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  • Primary voting is kicking off in just a couple of weeks,

  • which means people around the country are starting

  • to decide which candidate they're supporting,

  • and that means endorsements are beginning to roll in.

  • Bernie Sanders was endorsed by AOC

  • and the National Nurses Union.

  • Andrew Yang got the endorsement

  • of Donald Glover and Dave Chappelle.

  • And Mike Bloomberg got the endorsement

  • -of the other six dwarfs. -(laughter)

  • But... there's one endorsement

  • that Democrats have been waiting for all week:

  • The New York Times.

  • It's the country's most trusted paper

  • and where America turns for news

  • until they run out of free articles.

  • -(laughter) -And last night,

  • in the middle of another super- contentious primary season,

  • The New York Times decided...

  • not to decide.

  • Democrats running for president are getting a boost

  • from The New York Times editorial board.

  • For the first time ever,

  • the paper endorsed two candidates in the primaries:

  • Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar.

  • The Times says that Warren is the best leftist candidate,

  • while Klobuchar is the centrist choice.

  • Yeah. For the first time in 160 years,

  • The New York Times decided to endorse two candidates.

  • Which seems like a copout.

  • Right? You're only supposed to make one endorsement.

  • That's how it works.

  • Right? You never saw a LeBron ad where he was like,

  • "To quench my thirst, I choose Sprite. Or water.

  • "It's fine, either way. I mean, they both work.

  • Whichever one. You choose."

  • Now, even though the Times decision was a letdown

  • for some people, I did appreciate

  • how transparent the process was.

  • You see, the paper's editorial board brought in each candidate

  • for lengthy interviews

  • which they then released to the public.

  • It was great, because we got to learn a little bit more

  • about all of the candidates. For instance,

  • we learned that if you're having a surprise birthday party,

  • don't get Bernie to plan it.

  • What are you likely to fail at or to do poorly as president?

  • Look, I don't tolerate bullshit terribly well.

  • And I come from a different background

  • than a lot of other people who run the country.

  • I'm not good at backslapping.

  • I'm not good at pleasantries.

  • If you have your birthday, I'm not gonna call you up

  • to congratulate you so you'll love me

  • and you write nice things about me.

  • That's not what I do.

  • Never have. And I, you know,

  • I-I take that as a little bit of a criticism, self-criticism.

  • I have been amazed at how many people respond

  • to, "Happy birthday."

  • "Oh, Bernie, thanks so much for calling."

  • You know, it works. It's just not my style.

  • -(laughter) -Goddamn!

  • Bernie Sanders does not mess around.

  • The question was, "What would you be bad at as president?"

  • and his answer somehow became, "(bleep) birthdays."

  • -(laughter) -I feel like Bernie should just start

  • his own line of Hallmark cards,

  • and it's just a white piece of paper that says, "Whatever."

  • It's almost-- you know what it is?--

  • it's almost starting to feel like Larry David

  • impersonated him on SNL,

  • so now Bernie is impersonating Larry in real life.

  • -You know? He's just like, "And why... -(applause)

  • "and why are we doing this? Huh?

  • "Why are we still blowing out candles?

  • "You know what? You know what my wish is?

  • "To eat a slice of cake without your spit on it.

  • How about that, huh? How about that?"

  • And to be fair to Bernie, once you get to his age,

  • birthdays aren't that fun anymore.

  • Yeah. You get that many candles on a cake,

  • Greta Thunberg's gonna show up and protest your carbon output.

  • -Come on, now. -(laughter)

  • Now, there was... there was one notable candidate

  • who did not sit down with The New York Times.

  • Former mayor of New York,

  • and world's cutest ATM, Michael Bloomberg.

  • Apparently, there was some confusion.

  • You see, the editors asked if he would come by The New York Times

  • and he responded, "Sure, I'll buy The New York Times.

  • How's $20 billion? I found it in my couch."

  • So Bloomberg wouldn't speak to The Times, right?

  • But he did spend the weekend doing outreach

  • to a different group of people: black people.

  • NEWSMAN: Michael Bloomberg,

  • hoping to win over black voters.

  • He gave a major speech on race

  • in Tulsa, Oklahoma, on Sunday.

  • Bloomberg attempted to connect with black voters

  • by discussing how he has benefitted from white privilege.

  • The challenge of African American wealth creation today

  • is inextricably linked to the racial inequalities of the past,

  • and I'm determined to make breaking that link

  • a centerpiece of my presidency.

  • As someone who has been very lucky in life,

  • I often say my story would only have been possible in America,

  • and I think that's true.

  • But I also know that my story would have turned out

  • very differently if I had been black,

  • and that more black Americans of my generation

  • would have ended up with far more wealth

  • had they been white.

  • Okay. Wow.

  • Michael Bloomberg delivered a speech in Tulsa, Oklahoma,

  • acknowledging his white privilege.

  • It was succinct, it was clear, and that's one thing

  • you'll almost never see old white men do.

  • Yeah. Well, that and covering their balls in the locker room.

  • -(laughter) -And can I be honest?

  • I'm proud of Mike Bloomberg--

  • not just for admitting his white privilege

  • but also for how he used it.

  • 'Cause I see so many white people

  • wasting their white privilege on stupid shit,

  • like getting out of parking tickets

  • or complaining to the manager.

  • My man Bloomberg over here used his white privilege

  • to make $60 billion!

  • Yeah! He privileged the shit out of that whiteness.

  • -(laughter) -That's how you're supposed to use it.

  • And look, we all know the reason

  • Bloomberg is doing so much outreach to the black community.

  • It's because, as mayor of New York,

  • his police did a little too much outreach to the black community.

  • Yeah. But if Bloomberg wants to make up for stop-and-frisk,

  • you know what he should do?

  • He should just do more stop-and-frisk again,

  • but this time leave a hundred dollars

  • in everyone's pocket that he stops. Yeah.

  • Now, it wasn't just reporters from the Times

  • interviewing the candidates.

  • Our own correspondents from The Daily Show

  • were also there with the candidates

  • to ask them some questions of their own.

  • Say something mean about Biden.

  • I'm not gonna do this. I'm-I'm just not.

  • Oh, come on. Just one nasty comment.

  • We need a fight to keep the ratings up.

  • I'm glad to talk to you about why I'm running for president.

  • -Okay. -But not to attack.

  • I'll just say you called him an old bitch.

  • Old bitch Biden.

  • Senator Sanders, let's talk domestic issues.

  • How do I fix my failing marriage?

  • You take a minority and you demonize that minority

  • and you blame that minority,

  • and you take the despair and the anger

  • and the frustration that people are feeling,

  • and you say, "That's the cause of your problem."

  • Okay. Minority.

  • Senator, I know this is a terrible question

  • to even think about, and nobody really wants to ask this, but...

  • we have to know: What if, while you're president,

  • they make another Cats movie?

  • Oh, that's... that's a deeply worrisome thought.

  • It is.

  • Love it, guys. Thank you so much.

Primary voting is kicking off in just a couple of weeks,

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B1 中級

紐約時報》的雙重背書與邁克爾-布隆伯格的白人特權演說|《每日秀》。 (The New York Times’s Dual Endorsement & Michael Bloomberg’s White Privilege Speech | The Daily Show)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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