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  • -Good afternoon.

  • At these coronavirus briefings,

  • we've been sticking to the facts.

  • But I'm also a human being with feelings,

  • and I'm getting pretty pissed off.

  • So I might take some liberties today,

  • and I apologize in advance.

  • Spring is here,

  • and my fellow Californians are champing at the bit

  • to get outside and enjoy this hella sweet Cali weather.

  • But we're asking you to continue social distancing.

  • Whenever possible, just stay home.

  • I know, major bummer.

  • We've even gone so far as to officially close

  • the beaches in Orange County.

  • So if you live there and you're mad about it, all I can say is,

  • "Welcome to the O.C., bitch."

  • We had a small number of protests this week

  • consisting of some real chowder heads

  • unhappy with their stay-at-home orders.

  • You may wonder how this kind of ignorance could be so prevalent

  • in a state as progressive as California.

  • But we're a big state -- A big state who not only elected,

  • but also re-elected presidential errand boy

  • and all around... Devin Nunes.

  • And, look, as a Gavin,

  • it pains me to take sides against a Devin.

  • The Gavins and Devins of the world are natural allies.

  • We're not supposed to be fighting.

  • We're supposed to be rolling up to the marina

  • in our matching Miatas

  • with sweaters tied around our necks

  • and sunglasses propped gently on our freshly frosted tips.

  • But alas...

  • Meanwhile, back in D.C.,

  • President Trump's daily briefings

  • have been an absolute dunce factory.

  • They say coronavirus particles can spread up to six feet,

  • but when the president talks,

  • his bullshit particles make it all the way to California.

  • Listen, we have difficult weeks and months ahead.

  • I implore you to continue social distancing,

  • wash your hands, wear a mask.

  • And please, don't drink any household disinfectants --

  • unless you're Devin Nunes, in which case,

  • the president said it was a good idea,

  • so maybe you should run along, be a good soldier,

  • and go mainline some Lysol.

  • Let me know how that goes, chief.

  • All right. Later, skaters.

  • Mah nà, mah nà.

-Good afternoon.


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B1 中級

塞斯的弟弟喬什-梅耶斯飾演加州州長加文-紐森。 (Seth's Brother Josh Meyers as California Governor Gavin Newsom)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日