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  • So we've all spent a day listening to these conversations

    我們已經花一整天聽這些演講

  • about people who are going to revolutionize things,

    聽到很多人要帶來新革命

  • and they've got revolutionary technology,

    他們有革命性的科技

  • and revolutionary ways to build cars and educate people.

    有革命性的方式 製造汽車和教育人們

  • And I have like the least revolutionary idea you're going to hear all day,

    而我要談的 是你今天聽到最不具革命性的想法

  • that is that you, and you and you and you, are allowed to have sex

    也就是,你,你,你,還有你

  • exactly the way you want to, as often as you want to,

    都能用你希望的方式,頻率進行性行為

  • and it's up to rest of us to make sure that you know that.

    我們其他人要做的 就是確定你知道這件事

  • (Laughter) So, right? That's not a bad way to end the day.

    (笑聲) 所以,用這方式結束今天也不錯吧?

  • And it's kind of a perfect time in our history to have that conversation,

    現在可算是史上 討論這件事的完美時機

  • now that we finally got rid of "don't ask, don't tell".

    因為我們終於擺脫 "不要問,不要說"的想法

  • Right? (Applause)

    對吧?(掌聲)

  • So, I had to think about what the opposite of "don't ask, don't tell" is.

    因此,我必須想想 "不要問,不要說"的相反是什麼?

  • It's "ask and tell"!

    就是"要問,要說!"

  • So now that we understand that it's OK

    現在我們可以接受

  • if the soldier fighting next to us is having gay sex,

    我們身邊奮戰的士兵與同性做愛

  • it's time to ask ourselves if it's OK that the neighbor living next door to us

    那麼是時候問問自己 能否接受我們的鄰居

  • is getting tied up and spanked in a little girl dress every night.

    每晚穿著小女孩的洋裝 被綁起來打屁股

  • And the answer is it is OK because it has no impact on you, whatsoever,

    答案是可以,因為這對你毫無影響

  • because what they're doing is a consensual act between adults.

    因為他們做的是 兩個成人之間互相同意的行為

  • and unless you're doing it with them, it does not matter to you.

    除非你跟他們一起做,否則就跟你無關

  • But we have to get back to a very simple question:

    我們必須先想一個非常單純的問題

  • What is sex? Sex is a consensual act between adults.

    性是什麼? 性是成人之間互相同意的行為

  • And that's all that it is.

    就只有這樣

  • If you look at this picture right here,

    請看這張照片

  • that's a temple like a thousand years ago in India and that is not monogamous,

    這是印度一座千年的廟宇 當時沒有一夫一妻制

  • and it's probably not heterosexual.

    而這可能不是異性間的性行為

  • As long as people have been having sex

    自從人類開始有性行為

  • they've been doing it in wild and creative ways and they often even call it art.

    就會採取狂野和創意的方式 甚至常稱之為藝術

  • Sex is a consensual act between adults

    性是成人之間互相同意的行為

  • it is intimate, it is personal and it is totally natural.

    性是很親密的,很私人的 也是非常自然的事

  • So why do we have all the shame around it?

    那我們為什麼要對性行為感到羞恥?

  • I think the first question really is to understand what shame is,

    我們首先要問什麼是羞恥心?

  • and we need to go ahead and separate that from guilt.

    我們必須分辨羞恥心和罪惡感的不同

  • Guilt is an internal voice inside your body that pops up when you know

    罪惡感是你體內的聲音

  • you have done something wrong to someone.

    當你知道自己傷害了別人 罪惡感就會出現

  • I told a lie, I feel guilty about that, I did something bad.

    例如我說了謊,我有罪惡感 因為我做了壞事

  • Shame is an external force that other people put on you;

    羞恥心則是外在的力量 由其他人加諸在你身上

  • it tells you that you are something bad.

    羞恥心告訴你,你很糟糕

  • So not I told a lie and did something bad; it is I'm gay, I am bad.

