God, this looks like the beginning of a very artsy porno.

It is nearly midnight on a Monday and I thought, you know, it is finally time to sit down and chat with you guys.

I honestly feel like over the past, if you like three months.

It's been a long ass time since I've been able to sit down in front of the camera and talk genuinely and openly in the way that I used to.

My plan for this video is in classic sleepover style to film it very late so that I am Maur emotionally vulnerable than usual to see all my dead and chat with you guys first.

I'm gonna can't you guys off on all the shit that's been going on in my life and all of my feelings, so many feelings objectively, too many feelings for my brain to handle.

Love that for me.

And then I asked you guys on Instagram to shoot me, your boy problems or questions about sex or questions about life living in your twenties, and I'm going to do my best to give you guys advice despite being a very emotional mess myself.

So yeah.

Okay.

What's been going on with me?

For those of you who don't know I was in, like, my first long term relationship ever with David, we went to New York at the end of July, and then we broke up soon after that.

So Oh, boy, there has been a process of self discovery, even though some of you guys are curious.

I'm not gonna go super in detail about why we broke up just out of respect for David's privacy.

And I do realize that that's a little bit hypocritical because I was so willing in my previous videos to show those, like super romantic, lovey dovey moments and show the perfect side of our relationship.

I am complicity in producing a image of perfect couple online that wasn't perfect.

But for some reason it feels easy to share the good parts of your life in the good parts of a relationship.

But it is much harder to share your struggles, especially in a way that doesn't invade somebody else's privacy or feel like you are speaking badly of them, which I would never want because Dave is really good guy.

So I don't mean to be dramatic it all.

It was a good relationship.

It just wasn't the right relationship.

But there's a saying that the heart is like a muscle and you just have to exercise it.

Don't get stronger, you know, which I totally feel is true because the first time I got my heart broken, I was like shattered for like, three months.

I could not stop crying.

But as I've grown up, I mean, it's still hard, but it becomes so much more manageable as you know what you want and who you are and what value you have, whether or not you're in a relationship.

And that is like one of the most fucking amazing things about growing up.

It also does actually feels good to finally be alone with my own brain.

I think when you're in a long term relationship and you spend that much time with somebody, they can also kind of getting your head even when you're not around them.

So, for example, in the weeks after the break up, my brain had this like default process still of being like, Oh, what would what would David think of this video idea or what would David say about the food that I'm eating right now?

And it could be hard to separate those falls out of your head.

But it can also be really freeing to realize that there isn't another person who gets their input about you, and the only thing that matters is your opinion about yourself and what you want to do.

And that's a beautiful thing I feel like in a way.

Being in a relationship is I don't have any artists out here, but I was an art kid growing up.

So when you're drawing something and you look really get into that flow state, you're just like working, working.

You lose track of time.

You lose track of your need to, like, eat or sleep.

All that you're thinking about is creating this beautiful piece of art, and I feel like that's what a relationship is.

It's beautiful, but it also feels like these blinders, and you don't really realize that the world is whizzing around you until you're out of that relationship or your art pieces done in this metaphor, and you look up and you realize that like oh shit, it's 2 a.m. or for me like, Oh, shit.

Like I graduated college.

I'm a real adult now, and I don't think you have any friends.

My point is, right now I am in, like, a process of rebuilding my social circles.

I always tell myself that I'm not gonna be that bitch who forgets to hang out with any friends or make any efforts to make friends when she's in a relationship.

But that was totally knee and also something that wasn't healthy.

I think it's always healthy in a relationship to have a study group of friends around you, honestly, like earlier this week, I was very sad.

I cried myself to sleep.

I think, like three days in a row, not ideal.

I was getting in a little bit of my PT Rabbit hole.

That happens sometimes.

It's never good, because I just feel like more and more sorry for myself.

This is deeply personal.

Okay, the point is, I finally like, whipped my ass into shape and reached out to a bunch of people that I kind of had met very briefly and had been meaning to hang out with for life eight months.

But I had just never actually put the effort into it.

So, yeah, this weekend I hung out with a ton of new people and fingers crossed.

I shall build those friendships.

You know, it is a lot of work to try to build friendships from scratch as an adult.

And if you'll a little bit odd, I feel like almost like there's something wrong with me that I don't have this like perfect friend group coming out of college.

But I think it happens to a lot of people.

So oh, this weekend, I have my first girl's night ever.

Can you believe it?

I'm 21.

I've never had a girls night out.

I grew up with a lot of guy friends, and then I had, like, a couple close girlfriends.

But whenever we would like party or hang out, it was predominantly guys, and I didn't realize what I've been fucking missing.

Until this weekend.

It was so cool to be able to take a shot with thes girls that I had never met before.

And then, like five minutes later, we're talking about like our deepest, darkest boy problems and insecurities during sex.

I felt this like in eight camaraderie that I hadn't felt with my guy friends before and it was fucking beautiful.

It was really, really nice.

I also feel if I grew up with the misconception that for some reason having guy friends is cooler than having girlfriends, which is like, super fucked up, obviously.

But that was kind of the culture that I was raised in.

I do really like my guy friends, but are you getting me?

It is cool as fuck to have girlfriends.

Oh, another big life update is literally might move to New York.

It's something that I wanted to do forever, and I always talked about being more of a New York person than in L a person.

So my plan right now is my lease is up at the end of surgery.

Until then, I'm gonna try to make many friends.

I can get away, have as much fun as I can here and really experience the city as a whole.

And if I'm still on feeling it, then in February and moving to New York Oh, that feels super weird to say out loud.

Also exciting.

I don't wanna live in so many different places, and I feel like this is the time to do it, especially because I have the incredible luxury of having a job that both allows me to afford a bunch of different cities and do it in a bunch of different cities which, like, tell rare is that that is incredible.

