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  • Hello, TEDWomen, what's up.

    TEDWomen的各位,大家好!

  • (Cheers)

    (歡聲雷動)

  • Not good enough.

    氣氛不夠熱喔

  • Hello, TEDWomen, what is up?

    各位女士,妳們好嗎?

  • (Cheers)

    (更熱烈的回應)

  • My name is Maysoon Zayid,

    我叫梅意森·薩依德

  • and I am not drunk,

    別以為我喝醉酒了

  • but the doctor who delivered me was.

    幫我媽接生的醫生才喝得爛醉

  • He cut my mom six different times

    他在我媽的肚皮上共劃了6刀

  • in six different directions,

    每一刀還不同方向

  • suffocating poor little me in the process.

    弱小的我在產程中硬生生窒息

  • As a result, I have cerebral palsy,

    結果呢,我就成了腦麻

  • which means I shake all the time.

    這就是我一直抖個不停的原因

  • Look.

    就像這樣

  • It's exhausting. I'm like Shakira, Shakira

    抖個沒完很累的

  • meets Muhammad Ali.

    更像是夏奇拉和拳王阿里上身

  • (Laughter)

    (大笑)

  • C.P. is not genetic.

    腦麻既不會遺傳

  • It's not a birth defect. You can't catch it.

    也不是先天缺損

  • No one put a curse on my mother's uterus,

    沒人對我媽的子宮下咒

  • and I didn't get it because my parents are first cousins,

    近親結婚也不是腦麻的元兇

  • which they are.

    雖然我爸媽還真的是表親

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • It only happens from accidents,

    意外跟腦麻絕對脫不了關係

  • like what happened to me on my birth day.

    就像我出生那天發生的一切

  • Now, I must warn you, I'm not inspirational,

    不過我一點也不想變得"啟發人心"

  • and I don't want anyone in this room

    我也不想要在座任何人

  • to feel bad for me,

    為我感到難過

  • because at some point in your life,

    因為生活中總有些時候

  • you have dreamt of being disabled.

    你們夢想變成身障者

  • Come on a journey with me.

    讓我們想像一下

  • It's Christmas Eve, you're at the mall,

    現在是平安夜

  • you're driving around in circles looking for parking,

    卻怎麼都找不到停車位

  • and what do you see?

    這時你看到甚麼?

  • Sixteen empty handicapped spaces.

    16個空的身障車位

  • And you're like, "God, can't I just be

    然後你心想:“天啊,我能否變成

  • a little disabled?"

    一點點行動不便呢?”

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Also, I gotta tell you,

    我還要告訴大家的是

  • I got 99 problems, and palsy is just one.

    我有一拖拉庫的問題

  • If there was an Oppression Olympics,

    要是有個"壓"林匹克運動會

  • I would win the gold medal.

    我鐵定拿金牌

  • I'm Palestinian, Muslim, I'm female, I'm disabled,

    我巴勒斯坦人、穆斯林、女性、身障

  • and I live in New Jersey.

    而且我住在紐澤西

  • (Laughter) (Applause)

    (笑聲掌聲此起彼落)

  • If you don't feel better about yourself, maybe you should.

    若你之前自我感覺不良好,也許你應該更喜歡自己一些

  • Cliffside Park, New Jersey is my hometown.

    我來自紐澤西州的克里夫賽德帕克

  • I have always loved the fact

    我很喜歡住在那裏

  • that my hood and my affliction

    因為地名和腦麻很相似

  • share the same initials.

    都有個C和P

  • I also love the fact that if I wanted to walk

    我也很慶幸

  • from my house to New York City, I could.

    我從我家就能走到紐約市

  • A lot of people with C.P. don't walk,

    畢竟大多腦麻患者無法行走

  • but my parents didn't believe in "can't."

    但我爸媽相信天下無難事

  • My father's mantra was,

    我爸還有個座右銘

  • "You can do it, yes you can can."

    “你做得到,你能化不可能為可能”

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • So, if my three older sisters were mopping,

    所以我三個姊姊要幫忙拖地的話

  • I was mopping.