    不是我說了謊,做了壞事 而是我是同性戀,我很糟糕

  • That's a really, really debilitating idea.

    羞恥心徹底貶低你

  • That takes away your autonomous control over your sexuality

    奪走你對自己的性傾向擁有的自主權

  • and anybody who wants to take control over your sexuality

    任何想要掌控你的性傾向的人

  • does not have your best interest at heart.

    心裡並不為你的最佳利益著想

  • Whether it's your preacher, your teacher, your lover or anyone else,

    不管是你的牧師,老師,情人 或其他人想掌控你

  • that's not natural.

    那都是不自然的

  • But what does shame do to people, why does this even matter?

    那羞恥心對人們有什麼影響? 為什麼這很重要?

  • I think you can turn on the news and you can see about

    我想你打開電視新聞台就會看到

  • gay kids jumping off of bridges, because they're ashamed to be gay

    同性戀少年對性傾向感到羞恥 而跳橋自殺的新聞

  • and know that this matters.

    你就明白這件事很重要

  • In fact there's actually a lot of research about the impact of sexual shame

    事實上很多研究都在探討性羞恥

  • on gay and lesbian people.

    會對同性戀造成什麼影響

  • Unfortunately it's all about gay and lesbian people

    可惜的是,這些研究只針對同性戀

  • 'cos people don't research shame with heterosexuals too much.

    因為大家不常研究 異性性行為產生的羞恥心

  • So if you look at the statistics, youth between the ages of 21 and 25

    研究數據顯示 21到25歲的年輕人

  • are 8 times more likely to commit suicide

    如果因為性傾向感到被排擠

  • if they feel marginalized because of their sexuality.

    自殺率比一般人高出八倍

  • That's really mean.

    這是非常殘忍的事實

  • In the 16 states in 2005 that instituted constitutional amendments

    2005年美國16州提出憲法修正案

  • saying that gay marriage is wrong and banned,

    指出同性婚姻是錯誤的,必須禁止

  • the statistics are kinda shocking.

    結果產生的數據頗為驚人

  • Depression in the gay and lesbian population

    這些州的同性戀人口

  • in those states went from 23% to 31%;

    患憂鬱症比例從23%增加至31%

  • generalized anxiety went from 3% to 9%,

    廣泛性焦慮症由3%增為9%

  • and alcohol abuse went from 22% to 31%.

    酗酒比例從22%增至31%

  • This hurts people. Sexual shame hurts people.

    這傷害了人們,性羞恥傷害了人們

  • But that's just gay people, so that's good news for the rest of us.

    但那只傷害同性戀 所以對我們其他人是好消息吧

  • Except that it turns out gay people are in fact just people.

    但想想,同性戀者其實也只是一般人

  • So if sexual shame hurts gay people, it probably hurts straight people also.

    性羞恥會傷害同性戀 也就可能傷害異性戀

  • Turns out about 8% of the population is homosexual.

    資料顯示全國人口中8%是同性戀

  • In a survey that was done in 2005 asking people

    2005年有項民眾性行為調查

  • about their sexual behavior, 20% of respondents

    20%的受訪者

  • identified themselves as kinky.

    認為自己很淫蕩

  • Meaning that they had multiple partners at the same time,

    這表示他們同時有多位性伴侶

  • they used toys, bondage, spanking, watched porn together.

    他們會使用玩具,繃帶,打屁股 還會一起看色情片

  • 8% of people were let out their closet, 20% of people, and I think that's low,

    8%的人出櫃了,20%的人還沒 我覺得算是低比例

  • are still living in shame in the closet, which is probably

    這些人還躲在衣櫃活在羞恥中

  • where they keep all the toys and so maybe that's OK.

    衣櫃可能是他們藏玩具的地方 所以大概也沒什麼不行

  • (Laughter)

    (笑聲)

  • The problem is this is a huge thing for all of us.

    問題是,這對我們所有人來說很重要

  • Sex is a huge industry.

