，我願意付出任何代價。

I never got to ignore your phone calls because you were too overbearing.

我從來沒有機會因為你管太多而不接妳電話。

I never got to introduce you to girlfriends or boyfriends you say are bad for me, and I tell you that you don't understand, but months later I realize you were right.

我從來沒機會介紹你說對我不好的男女朋友給你認識並告訴你你不懂，結果幾個月後才發現你是對的。

I'm writing this because I'm angry that I have to live life only part way.

現在我寫下這些話語，是因為我好生氣我只過了一半的人生。

All the yearbook pictures I took without you to do my hair, the lunches I made myself.

拍畢業照時沒有妳幫我綁頭髮、午餐都要自己做。

I feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of being a woman because you're not here.

我覺得，因為妳不在，我錯過了身為女人的一大部分。

Like a part of me is in that coffin with you, holding onto your leg, while I scoot across the floor begging you not to go.

好像一部分的我和妳一起在棺材裡，彷彿我在地上坐著滑動，緊抓著妳的腿求妳別走。

You were so beautiful.

妳好美麗。

It's insane to believe that anyone as beautiful as you ever existed on this earth.

很難相信像妳一樣美麗的人竟然曾經存在於世界上。

I'm writing this because I wish you were here.

現在我寫下這些話語，是因為我好希望妳在身邊。

I wish you could see the woman that I've grown into.

多希望妳能夠見到我所成為的女性。

I wish I knew which flowers you liked and that I could put them in your hands, rather than on a plot of grass with your name on it.

我希望我知道妳喜歡哪種花，也希望我可以將它們親手送給妳，而不是放在寫著妳名字的一塊草皮上。

I'm writing this because I wanna say thank you.

現在我寫下這些話語，是為了向妳道謝。

No matter how sick you were all you wanted to do was make sure I felt loved.

無論妳病得多重，妳都只想確保我感受到愛。

Thank you for taking me to Disney World when you were in a wheelchair, letting me draw those pictures in your hospital bed.

謝謝妳就算坐輪椅還帶我去迪士尼樂園，謝謝妳讓我在妳的病床上畫那些畫。

Writing me letters like you knew I'd grow up to be who I am, making me feel like I was so special and so smart.

謝謝你當時像已經知道我成長後的樣子一般寫信給我，謝謝妳讓我覺得自己獨特又聰明。

I feel like I'll always be that six year old with a mind of her own, that didn't take orders and doesn't wear dresses that's still waiting for her mom to wake up and tell her that everything is okay again.

我覺得我永遠都會是那個很有自己想法、不穿裙子的六歲小女孩，等著媽媽再次醒來並告訴自己一切都沒事。

I'm writing this because I'll never love anyone as much as I miss you.

現在我寫下這些話語，是因為我永遠不可能像思念妳一樣，如此深刻地去愛一個人。

Happy Mother's Day.

母親節快樂。

[Mom.]

[給媽媽。]