MY FIRST GUEST IS A COMEDIAN, ACTOR, AUTHOR, AND BANJOIST.

HE HAS BEEN HONORED WITH GRAMMYS, AN EMMY, AND AN ACADEMY

AWARD.

PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO "THE LATE SHOW," STEVE MARTIN!

♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )

>> Stephen: HOLD ON ONE SECOND.

WHAT'S-- WHAT'S THE DEAL.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

( BELL RINGING ) OH, SHOOT, SORRY.

YEAH, I FORGOT.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE WELCOME "THE" STEVE MARTIN.

♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )

>> THANK YOU!

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: GOOD TO SEE YOU

AGAIN.

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

>> THANK YOU.

>> Stephen: IT'S NOT ONLY NICE TO SEE YOU AS, LIKE, A FAN AND

AS A COLLEAGUE, BUT IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU, BECAUSE YOU LOOK

FANTASTIC.

>> I KNOW.

I KNOW.

AND THAT'S WHAT WAS SO AMAZING.

NO, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU.

I WOKE UP ABOUT THREE DAYS AGO, AND I LOOKED AT MYSELF, AND I

SAID, "WHOA!

I'M-- I'M HAVING A MOMENT RIGHT NOW; AND I NEED TO GO ON A TV

SHOW.

>> Stephen: SO PEOPLE CAN SEE IT.

>> YEAH, YEAH, SO PEOPLE CAN SEE IT.

IN TWO DAYS IT COULD BE JUST UNH.

>> Stephen: YOU AND THE GREAT MARTY SHORT--

>> YES.

>> Stephen: DO A SHOW AROUND THE COUNTRY.

PEOPLE MIGHT NOT KNOW IT.

( APPLAUSE ) NOW, DO I HAVE THIS CORRECTLY,

YOU ARE ACTUALLY TAKING YOUR SHOW TO THE U.K.?

>> YES, WE ARE GOING TO DUBLIN, GLASGOW, BELFAST, AND LONDON.

>> Stephen: NOW, JUST-- IS IT A COINCIDENCE--

>> BY THE WAY, THAT'S JUST EXACTLY WHAT IRELAND NEEDS IS

ANOTHER LEPRECHAUN.

MARTY SHORT.

IT'S JUST LIKE-- ( LAUGHTER ).

>> Stephen: NOW, IS IT A COINCIDENCE YOU'RE GOING OVER

THERE, AND HARRY AND MEGHAN ARE COMING TO DO NORTH AMERICA, AND

NOW THERE'S AN OPEN SLOT IN THE ROYAL FAMILY?

>> YUP, YUP.

WELL, THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEGHAN AND HARRY AND

MARTY AND ME.

>> Stephen: WHAT'S THAT?

>> WE SHOW UP.

AND DID YOU KNOW-- BY THE WAY, I FOUND THIS VERY TOUCHING.

MEGHAN MARKLE, ON THE QUEEN'S 93rd BIRTHDAY, GAVE HER AN

ENGRAVED BRACELET.

>> Stephen: OH, THAT'S LOVELY.

WHAT DID IT SAY?

>> IT SAID, "DO NOT RESUSCITATE."

( LAUGHTER ).

>> Stephen: YOU'LL DO GREAT!

>> YEAH.

>> Stephen: YOU'LL DO GREAT!

SO DO YOU-- HOW DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD DO AS A ROYAL?

>> I THINK I PROBABLY HAVE ROYAL BLOOD, AND IF THERE'S ROOM FOR

ME OVER THERE, WHATEVER THEY WANT, I'M THERE.

>> Stephen: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU HAVE ROYAL BLOOD?

HAVE YOU HAD YOUR GENEALOGY OR ANYTHING DONE LIKE THAT?

>> JUST BASED ON LOOKS AROUND.

DO YOU HAVE A PHOTO-- A PHOTO OF THE QUEEN TO LOOK AT, JUST TO

COMPARE.

>> Stephen: IS THAT WHAT THIS IS-- NO, NO, WE HAVE IT RIGHT

HERE.