    性是龐大的產業

  • Even in the depression it's a $13 billion industry to watch porn.

    就算是經濟蕭條時 色情片都有130億美元市場

  • 25% of every single search engine request is looking for porn.

    每個搜尋引擎的搜尋項目 有25%搜尋色情片

  • That's a lot. Think about that, right. 12% of the sites in the Internet are porn.

    想想看,那真的很多 12%的網站是色情網站

  • And if you thought that was big, 13 billion on porn,

    如果你覺得130億美元已經夠多

  • last year, the world's worst economy, remember, since the depression,

    那想想去年,金融風暴後 全球經濟最低迷的一年

  • 15 billion dollars worth of sex toys were purchased.

    銷售了共150億美元的性玩具

  • We are a kinky people, we are spending a lot of time and money

    我們就是淫蕩的人,花很多錢和時間

  • looking for sex, or looking for more fun sex anyway.

    找尋性,或找尋更有趣的性。

  • So what exactly is normal sex,

    既然我們已經肯定

  • now that we've established that we don't want people to feel shame.

    不希望人們有性羞恥的想法 那正常的性到底是什麼?

  • Normal sex is anything that is a consensual act between adults.

    正常的性 是成人間互相同意的任何行為

  • You can spank each other, you can wear costumes,

    你們可以互打屁股,角色扮演

  • you can do anything you want and it is normal.

    可以做任何事情,那都是正常的

  • So my boyfriend and I this morning we're trying to come up

    今天早上我跟男友試著想出一個方式

  • with a way to illustrate the depth and breadth of human sexuality

    不必用我覺得嚇人的照片來嚇你們

  • without scaring you with photos which are scary even to me.

    就能闡明人類性行為的廣度與深度

  • So we went to the Lustlab, which is the strangers online personal ads

    所以我們連上Lustlab網站 一個線上的陌生人廣告站

  • specifically for people who are looking for interesting sex.

    專門讓人找尋有趣的性行為

  • There are 90 different kinks just on Lustlab

    光是Lustlab就有90種性癖好

  • that you could register looking for a partner for, and that's in Seattle.

    你可以註冊並尋找性伴侶 這是在西雅圖

  • Seattle is really gotta be one of the most uptight cities in the country,

    西雅圖可算是美國最焦躁的城市之一

  • so that's saying something, right?

    所以這說明了某些事,對吧?

  • Looking at Lustlab everything went from asphyxiation to water sports,

    網站上從窒息到液體性愛,應有盡有

  • and water sports in case you didn't know is pee not water,

    以防你不曉得,液體是指尿液不是水

  • and everything in between like bondage,

    還有介於中間的綑綁

  • knife play, group sex, you name it, it's all normal.

    玩刀、集體性愛 你說得出來的都是正常的

  • Why does it matter that we're shaming each other,

    我們互相羞辱彼此

  • as if jumping off bridges wasn't bad enough,

    好像有人跳橋自殺不糟糕

  • as if being depressed wasn't bad enough?

    憂鬱也沒那麼糟 為什麼這想法對我們很重要?

  • The truth is people are destroying marriages, careers, lives and communities

    其實人們正在摧毀 婚姻,工作,生活,社群

  • by keeping secrets about what they're into sexually.

    因為他們隱瞞性傾向與性癖好

  • All those, let's say politicians, who are suddenly looking

    舉例來說,政治人物

  • for a little boys in airport bathrooms.

    突然在機場廁所搭上年輕男孩

  • It's bad enough that his own career was destroyed.

    這就足以毀了他的事業

  • What about the woman he married who believed that

    還有和他結婚的那個女人

  • she was in a happy consensual marriage with somebody who's getting his needs met.

    她相信自己婚姻美滿 滿足了丈夫的需求

  • That lie didn't just hurt him, that hurt her, and his family.

    這個謊言不只傷害男方 也傷害女方和整個家庭

  • It's just not cool. Just not OK.

