Placeholder Image

字幕列表 影片播放

  • >> ALL RIGHT! THANKS A LOT EVERYBODY.

  • THANK YOU.

  • I'M REALLY HAPPY TO BE BACK ON THE SHOW.

  • I HAD A LOT OF FUN LAST TIME AND WHEN THEY ASKED ME TO DO THE

  • SHOW THIS TIME I WAS PSYCHED, BECAUSE THE TIMING IS PERFECT.

  • I HAVE A BUNCH OF TOUR DATES LINED UP, GOING TO DIFFERENTLY

  • CITIES.

  • I MENTIONED THAT TO THE PRODUCERS BACKSTAGE, THEY SAID

  • DON'T MENTION THE CITIES, DON'T DO COMEDY NOT LIKE A COMMERCIAL,

  • DON'T SELL MYSELF.

  • ABSOLUTELY.

  • I'M A COMEDIAN, I HAVE JOKES, I'M EXCITED TO TELL THEM, JUST

  • TO MAKE SURE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS DON'T GO OUT THERE AND SAY

  • FOR EXAMPLE I'M GOING TO BE IN THREANG CITY ON FEBRUARY 8th

  • AT THE HARD ROCK CASINO OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, THEY SAID,

  • EXACTLY, DON'T SAY THAT.

  • I AM NOT GOING TO SAY THAT, SO HERE WE GO.

  • I'M GOING TO DO JOKES.

  • ALL RIGHT, I APPRECIATE THAT.

  • [APPLAUSE] >> Pelley:

  • >> T>> ALL RIGHT, I APPRECIATE T I HAD A REALLY GOOD CHRISTMAS

  • THIS YEAR.

  • HALLOWEEN IS MY FAVORITE.

  • THAT'S MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY, THAT'S THE ONLY HOLIDAY YOU

  • DON'T HAVE TO CELEBRATE WITH YOUR FAMILY WHICH IS NICE.

  • YOU NEVER HEAR LIKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR HALLOWEEN, OH I GOT TO

  • FLY BACK EAST AND GO TRICK OR TREATING WITH MY PARENTS.

  • THAT SUCKS, YES, THEY GOT A DIVORCE SO I GOT TO BRING TWO

  • DIFFERENT COSTUMES.

  • SO THAT'S TOUGH.

  • LAWFER.

  • (LAUGHTER) >> I WONDER IF LEOPARDS LOOK

  • TRASHY TO OTHER ANIMALS?

  • KIND OF LIKE UH, YOU GOING TO WEAR THAT, OKAY.

  • HEAD TO STOW, WOW, VERY BOLD!

  • SORRY.

  • I GOT A DRY MOUTH, SORRY ABOUT THAT.

  • (LAUGHTER) >> I FEEL BETTER, SORRY, I DON'T

  • KNOW WHETHER IT'S NERVES OR WHATEVER, IT'S DRY MOUTH.

  • SOME ANIMALS THEIR NAME IS VERY INTERESTING BECAUSE IT TELLS YOU

  • HOW TO BEHAVE WHEN YOU ARE AROUND THE ANIMAL.

  • LIKE THE DUCK, YOU KNOW IT'S LIKE DUCK IF IT'S LYING LOW,

  • IT'S LIKE DUCK WATCH OUT, OR BAT, YOU KNOW BAT IT, GET RID OF

  • IT.

  • THE BADGER, LIKE BADGER, BOTHER.

  • BUT SOME ARE TRICKY LIKE THE LIONS, DO NOT -- YEAH.

  • AND THE BLOW FISH, DEFINITELY -- WITH

  • (LAUGHTER) >> THAT'S A TRICK, THAT'S A

  • TRICK.

  • I WENT TO A RESTAURANT LAST WEEK THAT WAS FARM TO TABLE TO

  • TOILET.

  • OH, I CAN'T REMEMBER MY NEXT, I'M SORRY, I CAN'T REMEMBER MY

  • NEXT BIT, LET ME CHECK MY NOTES, EMBARRASSING.

  • (LAUGHTER) >> NO.

  • (APPLAUSE) >> IT MIGHT BE THE OTHER SIDE.

  • I DON'T EVEN KNOW!

  • (APPLAUSE) >> I THINK IT'S IN MY OTHER

  • PANTS.

  • WHATEVER, I THINK I REMEMBER ANYWAY.

