ON FACIAL HAIR AND RESPIRATORY PROTECTION.

THE CHART ILLUSTRATES WHICH TYPE OF FACIAL HAIR IS COMPATIBLE

WITH FILTERING FACE PIECE RESPIRATORS.

FACIAL HAIR LIKE SOUL PATCH IS COMPATIBLE.

FU MANCHU AND IMPERIAL ARE NOT, WHILE VILLAIN COULD GO EITHER

WAY.

♪ ♪ ♪ >> HELLO, I'M ZIRSIE ZENDOR

LEVAY, PRESIDENT OF THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF EVIL VILLAINS.

YES, GO DO EVIL.

OUR RELEASE OF THE CORONAVIRUS HAS GONE SWIMMINGLY.

BUT, UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S HAD EXPECTED CONSEQUENCES, A BIT OF

AN OOPSY-DAISY.

YOU SEE, RECENTLY, THE C.D.C.

RELEASED NEW FACIAL HAIR GUIDELINES COMPATIBLE WITH A

FACE RESPIRATOR.

THIS IS THE ACTUAL CHART PUT OUT BY THE C.D.C.

AS YOU CAN SEE, IF YOU'RE A LESS-FLAMBOYANT NE'ER-DO-WELL,

SAY A RUN-OF-THE-MILL BAD GUY, OR ADOLF HITLER, YOU'RE FINE.

BUT WHAT IF YOU HAVE MORE PANACHE, LIKE EVIL SPOCK OR A

DEPRESSION-ERA DASTARDLY TYCOON?

THEN YOU'RE OUT OF LUCK.

THAT'S WHY I'VE DEVELOPED A LINE OF EVIL FACIAL HAIR SURGICAL

MASKS CALLED THE "VILLAIN'S VEIL" PERFECT FOR DESPOTIC

RULERS OF DISTANT PLANETS, A SINISTER VIDEO GAME ARCHRIVAL,

OR TED CRUZ.

SO PICK UP ONE TODAY, BECAUSE EVIL DOESN'T TAKE A SICK DAY.

♪ ♪ ♪ ( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE ) "THE VILLAIN'S VEIL," LOOK FOR

IT WHEREVER WEATHER CONTROL MACHINES ARE SOLD.

>> IT'S "THE LATE SHOW WITH STEPHEN COLBERT."