John, I gotta admit I was pretty pissed off when you blocked me outa yore email, especially

約翰，我得承認，當你把我從你的郵箱裡屏蔽掉的時候，我非常生氣，尤其是... ...

after I spent YEARS emailin' you all them great movie-plot ideas that coulda made you

在我花了幾年的電子郵件' 你所有這些偉大的電影情節的想法，可以讓你

a even bigger-time matinee idol than you already is. Bein' a Hollywood bigshot an' all, maybe

一個更大的時間日場偶像比你已經是。Bein'好萊塢的大人物和'所有，也許是。

YOU can just sit down at some fancy laptop and drink one of them air-bubbled coffee thangs

你可以坐下來在一些高級的筆記本電腦，喝其中的一個空氣氣泡的咖啡比格斯

and knock out an e-mail any time you feel like it, but I got ta wait 'til the graveyard

敲出一個電子郵件，任何時候你覺得喜歡它， 但我得等39；直到墓地。

shift nurse ducks inta the broom closet with one o' the guards. This not only puts me under

輪班護士和一個警衛一起躲進了掃帚間。這不僅使我下

whatchacall a serious time constraint, but imagine tryin' ta figger out a complicated

什麼叫一個嚴重的時間限制，但想象一下試圖' ta弄清楚一個複雜的。

movie-plot idea while yer listenin' to a 200-pound Mexican woman and a steroid freak ten feet

電影情節的想法，而你聽著&#39；一個200磅的墨西哥女人和一個類固醇怪胎十英尺。

from yer head makin' noises like they was stranglin' a sack full o' puppies. This damn

從你的頭makin'的聲音，就像他們是勒死'一袋滿'小狗。這該死的

medication ain't helpin' much, either.

藥物治療是'沒有幫助'多，要麼。

So I got a buddy o' mine ta put up this website for me, an' from now on, EVER-damned-body

所以我找了個哥們兒幫我建了這個網站，從現在開始，再也不用被人罵了

on the planet is gonna be able ta see the QUALITY of the top-notch stuff I been sendin'

在這個星球上是要去能夠看到的品質 頂級的東西，我一直在發送&#39。

ya. (The movie ideas, I mean, not them three different pairs o' panties that nurse fergot

雅。(電影的想法，我的意思是，不是他們三個不同的對o'內褲，護士fergot。

ta pick up. Me, I don't roll that way, if ya catch my drift, I jist figgered what with

撿起。我，我不這樣做，如果你明白我的意思，我只是想知道什麼與

you gittin' older an' all, ya probly don't git as much stuff like that in the mail no

你gittin&#39；老的&#39；所有，雅probly不&#39；不git一樣多的東西，像在郵件沒有

more.)

更多）。)

Anyhow, FERGIT all them other ideas I sent ya, 'cause this is the BIG ONE, baby! Now

無論如何，FERGIT所有其他的想法，我送你，'導致這是一個大的，寶貝！現在

follow my reasonin' here. Hollywood's been rakin' it in fer years with all them musicals,

按照我的推理&#39；在這裡。好萊塢的一直rakin'它在fer年與所有這些音樂劇。

but GUYS don't go to musicals unless their wives or girlfriends keep bitchin' and whinin'

但夥計們不'去音樂劇，除非他們的妻子或女朋友保持婊子'和抱怨&#39。

about it till they just give up. But see, I got this theory that it ain't the musicals

關於它，直到他們只是放棄。但是，我有這樣的理論，它不是音樂劇

themselves that guys don't like, it's just that they're always about some wishy-washy

自己的傢伙不'不喜歡，它'只是他們'總是關於一些wishy-washy的

shit an' they got a bunch of faggoty characters who almost NEVER actually git to KILL anybody,

狗屎和&#39；他們得到了一群基佬字元 誰幾乎從來沒有真正的git殺死任何人。

let alone git to, say, rip Doris Day's blouse off! Puttin' it plain an' simple, guys hate

更不用說去，說，撕開多麗絲-戴的上衣了!放置'它樸素的一個'簡單，男人恨

musicals 'cause there ain't no tits OR body count in 'em!

音樂劇'因為沒有'沒有山雀或身體計數在'他們！

Wellsir, I got a way to fix ALL that. I got a rough script here for a musical version

Wellsir，我有辦法解決所有的問題。我這裡有一個音樂劇版的粗略劇本

of "The Alamo". Picture the John Wayne version, except

的"阿拉莫"。想象一下約翰-韋恩的版本，除了

there's a lot of tap dancin' an' shit, but the Mexicans still get to use them godawful-lookin'

有'很多踢踏舞'an'狗屎，但墨西哥人仍然得到使用他們的神情&#39。

six-foot bayonets on damned near everybody. I figger now that that Riverdance craze has

六尺長的刺刀刺向幾乎所有的人。我想，現在那股河舞熱潮已經

about wore down, we can git them Irish jokers cheap, stick 'em in some coonskin caps an'

我們可以給他們便宜的愛爾蘭笑話，給他們戴上浣紗帽

git 'em runnin' a conga line all over some run-down adobe church.