Anyways, okay, enough about me.

Let's see what's up with you guys and see if I can hand out any marginally helpful advice.

Oh, my God.

I don't know if I should put this in this video.

My ex from like, two years ago.

This isn't David.

So how do I put a Penis and a vagina?

Help, Tristan, I have a feeling you know how how to navigate the I like you.

But I don't want commitment situation, daughter dot I hate men.

Oh, boy, girl, I feel you this'll whole casual dating thing to me is a complicated new phenomenon.

I personally don't get it, but I also don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting a serious commitment.

I think the problem comes with not respecting that person's preference or thinking that you can try to change them.

There's a really pervasive narrative in Rome calms that if you're the right girl who he loves enough, any boy will change his mind and want to marry you.

And frankly, that is not true.

I have very much blamed myself for guys not wanting something serious with me, when in reality that is just a lifestyle preference that somebody can want.

It is not.

You were fooled if that guy doesn't want a serious commitment with you and if he's clear about it up front, it's also not his fault for not falling in love with you, which was something that I took a while to get through my head.

Based on the way you phrased this question, it seems like you want a committed relationship and this guy does not because important to respect his boundaries and not expect him to change them for you and also respect your preference for a committed relationship and know that there are plenty of guys out there who are ready for a committed relationship.

And that's genuinely what they want with you.

And I think it's just a recipe for heartbreak and wasting your own time.

If you continue getting more emotionally invested with a guy who doesn't want you think serious with you, I do think it's kind of a sad fried product of hook up culture sometimes that we as women, if you are interested in something serious, I feel the need to lower ourselves to kind of like the lowest common denominator of what a guy wants in a relationship like you might like a guy, but he just wants to hook up.

So then you're like, Okay, I'll just took out with him That's that's fine.

Or like this guy who likes you but doesn't want to see his commitment.

You might want a serious commitment, but then you say, OK, it's OK.

I'm just gonna casually date him for, like, a couple more months.

Obviously, that's a stereotype.

They're totally girls who prefer to keep things casual as well.

But it took me a while to realize that it's okay to assert my preferences.

If I want something serious.

I deserve a guy who want something serious, and if I want something casual, I deserve a guy who want something casual, too.

So even though it might be hard, I would say Move on from this guy.

There will be somebody else who wants what you want.

How do you start a conversation about what you like during sex isn't such a good question, because we're taught to feel a lot of shame about sex.

And even, like literally when you've just fucked somebody, it can still feel embarrassing to verbalize the things that just happened or what you would like to having.

I think the best strategy is to bring it up when you're a kind of intimate setting, whether you're cuddling or you might be like pillow talking after sex.

Maybe not immediately after sex 10 minutes into the pillow talk chat, The way that I always bring it up is asking the other person whether they have anything in particular that they like in bed.

If they have tanks or sexual preferences or like things that they find hot, that's a great way to open up the conversation because it doesn't start with a critique.

It starts with just like getting to know somebody else and giving them an opportunity to talk about what they like.

And then obviously you'll get your opportunity to talk about the things that you like that you might be into.

Those are always fun conversations to have, because I feel like a lot of the stress of sex is trying Thio.

Figure out what things in particular you're doing that the other person likes, and being scared that you're doing something or being like a little bit too bold and that you might kind of be embarrassing yourself because they're not turned on by it.

So having that conversation is super freeing because you can know the particular things that your partner like and they know what you like, which also has, Obviously, it's our relationships, really that amazing.

Sometimes I feel like I just want one for the validation.

Honestly, girl, I feel like you are not a super alone.

I think that our culture completely sets relationships as a default, and especially for a woman, being in a relationship is like this badge of honor.

And sometimes you just want that fucking badge and also can feel nice.

Do you have somebody who's like designated to pay attention to you essentially and like care about your feelings?

That could be fun.

I think, unfortunately, that results in a lot of girls and guys staying in relationships that are a little bit meat, yogurt, or that they shouldn't stay in just because they want the validation of saying, Hey, I'm in a relationship, I have a girlfriend or I have a boyfriend.

And what really matters is Do you have a quality boyfriend who you love, who you are super into who respects you?

Those air, the qualifiers that matter not just do I have one or doing not without something like too much of a mush ball, though I really genuinely think that relationships and just the feeling of love in general is something amazing and transformative and helps you learn about yourself and also experience the world in a different way.

I'm sounding so cheesy right now.

Fully in love is something beautiful.

I think that being a relationship is also something that's hard based on the way you phrase your question, though it seems like you might just not have anybody in your life at the moment who is a particularly spicy love interest, and that's totally okay.

I wouldn't try to force a relationship with anybody is that you have kind of like Net feelings about just have our relationships.

Eventually there's gonna be somebody that you're crazy about, and then it'll be time to jump in this is maybe too personal.

But is queefing a thing that others experience?

L.

A Mayo?

Yes, yes, it does, especially when you are switching positions a lot.

Or like I've noticed, it happens more with certain guys than others.

So I think it's just like a certain shape of Penis.

Maybe, but yeah, it's completely normal.

It can feel awkward because you don't sound like a fart, but I think most guys who are at least like moderately experienced will know what it is, and that's just like a normal part of having sex.

If anything, it just means that you're really going at it, says so.

Good job.

You have a joke that it was like my vagina saying Thank you So really, they should take it as a compliment.

Also, I feel like a lot of us have a huge fear of sex being awkward.

But I think one of the funnest things about sex is that like it's both pot but can also be really funny because it's two people being very vulnerable with each other and, like I don't know if you're clumsy or you like fuck up a position or you miss their face and you kissed their nose and said, Or you will end up quick thing like you can just laugh it off and like it makes the experience almost more fun.