>> THAT'S TYEAH.

YOU COULD SHOW THAT.

YEAH.

( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YEAH.

I SEE IT.

IT'S NICE ( APPLAUSE )

SHE LOOKS-- SHE LOOKS GOOD.

>> FANTASTIC.

>> Stephen: SHE LOOKS GOOD!

SHE SHOULD GET ON TV.

>> DO NOT RESUSCITATE THAT GUY, EITHER.

>> Stephen: MARTY?

>>Y DON'T THINK-- DO YOU HAVE A PHOTO OF MARTY THERE?

>> Stephen: I DO.

IT'S A LITTLE LESS REGAL, SLIGHTLY LESS.

THERE YOU GO.

( LAUGHTER ) NOW, THIS IS-- IS THIS TRUE THAT

I JUST HEARD THAT YOU AND THE COWGIRL HERE ARE GOING TO DO A

TV SHOW TOGETHER?

>> WE ARE.

FOR HULU.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

AND IT'S EITHER-- ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).

>> Stephen: THAT'S TV.

>> IT'S EITHER HULU OR HULA.

WHICH ARE VERY DIFFERENT.

WE'RE DOING ACTUALLY A FILMED CRIME SHOW.

>> Stephen: LIKE A PROCEDURAL?

>> THE TITLE OF THE SHOW IS, "ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING"--

YOU THINK I'M JOKING BUT THIS IS TRUE.

"ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING."

WE'RE TWO OLDER GUYS WHO LIVE IN.

>> Stephen:-- A BUILDING.

>> BUILDING, CO-OP I GUESS THEY CALL IT.

WE DISCOVER, EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER WE BOTH

HAVE AN INTEREST IN TRUE CRIME SHOWS.

AND WE THOUGHT WE COULD SOLVE OLD CRIME SHOWS AND WE REALIZED

WE WERE OLDER AND TIRED SO WE DECIDE WE'D ONLY DO MURDERS IN

THE BUILDING.

>> Stephen: I DON'T WANT YOU TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY, I DON'T

WANT YOU TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY, BUT I ASSUME SOMEBODY IS

MURDERED IN YOUR BUILDING?

>> EXACTLY.

YOU'RE A SMART GUY.

>> Stephen: I'M IN TV.

I'M IN TV.

WHEN I CAN SEE IT THIS?

>> WE DON'T START SHOOTING UNTIL FIXTURE FALL.

>> Stephen: I'LL BE DEAD.

>> YOU'LL SEE IT IN THE SUMMER.

>> Stephen: SPEAK OF BRITISH ROYALTY.

>> SURE.

>> Stephen: WE ALL LOST COMEDIC ROYALTY LAST WEEK WHEN

THE GREAT TERRY JONES DIED FROM MONTY PYTHON AND THE FLYING

CIRCUS.

DID YOU KNOW THOSE GUYS?

>> I DID.

I HAD SEVERAL OCCASIONS THROUGH THE YEARS TO SPEND TIME WITH

THEM.

I CAME CLOSE FRIEND WITH ERIC HIDELE AND JOHN CLOSE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S EXTRAORDINARY.

>> I FIRST MET PEM THEM-- WELL I FIRST MET THEM IN 1980.

THEY WERE DOING THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL.

AND I SAID I'VE NEVER MET THESE GUYS AND I'D LIKE TO MEET THEM

AND I INVITED THEM TO AN AFTER-PARTY AT MY HOUSE.

>> Stephen: AND THEY CAME?

>> THEY ALL CAME.

AND IT WAS SWEET AND IT WAS NICE.

I HAD A JACUZZI AND TERRY JONES WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO GOT IN BY

HIMSELF AND HE WAS NAIK GLD I'VE SEEN SEVERAL PHOTOS OF HIM

NAKED.

THAT WAS A THING.

HE ENJOYED BEING NAKED.

>> AND THEN THEY SENT ME A WONDERFUL GIFT.

>> AND ACTUALLY BROUGHT IT, BECAUSE IT'S KIND OF A SPECIAL

OBJECT.