    這一點也不酷,一點也不好

  • So Milton Diamond was hired a few years ago to do research

    Milton Diamond幾年前受聘

  • on the impact of porn in kinky sex and sex crimes,

    研究色情片對淫亂性行為 以及性犯罪的影響

  • hopefully to prove that people who have kinky sex and watch porn

    想要證明有淫亂性行為 而且會看色情片的人

  • are the ones committing the crimes.

    就是會犯下性犯罪的人

  • Turned out he found actually an inverse correlation;

    結果他發現了相反的關係

  • people who watch porn and are sexually fulfilled

    看色情片而且性需求被滿足的人

  • are less likely to commit crimes.

    比較不會犯罪

  • And that statistic is beared out in the fact that there's less crime

    數據顯示,看越多色情片的城市

  • in the cities where there's more porn watched.

    犯罪率越低

  • Guess what state has the most porn watched in the country -€“ Utah.

    猜猜美國哪一州看最多色情片-猶他州

  • (Laughter) It's not a coincidence!

    (笑聲) 這不是巧合!

  • As I was running around doing statistics,

    當我四處奔波搜集數據時

  • and the politicians and airports are kinda funny,

    政治人物和機場的例子有些好笑

  • I read across a statistic that really hit home for me;

    我讀到一個資料讓我很驚訝

  • trans-people, people who are transitioning from either being male or female,

    變性人,不管男變女或女變男

  • have three times the urinary tract infections of the general population.

    尿道感染機率是一般大眾的三倍

  • You know why?

    你知道為什麼嗎?

  • They're afraid to go in public bathrooms because people will ridicule them.

    他們不敢走進公廁,別人會取笑他們

  • That's pretty direct. So why do we do it?

    這是很直接的傷害,為什麼要這麼做?

  • I think it's really simple, nobody actually knows why we shame people

    其實很簡單,沒人知道我們為什麼

  • about their sexuality, if you take the church out,

    因為別人的性傾向而羞辱他們

  • which I'm trying to do.

    我試著不討論宗教的影響

  • I think that we shame people about their sexuality

    我認為我們羞辱別人的性傾向

  • because we're afraid of our own sexuality.

    是因為我們害怕自己的性傾向

  • It lives very, very deep inside of us and it's intimate and real and scary

    性傾向深藏在我們內心 親密,真實,可怕也很私人

  • and personal and we want to and we should protect our own sexuality.

    我們想要也應該要保護我們的性傾向

  • So if we give those people the right to do those really scary,

    所以如果我們讓人有權利

  • weird things to each other,

    對別人做出可怕怪異的事

  • I think we're afraid that we're giving them permission

    我們害怕那是允許他們

  • to do those things to us as well.

    也對我們做這些事

  • And that is kind of scary.

    那有點嚇人

  • I've awesome news for you. It actually works the opposite way.

    告訴你們很棒的消息,事實剛好相反

  • When we give people back autonomous control over their sexuality

    如果我們還給大家性自主權

  • and say, you are allowed to define your sexuality however you want, you go do it,

    並告訴他們,你可以任意決定性傾向

  • we give ourselves that same right.

    我們同時也給了自己相同權利

  • So we're allowed to say, I want you to tie me up

    我們有權說,我要你把我綁起來

  • but I don't want you to spank me.

    但不要你打我屁股

  • We are allowed to draw our own boundaries.

    我們可以劃定自己的界線

  • Not only do we get to have what we want;

    我們不只能得到我們想要的

  • we don't have to have what we don't want.

    也能拒絕我們不要的

  • The upside for that as people

    這樣做的好處就是

  • is that we create a really safe place for ourselves to be honest.

    我們創造了真正安全的地方 讓我們能夠誠實

  • And when we are honest and safe with our lovers

    當我們對愛人誠實,有安全的關係

  • we might actually be able to push our own boundaries

    我們就可能突破自己的限制

  • just a little bit farther and discover the whole spectrum for ourselves.

