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  • e like that trend.

  • I like that.

  • Dr Drew it up with the deejay booth for you guys.

  • Holy shit.

  • You guys are hot.

  • I feel like legit.

  • Snapchat filters everywhere.

  • Amazing.

  • Except for this duties, that dog filter.

  • I don't know.

  • I'm not even looking out of your hair.

  • Chris Bell got hot like I wasn't gonna come tonight.

  • I was gonna come.

  • I wasn't really feeling it.

  • Right.

  • But Chris was like, You gotta calm your whole areas.

  • You're so funny.

  • You're so funny.

  • You gotta come.

  • Please do a spot.

  • I was like, All right, I'll come.

  • I'm kidding.

  • It was meals like Oh, my God.

  • I'm gonna come.

  • I'm so funny.

  • Please, I'm hilarious.

  • I'm so funny.

  • Please, Chris, please.

  • Then I got on.

  • You know what it was like?

  • Well, like, at least got way.

  • So I'm here, guys.

  • I mean, I feel you know, I film.

  • You know, my mom is the cutest Filipino lady ever.

  • Oh, my God.

  • She's I was in Vegas about a month ago, and my mom says to me if they're going to Vegas, make sure you go to the Caesar salad.

  • I was like, Mom, it's palace.

  • You like salad.

  • Phallus.

  • Same thing.

  • My same thing.

  • Asians that were you e don't like Asians.

  • I don't like getting my love.

  • Oh, my love agent.

  • I just don't like the feisty bitches.

  • You know what I'm talking about?

  • Those those spicy one trying rude.

  • This is a true story, Okay?

  • I was at T and T Asian supermarket on.

  • I saw this Asian broad, okay?

  • And this girl was just yelling at her, man.

  • Okay, Like this guy was getting in trouble over something so stupid over bubble tea.

  • She was like, Hey, you order on people above a T s.

  • O guy was just taking it like a hussy.

  • Probably because he was white.

  • I've seen the way some of these Asian Broad Street, They're white men.

  • It's not cool, right?

  • So I got advice to you white guys that are in a mess.

  • Spring roll of a relationship.

  • Next time, you're mean attitude.

  • Asian girlfriend trusted dick.

  • You around, take her makeup and burn it.

  • Various.

  • Blow it up.

  • She'll be powerless without trust me tough.

  • Are you without your eyebrows, Theo?

  • Unless you talk to them more than you love those girls.

  • Grown gangsta bitch is my highbrows 100% tattooed on.

  • I'm fucking crazy.

  • I make sure I look all right for you guys tonight.

  • Uh, I made the mistake.

  • I did a show.

  • The show was a big deal for me.

  • And my friend recorded this.

  • Said I watched it back.

  • And guys, my camel toe was on fire.

  • I was wearing really tight pants and a short, short, you know, it was so bad, right?

  • Like my set was okay, but my camel toe killed.

  • Okay.

  • Like, why didn't I?

  • D'oh my camel toe material.

  • I want to hear what?

  • It Zoe?

  • I messed with the front row.

  • This is perfect, right?

  • They love the front row.

  • You know why?

  • So you could stay on my camel toe?

  • I want you to stare it.

  • It just tear it when you started.

  • I don't want you to think about anything sexual.

  • Okay?

  • I want you to think about a big bowl of rice.

  • That's what I ate before I came here a big bowl.

  • Right.

  • And this is where that's all going.

  • All those cars, All those calories, right?

  • There is some Filipino girl shit.

  • All Filipino girls.

  • Skinny, chubby.

  • We got fat guys, it's not ugly or anything.

  • It's cute, you know?

  • You know, thing is where I think that's why we're nice.

  • That's why that's why we're here.

  • That's why we're nurses.

  • Way got caregiver pussy Guys make love to fill in a woman.

  • Amazing.

  • We'll make love to you.

  • Listen to your secrets, Cook you soup and sing you cario.

  • Amazing, Amazing.

  • Welcome to Manila.

  • I shouldn't do that joke.

  • Then they would have been so self aware.

  • That's great.

  • You guys like the music that right now it's like they don't make music the way they used to write.

  • I was born in the eighties, you know.

  • Grew up in the nineties way.

  • Remember, Let's talk about sex.

  • Big league.

  • Let's talk about you and me, All right?

  • That song was dope, Okay?

  • I was in grade for when that song came out.

  • I couldn't wait to have sex.

  • And then a great five.

  • I took sex education.

