distinguished guests, undistinguished guests - you know who you are

各位傑出的嘉賓和平凡的嘉賓-你知道你是誰

honored faculty and creepy Spanish teacher

尊敬的師長和詭異的西班牙文老師

so,and thank you to all the graduating class of 2009

也謝謝你們2009年畢業班的同學

I realize most of you are hungover and have splitting headaches and haven't slept since Fat Tuesday

我知道們很難受又有頭痛欲裂的感覺，甚至從肥胖星期二就開始不睡覺了(註:Fat Tuesday=Mardi Gras 每年二月份在紐奧良舉辦的慶典是全世界規模僅次於巴西嘉年華的超級派對)

but you can't graduate 'til I finish, so listen up.

但你們必須聽我講完你才能畢業，所以認真聽吧!

When I was asked to make the commencement speech

當我被邀請擔任這場畢業演講時

I immediately said yes

我二話不說地就答應了

Then I went to look up what commencement meant

然後我便馬上去查閱了畢業典禮的意思

Which would have been easy if I had a dictionary

但是如果我有本字典或許容易多了

but most of the books in our house are Portia's

可是我家裡的大多數的書都是Portia的(Ellen妻子)

and they're all written in Australian

書本全由澳洲文寫成的(註:Ellen妻子Portia是澳洲人)

So I had to break the word down myself, to find out the meaning.

所以我不得不將字拆開試著去了解它的意思

Commencement: common, and cement

畢業典禮: 常見的、水泥

Common cement. You commonly see cement on sidewalks

常見的水泥，你經常看到在人行道上的水泥

Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back

人行道有裂縫，而如果你踩到裂縫，就會摔斷你媽媽的背(註:美國舊時的迷信)

So there's that

恩我想大概就是這個意思

But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement.

但我很榮幸能擔任你們「常見的水泥」的演講者

I thought that you had to be a famous alumnus

我以為能擔任演講者的人必須是著名的校友alumni( 註:Ellen艾倫故意假裝念不出校友這個單字)

- alumini - aluminum - alumis - you had to graduate from this school.

( 註:Ellen艾倫故意假裝念不出校友這個單字) -必須畢業於這所學校才能獲得獲得邀請擔任講者

And I didn't go to college here, and I don't know if President Cowan knows,I didn't go to any college at all

而我並不是 貴校校友，而不知道考恩校長是否知道我並沒有就讀過大學

Any college. And I'm not saying you wasted your time, or money

任何大學，但我並不是說你們現在再浪費時間或金錢

but look at me, I am a huge celebrity.

但你看看我，我現在可是個大名人!

Although I did graduate from the school of hard knocks our mascot was the knockers

但是我確實畢業於社會大學，從艱苦的磨練中成長，我們的幸運物是胸部

I spent a lot of time here growing up.

我從小在這裡長大

My mom worked at Newcomb and I would go there every time I needed to steal something out of her purse

我母親在Newcomb工作，每當我想從她錢包裡偷東西時，就會到那裡去

But why am I here today?

但為什麼我今天在這裡?

Clearly not to steal, you're too far away and I'd never get away with it.

當然不是來偷東西，你們離我太遠了，即使偷到手了我也逃脫不了

I'm here because of you.

我來這是因為你們

Because I can't think of a more tenacious, more courageous graduating class.

因為我想不出比你們更頑強、更有勇敢的畢業班級

I mean, look at you all, wearing your robes

我指的是，你看看你們自己，穿著長袍

Usually when you're wearing a robe at 10 in the morning, it means you've given up.

通常若是上午十點還穿著長袍，意味著你們已經墮落放棄了

I'm here because I love New Orleans

我來到這裡是因為我愛紐奧良

I was born and raised here, I spent my formative years here, and like you

我在這裡出生也在這裡長大，我的成長期也在這裡度過，就跟你們一樣

while I was living here I only did laundry six times.

當我住在這裡時，我只洗過六次衣服

When I finished school, I was completely lost.

當我完成學業時，我真的迷失了

And by school, I mean middle school, but I went ahead and finished high school anyway.

而所謂的學校指的是國中，但無論如何還是得繼續完成高中學業

And I - I really, I had no ambition, I didn't know what I wanted to do.

但我真的一點都沒有雄心壯志，我不知道自己想要做什麼

I did everything from - I shucked oysters, I was a hostess, I was a bartender, I was a waitress,

我什麼都做從-我剝過生蠔，我曾是女服務員，當過酒保，也當過服務生

I painted houses, I sold vacuum cleaners, I had no idea.

也當過油漆工、販售吸塵器，但是我完全不知道自己真正想做什麼

And I thought I'd just finally settle in some job, and I would make enough money to pay my rent

我只想只要找份固定工作，賺取足夠的錢付房租就好

maybe have basic cable, maybe not, I didn't really have a plan,my point is that, by the time I was your age,

也許能裝個最基本的有線電視，也許也不能，我根本沒有任何計畫。我想說的重點是，當我在你們這個年紀的時候

I really thought I knew who I was, but I had no idea.