    我就要一起幫忙拖地

  • If my three older sisters went to public school,

    我三個姊姊可以上公立學校

  • my parents would sue the school system

    我爸媽就會向校方申訴

  • and guarantee that I went too,

    以確保我也可以上公立學校

  • and if we didn't all get A's,

    而若我們沒有每科都得A等

  • we all got my mother's slipper.

    就等著媽媽的拖鞋伺候

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • My father taught me how to walk

    我5歲時爸爸教我走路

  • by placing my heels on his feet

    他把我的腳跟放在他的腳掌上

  • and just walking.

    然後一步一步走

  • Another tactic that he used is he would dangle

    他還有讓我進步的高招

  • a dollar bill in front of me and have me chase it.

    他會拿1元美鈔在我面前晃

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • My inner stripper was very strong, and by --

    見錢眼開的我甚麼都願意做

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Yeah. No, by the first day of kindergarten,

    日子一天天過去

  • I was walking like a champ

    我已走得像神氣活現的衛冕者

  • who had been punched one too many times.

    只不過是挨了好幾拳的衛冕者

  • Growing up, there were only six Arabs in my town,

    成長過程中我家附近只有6個阿拉伯人

  • and they were all my family.

    他們都是我家人

  • Now there are 20 Arabs in town,

    現在增加到20個阿拉伯人

  • and they are still all my family. (Laughter)

    但他們還都來自我家(笑聲)

  • I don't think anyone even noticed we weren't Italian.

    街坊鄰居大概以為我們來自義大利

  • (Laughter) (Applause)

    (笑聲掌聲不斷)

  • This was before 9/11 and before politicians

    當然這都是在“九一一”恐怖攻擊前的往事

  • thought it was appropriate to use "I hate Moslems"

    從前執政者絕不會濫用

  • as a campaign slogan.

    來作為政令宣傳的標語

  • The people that I grew up with

    和我一起長大的同伴

  • They did, however, seem very concerned

    倒是非常擔憂我的健康

  • that I would starve to death during Ramadan.

    他們覺得齋戒月會把我餓死

  • I would explain to them that I have enough fat

    我會請他們放心

  • to live off of for three whole months,

    畢竟身上的脂肪

  • so fasting from sunrise to sunset is a piece of cake.

    所以整天禁食沒什麼大不了

  • I have tap-danced on Broadway.

    我曾上百老匯的舞台跳踢踏舞

  • Yeah, on Broadway. It's crazy. (Applause)

    聽來很不可思議

  • My parents couldn't afford physical therapy,

    我爸媽當年沒錢給我復健

  • so they sent me to dancing school.

    他們便送我去舞蹈學校

  • I learned how to dance in heels,

    在那裏我學會踩著高跟鞋跳舞

  • which means I can walk in heels.

    自然也能穿高跟鞋走來走去

  • And I'm from Jersey,

    又因為我來自紐澤西

  • and we are really concerned with being chic,

    我和朋友都很注重女人味

  • so if my friends wore heels, so did I.

    所以我跟大家一起穿高跟鞋

  • And when my friends went and

    暑假時朋友紛紛到紐澤西海邊度假

  • on the Jersey Shore, I did not.

    但我沒有這樣的機會

  • I spent my summers in a war zone,

    我的暑徦大半是在戰地過的

  • because my parents were afraid

    這安排跟我爸媽的理念有關

  • that if we didn't go back to Palestine

    他們擔心若沒有養成返鄉傳統

  • every single summer,

    在每年暑假回到巴勒斯坦

  • we'd grow up to be Madonna.

    孩子長大后會像瑪丹娜

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • Summer vacations often consisted of

    每年暑假

  • my father trying to heal me,

    我爸都千方百計想治療我

  • so I drank deer's milk,

    為此我喝過鹿奶

  • I had hot cups on my back,

    我做過背部拔罐

  • I was dunked in the Dead Sea,

    還整個人泡在死海裡

  • and I remember the water burning my eyes

    鹽水弄疼了我的雙眼

  • and thinking, "It's working! It's working!"

    我心想:“這有效!這終於有效了!”

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • But one miracle cure we did find was yoga.