  • I was like that.

  • You fucking wait.

  • I don't want anybody sticking things in the place that I clean the most.

  • I sister called me earlier.

  • My sister's funny.

  • She's one of those people that will call me to validate her insecurities, right?

  • So she calls me up, just like, Oh, my God.

  • I feel amazing.

  • I paid off all my credit card bills.

  • I'm pretty much debt free.

  • Really?

  • Then why don't you get the fuck off my Netflix account?

  • I'm not operating a for user's bitch.

  • Watch this fuckin howto make a murderer.

  • I don't know why I did that.

  • I just don't like him.

  • Just kicking.

  • So come is weird, isn't it?

  • So we're coming, like the most dangerous, most sacred, most disgusting, most tastiest substance on her.

  • And we all come from come.

  • Is that crazy, like, all like, way were a liquid ones.

  • And now we're here, you know?

  • Yeah.

  • Yeah.

  • Crystal Bell Show.

  • Like we made it, guys.

  • Maximal level.

  • Like, give yourselves a round.

  • Speaking of home, I got two kids, guys.

  • Yeah, I'm gonna get it.

  • I'm gonna get it.

  • My son, He's He's adorable.

  • He's out of diapers now, and, uh, it was funny this one time I was changing his diaper.

  • Right?

  • I got freaked out because I opened up his diaper and it looked like there was a skin growth on his little winky, you know?

  • And I Look, I was scared.

  • I looked closer and I realized it's just too Cheerios one another, Like right at the tip.

  • I was like, How did that happen?

  • That's amazing.

  • You know, I'm so proud, Right?

  • And then we grab them and then he I'm getting I grabbed them and I You guys are married?

  • Yeah, Happily married.

  • I'm married, Guys, I love my husband.

  • He's amazing.

  • I think my husband rides motorcycles and, uh, he rides motorcycles with his five Lebanese friends.

  • Okay?

  • And it's because they were like their leather jackets and like, their leather pants.

  • And every time I hear them rolling up the block, I'm like, Oh, look, it's Hollows Angels, right?

  • Just like shawarma patches on the back with liver donors dishes.

  • So you So you doing comedy is a challenge, guys, it really is like talk to all the comics in the back, the struggle, you know.

  • But I like the challenge like challenging myself.

  • My latest challenge, actually is to pretend that I'm blind.

  • Uh, that's not necessary.

  • Like like being blind, but like looking blind, you know, that dead stare that live will get 20%.

  • Just doing that.

  • I was dropping shit all over the kitchen was one time.

  • What the hell are you doing?

  • I don't know.

  • But how do I live right now?

  • E that when I do that during sex, don't touch his face like that.

  • You get all mad.

  • I'll be like just from the back way.

  • I love being married, though, because it's okay.

  • Like when you're married, you understand each other's habits stuff, right?

  • Like I always know when my husband wants to make love because it's always the only time that he ever brushes his teeth before bed.

  • You know, we'll be standing there brushing and not even say anything.

  • Just looking at me like, you know, I totally know what's coming.

  • And when he clauses, it's like a guarantee we're gonna get busy.

  • Like I don't even know that he lost.

  • I'm just somehow turned on by this boost of confidence that he gets from a good semiannual plus Be apart.

  • Get out of here.

  • I got you guys.

  • You guys see this video?

  • It was on Facebook.

  • It was a woman.

  • She found out that her husband was cheating on her.

  • Right, You guys, he's been And she thought that would be cool to videotape him coming over.

  • More like she's telling him off.

  • Right?

  • Anyways, at one point in the video, she says him.

  • How could you do this to me?

  • Cody, I don't love you.

  • I am the mother of your Children.

  • I've done nothing wrong.

  • I literally lick your asshole Cody and that this boy already forget that he cheated on her.

  • He doesn't even look like he has an office job.

  • He looks like, you know, he works from PCL Construction, right?

  • Drives a Chevy, right?

  • Like, you know, one of those guys like I love my husband.

  • Okay, is amazing.

  • And the father of my Children, he's done nothing wrong, But there's no way in hell that I'm ever licking his asshole waves as Theo and I don't want to get a stomachache, guys, I don't know, give the kids the kids.

  • They end up with pinkeye, right?

  • Everybody gets pinkeye epidemic because Mommy's a freak and Daddy's lazy.

e like that trend.

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Celeste Lampa - 喜劇演員 - 2016年6月 (Celeste Lampa - Comedian - June 2016)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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