我以為我很清楚知道的了解自己，但其實我根本一無所知

Like for example, when I was your age, I was dating men.

舉個例，當我在你們這個年紀時，我跟男生約會(註:因為Ellen與Portia是同志夫妻)

So what I'm saying is, when you're older, most of you will be gay.

所以我要說的是，當你們老的時候，大多數的你們也會是同志

Anyone writing this stuff down? Parents?

有人寫下這句嗎? 家長們?

Anyway, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life

總之，我不知道我想要過怎麼樣的生活

and the way I ended up on this path was from a very tragic event.

而一場悲劇的發生使我走上現在這條路

I was maybe 19, and my girlfriend at the time was killed in a car accident

當時的我應該19歲，而當時的女朋友喪命於車禍

And I passed the accident, and I didn't know it was her and I kept going

我經過事發現場，我並不知道是發生意外的是她

and I found out shortly after that, it was her.

在過不久之後才發現是她

And I was living in a basement apartment, I had no money,

當時的我住在一間公寓的地下室，我沒有錢

I had no heat, no air, I had a mattress on the floor and the apartment was infested with fleas.

沒有暖氣、沒有冷氣，我地板有個床墊，房間有許多跳蚤

And I was soul-searching, I was like, why is she suddenly gone, and there are fleas here?

我開始自我省思，就像是剎那間她突然消失了，跳蚤卻一直存在？

I don't understand, there must be a purpose, and wouldn't it be so convenient

我不能理解，其中必定有某種目的，

if we could pick up the phone and call God, and ask these questions.

如果我們打電話給上帝 問祂們問題，是不是就變得簡單許多?

And I started writing and what poured out of me was an imaginary conversation with God

我便開始寫作，寫出我想向上帝傾吐的假想對話內容

which was one sided and I finished writing it and I looked at it,

只有我的獨白，寫完時我看著我的手稿

and I said to myself -- and I hadn't even been doing stand up, ever

告訴自己，我從沒做過棟篤笑，

there was no club in town, and I said I'm going to do this on the the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson

鎮上沒有俱樂部，而我說：我要在強尼卡森的《今夜秀》上表演這段獨白。

at the time he was the king, and I'm gonna be the first woman on the history of the show

在當時強尼卡森是知名脫口秀王主持人，我將要成為第一位女性來賓

to be called over to sit down, and several years later

在幾年後，果真我受邀去此節目成為第一位女性來賓

I was the first woman in the history of the show,

我成為此節目有史以來第一位的女性來賓

and the only woman in the history of the show,to sit down

也是唯一有史以來獲邀的女性來賓

because of that phone conversation with God that I wrote

全都是因為我所寫的那段與上帝的假想對話

And I started this path of stand up and it was successful,

我開始踏上這條道路，也十分成功

and it was great, but it was hard because I was trying to please everybody,

一切都很好，但也很艱苦，因為我要試著去取悅每個人

and I had this secret that I was keeping that I was gay

再加上我又隱瞞著我是同志的秘密

and I thought that if people found out they wouldn't like me and they wouldn't laugh at me

而我想如果人們得知事實的話，他們便不在喜歡和支持我了

then my career turned into -- I got my own sitcom,

之後我的事業轉型成情景喜劇

and that was very successful, another level of success

非常地成功，又是更上一層的成功

and I thought what if they find out I'm gay?

我想當人們發現我是同志的話

Then they'll never watch...

他們將不會再看我的演出

This was a long time ago, this was just when we had White presidents

那是很久以前的事了，當時我們只有白膚色的總統

but anyway,this was back, many years ago.

但總之，那是許多年前的事

And I finally decided that I was living with so much shame

我終於決定，因為我生活在太多羞恥

and so much fear that I just couldn't live that way anymore

和太多恐懼中，而我發現到我不要再只是不能這麼生活了

and I decided to come out, and make it creative

我決定向大家坦然出櫃，以充滿創意的方式

and my character would come out at the same time

和我飾演的角色同時出櫃

and it wasn't to make a political statement

這並非什麼政治宣言

it wasn't to do anything but free myself from this heaviness that I was carrying around

也不是做什麼大事，不過是卸下肩上的重擔

and I just wanted to be honest, and I thought What's the worst that could happen

我只想誠實地做真正的自己。我想：最糟的情況會是什麼?

I could lose my career.

我可能會因此失業

I did. I lost my career.

沒錯，我失去了我的事業

I got the show was cancelled after six years without even telling me, I read it in the paper.

