Onething I reallywantedtodobeforeweleavethishousewastodocumentourlastChristmashereondhe.
Justcapturesomeamazingmemories I canstickintoKindoflike a collageframebecause I neverwanttoforgetlivinginthishouse.
I neverwanttoforgetwhatwewentthroughinthishouse.
Itwaslikeourwholeliveschangedhereondhe.
Webuilt a littlefamilyherewithourcats, andwebothbuiltbusinesseshereonthishouseisreallywherewekindoflikecementedourrelationshipbecauseweneverlivedtogetherbefore.
Soasmuchas I'm likefrustrated, I don't wanttoforgetlivinghere, so I reallywantedtodocument I I reallywantedtodocumentourlastChristmashere, andthefactthatithassnowedtodayisabsolutelyperfect.
So I thinkwhatwe'regonnadoiswe'regonnatakeouttheforbabieson, getsomepicturesandthenAliand I'm gonnagogetsomepictures.
And I'm gonnapopmybodyeveryscoffwithiton, thenlayerupwithsomeniceblackcashmerejeansandboots, which I thinkwillbeperfectforkeepingmewarmwhilstoutinthestate.
I gotmygenes a cashmerejumper.
Oh, Gloves.
I'vegotsomesupersnugglyshellingglovesthat I gotfromJohnLewis a coupleofyearsago.
Somebodywearthosetoday.
I knowyou'renotsupposedto, but I lovewearingcashmerebedsocksinsidemybeatsatthistimeofyear.
I amsnugas a bugin a rug, andAllieisjustgettingthebackdooropencausethey'regonnatakethemoutinthebackgardencauseit's like, perfect, untouchedSnowlookslovely.
Thisnighthasgotquite a lotheavieragainonYeah, we'relike, soggy.
Andnowwe'restartingtogetwasteway.
No, Getting a bit A littlebit.
I cantalk.
Mymouthissocalled.
I feellike I'vegotlike, Lola.
Yeah, wegot a bitcold.
Sowe'renowheadingback.
We'regoingtogobuycheese.
Yeah, becauseiceandeasy.
I think I'm gonnadoChuckthatchocolatecheesefondueandhave, like, a cheeseboardandlotsofpickystufftonighton.
Justsnuggleunderblanketswiththecatway.
I know.
Well, likeyournewJamieLaingcandle, though.
Theincenseinembersgostealyourcandle.
Butyeah, I don't knowwhy I botheredtodomyhair.
Thisliving?
No, it's a Youdidn't try, don't we?
Didyouknow I haddisgusting.
Becareful.
Don't lookthisbitch.
Yeah, if I seestepsYeah.
Youtwowanttoshare?
Yeah.
Yeah, thatone.
IttakesthatsmokeJustlookslike a sausagemakesitLookslike a sausage, ButyourwindsdownandprimaryGo, Dad.
Yeah, that's enough.
Oh, yes, probablyaroundtheright.
Youcan't gettigerbreadornormallyintherightthere.
I think I got a gunin a bar.
Look a drownedjustgotbackand I lookedlike a drownedrat.
AsAlijusttoldmeintheshops A wasteoftimeItwasdomyhairbutoh, mygosh, It's socoldOh, combatIfyouweighface I needtogetoutofmydamncloseDrymyhaircrazyradio e todrivemyheadon, GetmycozyCozeon.
Okay, sopleasejustgotbackfromtheshops, andwe'vegotsomeArgentinianwinemileback, which I quitelike.
Um, I havesomegroundnutmegonground, cinnamonandpushingme.
Wehavenoclotheson.
Wealsohaveanorange.
So I'm goingthio.
Startbymakingusthemoldwinetokickofftheeveningon.
Thenwe'regonnahavesomefoodiefood.
ThinkChristmasisyoufreshpinetree.
I getitgreen.
Youalmostwinetoo?
I hearanangelChoirs.
YounamedyourchoirsingingWakeupAndaspredictedAlleyfilmedmewhen I wasasleeponthesex, whichisjustfabulous, butyeah, I looklikeuttercrapmoment, butyeah, I knowthat a lotofpeopledon't reallyenjoyChristmastime, but I alwaysthinkthatthere's like, a littlesilverliningforthesethings.
