Channel today we actually we actually didn't plan to do this video but we had

a really interesting conversation a little incident in our marriage today it

wasn't like yeah and we kind of discussed it and I feel like it's

something that we want to share with you because maybe we'll help or shed light

on some unnecessary things that are happening and relationship fights that

are maybe unnecessary and avoidable yeah so let us give you a little bit of a

background to what happened today so we were today at a shoot for mother muse

mag with the kids they're featuring us and we're gonna be undercover so I'm

really excited and Gary came with two just for the moral support and help with

the kids we were placing all like the Wardrobe and everything out and we had

the Karoo of the shoes were gonna use and it's all like my shoes and Gary came

up to me I was standing myself a girl that works for us

and Gary and Gary's like oh what are these shoes I've never seen them before

I think that the way I responded I was kind of like they were gifted to me I

didn't buy them they were gifted to me then he's just like oh I just never seen

them what did I say so I said like I make the money I buy myself stuff

something to that extent and we kind of like moved on Gary was

just like whoa like relax and we just continue with the shoot whatever and

then threw the shoe to drop the kids at home I'm doing this because my hands

feeling better and the therapist told me to use this thing to strengthen the

muscles around my broken bone yeah everyone's like you know you really hurt

my feelings today when you just like responded that way and the way I said it

like I just asked where the shoes are from and yeah but I asked because I'm

part of your fashion world and I just you and I always share it means that

when you buy stuff you like to share with me and say oh look at this cute

thing that I bought yeah and like look at this do you think this goes with this

outfit and I always enjoy shopping with you for stuff and I enjoy when you make

up your outfit so we always talk about it and I'd never seen them before

so I just go oh what are these and you're like I went into like the fence

mode right so then when we got into the car and I asked her about it she said

that she didn't like the way I asked in front of people and I explained to you

that I was just asking where these shoes from because I just hadn't seen them

before I wasn't suggesting that you hey you bought something and didn't tell me

or you didn't ask me if you could spend money that's ridiculous that's never

ever been the case in our relationship so when she attacked me like that I was

just blown away by it I don't like taking inventory of everything she has

it's just fun for me to see what she wears first he's like why did you

respond this way I just didn't appreciate how you made that comment in

front of someone that doesn't know us so well and can just look at it being like

oh she has to give tabs about keep tabs about everything that she's you know

yeah so he's like that's not at all how it sounded and then just like we were on

our way for dinner and I was thinking about it and I told him you know what it

really has nothing to do with you like that triggered this like

unnecessary response that offended him that wasn't my intention but I've kind

of realized that I have this issue within me that I think because growing

up my mother was in a relationship and I was kind of between five to 15 years old

that's not yeah she was in a relationship so she was in a

relationship where I just saw that she was always kind of hiding the things

that she would buy or just like not tell partner like that she would spend money

it was always the sake weird issue with money and she was working really hard

and then she would give you know they were working together at the time and

she would make money and then she would kind of give him the money and it was

kind of in charge of everything and I always knew in my life that I will never

be in that position and obviously my mother also you know outgrew that

position and realized that she doesn't need a man to do that anymore and she

just doesn't want to be in a situation anymore that a man controls her

financially it's just I never knew that I actually have like this deep-rooted

right so that all came gushing out when she snapped at me and said I make my own

money and I was like huh I just asked whether I never

shoes before WA why what now it's about money and I got super offended because

valerian knows from the day I met her I've never ever made a statement like

that saying it's my money it was never my money when we met that's

it - everything was ours and Valeria's never had to ask me about anything we

touched on our relationship perks if she wants something she buys it and I trust

her not to do anything like irresponsible with our finances same way

she trusts me so to me it's always been as soon as I met her that's it

everything's ours there's no issues so it really offended me when I pride

myself on being a husband who is just like you you want it you got it

whatever you want I trust you what's his name you want it you got

anyways doesn't matter it's Narayana Grande the point is is

that I wouldn't call it a misunderstanding your reaction the

reaction wasn't a misunderstanding you attacked me yeah I attacked I was about

to like bite your head off but had I not so that what we're trying to get across

here to couples is that when something like that happens a lot of the times

it's not what it is on the surface because I know I knew that when Blair

snapped at me I knew she hasn't have an issue with me like limiting her or

monitoring how she spends money so I dug into it and when we were alone and

that's the other key is you wait till you're alone we were alone I asked her

valaria what like you offended me what's up with that so then she dug a little

she dug deep into kind of her own issue and then she came back with this

explanation about you growing up and unseen this happened because the surface

like if you think about it the surface thing that a lot of people do is that I

could have continued on pushing and being like I just didn't appreciate how

you mentioned that in front of a person that we'd really don't know but I

understood that it's like an excuse and I think that a lot of people do that a

lot of people hang on to this one thing and just keep pushing with it and then

the other partner just feels like okay but you did hurt my feelings and you

just keep you know kind of justifying your reaction with this other thing and

it just becomes a bigger deal than it is and I think that happens so often and I

have to say like I'm really proud of myself where when I told you like oh you

know you did say it in front of a person whatever I

right away understood that I'm right now like making I'm lying to myself like I'm

making an excuse this is not like a valid reason why I should hurt your

feelings right so now that bothered me that I heard it sure thank you yeah the

lesson here guys is that when you communicate at this level when things

like this happen and things like this do happen and long-term relationships and

marriages you have to have these discussions because a lot of the times

that these fights happen they're over nothing they're over these you know

valaria had a legitimate reason so she attacked me but it came from a place

where she wasn't really attacking me if something got triggered mm-hmm but the

fact that we talked about it mm-hmm and we know we discussed it like building a

muscle you go through this uncomfortable situation that's the pain and then you

get stronger so but I think it's also so so important and I hope that this video

will reinforce it I always preach the fact that you really have to work on

yourself and try to figure out yourself and understand you know what's in your

conscious what's in your unconsciousness because there's so many things that

other people do triggering us and we just flash out and then we find these

like reasons why I was justified but we have a lot of issues that we have to dig

really deep within ourselves that we need to solve and that might be the key

to just being a solution to so many problems that you have assets and you

know your marriage or relationships or family or with friends we just felt like

we wanted to make this video - it literally just happened now while we're

in the moment what happened before dinner we were just really hungry but we

just thought while we're in the moment we have to discuss this to really get

this out so I think that the next time you are going to you know a disagreement

or you're fighting but someone that you love and you appreciate and you just you

have to be honest with yourself you have to really ask like was a droid is it not

the reason this reason that I you know was my excuse to respond that way is it

really legitimate or is there kind of a deeper rooted issue that I need to solve

within myself and once you identify that problem you can really be so much more

conscious like now I'm conscious of this thing that I have in my head

I know that next time I'll just purge the situation better and I think that

now Gary oh so it doesn't feel like he's been attacked because he's doing

something wrong because it really has nothing to do it and the person that

this happened in front of probably walked away thing wow these guys have

such problems in their their everyone cares what people think anyways where'd

you get that code anyways guys thanks for listening love you guys