我主演六年的情景喜劇在毫無預警的情況下停播，我竟是從報紙上得知

The phone didn't ring for three years

三年來手機也從未響過

I had no offers, nobody wanted to touch me at all

沒有接到任何工作機會，沒有人想要跟我聯絡

And yet, I was getting letters from kids that almost committed suicide,

但是我收到本來想自殺的年輕人來信

but didn't because of what I did

卻因為我的誠實地向大家坦然出櫃而打消念頭

and I realized that I had a purpose

我意識到自己的存在有了某種意義

and it wasn't just about me, and it wasn't about celebrity

不僅是關於我自己，或者名聲的意義

but I felt like I was being punished

但我還是覺得自己好像受到懲罰

and it was a bad time and I was angry and I was sad

當時對我來說一段很難熬的時期，我非常生氣也很難過

and then I was offered a talk show

之後我得機會到脫口秀演出

and the people that offered me the talk show tried to sell it

提供我演出機會的人想要試著賣出這個節目

and most stations didn't want to pick it up

但大多數電台都不願意買

most people didn't want to buy it because they thought nobody would watch me

大部分的人不想買是因為他們覺得沒有人會想要觀賞我的節目

and really when I look back on it, I wouldn't change a thing

而說真的，當回憶過去的時候，我並不會改變任何事情

I mean it was so important for me to lose everything

因為對我來說失去一切是個重要的轉捩點

because I found out what the most important thing is, is to be true to yourself

因為這讓我明白，最重要的是忠於自我，誠實地面對自我

and ultimately, that's what has gotten me to this place I don't live in fear, I'm free

最終這正是成就今日的我的動力，我也不在活在恐懼中，而是感受到自由

I don't have any secrets and I know I'll always be OK because no matter what

我沒有隱瞞任何秘密了，也曉得我會否極泰來，無論發生什麼

I know who I am.

我知道我自己是誰

So in conclusion, when I was younger

所以結論是，當我還年輕時

I thought success was something different

我以為成功的是一件很特別、不一樣的事

I thought, when I grow up, I want to be famous, I want to be a star

我以為當我長大的時候，我想要成為名人，想要當明星

I want to be in movies, when I grow up I want to see the world

想要拍電影，長大時想要四處遊世界

drive nice cars, I wanna have groupies.

開名車，我想要擁有粉絲

To quote the Pussy Cat Dolls.

引用小野貓合唱團的歌詞

how many people thought it was boobies by the way?

順道一提，有多少人聽成胸部(boobies)？

It's not -- its groupies

不，我說的是粉絲(groupies)

but my idea of success is different today and as you'll grow

但現在我對成功的看法大不相同，隨著你成長

you will realize your definition of success changes.

你會發現成功的定義改變了

For many of you, today success is being able to hold down 20 shots of tequila

目前的你，現今的成功就就是能喝下20杯龍舌蘭

for me, the most important thing in your life is to live your life with integrity

而我，生命中最重要的是擁有正值完整性的人生

and not to give in to peer pressure to try to be something that you're not.

別屈服於同儕壓力，而成為不符合你本性的人

To live your life as an honest and compassionate person

以誠實以及富有同理心的活出你的人生

to contribute in some way.

以其他層面做出貢獻

so to conclude my conclusion

來總結一下我的結論

follow your passion, stay true to yourself

追隨你的熱情，誠實的做自己

never follow someone else's path

不要跟隨他人的腳步

unless you're in the woods and your lost

除非你在叢林中迷路了

and you see a path, then by all means you should follow that

然後你看到眼前有一條路，你應當跟隨這條道路

Don't give advice, it'll come back and bite you in the ass

別提供建議，因為這將使你身受其害

don't take anyone's advice.

別聽從任何人的建議

So my advice to you is to

所以我給你們的建議是

be true to yourself and everything will be fine

忠於做自己，而每件事都會否極泰來

and I know a lot of you are concerned about your future

我知道你們都對你們的未來擔憂

but there is no need to worry, the economy is booming

但沒什麼好需要擔心的，經濟正在蓬勃發展

the job market is wide open

就業市場是開放的

the planet is just fine

而我們的地球還不錯

it's gonna be great

一切都會很好的!

You have already survived a hurricane,what else can happen to you?

你們已經從卡崔娜在颶風中身存下來了，還有什麼好擔心害怕的呢？

And as I mentioned before, sometimes the most devastating things that

就像前面我所提及的，那些最糟的經歷

happen to you will teach you the most

將帶給你最深的領悟

and now you know the right questions to ask for your first job interview,

而現在你們也知道第一次面試時該問什麼了

like, Is it above sea level?

像是：工作地點位於海平面上嗎?

so to conclude my conclusion that I've previously concluded in my common cement speech

因此我總結一下我前面演講的「常見的水泥」結論

I guess what I'm trying to say is that life is like one big Mardi Gras

我想要傳達的是，人生如同一場大型嘉年華(Mardi Gras)

but instead of showing people your boobs show people your brain

但並非是展示你的胸部，而是要展示你的頭腦

and if they like what they see, you'll have more beads than you know what to do with

如果人們欣賞他們眼中所看的見，你將得到多到爆的珠子

and you'll be drunk.most of the time

大多時候都能喝得醉醺醺的

So to the class of 2009 I say congratulations

所以2009年畢業生們，恭喜你們

and if you don't remember a thing I said today

而如果你不記得今天我所說的話

remember this: you're gonna be ok

記住這個：你會沒事的，一切都會更好的

dum de dum dum dum, just dance

dum de dum dum dum,盡情的跳舞吧！