about people who are going to revolutionize things,

聽到很多人要帶來新革命

and they've got revolutionary technology,

他們有革命性的科技

and revolutionary ways to build cars and educate people.

有革命性的方式 製造汽車和教育人們

And I have like the least revolutionary idea you're going to hear all day,

而我要談的 是你今天聽到最不具革命性的想法

that is that you, and you and you and you, are allowed to have sex

也就是,你,你,你,還有你

exactly the way you want to, as often as you want to,

都能用你希望的方式,頻率進行性行為

and it's up to rest of us to make sure that you know that.

我們其他人要做的 就是確定你知道這件事

(Laughter) So, right? That's not a bad way to end the day.

(笑聲) 所以,用這方式結束今天也不錯吧?

And it's kind of a perfect time in our history to have that conversation,

現在可算是史上 討論這件事的完美時機

now that we finally got rid of "don't ask, don't tell".

因為我們終於擺脫 "不要問,不要說"的想法

Right? (Applause)

對吧?(掌聲)

So, I had to think about what the opposite of "don't ask, don't tell" is.

因此，我必須想想 "不要問,不要說"的相反是什麼?

It's "ask and tell"!

就是"要問,要說!"

So now that we understand that it's OK

現在我們可以接受

if the soldier fighting next to us is having gay sex,

我們身邊奮戰的士兵與同性做愛

it's time to ask ourselves if it's OK that the neighbor living next door to us

那麼是時候問問自己 能否接受我們的鄰居

is getting tied up and spanked in a little girl dress every night.

每晚穿著小女孩的洋裝 被綁起來打屁股

And the answer is it is OK because it has no impact on you, whatsoever,

答案是可以,因為這對你毫無影響

because what they're doing is a consensual act between adults.

因為他們做的是 兩個成人之間互相同意的行為

and unless you're doing it with them, it does not matter to you.

除非你跟他們一起做,否則就跟你無關

But we have to get back to a very simple question:

我們必須先想一個非常單純的問題

What is sex? Sex is a consensual act between adults.

性是什麼? 性是成人之間互相同意的行為

And that's all that it is.

就只有這樣

If you look at this picture right here,

請看這張照片

that's a temple like a thousand years ago in India and that is not monogamous,

這是印度一座千年的廟宇 當時沒有一夫一妻制

and it's probably not heterosexual.

而這可能不是異性間的性行為

As long as people have been having sex

自從人類開始有性行為

they've been doing it in wild and creative ways and they often even call it art.

就會採取狂野和創意的方式 甚至常稱之為藝術

Sex is a consensual act between adults

性是成人之間互相同意的行為

it is intimate, it is personal and it is totally natural.

性是很親密的,很私人的 也是非常自然的事

So why do we have all the shame around it?

那我們為什麼要對性行為感到羞恥?

I think the first question really is to understand what shame is,

我們首先要問什麼是羞恥心?

and we need to go ahead and separate that from guilt.

我們必須分辨羞恥心和罪惡感的不同

Guilt is an internal voice inside your body that pops up when you know

罪惡感是你體內的聲音

you have done something wrong to someone.

當你知道自己傷害了別人 罪惡感就會出現

I told a lie, I feel guilty about that, I did something bad.

例如我說了謊,我有罪惡感 因為我做了壞事

Shame is an external force that other people put on you;

羞恥心則是外在的力量 由其他人加諸在你身上

it tells you that you are something bad.

羞恥心告訴你,你很糟糕

So not I told a lie and did something bad; it is I'm gay, I am bad.

不是我說了謊,做了壞事 而是我是同性戀,我很糟糕

That's a really, really debilitating idea.

羞恥心徹底貶低你

That takes away your autonomous control over your sexuality

奪走你對自己的性傾向擁有的自主權

and anybody who wants to take control over your sexuality

任何想要掌控你的性傾向的人

does not have your best interest at heart.

心裡並不為你的最佳利益著想

Whether it's your preacher, your teacher, your lover or anyone else,

不管是你的牧師,老師,情人 或其他人想掌控你

that's not natural.

那都是不自然的

But what does shame do to people, why does this even matter?

那羞恥心對人們有什麼影響? 為什麼這很重要?

I think you can turn on the news and you can see about

我想你打開電視新聞台就會看到

gay kids jumping off of bridges, because they're ashamed to be gay

同性戀少年對性傾向感到羞恥 而跳橋自殺的新聞

and know that this matters.

