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LET'S GET INTO IT.
AS YOU KNOW, THE DEMOCRATS HELD A PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE EARLIER
THIS EVENING IN LAS VEGAS.
AND BECAUSE IT'S VEGAS, FUN TWIST, THEY REPOLICED ALL OF THE
PODIUMS WITH SLOT MACHINES.
(LAUGHTER) THIS IS THE NINTH DEMOCRATIC
DEBATE.
IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN WATCHING, YOU KNOW, IT IS THE THING THEY
HAVE BEEN AIRING BETWEEN COMMERCIALS FOR MICHAEL
BLOOMBERG.
NOW THE DEBATE INCLUDED STRUGGLING CANDIDATES LIKE
ELIZABETH WARREN, JOE BIDEN AND AMY KLOBUCHAR WHO HAVE ALL SEEN
THEIR CHANCES GO DOWN DRAMICALLY.
OR AS THOSE THREE ARE NOW BEING CALLED IN VEGAS, CIRQUE DU NO
WAY.
(LAUGHTER) ACCORDING TO ALL THE LATEST
POLLS BERNIE SANDERS IS PULLING AHEAD.
BUT TODAY HE'S BEING HEAVILY CRITICIZED FOR BACKTRACKING ON A
PLEDGE HE MADE TO RELEASE ALL OF HIS MEDICAL RECORDS.
HE SAYS HE'S NOT GOING TO DO IT AND GUYS, RELAX.
BERNIE IS A 78 YEAR OLD MAN, WHO HAD A SUDDEN HEART ATTACK FIVE
MONTHS AGO.
WHAT ARE YOU EVEN WORRYING ABOUT?
LIKE MEANWHILE CANDIDATE TOM STEYER SAYS HEY, I CAN SHOW YOU
ALL MY MEDICAL RECORDSK TEN YEARS OF TAX RETURNS AND MY
DETAILED FOREIGN POLICY PLAN.
AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE YEAH, I'M STILL NOT INTERESTED.
SERIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM THE GUY.
BERNIE HAD A HEART ATTACK IN OCTOBER.
I THINK EVERYBODY KNOWS HIS ST NOT LIKE HIS MEDICAL RECORDS
ARE GOING TO SUDDENLY REVEAL HE'S BEEN SECRETLY SEEKING CROSS
FIT, YOU KNOW?
(LAUGHTER) MOVING ON, HERE IS A CRAZY STORY
FROM KENTUCKY.
A MAN WHOTTEMPTED TO ROB A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT WAS CHASED
DOWN THE STREET AND ULTIMATELY ARRESTED BY A MARRIED COUPLE OF
OFF-DUTY COPS WHO JUST HAPPENED TO BE AT THE RESTAURANT HAVING A
DATE NIGHT.
YEAH.
THIS HAD TO BE CONFUSING FOR A SECOND.
LIKE ONE OF THE COPS PULLING OUT SOME HAND KUFERS AND THE SPOUSE
IS LIKE REALLY, HERE, OKAY.
NOW I KNOW, I KNOW THIS WAS AN ARMED ROBBERY, OKAY.
BUT ISN'T THE BIGGEST CRIME HERE A MARRIED COUPLE HAVING A DATE
NIGHT AT A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT?
THE TWO OF THEM BROUGHT DOWN AN ARMED ROBBER.
SO LET THIS BE A LESSON.
THE COUPLE THAT TASES TOGETHER, STAYS TOGETHER.
CHEESIER (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).
>> Reggie: TASES TOGETHER I JUST SAID THAT.
>> James: AND WE WANTED TO SHOW YOU THIS.
A DEEP SEA DIVER OFF THE COAST OF AUSTRALIA MANAGED TO CAPTURE
A RATHER UNUSUAL PHOTO.
EXPERTS SAY THIS IS THE WORLD'S ONLY KNOWN PINK MANTA RAY.
LOOK AT THIS, LOOK.
YES, I'VE GOT TO SAY, THESE GENDER REVEAL PARTIES ARE
GETTING OUT OF CONTROL.
SCIENTISTS HAVE NO IDEA WHY THE MANTA RAY IS PINK AND SO FAR THE
MANTA RAY HAS REFUSED TO RELEASE ANY OF ITS MEDICAL RECORDS.
CAN WE SEE THE PHOTO AGAIN.
NOW I'M NOT RE WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS HERE, OKAY.
I'M FROM ENGLAND.
THAT IS WHAT ALL ENGLISH PEOPLE LOOK LIKE IN A SWIMMING POOL.
(LAUGHTER) AND FINALLY, HERE'S A FUN STORY.
A NEW MOTHER IN THE U.K. WHO WAS IN A HURRY TO BREASTFEED HER
NEWBORN BABY FORGOT THAT SHE HAD JUST SPRAY TANNED HER ENTIRE
BOTTEE.
AND WELL, THIS IS THE RESULT.
(LAUGHTER) LOTS OF PEOPLE SEE A PATIENTING
BLUNDER.
I SEE A TWO FOR ONE SPRAY TAN.
BUT DOCTORS WARNED THE MOTHER AGAINST DOING THIS AGAIN.
THEY SAID BECAUSE IF IT CONTINUES, THE BABY COULD START
OUTLINING THIS, BUT END UP LIKE THIS.
(LAUGHTER)