    跨出去,發現自己更完整的一面

  • So here's the last thing. I'm hoping you all got your surveys,

    還有最後一件事,你們拿到問卷了吧

  • please tell me there are surveys.

    請告訴我有拿到問卷

  • This is kind of a game so you have to play this one along with me.

    這是一種遊戲,你們必須跟我一起玩

  • I hope you all filled out your surveys. Nobody will ever know your answers.

    希望你們已經寫完問卷了 不會有人知道你的答案

  • I promise.

    我保證

  • So what I want you to do is to take your surveys and ball them up,

    我希望你們把問卷揉成球

  • into a totally crumpled ball, and then I want you to throw it

    揉成皺皺的球,然後丟出去

  • as far away from yourself and into the audience as you possibly can.

    丟到觀眾席裡,離你越遠越好

  • (Laughter) My God! That's awesome looking!

    (笑聲) 天啊!這畫面真棒!

  • OK, now pick one up and throw it again.

    好,現在撿起一顆球再丟出去

  • I want you all to feel really comfortable that nobody will see your answers.

    我希望你們感到安心 沒人會知道你的答案

  • But mine are right there, in case you are wondering.

    但如果你想知道,我的答案在這裡

  • Those are my answers.

    那就是我的答案

  • I've got nothing to hide anymore.

    我沒什麼好隱瞞

  • OK! Stop!

    好!停!

  • Pick up a survey. Open it. And read it.

    撿一張問卷,打開來讀一下

  • It is my greatest hope that you will see something in there that resonates.

    我很希望你們看到引起你共鳴的答案

  • Oh! I would have tossed it to you.

    喔!我應該把答案丟給你們

  • OK. We're not done yet, there's one more piece

    我們還沒結束,還有一件事

  • and I'm sure I've gone over time, oh, I know I've gone over time.

    我確定我超時了,我知道我超時了

  • So as I'm walking off the stage,

    所以當我走下台的時候

  • I ask as a favor to you, one: hand those surveys,

    我要請你們幫個忙:

  • to the ushers on your way out, but more importantly:

    離開時把問卷交給工作人員,更重要的是

  • I want you to read the survey that you have

    我希望你們讀完手上的問卷

  • and I want you to look at somebody next to you,

    然後看著你旁邊的人

  • and I want you to look at him in the eye and say, "I am afraid

    對著他的眼睛說:

  • that you will find out that I'm into -- all of the above."

    "我很怕你發現我喜歡─ 剛剛提的所有東西"

  • And it's not because I want you can trust a secret

    這不只是因為我希望你們信任秘密

  • but I want all of us to get that muscle memory and build that language.

    我也希望我們能留下身體記憶 並建立這套語言

  • It's OK for you to be honest with me, I will accept that.

    你們可以對我誠實,我會接受

  • And I want all of us to know what it feels like to hold somebody

    我也希望大家了解 去支持某個人最重要的東西

  • the thing most important to them, and treasure it,

    並且珍視它的感覺是什麼

  • because that's how we as a community

    因為那讓我們作為一個社群

  • are going to learn to accept people for who they are

    能去學習接納別人真實的樣子

  • and end sexual shame and start having

    終結性羞恥,開始擁有

  • really rocking good sex.

    非常精采的性生活

  • (Laughter) Thank you.

    (笑聲) 謝謝

  • (Applause)

    (掌聲)

So we've all spent a day listening to these conversations

我們已經花一整天聽這些演講

字幕與單字

影片操作 你可以在這邊進行「影片」的調整,以及「字幕」的顯示

B1 中級 中文 性行為 同性戀 色情片 問卷 成人 傾向

TEDx】你的性。問與說:Alyssa Royse在TEDxRainier的演講 (【TEDx】Your Sexuality: Ask & Tell: Alyssa Royse at TEDxRainier)

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    阿多賓 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
影片單字