你就明白這件事很重要

In fact there's actually a lot of research about the impact of sexual shame

事實上很多研究都在探討性羞恥

on gay and lesbian people.

會對同性戀造成什麼影響

Unfortunately it's all about gay and lesbian people

可惜的是,這些研究只針對同性戀

'cos people don't research shame with heterosexuals too much.

因為大家不常研究 異性性行為產生的羞恥心

So if you look at the statistics, youth between the ages of 21 and 25

研究數據顯示 21到25歲的年輕人

are 8 times more likely to commit suicide

如果因為性傾向感到被排擠

if they feel marginalized because of their sexuality.

自殺率比一般人高出八倍

That's really mean.

這是非常殘忍的事實

In the 16 states in 2005 that instituted constitutional amendments

2005年美國16州提出憲法修正案

saying that gay marriage is wrong and banned,

指出同性婚姻是錯誤的,必須禁止

the statistics are kinda shocking.

結果產生的數據頗為驚人

Depression in the gay and lesbian population

這些州的同性戀人口

in those states went from 23% to 31%;

患憂鬱症比例從23%增加至31%

generalized anxiety went from 3% to 9%,

廣泛性焦慮症由3%增為9%

and alcohol abuse went from 22% to 31%.

酗酒比例從22%增至31%

This hurts people. Sexual shame hurts people.

這傷害了人們,性羞恥傷害了人們

But that's just gay people, so that's good news for the rest of us.

但那只傷害同性戀 所以對我們其他人是好消息吧

Except that it turns out gay people are in fact just people.

但想想，同性戀者其實也只是一般人

So if sexual shame hurts gay people, it probably hurts straight people also.

性羞恥會傷害同性戀 也就可能傷害異性戀

Turns out about 8% of the population is homosexual.

資料顯示全國人口中8%是同性戀

In a survey that was done in 2005 asking people

2005年有項民眾性行為調查

about their sexual behavior, 20% of respondents

20%的受訪者

identified themselves as kinky.

認為自己很淫蕩

Meaning that they had multiple partners at the same time,

這表示他們同時有多位性伴侶

they used toys, bondage, spanking, watched porn together.

他們會使用玩具,繃帶,打屁股 還會一起看色情片

8% of people were let out their closet, 20% of people, and I think that's low,

8%的人出櫃了,20%的人還沒 我覺得算是低比例

are still living in shame in the closet, which is probably

這些人還躲在衣櫃活在羞恥中

where they keep all the toys and so maybe that's OK.

衣櫃可能是他們藏玩具的地方 所以大概也沒什麼不行

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

The problem is this is a huge thing for all of us.

問題是,這對我們所有人來說很重要

Sex is a huge industry.

性是龐大的產業

Even in the depression it's a $13 billion industry to watch porn.

就算是經濟蕭條時 色情片都有130億美元市場

25% of every single search engine request is looking for porn.

每個搜尋引擎的搜尋項目 有25%搜尋色情片

That's a lot. Think about that, right. 12% of the sites in the Internet are porn.

想想看,那真的很多 12%的網站是色情網站

And if you thought that was big, 13 billion on porn,

如果你覺得130億美元已經夠多

last year, the world's worst economy, remember, since the depression,

那想想去年,金融風暴後 全球經濟最低迷的一年

15 billion dollars worth of sex toys were purchased.

銷售了共150億美元的性玩具

We are a kinky people, we are spending a lot of time and money

我們就是淫蕩的人,花很多錢和時間

looking for sex, or looking for more fun sex anyway.

找尋性，或找尋更有趣的性。

So what exactly is normal sex,

既然我們已經肯定

now that we've established that we don't want people to feel shame.

不希望人們有性羞恥的想法 那正常的性到底是什麼?

Normal sex is anything that is a consensual act between adults.

正常的性 是成人間互相同意的任何行為

You can spank each other, you can wear costumes,

你們可以互打屁股,角色扮演

you can do anything you want and it is normal.

可以做任何事情,那都是正常的

So my boyfriend and I this morning we're trying to come up

今天早上我跟男友試著想出一個方式

with a way to illustrate the depth and breadth of human sexuality

不必用我覺得嚇人的照片來嚇你們

without scaring you with photos which are scary even to me.

