ANY WITNESSES.

THE MAN TRYING TO BLOCK THAT FROM HAPPENING IS SENATE

MAJORITY LEADER -- ( BOOING )

-- AND IT SAYS HERE PAUSE FOR BOOING...

MITCH McCONNELL.

WE LEARNED TODAY THAT MITCH MCCONNELL AND HIS TEAM BELIEVE

THEY HAVE THE VOTES NEEDED TO BLOCK WITNESSES FROM APPEARING.

BUT HERE'S THE THING: 75% OF AMERICANS SUPPORT CALLING

WITNESSES IN THIS TRIAL.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S AMAZING.

THAT'S CRAZY!

IT'S CRAZY!

( APPLAUSE ) 75% OF AMERICANS DON'T AGREE ON

ANYTHING.

EXCEPT MAYBE, "PUPPIES GOOD.

'CATS,' THE MOVIE, BAD."

( LAUGHTER ) SO WILL WE GET TESTIMONY FROM

FORMER NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR AND

YOSEMITE SAM OFF HIS MEDS JOHN BOLTON?

( LAUGHTER ) HE'S BEEN AT THE CENTER OF THE

IMPEACHMENT SAGA EVER SINCE THE "NEW YORK TIMES" REPORTED THAT

HIS UPCOMING BOOK CONTAINS A FIRST-HAND ACCOUNT OF PRESIDENT

TRUMP TELLING HIM HE WAS WITHHOLDING UKRAINE AID IN

EXCHANGE FOR INVESTIGATING THE BIDENS.

IT'S A SHOCKING REVELATION OF SOMETHING WE'VE ALL KNOWN FOR

MONTHS.

( LAUGHTER ) NOW, WE FIND OURSELVES IN A

BACKWARDS WORLD, WHERE REPUBLICANS ARE CALLING THIS

VETERAN OF FOUR G.O.P.

ADMINISTRATIONS A "TOOL FOR THE LEFT," WHILE DEMOCRATS, WHO ONCE

CALLED HIM A "NUTTY, RECKLESS, CONSERVATIVE WAR HAWK," ARE NOW

HOPING HE COULD TURN OUT TO BE THE NUTTY, RECKLESS,

CONSERVATIVE WAR HAWK OF REASON.

( LAUGHTER ) WE STILL DON'T KNOW IF BOLTON

WILL TESTIFY.

OR EXACTLY WHAT HE'D SAY.

HERE TO TELL US, HONORING A "LATE SHOW" SUBPOENA, PLEASE

WELCOME LIVE VIA SATELLITE, FORMER NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISER

JOHN BOLTON.

HELLO, AMBASSADOR BOLTON.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) JOHN BOLTON, EVERYBODY!

AMBASSADOR, AMBASSADOR, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING ME!

>> WOOOO!

JOHNNY BOY BOLTON IS IN THE HOUSE, READY TO SPILL THE TEA ON

D.J.T.!

OR AM I?

( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: YES, THAT IS THE

QUESTION: DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE SUBPOENAED TO TESTIFY IN

TRUMP'S IMPEACHMENT TRIAL?

>> HARD TO SAY.

ON ONE HAND, I DON'T KNOW IF LI'L OL' JOHN BOLTON COULD

HANDLE ALL THE ATTENTION.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, IT MIGHT BE NICE TO BE IN "THE ROOM WHERE

IT HAPPENED."

WHICH, COINCIDENTALLY, IS THE NAME OF MY BOOK.

AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER ON AMAZON RIGHT NOW!

OOOH!

EXPLOSIVE SECRETS!

BOOM BLAM BLIPPITY BAP!

GET BACK IN THERE, SECRETS!

>> STEPHEN: OKAY, SO IF YOU DO SPEAK TO THE SENATE --

>> I'M JUST SO EXCITED!

>> Stephen: I KNOW YOU ARE, TOO.

TURN THE VOLUME DOWN ON YOUR HANDS.

PLEASE.

SO IF YOU DO WANT TO SPEAK TO THE GNAT, WOULD YOUR

TESTIMONY BE AS DAMAGING TO THE PRESIDENT AS THE LEAKS FROM YOUR

BOOK SUGGEST?

>> OH, STEPHEN, ME UNDER OATH?

WHATEVER WOULD I SAY?

WILL I BE THE SWEET LITTLE CHOIR BOY THAT THE G.O.P. HAS KNOWN

AND LOVED ALL THESE YEARS?

OR WILL I COME IN LIKE A BAZOOKA MADE OF NUCLEAR BOMBS?

BOOPITY BOOPITY!

(EXPLOSION) NOBODY KNOWS BUT ME AND

MR. SNOWBALL.

( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: I'M SORRY, WHO IS

MR. SNOWBALL?