    但真正有效的是瑜珈

  • I have to tell you, it's very boring,

    說實在的瑜珈超無聊

  • but before I did yoga,

    不過在我做瑜珈前

  • I was a stand-up comedian who can't stand up.

    我是個站不起來的即興喜劇演員

  • And now I can stand on my head.

    做瑜珈後我可以用頭倒立

  • My parents reinforced this notion

    我爸媽更堅強他們的信念

  • that I could do anything,

    深信我能辦到任何事

  • that no dream was impossible,

    而且沒有不可能完成的夢

  • and my dream was to be

    當時我有個夢想

  • on the daytime soap opera "General Hospital."

    想要在影集“中央醫院”軋上一角

  • I went to college during affirmative action

    我在平權法案時期上了大學

  • and got a sweet scholarship to ASU,

    並獲得ASU的優渥獎學金

  • Arizona State University,

    ASU是亞利桑那州立大學

  • because I fit every single quota.

    那簡直是為我量身打造的缺

  • I was like the pet lemur of the theater department.

    我就像戲劇系上楚楚可憐的小猴

  • Everybody loved me.

    人見人愛

  • I did all the less-than-intelligent kids' homework,

    我幫非天才型的同學寫作業

  • I got A's in all of my classes,

    我每門課都拿A

  • A's in all of their classes.

    幫忙罩同學的課也不例外

  • Every time I did a scene

    每次試鏡“玻璃動物園”劇中一角

  • from "The Glass Menagerie,"

    我詮釋苦苦單戀的身障女子

  • my professors would weep.

    教授們都感動得直掉淚

  • But I never got cast.

    但我還是沒能正式登台演出

  • Finally, my senior year,

    終於在我大四那年有個大好機會

  • ASU decided to do a show called

    亞大計畫演出一檔劇目

  • "They Dance Real Slow in Jackson."

    叫做“慢舞的傑森小鎮”

  • It's a play about a girl with C.P.

    主角是一位腦麻女孩

  • I was a girl with C.P.

    而我就是一位腦麻女孩

  • So I start shouting from the rooftops,

    所以我欣喜若狂又叫又跳

  • "I'm finally going to get a part!

    “我終於可以粉墨登場囉!”

  • I have cerebral palsy!

    “我有腦性麻痺,耶比”

  • Free at last! Free at last!

    我高呼:“自由了!自由了!

  • Thank God almighty, I'm free at last!"

    萬能的上帝,我終於自由了!”

  • I didn't get the part. (Laughter)

    但我還是落選了(笑聲)

  • Sherry Brown got the part.

    我同學雪莉·布朗得到角色

  • I went racing to the head of the theater department

    我拔腿衝到戲劇系主任室

  • crying hysterically, like someone shot my cat,

    我歇斯底里嚎啕大哭

  • to ask her why,

    我問她落選的原因

  • and she said it was because

    她說:

  • they didn't think I could do the stunts.

    系上認為我不能應付劇中需要的特技

  • I said, "Excuse me, if I can't do the stunts,

    我嗆聲:“如果我都不能做特技”

  • neither can the character."

    "那麼同樣腦麻的主角也一樣不能啊"

  • (Laughter) (Applause)

    (笑聲加掌聲)

  • This was a part that I was literally born to play

    這角色是注定要給我的

  • and they gave it, they gave it to a non-palsy actress.

    他們卻硬生生給了非腦麻的演員

  • College was imitating life.

    有人說大學是社會的縮影

  • Hollywood has a sordid history

    而好萊塢一向有個不名譽的行規

  • of casting able-bodied actors

    他們讓身體健全的演員

  • to play disabled onscreen.

    登台演出身障的角色

  • Upon graduating, I moved back home,

    畢業後我搬回家住

  • and my first acting gig was

    我的首演

  • as an extra on a daytime soap opera.

    在晨間播映電視劇中跑龍套

  • My dream was coming true.

    我總算圓夢了

  • And I knew that I would be promoted

    我確信不久後我就會星運亨通

  • from "diner diner" to "wacky best friend" in no time.

    從龍套一躍成為當家紅牌演員