Placeholder Image

字幕列表 影片播放

  • The Democratic primary race,

  • or as I like to call it-- "Too Old, Too Furious."

  • (laughter)

  • It's down to Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden,

  • and tomorrow could be the day

  • we find out who's going all the way.

  • Former Vice President Joe Biden and Senator Bernie Sanders

  • are both in Michigan today

  • ahead of tomorrow's Democratic presidential contest.

  • Six states will hold votes for 352 delegates.

  • Of those, Michigan is the big prize.

  • It has the most delegates-- 125 of them.

  • MAN 2: Sanders has held half a dozen events

  • in Michigan since Friday.

  • He's hoping this is where he can block Biden's momentum.

  • On Sunday, Biden would get another endorsement

  • from a former opponent.

  • This time, Senator Kamala Harris.

  • I have decided that I am, with great enthusiasm,

  • going to endorse Joe Biden for president of the United States.

  • I believe in Joe.

  • I really believe in him, and I have known him for a long time.

  • "Now, please send $10,000 in unmarked bills

  • so that my family can see me again."

  • (laughter)

  • "I'm very happy to be here."

  • (laughter)

  • I don't understand

  • why Kamala Harris shot this hostage-style video

  • to show her support for Joe Biden.

  • It looks weird. It really does.

  • I bet even the Taliban is looking at this video like,

  • "We had better lighting, and we were in a cave.

  • Much better, much better!"

  • Also, it's a little strange for me. I'm not gonna lie.

  • American politics is a little strange.

  • Like, how is Kamala going to endorse Joe Biden

  • and not acknowledge that she once called him

  • a friend of racists who opposed integrated public schools?

  • Like, for me, you have to at least say,

  • "Look, I know we've had our differences, but..."

  • Or something like that.

  • Otherwise, you make it seem like we're crazy.

  • It's like you're gaslighting us.

  • She's like, "I've known him for a long time, and he's great."

  • "And during the debates?" "Oh, that was different."

  • This is like, when you were a kid.

  • Do you ever sleep over at a friend's house,

  • and then you could hear their parents

  • screaming at each other in the next room,

  • and then, they'd come out like,

  • -"Hey, you guys want pizza for dinner"? -(laughter)

  • And you're like, "Ah, are we not gonna acknowledge

  • -that Dateline NBC shit that just went down?" -(laughter)

  • -"All right, 'cause I'll have pepperoni." -(laughter)

  • All right, but let's move on to some international news,

  • because while America only has to worry

  • about one presidential inauguration next year,

  • over in Afghanistan, they're dealing with two.

  • In Afghanistan, two different politicians

  • who both claimed to have won the presidential election

  • are staging their inauguration ceremonies.

  • Ashraf Ghani, the first to be sworn in as president,

  • has been Afghan president since 2014,

  • and the country's election commission say

  • he won a second term in September last year.

  • We are hearing Mr. Ghani has made his inaugural speech.

  • When that happened, several explosions happened nearby.

  • And we've just had the footage through. Have a listen.

  • (speaking native language)

  • (explosions)

  • (continues speaking)

  • (explosions, people shouting)

  • (laughter)

  • Okay, I-I don't know what's crazier--

  • that two people say they're the president,

  • or that, while this guy is giving his speech,

  • explosions are shaking the building,

  • -and he just keeps on going? -(laughter)

  • It's like, "As I was saying...

  • I'm very happy to be your president."

  • (laughter)

  • So, now, Afghanistan is in a sticky situation,

  • because two people are claiming to be the president.

  • Yeah, no one knows what to do. If you ask me,

  • we should just get Maury over there to solve this whole thing.

  • Yeah, just be, like, "You are... not the leader!"

  • "Oh!"

  • Although, at the same time,

  • why-why do... why do we fix this?

  • It's not the worst idea to have two presidents.

  • We've never thought of it. Maybe we should just...

  • You know, we should have... Like, presidents should have

  • day and night shift. Maybe that could be a new thing. Yeah.

  • It could be easier for the presidents

  • because then they could avoid the blame for bad news.

  • People would be like, "Mr. President,

  • the people are starving!" It's just like,

  • "Oh, look, I just clocked in. I, uh...

  • Yeah, that sounds like a night-shift problem. Sorry."

  • All right, and finally, as you know,

  • yesterday was the beginning of daylight savings time.

  • It's the day when all the clocks

  • -leave the microwave clock behind. -(laughter)

  • And daylight savings has already had its critics,

  • but now, it looks like people in power have also had enough.

  • Florida Senator Marco Rubio is calling for people

  • to reach out to their representatives and senators

  • and ask them to lock the clock and support his bill

  • to make daylight saving time permanent.

  • It's time to go permanent daylight savings

  • and end this once and for all.

  • We have a bill to do that.

  • Let's see if we can get it done this year. This is stupid.

  • Remember, call your member of Congress, uh, your senator

  • and tell him to stop this changing of the time

  • and lock the clock.

  • Okay. Why do all American senators shoot selfies

  • -like hostage videos? -(laughter)

  • What is is this? What's going on?

  • Dark halls, bare walls, weird lighting.

  • I'm starting to think the coronavirus might be worse

  • than they're telling us,

  • and every senator is already in a fallout shelter.

  • You know, like, Rubio is just faking us out with this video.

  • "Yeah, daylight savings, am I right, guys?

  • "Let my family in, then seal the doors!

  • "I mean, are we really gonna turn back the clocks?

  • "Just shoot them! Shoot them!

  • "We don't have enough grain!

  • Anyway, guys..."

  • And another thing.

  • Why is Senator Marco Rubio telling us to call senators?

  • Like, bitch, you work there. Tell them yourself!

  • (laughter, applause and cheering)

  • We got corona out in the street, we got shit to deal with!

  • "Can you call my job?" No!

  • That's actually crazy that senators even have the power

  • to change what time it is.

  • 'Cause they can just vote and then time goes back an hour?

  • It's a good thing I'm not a senator,

  • 'cause I would be proposing these bills every day.

  • I always want to change time.

  • Five times a day, I'd be on Instagram like,

  • "Hey, guys, uh, the Apple genius boss says

  • "they can't see me until 3:00 p.m.

  • "Please call your senators.

  • I need to get my phone fixed."

  • They'll be like, "Trevor, you're up next!"

  • "Thanks, guys. You guys are great."

The Democratic primary race,

字幕與單字

影片操作 你可以在這邊進行「影片」的調整,以及「字幕」的顯示

B1 中級

拜登大漲,阿富汗大選爭議和盧比奧的咆哮|每日秀節目 (Biden’s Surge, Afghan Election Dispute & Rubio’s Rant | The Daily Show)

  • 1 1
    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
影片單字