>> THAT'S THE NAME OF MY MOUSTACHE, STEPHEN.

HE'S ALSO MY LEGAL COUNSEL.

AND ON COLD NIGHTS, MY LOVER.

( LAUGHTER ) NOT NOW, MR. SNOWBALL.

HE GETS EXCITED.

NOT NOW.

( PURRING ) NOT NOW.

NOT NOW.

( PURRING ) >> Stephen: I DON'T WANT TO

COME BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU, SIR.

BUT, AMBASSADOR BOLTON, IF I COULD GO ON,

SOME PEOPLE ARE SAYING THIS IS ALL PART OF A VENDETTA YOU HAVE

AGAINST TRUMP.

>> THAT'S FLIM FLAM AND HORSE HOCKEY!

AND ALSO HORSE-FLAM AND FLIM-FLOCKY!

I'M ON EXCELLENT TERMS WITH THE ENTIRE TRUMP TEAM!

>> STEPHEN: REALLY?

BECAUSE YOU CALLED RUDY GIULIANI A "HAND GRENADE WHO'S GOING TO

BLOW EVERYBODY UP."

>>OH,, THAT IS THE HIGHEST COMPLIMENT I CAN THINK OF.

I WISH I WAS A HAND GRENADE!

PULL OFF MR. SNOWBALL AND WATCH ME BLOW!

I'LL DO IT!

I'LL DO IT!

>> STEPHEN: I BELIEVE YOU, SIR.

>> DON'T TEST ME!

KA-BLANGO!

( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: WAIT, DID YOU HAVE A

MUSTACHE UNDER YOUR MUSTACHE?

( LAUGHTER ) >> DID I?

IT'S ALL IN THE BOOK!

( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: OKAY, OKAY.

I'M ON BOARD.

OKAY.

BUT, AMBASSADOR BOLTON, >> STEPHEN: OKAY, ARE YOU SURE

YOU'RE NOT JUST OUT FOR REVENGE -- SIR, OVER HERE!

( LAUGHTER ) ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT JUST OUT

FOR REVENGE AGAINST THE PRESIDENT?

HE RECENTLY TWEETED THAT IF HE'D LISTENED TO YOUR ADVICE, WE'D BE

UP TO WORLD WAR SIX!

>> THAT'S A LIE!

TOTAL CLAP-TRAPPERY!

I WOULD'VE STARTED WAY MORE WORLD WARS THAN THAT!

WE'D BE IN WORLD WAR 22 AGAINST EAST KOREA!

MMM!

ALL THIS WAR TALK'S GETTING ME HOT TO TROT!

COME HERE, MR. SNOWBALL.

HEY, MMM!

A THREESOME.

MY FANTASY!

>> STEPHEN: AMBASSADOR BOLTON, PLEASE.

THIS IS A FAMILY SHOW!

>> TIME TO TELL ALL!

>> Stephen: THAT'S DISTURBING.

EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT'S IN YOUR BOOK.

PROBLEM IS, AND I HOPE YOU DON'T EXPLODE WHEN I SAY THIS--

>> OOOOOO-- >> STEPHEN: I HOPE I'M NOT THE

ONE BREAKING THIS TO YOU, BUT THE WHITE HOUSE HAS THREATENED

TO BLOCK YOUR BOOK'S PUBLICATION FOR NATIONAL SECURITY REASONS.

>> --OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH!

THAT'S OKAY, STEPHEN.

I'M A REASONABLE MAN.

THEY MAY BE ABLE TO BLOCK MY BOOK... BUT THEY CAN'T BLOCK

THIS BOOK: "OTHER ROOMS WHERE EVEN WORSE THINGS HAPPENED," BY

MR. SNOWBALL!

AND HE'S SEEN EVERYTHING I'VE SEEN --

( APPLAUSE ) -- OH, THANK YOU.

BUT HALF AN INCH CLOSER!

>> STEPHEN: WOW.

SO IT SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE ACTUALLY COMMITTED TO GETTING YOUR STORY

OUT THERE, EVEN IF IT ENDS UP TAKING DOWN THE PRESIDENT?

>> YES!

OR NO.

SCIENCE CAN'T TELL YET.

I'M LIVING IN A QUANTUM STATE.

LIKE SCHRODINGER'S CAT!

IS THE CAT ALIVE?

IS IT DEAD?

OR, DID I SHAVE IT TO MAKE MR. SNOWBALL?

>> STEPHEN: AMBASSADOR JOHN BOLTON, EVERYBODY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> GET OVER HERE, YOU HOT LITTLE

FEATHER DUSTER!

>> STEPHEN: WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

SAMANTHA BEE IS HERE!

WHEN WE RETURN, I GO TO IOWA.

I -- GO TO IOWA!

STICK AROUND!