就能闡明人類性行為的廣度與深度

So we went to the Lustlab, which is the strangers online personal ads

所以我們連上Lustlab網站 一個線上的陌生人廣告站

specifically for people who are looking for interesting sex.

專門讓人找尋有趣的性行為

There are 90 different kinks just on Lustlab

光是Lustlab就有90種性癖好

that you could register looking for a partner for, and that's in Seattle.

你可以註冊並尋找性伴侶 這是在西雅圖

Seattle is really gotta be one of the most uptight cities in the country,

西雅圖可算是美國最焦躁的城市之一

so that's saying something, right?

所以這說明了某些事,對吧?

Looking at Lustlab everything went from asphyxiation to water sports,

網站上從窒息到液體性愛,應有盡有

and water sports in case you didn't know is pee not water,

以防你不曉得,液體是指尿液不是水

and everything in between like bondage,

還有介於中間的綑綁

knife play, group sex, you name it, it's all normal.

玩刀、集體性愛 你說得出來的都是正常的

Why does it matter that we're shaming each other,

我們互相羞辱彼此

as if jumping off bridges wasn't bad enough,

好像有人跳橋自殺不糟糕

as if being depressed wasn't bad enough?

憂鬱也沒那麼糟 為什麼這想法對我們很重要?

The truth is people are destroying marriages, careers, lives and communities

其實人們正在摧毀 婚姻,工作,生活,社群

by keeping secrets about what they're into sexually.

因為他們隱瞞性傾向與性癖好

All those, let's say politicians, who are suddenly looking

舉例來說，政治人物

for a little boys in airport bathrooms.

突然在機場廁所搭上年輕男孩

It's bad enough that his own career was destroyed.

這就足以毀了他的事業

What about the woman he married who believed that

還有和他結婚的那個女人

she was in a happy consensual marriage with somebody who's getting his needs met.

她相信自己婚姻美滿 滿足了丈夫的需求

That lie didn't just hurt him, that hurt her, and his family.

這個謊言不只傷害男方 也傷害女方和整個家庭

It's just not cool. Just not OK.

這一點也不酷,一點也不好

So Milton Diamond was hired a few years ago to do research

Milton Diamond幾年前受聘

on the impact of porn in kinky sex and sex crimes,

研究色情片對淫亂性行為 以及性犯罪的影響

hopefully to prove that people who have kinky sex and watch porn

想要證明有淫亂性行為 而且會看色情片的人

are the ones committing the crimes.

就是會犯下性犯罪的人

Turned out he found actually an inverse correlation;

結果他發現了相反的關係

people who watch porn and are sexually fulfilled

看色情片而且性需求被滿足的人

are less likely to commit crimes.

比較不會犯罪

And that statistic is beared out in the fact that there's less crime

數據顯示,看越多色情片的城市

in the cities where there's more porn watched.

犯罪率越低

Guess what state has the most porn watched in the country -€“ Utah.

猜猜美國哪一州看最多色情片-猶他州

(Laughter) It's not a coincidence!

(笑聲) 這不是巧合!

As I was running around doing statistics,

當我四處奔波搜集數據時

and the politicians and airports are kinda funny,

政治人物和機場的例子有些好笑

I read across a statistic that really hit home for me;

我讀到一個資料讓我很驚訝

trans-people, people who are transitioning from either being male or female,

變性人，不管男變女或女變男

have three times the urinary tract infections of the general population.

尿道感染機率是一般大眾的三倍

You know why?

你知道為什麼嗎?

They're afraid to go in public bathrooms because people will ridicule them.

他們不敢走進公廁,別人會取笑他們

That's pretty direct. So why do we do it?

這是很直接的傷害,為什麼要這麼做?

I think it's really simple, nobody actually knows why we shame people

其實很簡單,沒人知道我們為什麼

about their sexuality, if you take the church out,

因為別人的性傾向而羞辱他們

which I'm trying to do.

我試著不討論宗教的影響

I think that we shame people about their sexuality

我認為我們羞辱別人的性傾向

because we're afraid of our own sexuality.

是因為我們害怕自己的性傾向

It lives very, very deep inside of us and it's intimate and real and scary

性傾向深藏在我們內心 親密,真實,可怕也很私人

and personal and we want to and we should protect our own sexuality.

