of the impeachment trial of Donald Jemimah Trump.

And Democrats continue to lay out a meticulous case

that Trump abused his power

and is now trying to cover it up.

They've given floor speeches.

They've shown video evidence.

They even brought out the Constitution

and had it tell everyone where Trump touched it.

But no matter how compelling the evidence might be,

I have major doubts

about whether it's gonna change anyone's mind.

'Cause, you see, a lot of these senators

haven't exactly been glued to their seats.

Many of the senators from both parties

were MIA at different times

despite rules which require them to stay put.

At one point during the evening session,

15 GOP senators' seats were empty,

and 12 Democratic seats were empty.

Cory Booker seen with his iPhone in the cloakroom.

Senator Lindsey Graham was gone

for, oh, at least an hour or so in the evening.

Democratic senator Dianne Feinstein, uh, she left

about an hour and a half early, as well.

Okay, this is not a good look, people.

Senators are just leaving the room

and then doing their own thing

in the middle of an impeachment trial?

You can't just walk away.

This isn't a conversation with Ted Cruz.

(laughter)

Because, you understand, these senators are jurors

in a trial against the president.

You can't just go home early because you're bored.

That's your job!

Imagine if normal people tried to pull that shit

in the middle of jury duty, huh?

If someone's just like, "Ugh, now I got to hear

"from the victim's wife? Ugh!

I'm out of here. Text me if something cool happens."

Like, you know what? If you didn't want to be bored at work,

you shouldn't have become a senator, okay?

Yeah. You should have stuck with race car driving.

-(applause) -Mitch McConnell.

Yeah, but you didn't like what the wind did to your neck flaps.

(laughter)

And while American senators are looking for a way

to get out of these proceedings,

America's president is looking for a way to get in.

NEWSWOMAN: The president seemed to relish the idea

of crashing the impeachment trial

and staring down Democrats himself.

So, what do you think? Will you show up at your trial any day

-in any way, shape, or form? -I'd love to go.

-Wouldn't that be great? -So why don't you go?

I don't know. I'd sort of love to sit right in the front row

and stare in their corrupt faces.

(laughter)

You know, Trump... Trump is like that guy

who always tells you what he'd do in a fight.

Just like, "Oh, man, if I saw that guy,

"I'd hit him with a left, then duck,

then come in with a wham, pow, boom!"

It's like, "So, are you gonna fight him, then?"

"Ooh, we'll see. But I'm busy. I'm busy.

I'm really busy."

So, yeah. Trump says he wishes

he could be at that impeachment trial

to look his accusers in the face.

And I wish he would go to the impeachment trial, too,

because if he's locked up in a room

for 12 hours at a time,

he wouldn't have time to be doing things like this.

A new rollback is expected to be announced today

that could potentially put more pollution into our water.

The changes would scale back which waterways

qualify for protection against pollution

under the Clean Water Act.

President Trump says this would benefit farmers,

who will no longer have to fear

farming their federally protected creeks.

However, a government report shows real estate developers

would see the most benefit.

Huh. That's a weird coincidence.

A new rollback on water protections

will benefit real estate developers,

and it was passed by a real estate developer

who hasn't drank water since the '70s.

What are the odds?

Why do I feel like...

Why do I feel like all of Trump's policies

are just really him trying to help himself, right?

Like, I wouldn't be shocked if we find out

the real reason Trump killed Soleimani

was because he gave Trump's hotel one star on Yelp.

(laughter and applause)

Yeah. Like, I wouldn't be shocked.

Because this is... It's insane.

It's an insane policy.

The world is gonna be flooded, and Trump is like,

"Wait, wait, poison the water first.

I want to make this the best apocalypse of all time."

But, I mean, at the same time, maybe we do need

a little more pollution, yeah, 'cause, let's be honest,

there has been a little too much clean water. Yeah.

I mean, like, the other day, I went for a swim in the Hudson.

My skin barely burned. That's not why I moved here.

So, yeah, senators are playing hooky during impeachment,

and Trump is destroying the environment.

But, hey, at least he didn't buy donuts.