Youcouldfarissomethingthatwe'veneverreallyspokenaboutonthischannelbecauseobviously, everythingthat I'vealwayskindofdoneonline, I startedmybloodbecause I had a loveoffashion.
I alwayshadthis, likefocusonproductsandthingsandshoppingandbecausethat's somethingthat I enjoy, andit's somethingthatwecankindofshareintheonlinespace.
Butthen I alsofindthat I'm oneofthosepeoplethat I'm notreallythatgreatat, likecommunicatingthingslike I seegirlswhentheytalkaboutthingsonlikeTwitterandstuff, andtheyjustgettheirpointacrossandtheyjustnailiteverytime.
And I justsatthereand I'm like, Yes, like, whycan't I vocalizingevenwhenpeoplelikeattackmeonline?
Whichdoeshappen a lot.
I I justlikestruggleThioevencomebackevenwhen I knowthat I'm completelyrightlikethiswholethingaboutme.
PrerecordingRobMusPeoplehaveleftthemostawfulcommentsaboutthere, andeventhen I'm like, I don't I don't howtovocalizethisinordertomakemyselfheardonDSOninetimesoutof 10.
I don't respondanymoreexactlymesharingthelittlethingsinlifethatlike I amsoincrediblygratefulfor I don't knowit.
Italmostfeelsliketoopersonal, like I canletyouinonallofthethingsthat I'm buyingandyouknow, thenewthingsthathappeninginmylifeandnewhousesandweddings, andthatdoesn't feeltoopersonaltome.
Butwhenwestarttalkingabout, like, thesmallthings, because I dofindthat a lotofpeoplegetmesowrong, it's unbelievable.
I mean, I thinksometimes I thinkpeoplewanttogetyouwrong.
Butitwasalsothescariestbecause I allof a suddenhadthishugelikethishugeresponsibility.
I couldlosethisplaceif I didn't payforitonDDE.
I don't knowwhy, butthatkindoflikeinfiltratedmyhead.
Andthatwaswhenthatwaskindoflike a tippingpoint.
And I fellinto a littlebitofanxietyandstruggledwiththatforabout a year.
But I totallycameouttheotherside.
I wasfine.
That's why I don't reallytalkaboutittoomuchonYouTubebecause I dofeellikesomanypeopletalkaboutit.
Theytalkaboutsomuchbetterthan I do.
But I alwaysonthey'relike, Yes, I likegotthroughtheothersideofit.
I'm absolutelyfineover.
Youdon't like.
I managemyemotionsnow, and I don't feellike I, um I don't feellike I haveanymore, butitwasthisresponsibilityandalsogrowingonline, whichwasquite a shockforme.
Soyoucanimaginehowmuchof a shockitwaswhen I growonYouTube.
Butbutwehavegrownsomuchsincelivinghere.
Whenweboughtthisplace, I wasworkingfulltimedowninWatfordand I wascommuting 500 miles a weekinmycar, a littleminionDDE.
And I'm gonnahavethatin a frightenedAnd I cankeepthataroundmyhouseinthenewhouseandremember, livinghere, remembereverythingthathappenedlikemyGod, myYouTubechannelwasbornintheinthehallway.
Downsaysthemorningthatwegotengagedand I waslike, Whyishesostressedthatweregoingon a helicopterisgonnabegreat?
Andobviously, I hadnoideathatwhatwashappeninglateronthatdayandthatwasinthishouse.
TheoChristmaswitheverydayis a happyandthatisthegorgeouslittlecollegeofourlastsnowdayhereatthishouse.
However, I'vebeenjokingonlinealleveningaboutmakingthisinto a Christmascard, and I wasthinking, Oh, I youknow, I couldgoandgettheprintedandlike, havethemreadyforChristmas.
Andthen I thought I canactuallyprintenoughformyfamilymembersinthehousenowandthenmakethecardsmyself.
Socutlittleslipsinthecardandfeedin, andthenjustwriteHappyChristmasinsideofThat's quitenice, becauseit's, like a bitmoreof a personaltouch.
So, yeah, I thinkthat's what I'm gonnado.
Oh, thisisgonnalooksoniceinournewhouse.
I wanttoyoubuildanactuallikefireplacelogburneron, havepicturesalluponthemantelpiece.