>> Stephen: THIS IS A REAL THING.

THIS IS NOT A BIT.

>> IT'S A CERAMIC FOOPT AND THEY ALL SIGNED IT.

AND I'VE HAD IT ON MY LITTLE SHELF --

>> Stephen: THE NIGHT THAT THEY VISITED?

>> WHAT?

>> Stephen: THEY SENT IT THE NIGHT THEY VISITED.

>> THEY SUBSEQUENTLY SENT IT BECAUSE IT'S GLAZED.

THAT'S YET SIGNATURES HAVEN'T WORN OFF.

>> Stephen: THERE'S TERRY JONES, ERIC IDLE.

>> IT WILL BE VERY SAD WHEN I AUCTION THIS.

BUT STILL-- ( LAUGHTER ).

>> Stephen: LET ME BID.

LET ME BID.

IT'S GOING TO BE SAD WHEN I DROP IT.

>> I WORKED WITH THEM-- DON'T DROP THAT.

>> Stephen: I WANT TO PUT IT OVER HERE SO I DON'T.

WHY DON'T YOU PUT IT OIFER THERE ON THE SEAT NEXT TO YOU SO I'M

NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR IT.

>WHAT WAS IT LOOK FOR SOMEBODY LIKE YOU

WHO WAS-- NOT THAT YOU'RE BIG NOW.

YOU WERE NEW AND HUGE AND HAD REALLY CHANGED COMEDY, AND WHAT

WAS IT LIKE FOR YOU TO MEET A COMEDIC HERO.

>> NICE OF YOU TO SAY.

FOR ME TO MEET THEM?

I WAS THINKING THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

>> Stephen: YES.

HOW DO YOU EXPRESS TO YOUR COMEDIC HEROES, LIKE, WHAT THEY

MEAN TO YOU?

>> WELL, IT'S VERY AWKWARD.

IT'S LIKE ANYONE YOU MEET, WHEN THEY'RE UP, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE

JUST KIND OF NERVOUS AROUND THEM.

>> Stephen: SURE.

>> AND YOU WANT TO IMPRESS THEM.

AND I THOUGHT THEY'D HATE ME.

MY COMEDY WAS VERY BROAD AND VERY STUPID BECAUSE THAT WAS THE

INTENT.

AND THEIR COMEDY WAS VERY SUBTLE AND SOPHISTICATED.

>> Stephen: THAT'S A VERY GENEROUS DESCRIPTION-- A VERY

GENEROUS DESCRIPTION OF "THE MINISTRY OF FUNNY WALKS."

BUT IF YOU HAD ANY ADVICE FOR SOMEBODY LIKE ME, IF I WERE TO

EVER MEET A COMEDIC HERO-- AND I HAVEN'T YET-- BUT IF I WERE TO

MEET A COMEDIC HERO.

♪ ♪ ♪ >> PERFECT CHORD.

>> Stephen: HOW WOULD I EXPRESS THAT TO THIS COMEDIC

HERO WITHOUT MAKING THEM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE?

>> I WOULD SAY, "I RESPECT YOU SO MUCH, AND I'VE FOLLOWED YOU

MY WHOLE LIFE, AND YOU ALWAYS MEANT A LOT TO ME."

>> Stephen: THANK YOU.

>> YOU'RE WELCOME.

>> Stephen: I DOLL THAT.

I WILL DO EXACTLY THAT.

>> YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT WANT TO REHEARSE IT.

GO AHEAD.

>> Stephen: I CAN TRY THAT?

I HAVE FOLLOWED YOUR WORK YOUR ENTIRE--

>> THANKS.

ANYWAY, I GOT TO GO.

OH, A CARD FELL.

OH, THIS IS SO FUNNY.

ANYWAY, GO AHEAD.

( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU KNOW, THAT

SEEMS LIKE A GOOD TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL BREAK.

WHY DON'T WE TAKE A COMMERCIAL BREAK, BUT DON'T YOU GO AWAY

BECAUSE WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE MR. STEVE MARTIN.