在一些破舊的土坯教堂裡排起了康加線。

I had Steve Buscemi in mind for General Santana, maybe George Clooney for Davy Crockett (in

我心目中的史蒂夫-布西米飾演桑塔納將軍，喬治-克魯尼飾演戴維-克羅克特（在...）。

between blowin' the shit outa Mexicans we can have him lip-synch some sappy shit about

我們可以讓他給墨西哥人吹簫，讓他對口型唱出一些關於

how all he wants to do is be home with the old lady pickin' out curtains), and Ice Cube

如何所有他想做的是在家與老太太pickin' 出窗簾），和冰塊。

for Jim Bowie (at the end, he can hold his flintlock pistols SIDEWAYS when he shoots

吉姆-鮑伊（在最後，他可以拿著他的燧發槍側向射擊時，他的手槍。

'em, an' you know all them inner-city people LOVE shit like that).

'他們，an'你知道所有這些內城人都喜歡這樣的狗屎）。)

Now, the way I see it, we ain't got no CHOICE for the female lead but that Sigourney Weaver

在我看來，除了西格妮-韋弗，我們沒有選擇女主角的機會

gal. Cut the sleeves off some skin-tight black longjohns, dump a bucket of water on her so

女孩。剪掉一些緊身黑色長褲的袖子， 把一桶水倒在她身上，所以

her nipples pucker, give her a flamethrower or somethin', an' at the end she can do some

她的乳頭撅起，給她一個火焰噴射器或什麼東西，在結束時，她可以做一些。

tearjerkin' song about how women need to git empowered an' then she grabs a torch an' dives

這首歌講述了女性如何需要得到授權，然後她拿起火炬，潛水。

into a vat full of Mexicans AND gasoline. Yeah, I know she prob'ly can't sing for jacksquat,

到一個大桶滿墨西哥人和汽油。是啊，我知道她可能'LY不能唱的Jacksquat。

but we can always dub in Celine Dion or Cyndi Lauper or somebody. (If Sigourney ain't available,

但我們總是可以在席琳-迪翁或辛迪-勞珀或某人配音。(如果西格妮不在的話)

maybe we can git that Daphne gal from "Frasier".)

也許我們可以從"Frasier"中找到那個Daphne女孩。)

John, this could be BIG, an' ya know I'm always lookin' out for ya, buddy, so I saved a PLUM

約翰，這可能是大的，&#39；你知道我&#39；我總是看&#39；出來為你，哥們，所以我保存了一個PLUM。

role fer you personally. You git to play that Colonel Travis joker, an' that's right up

角色為你個人。你要扮演特拉維斯上校的小丑，這是對的。

yore alley 'cause I know you got a thang fer swords AND ruffled shirts, an' this time you

我知道你對劍和荷葉邊的襯衫有興趣

don't have to wear one o' them godawful white wigs an'

不要戴一個O'他們 godawful白色假髮和&#39。

stuff shit up yer nose to make ya sneeze an' all that other medieval French horseshit.

東西狗屎了你的鼻子，讓你打噴嚏和&#39；所有其他中世紀的法國胡扯。

An' ya git to die with some dignity for a change,

你得有尊嚴地死去

instead o' jist gittin' yore ass blown out of a glass elevator or somethin'.

而不是&#39；Jist gittin&#39；yore ass blown out of a glass elevator or somethin&#39；。

Anyhow, now that I got this-here innernet site, you kin jist type yer replies right

總之，現在我有了這個互聯網網站，你就可以直接打出你的回覆了。

inta the comments. (Use that secret code phrase I emailed ya, so's I'll know it's really you.)

inta的評論。(用我發郵件給你的那個祕密暗號，這樣's我就知道是你了。)

But lookee-here, John, I ain't gonna keep ON sendin' ya my blockbuster ideas much longer

但聽著，約翰，我不會再給你寄去我的大片創意了。

if I don't git a in-vite ta the Left Coast purty soon now.

如果我不盡快得到左岸的邀請函的話

Oh, shit, he's finishin' her off, so I gotta go!

哦，媽的，他要把她幹掉，所以我得走了!

Sincerely,

真誠的，

Bubba Joe Jim Bob Beets, Jr. Big-Time Hollywood Screenwriter

布巴-喬-吉姆-鮑勃-比茨，小。好萊塢大牌編劇