我們想要也應該要保護我們的性傾向

So if we give those people the right to do those really scary,

所以如果我們讓人有權利

weird things to each other,

對別人做出可怕怪異的事

I think we're afraid that we're giving them permission

我們害怕那是允許他們

to do those things to us as well.

也對我們做這些事

And that is kind of scary.

那有點嚇人

I've awesome news for you. It actually works the opposite way.

告訴你們很棒的消息,事實剛好相反

When we give people back autonomous control over their sexuality

如果我們還給大家性自主權

and say, you are allowed to define your sexuality however you want, you go do it,

並告訴他們，你可以任意決定性傾向

we give ourselves that same right.

我們同時也給了自己相同權利

So we're allowed to say, I want you to tie me up

我們有權說，我要你把我綁起來

but I don't want you to spank me.

但不要你打我屁股

We are allowed to draw our own boundaries.

我們可以劃定自己的界線

Not only do we get to have what we want;

我們不只能得到我們想要的

we don't have to have what we don't want.

也能拒絕我們不要的

The upside for that as people

這樣做的好處就是

is that we create a really safe place for ourselves to be honest.

我們創造了真正安全的地方 讓我們能夠誠實

And when we are honest and safe with our lovers

當我們對愛人誠實,有安全的關係

we might actually be able to push our own boundaries

我們就可能突破自己的限制

just a little bit farther and discover the whole spectrum for ourselves.

跨出去,發現自己更完整的一面

So here's the last thing. I'm hoping you all got your surveys,

還有最後一件事,你們拿到問卷了吧

please tell me there are surveys.

請告訴我有拿到問卷

This is kind of a game so you have to play this one along with me.

這是一種遊戲,你們必須跟我一起玩

I hope you all filled out your surveys. Nobody will ever know your answers.

希望你們已經寫完問卷了 不會有人知道你的答案

I promise.

我保證

So what I want you to do is to take your surveys and ball them up,

我希望你們把問卷揉成球

into a totally crumpled ball, and then I want you to throw it

揉成皺皺的球,然後丟出去

as far away from yourself and into the audience as you possibly can.

丟到觀眾席裡,離你越遠越好

(Laughter) My God! That's awesome looking!

(笑聲) 天啊!這畫面真棒!

OK, now pick one up and throw it again.

好,現在撿起一顆球再丟出去

I want you all to feel really comfortable that nobody will see your answers.

我希望你們感到安心 沒人會知道你的答案

But mine are right there, in case you are wondering.

但如果你想知道,我的答案在這裡

Those are my answers.

那就是我的答案

I've got nothing to hide anymore.

我沒什麼好隱瞞

OK! Stop!

好!停!

Pick up a survey. Open it. And read it.

撿一張問卷,打開來讀一下

It is my greatest hope that you will see something in there that resonates.

我很希望你們看到引起你共鳴的答案

Oh! I would have tossed it to you.

喔!我應該把答案丟給你們

OK. We're not done yet, there's one more piece

我們還沒結束,還有一件事

and I'm sure I've gone over time, oh, I know I've gone over time.

我確定我超時了，我知道我超時了

So as I'm walking off the stage,

所以當我走下台的時候

I ask as a favor to you, one: hand those surveys,

我要請你們幫個忙:

to the ushers on your way out, but more importantly:

離開時把問卷交給工作人員,更重要的是

I want you to read the survey that you have

我希望你們讀完手上的問卷

and I want you to look at somebody next to you,

然後看著你旁邊的人

and I want you to look at him in the eye and say, "I am afraid

對著他的眼睛說:

that you will find out that I'm into -- all of the above."

"我很怕你發現我喜歡─ 剛剛提的所有東西"

And it's not because I want you can trust a secret

這不只是因為我希望你們信任秘密

but I want all of us to get that muscle memory and build that language.

我也希望我們能留下身體記憶 並建立這套語言

It's OK for you to be honest with me, I will accept that.

你們可以對我誠實,我會接受

And I want all of us to know what it feels like to hold somebody

我也希望大家了解 去支持某個人最重要的東西

the thing most important to them, and treasure it,

並且珍視它的感覺是什麼

because that's how we as a community

因為那讓我們作為一個社群

are going to learn to accept people for who they are

能去學習接納別人真實的樣子

and end sexual shame and start having

終結性羞恥，開始擁有

really rocking good sex.

非常精采的性生活

(Laughter) Thank you.

(笑聲) 謝謝

(Applause)

(掌聲)