  • I WAS AT A DINNER PARTY A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO AND I HAD TO GO TO

  • THE BATHROOM.

  • I SAID CAN I USE YOUR BATHROOM, YES, IT'S RIGHT THERE, RIGHT

  • NEXT TO THE DINING ROOM, THAT'S OKAY.

  • I'M OLD ENOUGH I USUALLY KNOW HOW TO TURN TON LIGHT IN THE

  • BATHROOM, SOMETIMES I'LL GO IN IN THE DARK, I GOT THIS.

  • I WENT IN AND I CLOSED THE DOOR AND IT WAS DARK FOR A LONG TIME

  • BECAUSE I WAS LIKE FONDLING THE WALL.

  • THE SWITCH WAS OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM.

  • WHAT KIND OF CONTROL FREAK HAS THE LIGHT SWITCH OUTSIDE THE

  • BATHROOM?

  • IS THAT LIKE SOMEONE IS TAKING TOO LONG?

  • OKAY THE SHOW'S OVER, PICK IT UP, JUST NUMBER 1S IN MY HOUSE,

  • ALL RIGHT?

  • YEAH, I FEEL HOT.

  • I DON'T KNOW, THE STUDIO LIGHTS, YOU'RE BACKSTAGE IT'S NOT THAT

  • HOT.

  • I JUST WANT TO TAKE MY JACKET OFF.

  • SORRY.

  • OH YES, THANKS.

  • NOW I'M HOLDING A JACKET.

  • THIS IS AWKWARD.

  • LET ME JUST HANG IT UP.

  • THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

  • OKAY.

  • BE (APPLAUSE)

  • >> OKAY, THAT'S GOOD.

  • THE OTHER DAY, THIS WOMAN SAID TO ME, SHE ASKED ME WHAT MA

  • MAN-SPLAINING WAS, I WAS LIKE NICE TRY, I HAVE NO IDEA.

  • I LIKE SPORTS BARS BECAUSE THEY COLLECT ALL THE PEOPLE I DON'T

  • WANT TO HANG OUT WITH, AND THEY PUT THEM IN ONE ROOM.

  • IT'S KIND OF COOL.

  • (APPLAUSE) >> I DIDN'T EVEN SAY HI.

  • HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, WHAT'S GOING ON?

  • >> I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO DO SO WELL WITH NORTH HAMPTON,

  • MASSACHUSETTS ON MAY NINTH.

  • >> THANKS MAN, I APPRECIATE THAT.

  • >> IF YOU ADD THE WORD ADULT TO ANYTHING, IT MAKES IT SEEM

  • SEXUAL, MAKES IT SOUND KIND OF SEXY.

  • ADULT BOOKS, ADULT FILMS, ADULT ACTORS.

  • BUT NOT DIAPERS.

  • DIAPERS DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME RING TO IT YOU KNOW LIKE, JUST

  • WANT YOU TO KNOW I'M WEARING ADULT DIAPERS.

  • IS THAT GOOD?

  • WELL LET'S JUST SAY I HAVE A LITTLE TROUBLE CONTROLLING

  • MYSELF.

  • SOON I'LL BE MOVING INTO AN ADULT FACILITY.

  • OH, MY SHOE IS UNTIED.

  • I DON'T WANT TO TRIP UP HERE, I'M SORRY, I GOT TO TIE MY SHOE

  • REAL QUICK.

  • (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE) >> COOL, ALL RIGHT, GREAT, I'M

  • ALMOST DONE.

  • MY BIOLOGICAL PARENTS GET MAD AT ME WHEN I CALL THEM THAT.

  • (LAUGHTER) >> I HAVE AN L SHAPED SOFA AT

  • HOME, LOWER-CASE.

  • THAT'S IT.

  • THANKS EVERYBODY!

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

  • >> THANKS FOR HAVING ME I APPRECIATES IT.

  • >> James: DEMETRI MARTIN, EVERYONE!

  • HE'S ON THE "WANDERING MIND" TOUR.

  • TOUR DATES AND TICKETS AT demetrimartin.com

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

>> ALL RIGHT! THANKS A LOT EVERYBODY.

字幕與單字

單字即點即查 點擊單字可以查詢單字解釋

A2 初級

Demetri Martin Stand-up (Demetri Martin Stand-up)

  • 10 0
    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
影片單字