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  • - Hi, I'm John Cena.

  • It's time to get social once again through media

  • with another edition of Thirst Tweets.

  • (classical music)

  • Let's begin, shall we?

  • I want John Cena to choke me with his biceps, bye.

  • Well, my biceps don't have hands

  • and or a mechanism to cut off your circulation.

  • I could technically choke you with my elbow,

  • but a bicep would be extremely difficult.

  • John Cena just came on the TV

  • and it took all my energy not to lick the screen.

  • Well, there's been studies shown

  • that licking television screens

  • could possibly be hazardous to your heath.

  • I know the LED are low wattage emissions,

  • but don't let the clean picture fool you.

  • Licking the screen can cause long term damage

  • such as loss of eyesight and urge to lick screens.

  • Thank you ,Trainwreck movie,

  • for allowing me to see John Cena's butt

  • and a silhouette of his dick.

  • Thank you.

  • Well, here's the inside scoop on that.

  • Nowadays with wax prosthetics,

  • that actually wasn't my butt.

  • It was two Christmas hams painted in a flesh color.

  • Watching John Cena speak passionately about diversity

  • makes me want to let him crush me with his thighs.

  • Thighs are made for a lot of things.

  • Crushing human beings was not one.

  • I will stick to squats, thank you very much.

  • John Cena is hot as hell.

  • You could fry an egg on his ass.

  • I'd eat that egg too.

  • OK mom, crying smiley face emoji, crying smiley face emoji,

  • eyes closed surgical mask emoji, intense crying emoji.

  • Kat obviously is either seen me

  • in the great state of Arizona,

  • or does not have a pair of what we call human eyes.

  • I don't know if you could in fact fry an egg on my ass.

  • If that's possible, I'm a fan of eggs and a good breakfast.

  • Maybe we can make an over easy sort of eggs benedict.

  • Where would the hollandaise come from?

  • I think that's the question we need to be asking ourselves.

  • I just want John Cena to hold me close

  • and make me feel like I'm the only person

  • he cares about in the world,

  • with his penis.

  • Well, my penis is not the head of Medusa.

  • It can't hold onto people

  • and make them have emotional feelings.

  • Sit on my face and suffocate me at John Cena.

  • I would be wanted for murder.

  • Why would I wanna do that?

  • I'll try anything a few times,

  • but I can't go back to jail.

  • I want John Cena to pound me into the ground.

  • You would be part of the ground.

  • Like a gooey chalk substance,

  • you would no longer be around.

  • It would take massive amounts of surgeries

  • just to bring you back to what you would now

  • consider your normal life,

  • which would probably be being wheeled around places

  • to explain yourself, why you chose this path;

  • because I had John Cena pound me into the ground.

  • Could think of better things to do with my time.

  • I'd park my face on John Cena's abs.

  • Here's the going rate for that:

  • I don't charge on Sunday afternoons,

  • and weekdays you can park there free before 6:00 a.m,

  • but it is a tough spot to get

  • because traffic in the area's high.

  • They have since built some nice lofts,

  • there's a few nice food places,

  • and a cool bistro across the street.

  • So usually we accept credit cards

  • but parking can reach up to $50 a day, or $10 an hour.

  • Hope to see you there.

  • The bucket's empty, I'm no longer thirsty,

  • and neither are you if you've

  • hung in through this entire segment.

  • (classical music)

- Hi, I'm John Cena.

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約翰-塞納讀懂了搞笑的口水微博 (John Cena Reads Hilarious Thirst Tweets)

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    林宜悉 發佈於 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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