Okay, that's goingtohavemyfirstrealcigarettethat I inhaled.
Okay, Beforethat, I hadsmokedoutbehindthebarnandjustblowitout.
Butthatwasthe 1st 1 And I rememberitbecausewe'restandingonMainStreet.
Um, a friendofmineand I andthisguywentaroundtherotaryandhewaswithhisparents, anditwassomeonefromschool, youknow, whenhewasthebigjock, it's school.
Andsoitwas, Youknow, wethoughtwewerecoolbecausewhentheycamebackaround, wehad a cigarette.
I tookmyfirstdragof a cigarettewhen I waaseight.
23 Now.
Sohowlongisthat?
I forget?
Itmakesmerelaxed.
I enjoyit.
It's partofmyrelaxation.
Mytimetomyself.
Afteryoumakeloveoneofthenicestthingsaboutmakingloveisifyou'rebothsmokers, istositbackandbothofyoushare a cigarettetogether.
I got a jobon a majornewspaperinHoustoneventually, andveryquicklygottothepointthat I neverturnedto a topwriterwithoutlighting a cigarette.
Itwasjustsomethingtodowithyourhands.
Itgavemesomethingtodowithmyhands.
It's somethingtodowithmyhands.
I'm ataninterview.
It's moreacceptabletosmoke a cigarettethanitisto, like, takeoutmypenandpaperand, youknow, druglittlecreaturesorsomethingonschoolmorningswhen I getup, I have a cigarettebefore I getoutofitbeforeyoucangotothebathroom.
I have a cigaretteandthen I havethemontheislandonthewaytoschool.
Andthen I haveonesecond.
Did I getoutofschool?
And I probablythat's where I probablyhavethemostfromafterschooluntildinner.
JustConstantspoke, and I smokedoingmyhomeworkafterdinnerandontheweekends I tookfromthemoment I getupallthroughtheday.
I spokemostofthedaythatwhenever I'm doinganythingdriving, I spokeeverything I do, I smokeWell, guys, youknow, theygo.
Uh, butthereagain, I I'm rationalizingbecause I'veprobablyspendmuchmorethan $200 a yearoncigarettes, which I can't afford, So I'm rationalizingmyhusbandhadhimforsemen.
Youreallyhadit, man, doeshe?
Veryfewnightsthathewasabletotoolowdown.
I don't thinkitwasanaddictionwithmebecause I quitjustlikethat.
I justwantyoutojustupwhatever I feellikethat, uh, I wanttotodo, I can I don't likenothing.
Takeit, youknow, havepoweroverme.
But I wassittingin a chairinthisroomonenightinFebruary 1985 andjustdoingthissortofthing, like, youknow, lookingatTVorreadinganddoingthingslikethisandandallof a suddenmyhandwentrighthereandtherewas a lump, and I knewitshouldn't bethere.
Itwasverysmall, butitsimplyshouldn't bethere.
Andthatwas a SaturdayandthefollowingMondayorTuesday.
I wasat a doctor's office, andeventhough I hadbeen X rayedinDecember, therewastheshadowonthelungandhesaid, WorsttheeffectofOhmyGod, I mean, thisisnotgood.
I mean, I shookmyfist, itGod, because I quit 12 yearsago.
Dammit, I quit.
I should'vehad a break.
And I mean, that's exactlytheway I feel, huh?
I mean, thisisthiswasn't fair, buttheydon't havetoremindmyself, whichis a firmbeliefinmythatonlyteenagersthinklifeisfair.
Anypeoplesmokefordifferentreasons.
I thinksomepeoplesmokesocially.
I knowpeoplewhosmoke.
So, um, andthey'readdicted.
TheyjustsmokeWhenthey'rearoundpeoplewhosmoke.
I thinksomepeoplesmokeforthatreason, andsomepeoplesmokejustcausetheystartedwiththeirfriendsandthentheykeepdoingit.
Otherwise, I don't thinkpeoplesmokebecausetheywanttobesmoke.
Theywanttobe.
I don't thinkanybodywantstobesmoked.
I thinkpeoplejustsmokebecause I started, but I can't stop, I wastoldas I wasdroppedattheUniversityofTexasfromthedormitorystepstonevercomehomewith a cigarette, and I thoughtthatwas a veryit's kindofsadthingforsomebodytotellmewhen I wasgoingoffonwhat I hopewasthebigadventureofmylife.
Butrightorwrong?
Whatevermyfathermeantbysayingit, I watchedthecargoaroundthecornerand I wenttothecornerdrugstoreandbought a packageofcigarettes.
I hadneverreallyfullythoughtitoutoureverythoughttomyselfthat I wouldbeginsmoking.
Butthiswasrebellion.
ThiswasYoucan't tellmewhattodo.
I'm grownup.
I'm gonnashowyou I'm grownup.
I'lldothisand 30 yearslater, I wasstillsmoking.
I'm addictedtocigarettes.
I havebeensince I wasfiveyearsold.
I'm notashamedofit.
I'm notproudofitbecause I don't wantanybodyelsetoepickhimupwhenthey'refive.
Infact, when I'vecaughtmykidswhentheywerefive, I'llsayit.
Allright, take a deepbreathandinhaleitallthewaydown.
Andwhen I threwupandsayyouwantanotherone, theysayno.
When I saidGood, because I don't wantyoutosmoke.
I don't wantyoutobehookedlikeme.
I paidattentiontothewarningsonthepack, butnotbythattime.
I liketothinkthatwhen I'm older, I won't smokeanymore.
Butthenwhat's older?
Youknow?
I mean, everybodysays I won't smokewhen I'm older, Butmymother's 44 she's stillsmoking.
And I don't wanttobesomeone.
Hewentup 44.
I think I'm I'm gonnastopwhen?
Ah, I don't liketostop.
Maybe 10 years.
I don't know, but I I donotwanttosmoketherestofmylife.
But I don't knowwhen I wanttostopeither.
I stilldon't knowhowithappened.
Youknow, onecigarettein 1943 startedthis.
Theymakeitlookveryglamorous.
Theymakeitlooknice.
Theymakeitlookromantic, youknow?
I mean, they'resittingat a tablewithcandlelitdinner, andthemanreachesoverandlightsyourcigarette.
That's nice.
Youknowwhatshowswithchivalryisnotdead?
Um, that's notreallife, butitlooksgood.
Um, I'm allfornoadvertising.
I reallyam.
I don't wantmykidstothinkthesamethingsthat I thinkthat G Thatdoeslookgood.
Youknow, ororthinkthat I havesonsandthinkthatiftheygonnatakesomeonewentouttodinner, theyautomaticallygonnatakethiscigarettelightersotheycanlighttheircigarettesoverthedinner.
Youknow, I don't seethatrestrictingtheiruselegallystopsanybodyfromdoingit.
Ifsomebodywantstodestroythemselves, they'llfind a waytodoit.
Nomatterhowmanylawsyoupassandhowmanyrulesyoumake.
Godhelpus.
Ifit's bandit, I meantheonesthatarehookedlikemyself.
I mean, wewouldn't haveanyotherchoicebuttogetitfromtheblackmarketunlessthedoctorandcomethroughmaybeourgovernmentmightcomethroughwithsomeofthemoneywe'reusingononthetaxesonourcigarettesandworksomethingoutmedicallythatwouldtakecareofusthatareareaddictedsowecangetoutandwecan't getoffofhim.
Justsomebodysayscoldturkey.
Uh, there's justsomeofusthatcan't doitthatway, and I justhappentobeoneofthem.